Whit
Half-asleep, I smooth my hand over the sheets to his side of the bed, hoping to feel Colt’s warm body. Expecting to open my eyes to the warm sun trickling in through the window, and his lopsided grin staring at me, ready to greet me as he always does.
My eyes open, blinking to adjust to the daylight, and I turn my head to confirm what my hand has already discovered.
No Colt.
Honestly, damn that man for following through with his promises. Sure, I would’ve rolled my eyes and made a comment about our agreement that he was leaving before Jonas woke up. But then I’d pepper him with kisses and maybe have a quickie before trying to sneak him out as quietly as possible.
Last night feels like a dream. The drive-in theater? Stargazing? The sex?
I shut my eyes, easily able to draw him from memory. I never expected to be with someone like him—so funny, charismatic, sweet, smoking hot. If I could eat every meal off his body, I’d be one happy lady.
And for him to want me just as much, if not more, than I want him? Insanity.
I thump my open palm against the empty spot in annoyance. I hate that I wish he’d broken my rules and stayed. I hate that I can still feel him between my legs while I’m lying in an empty bed. And it’s not because I feel used, like I often do following a night with Alex.
I want Colt here. I want to fall asleep in his arms and wake up to him kissing me good morning. At the very least, I want to wake up to the smell of fresh coffee and know he’s downstairs.
I roll over to grab my phone, and my stomach flip-flops at the juxtaposition of text messages awaiting me.
Colt: Good morning, beautiful.
When was the last time I received a good morning text from a guy? I guess Alex…when we were about seventeen years old.
Speaking of which…In a ruthless strike of kismet, there’s another notification taunting me.
Alex: Hey, Fern and I want to take Jonas to the fall fair.
I could scream into my pillow. The last time I talked to Alex, he was throwing it in my face that Jonas had gone to his house instead of coming home. And while I’ve always prided myself on being the type of parent who never keeps my son from his father, I think I can make an exception this time.
I shove my phone under the pillow and sit up with a stretch that turns my spine into something that sounds and feels an awful lot like popping bubble wrap.
With that, the doorbell rings.
I squeeze my eyes shut tight for a second, then haul myself out of bed and slip into an old, comfy robe.
Something to hide the way my nipples show right through the dusty pink cami I slept in.
On my slow journey to the front door, I perk my ears when I pass Jonas’s door.
Naturally he’s still sleeping, which means Colt could’ve stayed for morning sex, and I would’ve been in a much better state of mind to read Alex’s text message.
I run my hand through my hair, shuffling across the floor, kicking shoes and a random puffy coat—why there’s a coat lying in the middle of the floor this time of year, I don’t know.
When I pull the front door open, my heart nearly leaps from my chest. Colt’s standing there, with sexy bedhead and the same clothes he wore last night, holding a tray of coffee cups and a large pink box.
“Hey, Mama.”
Without stopping to consider whether Jonas might catch us, I move into him, placing my palms on his firm chest.
And I kiss him. Recklessly. Lovingly.
One by one, the rifts in my heart are being carefully mended, secured with twine tied off with a square knot.
“What are you doing here?” I finally have the thought to ask.
His eyes cut from mine to the coffee and back. “Bringing breakfast…”
My voice falters. “What about Jonas?”
“My truck’s at the shop up the road. Figured you guys wouldn’t mind a visitor while I wait.”
I smile, cautiously accepting the pink box from his outstretched hand. He’s good. So fucking good. “Definitely better than having to hang around at the mechanic’s.”
He kicks his shoes off, scanning the room for Jonas before kissing my temple. “Good morning, beautiful.”
My head tips, encouraging the slow trailing of kisses down my neck. “Mmm. I like it better in person than over text.”
“Wanted you to wake up with a smile.”
“It worked.” Until I saw the text from Alex. But for a second while lying in bed, I was on top of the world.
His hand slides down to gently pat my butt, and I kiss him one last time before leading the way to the kitchen.
And he’s right back on me again, cupping a hand under my chin to hold me still as he kisses my lips and nose and forehead and cheeks.
Tiny pecks that give way to a scorching heat in my core.
“Jonas is going to catch us,” I whisper through a laugh.
We hold still, no talking or breathing or noise of any kind. And after a few heartbeats with no signs of life coming from his bedroom, Colt grabs my waist and hurtles me up onto the counter.
“He’s about as quiet as a herd of cattle. We’ll hear him long before he’s coming down the stairs.” He settles into the space between my knees, running his hands under the fluffy hem of my robe.
That’s when I remember I’m wearing an old ratty green robe my parents gave me for Christmas a few years ago. I think I might’ve topped how unsexy I was the morning after my birthday. Didn’t know it was possible.
I look like a bad cosplay of the live-action version of the Grinch.
And this man’s standing here stroking my thigh, nuzzling my messy hair.
“I didn’t want to leave this morning.” His eyes catch on mine. “I stayed there watching you sleep for a lot longer than I intended to.”
More than Grinch cosplay, my heart doubles, then triples in size.
Colt continues, “I really considered pretending I overslept so I didn’t have to go, but I knew you’d kick my ass. Figured if I play my cards right, maybe one day I’ll get to wake up with you every day.”
I can’t look at him and hear those words.
Not when there’s the issue of Jonas, and how he’d react to finding out about Colt and me.
And definitely not when I haven’t worked up the courage to talk to Colt about what a future with me would actually mean for him—for us.
I don’t know what happens when I finally tell him, but I want to enjoy whatever this middle part is until it’s time for the end.
“What’s up?” He squeezes my leg, demanding attention. “You seem a little…off all of a sudden.”
Wow, shocker. Maybe it’s that I’m convinced Colt won’t want me when he finds out I’ll never be able to give him a baby. The closest he’d get is Jonas.
I sigh. If only it were so easy to say the words simmering on the tip of my tongue. “I don’t want to get you involved in the bullshit.”
“I’m a ranch hand. I thrive in bullshit. What is it?”
“Alex asked to take Jonas to the fair. And truthfully, after he didn’t bother telling me Jonas was at his house, I’m not exactly keen to give him what he wants.
I mean…he’s basically never around. He constantly cancels on Jonas at the last minute, then comes in with these extravagant gifts and immediately wins him over again.
It’s fucking bullshit. He’s never in a hurry to dole out money for any of the things a kid needs, or to spend time with him, or come plead with the principal not to expel Jonas. ”
That’s the moment in my venting that gives him pause. His mouth opens, closes, opens. “Expel Jonas? For what?”
“Oh God.” Where do I begin? “For everything. By some miracle, they’re letting him go back when the school year starts next week.
And I’m choosing not to dwell on the fact that he’ll have nowhere to go if he gets kicked out.
” My shoulders slope. “But sure, Alex, sounds like a great time for you to pop back up with your Fern and ask to spoil the kid and be fun dad once again.”
Colt chews on a thought, mulling it over with the side-to-side motion of his lower jaw. “But odds are he doesn’t show up, right?”
“Right.” I sigh. The heel of my hand drags over my brow bone. “Why did I pick such a loser to have a kid with? Why couldn’t it have been somebody nice, and funny, and thoughtful, and genuine…like…” I gesture toward him. “Somebody like you.”
I clamp down on my tongue to keep from talking.
Pray I accidentally bite it off entirely, so I never say anything that stupid again.
In a normal relationship, making comments about having babies together would be insane behavior this early on.
But knowing what I know—and he doesn’t know—it’s insane and incredibly misleading.
And because Colt is the nice guy he is—and would be an incredible father, I’m sure—he doesn’t call attention to it.
Simply plants a kiss on my forehead instead.
“Then you wouldn’t have Jonas, and he’s the coolest kid I’ve ever met.
So as badly as I want to punch Alex in the throat for hurting both of you, I also want to shake his hand and thank him for fucking up enough that I get the chance to be here. ”
Heat blooms beneath my cheeks, and I struggle to formulate a response. His eyes have me pinned to the counter.
“Whit, I know…I know you want casual for the sake of Jonas. And I’m guessing it’s also ’cause you haven’t had a chance to see that not all guys are like Alex. But I want you to know that when you’re ready…when you see how good this is, and how good we are, that I want all of you. You and Jonas.”
I’m so tempted to apologize for leading him to believe we could be an us, ignore that feeling of birds taking flight in my stomach, and end it all here and now.
“It’s not that simple. You’re just…you’re so sweet. And as much as I want this to be…this.” My voice cracks, barely letting the words escape. “I-I can’t help but feel like you’re better off without someone like me.”
Colt blinks at me.
Regret sweats from my pores and my insides twist. Rather than crumble away, like I expected, the heaviness on my chest compounds until every inflation of my lungs burns. Fuck, what did I just do?