CHAPTER 8
“Y ou have a crush,” Gwen said with a knowing smile.
“I do not,” she replied.
“Yes, you do,” Gwen insisted. “I’ve been here for five minutes, and you’ve said Myra’s name at least as many times. Myra this. Myra that.”
“You’ve been here fifteen minutes, and I’ve only said her name twice,” Elisa argued.
“Three times. Final offer,” Gwen replied as if they were bartering over an item at a yard sale.
“I have nothing else to talk about. The kids are gone. I went for a run. I did the dishes and applied for another couple of jobs. That’s the extent of my life right now outside of the fact that someone is working on my house.”
“Someone being Myra. Nice try.” Gwen laughed. She then took a drink of her sparkling water and added, “You’ve never really talked to anyone about a woman, have you?”
Elisa looked down at her plate and said, “No.”
“Do you want to talk about one now ? I know you were married to my idiot older brother for a couple of decades, and I was still pretty much a kid when you two met and the twins were born, but I’m not a kid anymore, and I have known you for two decades now, too. Besides, if anyone gets it, it’s me.”
“I know. I just don’t really know what to say.
She stayed for dinner, and we talked for a while.
Then, she got back to work and left around nine.
I thought it was weird for me to sit there and watch her, even though I wanted to keep talking.
Besides, she kind of needs to focus on the work.
She’s measuring and screwing things. She gets this look of concentration on her face that’s really cute, and her nose scrunches up.
” She imitated Myra’s nose scrunch with one of her own.
Gwen laughed a little and asked, “How long did you actually watch her while you pretended to do something else? ”
“Not long. Just, like, a few minutes. Then, I went to the living room and watched TV on mute so that I could hear her if she needed anything.”
“And how was the dinner conversation?”
“Really good. I touched her.”
“Sorry; what?” Gwen said with a little cough.
“Oh, not like that. Get your mind out of the gutter.” She laughed and reached for her fork.
“I only meant that when I went upstairs to change out of my dress for dinner, I left the pasta on the stove, and it boiled over. She went to stop it for me, and when I got back, I was really close to her for the first time. I sort of had my hand on her back for a second, but she didn’t move out of the way or anything, and she didn’t flinch, either. ”
“So, she’s into the idea?”
“What idea?”
“Elisa, she’s into the idea of there being more than just a client and contractor relationship. I don’t know many contractors that are down with their clients having their hands on their lower backs.”
“Oh, I don’t know. It could just be a neighbor or friend thing.
I mean, women touch each other. She said no to drinks and dinner twice before, remember?
She might have felt bad about saying no two times and stayed out of pity.
I haven’t exactly done anything to let her believe that I have an exciting life.
The opposite, really. She knew the kids were gone because they preferred their dad’s place.
And I understand why. I just couldn’t stand being in that guest house anymore, acting like the housekeeper more than the woman he was married to for decades. ”
“I know. I’m sorry. My brother has always been a dick,” Gwen said.
“Annabelle, too, though. I like to think that my parents realized that and, six years later, had me to balance things out cosmically. Of course, they’re twins, and I’m just little old me, so they had to have little Grant four years after me once they’d confirmed I wasn’t a dick, too.
Seriously, it’s like Arch and Annabelle popped out of the womb entitled and expected everyone to do everything for them, or at least, make things easier on them.
I don’t know if my parents raised Grant and I differently, but if I didn’t know for a fact that my mom gave birth to all four of us, I’d swear two of us were adopted. ”
“Which two?” Elisa asked with a smile, loving whenever Gwen talked about her distaste for her older siblings, even though Elisa knew it was petty.
“Depends on the day. You know my parents. They can be assholes, too. My mom was born with that silver spoon in her mouth, and my dad had it put up his ass when he popped out right after they cut the cord.”
Elisa laughed and said, “Yeah, that sounds about right.”
“Sometimes, they’re cool, though. I know it probably didn’t seem that way to you, given how things were in the beginning.
When I tell you how pissed off they were that their precious first-born son had gotten a girl pregnant out of wedlock while he was also in college, you’d probably not believe me because, from your perspective, I’m sure, their anger was aimed at you. ”
Elisa nodded and said, “I got a lot of glares, yes.”
“In their mind, their perfect baby had worn a condom like he was supposed to, so it wasn’t possibly his fault that it broke, and you should’ve been on birth control, too, or not be having sex at all. Gotta love their old-school blame-the-woman-for-everything approach.”
“Yeah, that sounds about right, too. Your mom actually asked me who my gynecologist was and why my mom hadn’t talked to me about safe sex. She had talked to me about safe sex, and I was on birth control.”
“You were?” Gwen asked, looking surprised.
“Sort of.”
“Sort of? We’ve never really talked about this. I didn’t want to bring it up because I thought it might be hard for you to talk about.”
“I went to the campus clinic when I started dating Archie. They gave me a pile of condoms and birth control. I took it. I just didn’t take it long enough to have it be beneficial. Your brother was ready, and I wasn’t, really, but I still said yes when I shouldn’t have, and here we are.”
“He pressured you? You never told me that,” Gwen said, leaning over the kitchen table and looking concerned. “Do I need to murder my older brother?”
“Let’s just say that I knew I was gay then.”
“You did? You didn’t tell me that, either. When you came out to me, you said you’d been soul-searching, and you figured it out.”
“I did soul-search, but I’ve known forever.
I might have even known before you knew you were gay, probably, given our age difference.
Anyway, I knew when I met Archie, but I didn’t know how to admit it to myself, let alone anyone else, and we went out a couple of times.
We were making out one night, and I could… feel he was…”
“Oh, gross. That’s my brother, Elisa.” Gwen shook her head in disgust and leaned back again.
“How much of this do you really want to know?”
“None of the details, obviously.”
“Well, he asked. I said no at first, but we kept kissing, and I could tell that he really wanted to. I should’ve repeated my no and told him that we should wait, but I didn’t.
Things kind of went from there. So, while your mom was wrong to blame me and should’ve blamed both of us for getting pregnant, I didn’t tell him no, and I knew the birth control wasn’t exactly potent yet.
I did make him wear a condom, at least, thinking that would help. He argued at first, but–”
“He did what ?” Gwen asked.
“He put it on, at least.”
“But he argued with you?”
“He said we were both virgins, so there wasn’t a point. He didn’t have an STI.”
“Hold on.” Gwen shook her head rapidly. “My brother, who was already pre-med then and should’ve understood the basics of how sex worked, told you that just because he didn’t have an STI, he shouldn’t have to wear a condom? Like, he just forgot that he could get you pregnant?”
“Boys,” Elisa said. “It’s why I’ve been trying to cram as much sex education into AJ and Adele’s brains since I thought they were old enough to hear it.
Adele has a good head on her shoulders, but I thought I did, too.
It’s so hard to be with someone and tell them no when you don’t want to do it and they keep pressing.
I was gay, already knew it, and I still gave in.
As far as I know, Adele actually likes boys.
She might be just like me in that situation.
And while I don’t regret it because I have both of them, if I didn’t get my kids out of that night, I think I would regret it. I know I regret parts of it.”
“The sex part?” Gwen joked.
“Well, it didn’t exactly make me want to have sex with a guy again, but no.
” Elisa chuckled. “I regret the fact that I wasn’t strong enough to tell him no and actually mean it.
Your brother is persuasive, but I should’ve told him that I didn’t want to.
I should’ve at least said that we needed to wait for the pill to kick in, and if he couldn’t do that for me, then he didn’t deserve much else. ”
“Right about that,” Gwen said, still shaking her head. “I can’t believe that. God, I’ve never had a lot of respect for my brother, but I think I just lost what was left of it. How did you stay with him all this time?”
“Honestly, it was really hard in the beginning, but it got easier over the years, and that was part of the problem: it was easier to stay than go, and I had the kids. I lasted as long as I could, though.”
“I really don’t know how you did. I think that’s strength, Elisa. I know you might not agree, but you stayed with someone you can’t ever give yourself fully to because you thought it was right for your family.”
“Was it, though?” she asked.
“You made a life for your kids, Elisa. I know for some, they would’ve left or maybe not let my brother be involved at all, but you did the best you could.
I hate to say this, but my family has one good thing about it, and that’s money.
AJ and Adele got to go to a great school, had a pretty nice life, and I don’t think you’ve let them become entitled assholes. ”