CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
AURYN
“The last piece of pizza is mine, you pigs. I knew we should have ordered two.” Codie leaned forward to snatch the last piece of pizza out of the box on the coffee table.
She sat on the middle cushion of the couch between Stray and me. Since we were all staying home tonight, we’d decided to watch a few movies together and hang out. Dominik and Noah were in the basement doing God only knew what. Probably engaging in some steamy gay sex.
She was right to be annoyed. Trying to share a large pizza with Stray and me was an exercise in futility. Leaning back against the couch arm on my side, I nodded toward the kitchen. “There’s one brownie left in that batch from the bakery. It’s all yours.”
“I should think so,” she joked, taking a large bite of pizza. “Now what do we want to watch? No horror.”
“You choose, strawberry.” Stray adjusted the couch pillow behind his back, getting comfortable.
Codie glanced at me with a brow raised. I nodded. “Yeah, go ahead. You can choose.”
I didn’t really care what we watched. I only hoped it helped me zone out. My mind had been scrambling since the encounter with Ripley earlier. I tried texting her but hadn’t heard back. Not that I’d expected to since I knew she was working tonight.
What was it about that girl? Somehow she had worked her way inside my mind, and now she wouldn’t leave. It took a lot to rattle me. Seeing Ripley so enraged had done it. I didn’t want her to be pissed at me. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from her but it wasn’t that.
Part of me wanted to go to the restaurant where she worked to force her to talk to me. Remembering that Jamie had done the very same thing was the only thing keeping me away. I was nothing like him. Hell, I shouldn’t even care this much. I never did.
Codie scrolled through Netflix for a while before stopping on a dramatic thriller. Something with a lot of action and mystery. I did my best to concentrate and follow the storyline. Every now and then I caught my mind wandering and had to jerk it back to the movie.
On the other end of the couch, Codie cuddled up next to Stray, resting her head on his shoulder, their hands clasped tight. An uneasy twinge in my stomach made me drag my gaze away.
I was not fucking jealous. That wasn’t me. I didn’t want what they had.
I wanted Ripley. Goddammit.
She needed time to calm down. Tomorrow I would try reaching out to her again. If she kept ignoring me, I would show up at her door. I didn’t care anymore. We needed to talk.
My knee bounced as I struggled to concentrate on the movie. I sipped from a bottle of beer, letting the bubbles roll down my throat. It hadn’t been all that long since my last line of coke, yet I still found myself glancing at the tray on the coffee table.
Codie’s phone rang, startling me with it’s annoying little jingle. She grabbed it off the table, looking at the name on the screen before answering. “Hello?”
As she listened to the person on the other end, her eyes grew wide. She fumbled around for the remote, pausing the movie. The color drained from her face. Stray sat up straighter, leaning forward, his brow furrowed as he watched her.
“Yeah, he’s here with me right now,” Codie said. “I’ll tell him. We’ll come right away.”
Tears welled up in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks. She placed the phone on the couch beside her before dropping her head into her hands. Stray rubbed her back in gentle circles.
“What’s going on, strawberry?” he asked softly.
“That was Athena,” she explained, choking back a sob. “Ripley is in the hospital. She ODed.”
My entire world turned upside down with those words. I couldn’t believe that I’d heard her right. Her words continued to echo inside my head, proving that she had indeed said that Ripley overdosed.
This had to be my fault. She panicked because I cut off her supply. She took things too far.
“I thought she was working tonight,” I heard myself say.
Codie shot off the couch, vigorously swiping the tears from her eyes. “We have to go to the hospital. I told Athena we were on our way.”
“We?” I repeated. I sat there unable to move, completely shocked.
“Aren’t you coming?” Codie stared at me in disbelief.
“Didn’t you just tell me to stay away from her?” I wasn’t trying to be argumentative. Wrapping my mind around this news was proving difficult.
Now more than ever I wanted to snort a couple lines of blow. What did that really say about me? Codie was right. Ripley didn’t need someone like me in her life.
“Athena called Ripley’s mom. She’s not coming. Ripley only has us. Come or don’t.” Without wasting any time, Codie snatched up her phone and headed for the door.
Stray was right behind her. He paused to glance back at me. “You really aren’t going to come?”
I had seconds to decide. To choose whether I wanted to be a decent person or an asshole. The truth was that I felt fucking terrified.
What if she died? How would I be able to live with myself? Maybe if she and I had never hooked up in the first place, it wouldn’t have come to this.
Casting one last longing glance toward the tray of coke on the table, I stood up. Placing my beer on the coffee table as I turned toward the door. “Yeah, I’m coming.”
I sat in the back seat of Codie’s SUV trying to wake myself up from this nightmare.
The drive to the hospital gave me more time to spiral.
Ripley and I hadn’t known each other long.
We’d always been aware of one another. Only recently did we get the chance to get to know each other a little better.
What I’d discovered was that I wanted to keep getting to know her.
To find out if maybe there was a way for us to fit into each other’s lives.
That may all be over before we even had a chance to get started. I couldn’t deny any longer that I felt drawn to her. Ripley was more to me than a party hook up. I didn’t know how much more. Now I was afraid that I wouldn’t get a chance to find out.
At the hospital I followed Codie as she met up with Athena in the waiting room. Storm and Luna were on their way. Like a zombie, I sat in a chair, staring at the blinding white floor. Tightly gripping the chair arms until my fingers ached.
The girls congregated in a small circle, talking quietly amongst themselves. Stray took the seat next to me, placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Are you okay, man? You look like you’re going to throw up or something.” His teasing nature had vanished, replaced by genuine concern.
“Honestly, I might. I’m not sure yet. It’s just so shocking, you know? I never expected anything like this to happen. Not to her. It should’ve been me.” I meant every word. If it had to happen to someone, it should never have been Ripley.
Stray nodded, taking a moment to choose his next words. “Maybe it’s a good time to think about getting off the junk. A little recreational fun is one thing, but you’ve become a real chronic, Auryn. Take this as a sign that it’s time to make a change.”
Knowing that he was right, I simply nodded. Until I knew that Ripley would be fine, I couldn’t relax. My spine was ramrod straight. My pulse pounding faster than normal. What was taking so fucking long?
It felt like forever before someone came to talk to Athena and the girls. Letting them know that Ripley was recovering in a room. She was in and out of consciousness but stable. My lungs instantly deflated. I slumped in my seat as the worst of the tension left me.
After some discussion with the other girls, Codie approached me, placing a hand on my arm. “Why don’t you go see her first? You can come back and let us know when she’s awake and ready for us.”
I blinked at her in confusion. “Me? Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I think it would mean a lot to Ripley to have you there. And I think it would mean a lot to you as well.”
Pushing to my feet, I wandered the hospital until I came to the room number Codie had given me. Unable to bring myself to go inside, I stood outside the door, shifting from foot to foot. Maybe I didn’t belong here. Maybe Ripley wouldn’t want to see me after all.
I thought about walking out of the hospital, going home and snorting several lines of blow. That version of me felt safe and comfortable. I’d been doing it so long that it had become part of my identity.
Walking into this room and being there for Ripley would change the persona I had created for myself.
The carefree bachelor that got by on random hook ups and way too many drugs.
Never taking anything too seriously. Preferring to coast through life without putting myself at risk of getting hurt by cutting off everyone who wasn’t one of my best friends.
I didn’t want to be that guy anymore.
Pushing open the door to find Ripley lying in that hospital bed stopped me in my tracks. Her skin was deathly pale. Her blonde hair a tousled mess. Eyes closed, she appeared to still be unconscious.
When my feet would move again, I made my way to her bedside. Dragging the chair in the corner next to the bed. Not knowing what else to do, I took her frail hand in mine. Simply holding it. Establishing connection through touch.
I wondered if this had been an accidental overdose. Someone like Ripley should know their limits. She seemed to have been doing this for a while now. After what me and the guys went through with Casper and his downward spiral, I couldn’t face that again. Not with her.
“I’m so fucking sorry, baby girl,” I whispered. “I wasn’t trying to control you by chasing Charlie away. In my own screwed up way, I was trying to help you. But you’re right. One addict can’t help another.”
I sat there for a long time, holding her hand. Silently willing her to wake up. To forgive me for my part in this. To tell me what had driven her to this point.
When her eyes finally fluttered open, I sat up straighter. Suddenly struck with nerves. Should I even be here?
“Auryn?” Ripley blinked several times, like she couldn’t believe it was really me.
“Yeah, it’s me. I’m here. I hope that’s okay.”
Her gaze fell to our joined hands. “What happened?”
“You took too many pills. You’re in the hospital. How do you feel? Do you need me to get a doctor or a nurse or something?” I was ready to propel myself out of the chair.
“Fuck,” she muttered. “I remember now. I did take too many. I knew I screwed up as soon as I took them. I can’t believe I did that. You must think I’m an idiot.”
“Are you kidding? I was afraid you did it on purpose. I was worried. We all were.” Gently I stroked my thumb along the back of her hand. Enjoying the way her small hand felt in mine.
Ripley shook her head. “No, it was an accident. Still, I knew better. I really fucked up.”
“You’re all right. That’s all that matters. Everything will be okay.” Comforting others didn’t come easily to me. Seeing the defeat in her eyes was too much. I would have done anything to take it away.
A heavy sigh had Ripley sinking deeper into the bed. “Everything is far from okay. I got fired last night. Jamie came in. I’d had enough. I dumped food all over him. Then I had a nasty fight with my mom. My life is so fucked right now.”
I hated that I couldn’t fix this for her. Sure, I could kill Jamie or torture the little fucker. That would make me feel better for a while, but it wouldn’t solve Ripley’s problems.
“I’m sorry, Ripley. I’ll do anything I can to help. If you need anything, just say the word.” It was the best I could offer, and it didn’t feel like enough.
She managed a small smile. “Thank you for coming, Auryn. It means a lot.”
“The girls are in the waiting room. I’ll go get them. I know they’re eager to see you.” Even though the last thing I wanted to do was leave her side, something told me that I needed to give her space.
I rose from the chair, leaning over to kiss her forehead before leaving the room. It killed me to walk out of there feeling so helpless. There had to be something I could do.
And yet all I wanted to do was go home and get high.