45. Kane
FORTY-FIVE
KANE
Maci ran across the lawn ahead of us, searching for the perfect spot for our picnic.
Emery was at my side.
My footsteps were a whole ton slower than typical on account of my stomach being in fucking knots of anxiety and anticipation.
Twisted and tied as I thought of how to tell my little girl that I was her dad. How to make her understand when it hardly made any sense to the rest of us.
But I wasn’t sure that the exact words even mattered. The only thing that did was the amount of love that gushed out of me when Maci turned around when she got to the big shade tree that was about midway between the house and the stream.
Her beaming face lit up beneath the bright sunshine that poured down from the endless expanse of blue above.
But she was the true light.
This joy that had been found in me.
Both she and the woman who seemed every bit as nervous as me. As if we were trudging for desolation rather than the nirvana that we’d achieved.
But I got it .
There was a big, gaping hole cut out in the middle of this paradise. A figure I barely knew but who had been so intrinsic to these two.
Their hearts had to take on a brand-new mold since such a significant piece had been scored out of them.
My little girl jumped up and down, waving her hands overhead as she shouted, “Over here, over here! I fink I got the very perfect spot.”
“That looks pretty danged good to me,” I hollered back, my pulse speeding erratically as we approached.
She hopped from foot to foot, the child wearing another one of those adorable sundresses, her soft blonde curls done in pigtails that swung around her head. “That’s because I’m extra smart.”
“That’s right, you are,” I told her as I set the basket onto the soft green grasses below then grabbed the edge of the blanket and tossed it out.
It unfurled, and I knelt as it drifted down to the lawn. Maci hopped into action and grabbed the other side to help straighten it.
“And a huge help, too,” I told her. “Wouldn’t have been able to get this blanket down here without you.”
“That’s because we gotta do things together.”
“Yup. Together.”
I glanced up at Emery who wavered at the side.
Wasn’t sure how one person could look so captivated and terrified at the same damned time.
Maci scrambled onto the blanket on her knees. I plopped onto my butt on it and stretched a hand toward Emery. “Come on, lovie dove.”
Redness streaked all over that pretty face, and she hesitated for only a beat before she dropped to her knees, teeth gnawing at that bottom lip as she inched forward until she was in the middle with us.
Maci grabbed either side of Emery’s face and screeched, “It’s picnic time!”
Laughter rolled out of me. The kid was so adorable I couldn’t fully process it half the time. The way my heart felt like it was going to blow whenever I looked at her. Way everything that was wrong seemed to right itself when she was in my arms .
“You’re hungry, huh?” I asked as I grabbed the basket so we could pull out the food.
“Don’t you know you get hungry when you’ve been workin’ in the kitchen all day?”
Amusement rolled, and Emery and I shared a glance, our love for this little girl so distinct.
She and I pulled everything out of the basket, Emery ripping off the lids to the containers.
One held these cute little sandwiches that had been cut into different shapes.
Another with fruit, crackers, and cheese.
Plus three juice boxes.
Maci was the one to pass those out. “One for you. One for you. And one for me,” she peeped.
I picked mine up, unwrapped the straw, and jabbed it into the foil hole.
Holy hell, had my life changed.
From tequila to juice boxes.
I brought the tiny straw to my mouth, and not for one second did I feel the need to complain.
“ Fought you would like that because cherry is my favorite, and I know it’s your favorite too since we got all the same favorites.”
“That’s right, we do.”
Maci grabbed a sandwich and stuffed it into her mouth, chewing around the ham and cheese. “Like this one,” she garbled around her food.
Affection pulsed. I was probably supposed to tell her to chew with her mouth closed, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that right then. Not when today was about this .
About this family.
About making it permanent.
I couldn’t help but look at Emery, guts getting all twisted up again as I peeked at her nibbling at the edge of a sandwich, blonde hair stirring in the gentle breeze that whispered through the trees .
Every distinct curve and line of her gorgeous face striking beneath the bright rays that slanted in through the giant shade tree above.
The sound of the stream babbled in the distance, and I didn’t think I’d ever felt as much peace as I did right then, even though I was shaking apart in my boots at the same time.
Maci gobbled up three sandwiches, chattering the whole time.
“Wow, you sure are hungry,” I told her as she stuffed a giant piece of watermelon in her mouth, something I’d been sure to pick up when the three of us had been at the store since I knew it was definitely one of her actual favorites.
A swell of protectiveness hit me unbidden. It felt like I was hunting the whole time I was at that store. Searching through every face like I might uncover the motherfucker who’d tried to abduct Emery, this piece of shit who’d disappeared without a trace.
We hadn’t been able to pick up on his trail.
Not one damned clue as to who it had been.
Four days had passed without any other incidents in town, but I wasn’t about to chalk it up to random.
Maci’s tinkling voice cut off my spiraling thoughts. “I’m a growin’ girl. I’ll be five ’fore you even know it, and that means I’m gonna get to go to school. Did you know my best friend Nolan goes to school?”
“Sure did.” I hesitated, nerves gripping me tight, and I glanced at Emery for encouragement. For her to give me the go that what I was doing was right.
Moisture brimmed in those toffee eyes, her spirit so alive, wrapping around me like an embrace.
I cleared my throat and turned back to my daughter. “Might be fun for you to go to his same school?”
I didn’t know why I was framing it a question, but I found myself tiptoeing into this thing.
Eyes the same color as mine went wide, so vividly green, though the gold sparkled beneath the rays of the sun. “Don’t even tease me, Mr. Kane, because I fink that would be the best thing in my whole life.”
God, this girl had a ton of bests, and I was set on giving her a billion more .
“That’s good then because I want this to be your home. Where you live.”
“Forever?” Her brows shot for the sky.
“Well, at least until you grow up and you’re ready to move out.”
“Because you love me so much?”
Emotion crested in Emery. A wave of grief and a torrent of love.
Same way as it did with me.
“Yeah, Maci. Because I love you so much. Because you’re my best friend, but you’re more than that.”
“What am I?” she asked, so innocent.
I scooted closer to her, my hand trembling like crazy when I reached out to run my fingertips down her chubby cheek. “You’re my daughter, Maci. I’m your daddy.”
Confusion knitted her little brow. “I don’t got a daddy.”
Air wheezed out of my lungs, my spirit screaming for what I’d been missing but had had no idea that I was. “You do, sweetheart, just neither of us knew it.”
“Because you loved my mommy?”
Fuck.
How the hell was I supposed to answer that?
Emery sustained the brunt of that question. I knew it in the way a tormented moan clawed up her throat. One she tried to keep hidden.
I paused, wanting to be cautious, to make sure I didn’t damage my daughter more than she already had been. I knew questions would arise as she grew older. As she understood what having a child meant, but I figured it was unnecessary to go into those details then.
“Well, unfortunately I didn’t get to know your mommy all that well, but I know enough about her from you and your auntie Em to know that I absolutely would have loved her. I know she was amazing, just like you and our Em.”
“I fink when she gets back from heaven, she should come live here with us.”
Sorrow clutched my chest. Sorrow for Maci. Sorrow for Emery who physically bowed at her statement.
My palm spread out over Maci’s cheek, my hand covering the entirety of the left side of her face. My thumb stroked over the plumpness, and my voice grew rough with the pain I was experiencing for the two of them.
Taking it on as if it were my own.
“I wish that she could, Maci. I wish I could bring her back from heaven, but she has to stay there. But I know she’ll be watching over you. Watching over both you and your auntie.”
Tears blurred my daughter’s eyes. “Never?”
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Stickiness lined my throat, making it nearly impossible to speak.
“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but I promise you, I’m going to be right here with you.
Both me and your auntie Em.” I glanced at Emery from over my shoulder, and she inched forward, her words just as haggard as mine.
“We’re right here, sweet girl. Both Kane and I are right here, with you. ”
“But what if you have to go to heaven, too?”
Thought my heart was going to hemorrhage out.
“I will do everything in my power to make sure that doesn’t happen,” I rasped. “The only place I want to be is right here, with you. With your auntie.”
Tears poured down her cheeks.
“Come here, precious girl,” I murmured, and Maci climbed over to us. She threw her little arms around my neck and squeezed me tight, and I pulled Emery into us.
The three of us hugged each other like mad.
“I’ll always take care of you.”
“Because you take care of who you love most?” Maci whimpered it through her tears, her question so sweet in the middle of the turmoil.
“That’s right, Angel Face, you take care of who you love most.”
A silent promise poured out inside me.
A promise to give this child everything that she deserved.
To love her the way my mother had loved me, but without the torment and pain that tainted our lives .
Maci would never have to question her safety at night. Would never have to question the safety of Emery or my love for her.
Because I was going to love them both with everything I had. Sacrifice it all if that was what was required.
Because I’d never fail the ones I loved again.