Whit
Our car doors shut in sync, and I meet Jonas’s eyes in the rearview mirror.
For once, things aren’t unbearably tense between us as we leave the therapist’s office.
A complete one-eighty from this morning, when I would’ve had an easier time convincing him to saw off a finger than get in the car to drive to Sheridan.
If it weren’t for his plans with Colt tonight, we would’ve had to skip today’s session.
There was no convincing him, and he’s officially too big for me to drag him anywhere kicking and screaming.
I’m almost certain it makes me a shitty parent for holding the one thing he’s been anticipating all week over his head, but I did.
I threatened, in no uncertain terms, to text Colt and cancel their video game night, and that got his ass in gear.
Then I justified my shittiness by telling myself that he could always talk it out in therapy if he was that pissed off with me.
And it seems to have been the right move.
For once, the pediatric therapist didn’t sigh and give me a hopeless smile when I took my place in a kid-sized chair opposite her.
It always feels bonkers sitting in a tiny chair—barely big enough to fit one butt cheek—while her every sentence is laced with judgment, until I’ve reached a point where the heaviness feels as though it’ll buckle the chair legs beneath me.
Not today.
Instead, hopeful elation danced in her tight-lipped smile, and she flipped through scrawled notes. Knees sitting chest high in my tiny chair, I clasped my hands together and waited to hear about a revelation. A miraculous breakthrough.
“He told me about his new friend Colt,” she said.
I answered with, “Okay…”
That was it. He talked to her about horseback riding and cleaning horseshit out of stalls and Colt’s dog’s love for whipped cream.
Not a word about how much he hates me, or about his shitty dad trying to buy his love, or about his sick grandma.
In my mind, it all felt like money down the drain.
Disguised as progress because this woman’s smart enough to know that eventually I’ll stop paying for my kid to sit in silence week after week.
Over one hundred dollars, plus the hours taken away from my job to bring him to the appointment, all so he could talk about how much he loves Colt.
Frustrated, I snipped something about Jonas never wanting to talk to her about anything that actually matters.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” she said gently.
“It all matters. Right now, what’s most important is he’s starting to trust me enough to talk.
And not just about anything—about something positive.
For a kid who’s been carrying as much weight as he has, sharing a bright spot is progress.
It’s finding a crack in a wall we’ve been chipping away at for months.
From here, we can start building more connections.
But it starts with trust, and today, he showed me he’s capable of that. ”
Those words were the first rays of sun after a storm.
Now I can’t stop the smile on my face, stealing another glance up at Jonas’s face in the rearview mirror as I dig through my purse for my phone. I want to text Blair everything while it’s still fresh in my mind. I don’t get many wins as a mom, but the therapist was right. Today is a damn good win.
Finished with my text message, I slip the car into drive and pull out of the parking stall. “Should we get ice cream on the way home?”
His blond hair falls floppy over his forehead with his eager nod. “Let’s get it in Wells Canyon instead of here so we can get some for Colt.”
“Good idea.” My sunglasses slip onto my face, but I’m still squinting as late afternoon sun reflects off oil stains on the pavement.
Between his help in keeping Jonas busy and out of trouble, the way he stepped in when Alex fucked Jonas over, and today’s therapy session, the least I can do for that man is buy him ice cream. Honestly, I could kiss him.
I could kiss him.
That thought infiltrates my brain without warning.
My heart skips a beat. I could kiss Colt Campbell, but then what?
My son loses one of the few positive male role models he currently has.
More than that, he loses the only true friend he has.
God, I can’t even begin to imagine what therapy might look like after that.
“You—you’re really having fun with Colt this summer, eh?” I steal a discerning glance in his direction. “I can’t remember the last time you hung out with your friends from school.”
He stares out the window. “We game together sometimes.”
“You don’t want to invite them over to play your new PlayStation?” My lips allow the question to spill out before I can stop them.
I’m not actually hoping he says yes, because a group of wild preteen boys playing video games in my living room is my personal definition of hell. Subconsciously, I think I’m trying to gauge whether he still has any friends, because if Colt is one of many, maybe I can justify kissing him.
God, I’m a terrible mother.
He doesn’t take so much as a second to think before deciding. “Nah. Just Colt. Dad got me a multiplayer racing game, and I’m gonna kick his butt.”
· · ·
Some time after we get home, a knock on the front door echoes throughout the house, followed by Jonas shouting that he’ll answer it.
Tilting my head to the side, I give my makeup one final check while tucking a strand of dark brown hair behind my ear.
I kept things subtle and casual, from the beachy wave I spent half an hour perfecting to the understated T-shirt and denim shorts.
Why do you have to try so hard to look like you’re not trying hard?
Smoothing my lips together to get an even lip gloss sheen, I untuck the hair and let it frame my rosy cheek. Butterflies take flight in my stomach on the quick trip downstairs, and I attempt to shush them with a swipe of my palm down the front of my shirt.
“Hey, Mama.” Colt’s greeting slides down my spine like warm molasses.
He’s leaned back on the couch, his tanned, muscular arms spread along the backrest. The shirt he’s wearing is cut low on the sides, giving a small glimpse of his rib cage and the way it’s expanding and contracting with deep, steady breaths.
His smile sits slightly crooked in the middle of his symmetrical face, and his hair looks like a woman’s been running her fingers through it.
This is the level of hot without trying I was going for tonight.
“Mom, look at all the candy Colt brought.” Jonas steals my attention and gestures to the heaping pile of sweets on the coffee table. Betty’s lying underneath, ready to dive after any food that might hit the floor.
“Holy crap. Okay, we are not eating all this tonight, or even this century, probably. So don’t get any ideas.” I size up the assortment of treats, picking through the pile so I can discreetly stash away any of my favorites for later.
“Didn’t know what kind of candy you liked,” Colt says. I assume he’s talking to Jonas, but when I blink up at him, I find him staring directly back at me. “I bought one of everything the corner store had. Whatever you don’t like, I’ll bring back to the ranch hands.”
“Or feed it to the cows,” Jonas shouts from the kitchen. “Candy is healthy for cows.”
I cock an eyebrow over at my son to find him buried up to his midsection in the refrigerator.
“I was telling him about how sometimes they mix candy into dairy cow feed,” Colt clarifies. “I’m not giving them those strawberry marshmallow candies, though. They’re my favorite.”
I toss the bag to him. “You can have ’em. They’re probably my least favorite option here.”
“That’s great news for our friendship. I’d hate to be in a position where we need to arm wrestle for them. You’d glare at me and I’d forfeit.” His hands flex to tear open the candy bag, exposing roped veins running from his knuckles to his thick, tanned forearms. “Which ones do you like?”
“Well, I love these.” Pulling my focus away from his arm, I hold up a bag of sour keys for Colt to see, twirling the bag in the air. “Take notes for next time.”
He pretends to scribble something down on his thigh. “Noted.”
He smiles. I smile. We hold each other’s gaze for an unreasonable amount of time.
Jonas breaks the tension by stepping directly between us and plopping onto the couch, Coca-Cola in hand.
The PlayStation comes to life, booming through the television speaker, and Jonas hands Colt his extra controller.
“You’re so frickin’ awful at driving in real life, I don’t have hope for you here. ”
“Jonas!” I gawk at him. “That was ru—”
“Big talk from a kid who’s barely out of a booster seat.
Don’t worry, Mama. I’ll make him pay for that.
” Colt leans forward in his seat, eyes focused on the television, and rips open a packet of M&Ms with his teeth.
A muscle in his forearm pops as he pours a pile into his palm, gives them a quick shake, then tosses the candy into his mouth.
The duo soup up their cars, heckling each other every step of the way. And by the time they’ve started their first race, I’m spun sideways on the couch with a fuzzy blanket tucked around my bare legs, eating sour keys.
I steal covert glances at the man sitting opposite me. Everything about him seems so…effortless.
From the way his hair falls—sexy yet messy—to the way he’s getting Jonas laughing harder than I’ve seen in ages.
Knowing they’re both preoccupied, overcome with serious competitive energy, I allow my gaze to travel his body.
And when I reach his wide, callused hands—his thumb moving fervidly over the tiny joystick—I even allow the pang of desire to settle in my core for a moment.
It’s a yearning I don’t want to feel. I can’t feel. Yet there it is. All fiery and hungry and wanton.