Chapter 25
Mia
A pair of fingers with brightly colored nails snapped in front of my face.
“Hey, Mia, you awake? This is, like, the third time you’ve zoned out in twenty minutes. You’re not having a stroke, or something are you?”
Chantal and I sat at the outdoor table of a café, enjoying the warm weather as we sipped at a pair of iced coffees.
In a booster seat between us, Melody kicked her legs in the air as she scribbled in a coloring book, more concerned with her latest masterpiece than the rapidly warming glass of chocolate milk placed in front of her.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said as I swirled the ice in my drink. “Just… tired. I had a nightmare last night. It happens sometimes.”
Except, it hadn’t. I was lying. That was the problem.
Auggie had been unusually distant for nearly a week.
If asked to describe how he was acting distant, I couldn’t have pointed to anything specific that he was doing.
He still talked to me, still joined me for meals, watched movies with me, and helped me change the few remaining bandages I still had to wear.
Yet, whenever he looked at me, I could feel a distance behind his eyes that hadn’t been there before.
At first, I thought maybe it was because of my new clothing.
His unspoken distance had started around the time I changed my wardrobe.
So, to test the theory, I’d tried wearing one of the more “masculine” outfits that I still had.
Really, it was just a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, but at least it wasn’t a dress.
The sight of me in that outfit had not solved the distance in Auggie’s eyes.
There wasn’t even a hint of relief in his expression.
All my change in wardrobe did was make him look even more worried about me.
I’d made up some lame excuse about one of my more sensitive skin grafts bothering me that day, and he’d spent several hours drawing me a special medicated bath and then rubbing an ointment that he’d gotten from the hospital onto all my burns.
So, my clothing wasn’t the problem.
I’d wracked my brain trying to figure out where his sudden distance had come from. The answer finally came to me when another nightmare made me seek him out in the middle of the night.
Auggie had grown distant with me right after a nightmare had driven me into his bed for the first time.
That had to be the answer, but just to be sure, I’d tested the idea last night. It wasn’t even that hard to pretend that I had another nightmare. My dreams were rarely pleasant, and all I had to do was overexaggerate them to put on a convincing act of someone overcome by night terrors.
Just like the previous times, Auggie let me into his bed without any complaint. We always started on opposite sides of the mattress, but usually by morning, I would find myself using his chest as a pillow.
Not this time. Last night, I carefully kept to my own side of the bed and didn’t touch him at all. Then, when morning came, and his alarm went off, Auggie got up just like usual. He hadn’t even noticed the difference.
I wasn’t sure what that reaction meant. He didn’t hesitate to let me into his bed, but he also didn’t notice when I put more space between us.
Did that mean he didn’t care one way or another?
Or did he dislike having me in his bed and was just really good at hiding it?
Those questions were bouncing around in my head all day. Even when Chantal invited me out for coffee, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Auggie’s actions meant.
“Nightmares?” Chantal questioned, the concern clear in her voice. “Have you told Auggie about them?”
“Oh, yeah, he…” I paused, realizing what I was about to say.
She was Auggie’s ex-wife. The two of them weren’t married any more, but they had a child together.
Surely, there still must be some feelings between them.
I couldn’t just tell her that the man who used to be her husband, the father of her child, was bringing me into his bed whenever I got scared at night.
“He knows about them,” I said abruptly.
Chantal stared at me for a moment, her arched brow and pursed lips clearly saying that she’d noticed my abrupt shift in the middle of my sentence.
“Mm hm. Well, speaking of Auggie, that does bring up the main reason I invited you out today.”
I swirled the ice in my glass again, watching the cubes bounce against each other so I wouldn’t have to meet her eye directly. “Oh, you wanted to talk about… is there a problem with Auggie?”
Chantal swallowed the last of her iced coffee, then set the cup down just a little too hard to be casual. “Not a problem, exactly, but Auggie has brought you into his home. He wouldn’t do that with just anyone. Now, I like you, and more importantly, Melody likes you.”
At the sound of her name, Melody looked up from her drawing, questions dancing in her little eyes.
She took the opportunity to shove her drawing at me, apparently expecting me to recognize what it was supposed to be.
The image was a mess of colorful squiggles, but there were a couple of round shapes that kind of looked like some sort of animals.
Luckily, Melody didn’t get upset when I didn’t immediately guess what the image was, and instead, excitedly pointed out each figure in her drawing.
It was apparently a picture of me having a tea party with her stuffed animals.
Since I was staying in her room at Auggie’s place, this was what she imagined I did with her toys when she wasn’t there, and I didn’t have the heart to correct her.
In her excitement, Melody knocked one of her crayons off the table, but Chantal managed to catch it before it hit the floor. The crayons were rearranged so they wouldn’t roll away again, and Melody was encouraged to return to her drawing.
Only once the girl was settled and distracted with her artwork again did Chantal turn back to me, her voice a little quieter this time.
“Like I said, Melody likes you. But it’s because Melody likes you that I need to know what your intentions are.
I can’t have her getting attached to you if you’re just going to disappear on her. ”
A gentle breeze blew past our outdoor table, and a lock of my wig drifted in front of my face. The long strands caught on my open mouth, but I hardly noticed as I stared at Chantal completely bewildered.
“My… my intentions? With Auggie?”
“Yes.” She raised her drink to her lips again, only to realize at the last moment that it was already empty and set it down again.
“His feelings about you are pretty clear, but I’m still not sure about you.
I understand that it’s awkward, since you’re reliant on him right now and that can complicate things, but I can’t afford to just make assumptions. I need to hear it from you directly.”
I probably should have been upset that she was basically accusing me of taking advantage of Auggie, but I could not even begin to think about that when I was still hung up on the first part of her statement.
“His feelings about me are clear?”
Chantal snorted, though she somehow managed to make even that sound seem elegant.
“What? You mean you seriously don’t know?
I figured you two were already…” She trailed off, shaking her head.
“None of my business. But, look, Auggie has a soft spot in his heart for charity. Something about his years in service has left him with this need to help as many people as possible. With that said, he’s also not an idiot.
He’s got enough self-preservation not to bring just any random person into his home.
I think that’s a pretty clear sign that you’re special to him. ”
Special to him.
I was special to Auggie.
If Chantal was to be believed, and I had no reason not to, then maybe I was worrying about the wrong thing. I’d spent the whole day wondering if I’d overstepped by forcing my way into Auggie’s bed. It had never occurred to me that maybe I wasn’t just tolerated, but actually wanted there.
“I… I…”
Chantal was still waiting for an answer, but I had no idea what to say. She wanted to know my intentions. That was funny because I wanted to know the answer as well.
What did I intend to do with this information?
For the first time, it felt like the power was in my hand. I could choose to stay, or I could choose to walk away.
There was no doubt in my mind that Auggie would accept either choice, but what did I want?
For so long, I’d struggled just to try and meet my basic needs. Wants had never been important enough to worry about before.
A warm palm gripped the back of my hand, and I realized I’d been gripping the edge of the table so hard that my fingers were trembling.
“It’s okay if you don’t have an answer right now,” Chantal said as she squeezed my hand.
“The fact that you’re giving it such serious thought is all I need to know.
But try not to leave Auggie hanging in suspense too long.
The man is patient, but he’s also got a bad habit of taking on too much responsibility.
If you hesitate too long, he’s going to blame himself and assume he’s done something wrong. ”
She reached for her cup again, this time not even bringing it to her lips before remembering it was empty and grumbling under her breath.
I pushed my mostly full drink toward her. “Here. You can have it. I’ve barely touched it, but I’m not in the mood for coffee anymore.”
Our conversation had left me jittery enough. The addition of caffeine would probably send me into cardiac arrest, and I’d already spent enough time in the hospital.
Chantal looked tempted by my drink, she even raised her hand toward it for a moment, but at the last second, she changed her mind and shook her head.
“No. In my condition, I can’t have too much caffeine anymore.”
The hand that had almost picked up the cup instead, pressed flat against her own stomach.
Something about that gesture caught my attention.
It was so deliberate, there was clearly a lot of meaning behind it.
I had an unsettled feeling that I was supposed to know what that gesture meant, but nothing immediately sprang to mind.
My stare didn’t go unnoticed. Chantal immediately realized what had caught my attention and quickly removed her hand from her stomach like her own body had burned her.
“Ha. Guess I’m not very good at hiding it.”
She was laughing and shaking her head at herself, apparently assuming I’d known what the gesture meant. I wanted to tell her that she was, in fact, very good at hiding whatever this was, because I still had no idea. However, before I could say a word, she was already speaking again.
“Don’t tell anyone, okay. Especially, not Auggie. He shouldn’t find out before I have a chance to at least tell Matt first.”
It was like I’d been thrown into the middle of the ocean and suddenly expected to swim to land on my own. I didn’t even know which way was north, let alone which way I could find solid ground, and it was taking everything I had just to keep my head above water.
“Matt?” I asked, latching onto the one part of her sentence that made some sense.
Chantal’s eyes grew wide with shock for a moment, but then understanding seemed to strike her like lightning and her surprise turned into a long sigh.
“Oh, right, I haven’t told you, and I’m sure Auggie doesn’t talk about it.”
From around her neck, she pulled out a long chain that had been hidden under her shirt. Hanging on the delicate chain was a distinct diamond ring.
“Matt is my husband. I used to wear the ring on my hand, but since I work with a lot of chemicals and other hair products every day, it tarnished really quickly. Plus, it kept getting tangled in clients’ hair.
So, I started wearing it on a chain. Now, it’s become such a habit that I wear it on the chain all the time, even when I’m not working. ”
The diamond ring glinted in the light, sparkling like it was laughing at me.
Chantal was already married. Here I was, worrying about overstepping with her ex-husband and it turned out she already had another man. Part of me felt a little foolish, but mostly, I was just relieved. Any doubts I had about Auggie and Chantal’s relationship were immediately laid to rest.
Now, if only I could figure out the nature of my own relationship with the man.
“I know it’s a lot for me to ask you to keep secrets from Auggie,” Chantal said as she stored the ring on the chain back under her shirt.
“But, please, don’t tell him I’m pregnant.
I’ve only just found out, and I haven’t even had a chance to tell Matt yet.
Matt isn’t the jealous type, but it would be really awkward if my ex-husband found out about my pregnancy before my husband did. ”
Pregnant.
The word bounced around in my skull like my ears were using it to play tennis.
Chantal was pregnant.
Suddenly, the hand she’d placed on her stomach made a lot more sense. A baby was growing in there. It was small now, so small that her stomach was still completely flat, but one day, it would grow into an entirely new human being.
My gaze was drawn to Melody, who was happily doodling away, completely oblivious to the adult conversation taking place just a foot away.
The little girl was soon going to be a big sister, and I was certain that Chantal would make just as good of a mother to her second child as she had to her first one.
I was also certain that Auggie would be involved in the new child’s life in some way.
The child wasn’t his, but it would be his daughter’s sibling.
I couldn’t imagine him neglecting Melody’s sibling just because the kid didn’t share his blood.
No, he would happily take on the stepparent role and find a way to welcome a second child into his home.
Auggie’s family was expanding, and I needed to figure out my place in that family.
Was I just a temporary guest brushing past this family like a shadow, only to become an interesting story that they occasionally told to their kids?
Or was I here to stay, celebrating birthdays and holidays as time passed, and ultimately creating new stories that would leave my old story in the dust?
That was a question only I could answer, but either way, I was going to have to talk to Auggie as soon as possible.
Glancing at the clock on the café’s wall, I groaned when I realized the time. Auggie wouldn’t get off work for several more hours.
It was going to be an agonizing wait.