EPILOGUE
JESSE
DREAMS COMING TRUE
One year later
“Are you sure this is the place?” I ask Taylor. She squints at her phone, eying the unfamiliar map with a deep furrow between her brows. She glances around, reading all the names above the shop doorways and cafes.
“It’s up here.” She points further up the cobbled Seville street. It’s reserved for pedestrians only, and colorful three-story buildings sprout up on each side, casting the road into shadow. We’re used to the heat, but somehow, being in a city means there’s less breeze and more of a closed feeling wherever we go. “Aren’t these buildings amazing? I mean, just look around.”
I do, finding distinctive architecture wherever I look. The buildings are painted in a mix of pastel colors, and the doorways are framed with Moorish-style tiles. Taylor explained that this part of Spain was once ruled by the people from Morocco, and they left their mark on the style of architecture and decoration. Brightly painted wrought Iron balconies lean over us, crowded with plants that spill between their spindles. Tiny shops containing souvenirs, cakes and pastries, candy, and cured meats and cheeses, are open and inviting. Ahead, a small cafe with metal tables and dainty wooden chairs comes into view.
My heart hammers in my chest. I can’t believe I’m really here. I can’t believe that my ex-wife agreed to let me see Kai and spend time with him after all these years. I can’t believe that Taylor managed to arrange all of this for me.
I grab her arm, uncertain, needing a moment to compose myself. We’ve walked so much today, and the newness of the environment has made me feel like a fish out of water.
“What if he doesn’t come?”
Taylor touches my cheek, her warm eyes seeking to give me the reassurance I need. “He’s coming,” she says. “I know this feels big. It is big. But you’re going to be fine. Take it one step at a time.”
I swipe my hand through my hair, missing my hat. Taylor forced us to leave the cowboy back home. Now, I’m just your average American visiting Spain. Yeah, right.
She slips her hand into mine and walks slightly ahead, her nose held high and eyes wide as she cranes to see if she can see my son. We spot him at the same time and squeeze hands simultaneously. I can’t believe it’s really him.
It’s like I’ve gotten in a time machine to look into a mirror. He’s a me from the past but dressed in gray, narrow-legged joggers, a fitted white t-shirt, and some crazy colorful sneakers that Europeans seem to love. Our eyes meet, and the spark of recognition that zings between us is animal. I know him. He knows me. We share blood, and it sings like a country melody I know in my core, but I’ve never heard before. I drop Taylor’s hand as he rises to his feet. He’s still a teenager, but he’s over six feet tall and broad, too. “Kai.” My voice sounds strangled. Emotion wedges in my throat like a fist.
“Dad.”
I almost drop to my knees hearing that word.
Without thinking, I pull him into a fierce embrace, finding his form unfamiliar, but how he smells like family. Jesus, he smells like my nephew underneath the expensive ocean-scented cologne he’s wearing.
We pull back, our eyes searching unfamiliar faces and finding familiarity. “It’s good to see you, son.”
He grins, and his braces make him look younger. “It’s been a long time.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d remember me,” I say.
“I remember some.”
Taylor stands to the side, watching us with a contented smile, tipping the corners of her sweet lips. If it wasn’t for her, none of this would have happened. She did the groundwork. She got us all to apply for passports and start to imagine we could make the long journey across the ocean.
“Shall we sit?” I ask my son.
He already has an iced coffee on the table, only half drunk. We sit, and I scan the menu, my leg jittering beneath the table. Maybe I should order a beer, something to take the edge off my nerves. Whiskey would be better, but it’s the afternoon, not Saturday night at the bar.
“If you want a beer, this one’s good.” He points at a line on the menu.
“What do you know about beer?” I ask.
Kai shrugs. “Alcohol isn’t a big thing in Europe like it is in the States.”
“I’ll take one of those, too,” Taylor says.
Kai waves over to the waiter and handles the order in fluent Spanish. I take it in with wide eyes. I’m so damned proud of him, but I don’t know where to start.
“So, what do you remember?” Taylor asks.
“I remember a rocking horse,” he says, looking up and to the left, searching his mind for memories buried deep. “I remember a lady with gray hair and small glasses. She had rough hands.”
“Your grandmother, Lizzy.”
“I remember you bouncing me on your knee.” He smiles when he tells us this, which is good. I don’t want my son to feel sad about the time we’ve missed together, but I can’t help the sting behind my eyes. I’ve done enough wallowing in regret and anger. This has to be a time to look forward.
We drink while he tells us about his school and his plans to become an engineer. Seville has a great university, so he won’t need to travel far, although he’s thinking about taking a gap year and backpacking around the rest of Europe. He’s mature and confident with plans that will take him into the adult world with great prospects. For the first time, I recognize that leaving the ranch behind might have been a good thing for him. How different would he be if he’d stayed with me? He’d be riding horses and herding cattle. He’d be shooting the shit with Clint and Maverick and chasing the high school girls in town. Maybe he’d have played basketball or football. He’s tall enough and has an athletic build. Maybe he’d have all the same hopes and dreams, but I doubt it.
He asks about the family he has back home and wants to see pictures of the ranch. I share what I can, and we Facetime Beth, even though it’s ridiculously early back home. She’s awake and waiting for the call even though I said it might not happen. She cries when she sees Kai, but he takes it all in his stride, politely calling her Auntie Beth and patiently answering the same questions I already asked.
After about an hour, Maverick calls, and we arrange to meet. I carry Kai’s bag, wandering through the narrow streets to our meeting place, outside the Cathedral of St. Mary. I watch the way my son walks and marvel at how much he reminds me of my father. There’s something in his gait and the way he holds himself that’s passed down the generations, even though he never had a chance to copy it.
When we approach the cafe where Maverick, Clint, and Molly are waiting, I smile at Kai’s sudden shyness. Molly’s blossomed, and they’re almost the same age. I hadn’t thought about the potential for them to like each other. Rookie error when we’re all going to be staying in the same apartment for three days.
“Wow. Damn,” Maverick says before apologizing for the cursing. “He’s like your doppelganger. It’s like getting in a time machine and going back twenty-five years.” He shakes Kai’s hand vigorously. “Still the same mop of hair,” he smiles.
I introduce everyone, and then we set off to see some of the sights. It’s amazing having a local to explain where we’re going and what we’re seeing. Navigating the roads would be impossible without him because they all seem identical.
Sweet Molly spends most of the afternoon having a blushing crisis. Kai’s a good-looking kid, and when he speaks Spanish, she goes all gooey-eyed and weak-kneed.
As the evening draws in, we stop for tapas and a jug of sangria. Kai orders us a delicious mixture of mini plates: spicy Spanish sausage cooked in wine, intensely flavored cheese, small fried potatoes, Spanish omelet, prawns in a lemony sauce, and breaded balls of goat cheese with a sweet dipping sauce, to name a few. The sangria is fruity and delicious and goes down far too easily. Taylor sits staring out at passersby, her eyes wide as she takes in the well-dressed Spanish couples holding hands and meandering through the streets. It’s a far cry from our local small town. Although I long for the familiarity of home, I can’t help feeling that Kai’s in a good place here, a place where he can be happy and make a good life for himself.
Later, when we’re back at the apartment, Molly and Kai go to bed in separate rooms. I’m sharing with my son, and Taylor is sharing with her sister. Although I’d love to wrap myself around my woman and sink into her delicious body, this is the only practical way to fit into the apartment.
The relief of having almost everyone I care about under one roof is the icing on the cake on this European adventure. The relief of knowing that Taylor’s father has finally been thrown behind bars for his misdemeanors means that we’re all free to breathe easy. I’m relaxed in a way that I haven’t been in as long as I can remember.
Clint and Maverick are slumped onto the sofa, the fan circling overhead, and a Spanish soap opera on TV. “This show’s hilarious,” Maverick says. “Look at their facial expressions. Everything is so exaggerated!”
“Maybe you should audition,” I say. He tosses a small throw pillow at me, which I snatch from the air. Taylor approaches the back of the sofa and grips his shoulders with her hands, making him groan.
“Play nicely, boys. There are kids around.”
“Says the twenty-year-old.” Clint shakes his head as though Taylor’s age still disturbs him.
“I’m practically an old maid with three husbands under my belt.”
“Come sit with me, wife,” Maverick says, taking her hand and leading her around the side of the sofa until he can pull her into his lap. She squeals, but he silences her with a kiss. When Taylor pushes his chest to break the kiss, he stares up at the ceiling, breathing hard.
“Jesse. Come sit. I want us to talk about something,” she says softly.
I take a seat next to Clint, and we all focus intently on our woman.
“I’ve been thinking about things a lot. Taylor-Made Bakes is taking off. Molly’s still in school. We’ve been building up to this trip so Jesse can forge a relationship with his son. There’s been so much happening with the ranch and family.”
We all nod, but I’m unsure where she’s going with this.
“I know Jesse wants to start a family, but how do you guys feel about it?”
“I never thought I’d want kids of my own,” Maverick admits. “Not after watching how easy it was for my parents to fuck us up, but—”
“What?” Taylor touches his face.
“You’ve made me see that I’m not the same as my father, and you’re so much stronger than my mother ever was. I can see a child between us, happy and cared for.”
“Clint?” Taylor asks.
“It was never that I didn’t want kids—”
“So if I said we could start trying this time next year, what would you all think?”
My heart feels like it’s splitting open with happiness. “I’d say yes. Absolutely.” I reach out to take Taylor’s hand and bring her knuckles to my lips.
“And how would you want it to work? We just stop using birth control and keep doing what we’re doing, or do you want to take it in turns? I always wanted three kids, and having three babies that look just like their handsome daddies would be cool.”
“The latter,” I say. “I love you guys, but I already lost one boy. I want to know if this one is mine. I want to be able to relax into all of those feelings I had snatched away from me.”
“That’s fine with me,” Maverick says.
“And me,” Clint says. “We’ll have fun trying.”
“So, we’ll draw straws?” Taylor asks.
“Hell, no,” Maverick gasps. “You think we could live through more years of Jesse’s pining to become a daddy? Jesus. I’m done. As soon as you want to get knocked up, take this man by the hand and rock his world until he puts a baby in you. Then, maybe we’ll all be able to get some peace!”
“Seconded by me,” Clint says. He goes to touch his hat, forgetting we left those beauties behind at the ranch. If he’s anything like me, he feels naked as a newborn without it.
“Alrighty then.” Taylor’s smiling. “One year from now. You better put it in your calendar, McGraw.”
“Oh, the date is engraved on my brain and other places,” I laugh. “Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that.”
This journey with Taylor was driven by my deep desire for a family, but along the way, I realized that I already had such a strong unit around me. Taylor has brought so much happiness and light into my life. She made me see the importance of letting go of a little control so that I could be free to embrace all of life’s experiences. She made me try for a relationship with the son I believed was lost to me for good. She’s strengthened my bond with my best friends and family.
A simple bride auction ended up in me finding a soul mate and bringing together a family so perfect, I could never have imagined in my wildest dreams.
And there’s only more to come.