Chapter 12
CHAPTER 12
DECLAN
ONE MONTH LATER
The love of my life is sick as hell and it's breaking my heart. I can’t stand watching her like this, but this isn’t about me. She was starting to lose her hair, and every day I saw the toll that it took on her. Eventually she saved it off to save the heartache of having it all fall out. She used to have long, ginger locks that shone in the sun. I’ve spent many hours running my fingers through it, But now, it’s all gone, and she's started wearing a hat to cover her head.
I try not to compare her to my mom but it's hard not to. Watching her get sick or cry out in the middle of the night reminds me Mom more and more. I spent all morning with my Dad reminiscing about Mom. We cried when I told him about August. He told me that he didn’t know what to say to Mom as she was dying so he just kept telling her how much he loved her, and he thanked her for loving him too.
August and I are end game. If she dies, I know that I will too. This is becoming as tragic as Romeo and Juliet.
As I watch August struggle with her illness, I can't help but wonder if I'll lose her too. It's a thought I can't bear, and I push it away as quickly as it comes. Taking care of her, making sure she's comfortable and loved, is all I can do for now. And I'll do it with all my heart. She never left my side when my mom was dying, and I won't leave hers. Ever.
I know it's not just the physical changes that are affecting her. She's also dealing with the emotional toll of battling a cancer. Some days, she's upbeat and hopeful, and others, she's quiet and withdrawn. I try to be there for her in whatever way she needs, whether it's holding her hand or giving her space. She’s always seemed invincible to me going through this and there is nothing I can do to ease her pain or her burden.
My brothers are no help, they keep crying. They love August almost as much as I do. She’s been a huge part of our family and… great now I’m crying. I’ve to got pull it together. Not for me, for her. She needs me and as much as I need her all I can do is make her feel loved and heard like Dad said.
“Bro?” Mikey asks, coming over to my truck window. How long have I been sitting here? I am supposed to be surprising this job site, but it’s no use. It’s not safe, I can’t concentrate.
“Yeah?” I ask, after rolling the window down.
“You okay?”
“You ever been in love?”
“Yes,” he says surprising me. I want to ask with who, but now’s not the time. He’s not the kind of guy that dates or runs through women either. I don’t know what his deal is honestly.
“Then you know what it’s like to think that the other half of your soul may not be there one day. I can barely get out of bed in the morning.”
“Sack up man. This shit isn’t about you. I get that you are upset, sad, mad at the world, God, the doctors, but this is about August. She doesn’t need to see this. Be better.”
“When did you get so wise?”
“I was born this way.”
For the first time in weeks, I laugh, like a deep belly laugh, and I’ll admit, it feels good.