12
E v e n a s m y breathing started to slow when Woods placed me on his lap, my mind was still on fire. I lay there with my cheek resting against his chest, legs wrapped around his waist, his skin hot and sticky beneath mine. Everything about him felt good. Familiar. But inside, I was spiraling.
My heart was beating like it knew the second I moved, reality was going to crash down and ruin it all. I held on tighter, buried my face in his neck, hoping he wouldn’t ask me anything. Hoping he wouldn’t feel how off I was. But of course he did.
“Talk to me,” he murmured, voice low and steady as he caressed my back.
I stayed quiet. My throat burned with words I couldn’t even form. I took a breath, trying to settle myself. “I’m good,” I whispered.
“Nah.” He kissed the side of my head. “You feel good, no doubt. But you ain’t good, gorgeous.” I slowly raised my head to meet his eyes. Shit. That was a mistake. His eyes had a way of stripping me bare even when I was fully dressed. “What’s on your mind?”
I chewed my bottom lip, nodded slightly. “I just… I wasn’t expecting this. You showing up. Us doing this.”
“Why you think I came all this way, baby?”
“I don’t know,” I said, voice softer than I meant it to be. “Because it’s Christmas?”
Woods’ eyes narrowed. “You think this was just some holiday dick drop-off?”
“I didn’t say that.”
He sat up a little, keeping me on his lap like he was daring me to move. “Let’s stop playin’. You been duckin’ my calls, barely textin’ back, actin’ like we didn’t just spend a whole weekend up under each other a few weeks ago. You think I don’t feel that shift? I know your silence better than your words, Autumn.”
I swallowed. Hard. Because he wasn’t wrong. And I hated that. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like that,” I said finally. “It wasn’t about you. I’ve just… been in my head. A lot.”
“Is it another nigga?” he asked, calm but clipped. “You got somebody out here now?”
“What? No! Woods, no… it’s nothing like that,” I said quickly, eyes wide.
“You sick? Somethin’ goin’ on wit’ your pops?”
I shook my head. “No. It’s not that either.”
“Then what is it?”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I slid off his lap, my body still humming. I couldn’t look at him. Not right now. Not with his hands still warm from holding me like I meant everything to him. Not when I knew I was keeping something this big from him.
My bare feet padded across the carpet as I made my way toward the bathroom. My thighs still slick from what we just shared, my heart beating too loud in my chest. I needed to breathe. Pee. Wash him off me before I said too much.
“Where you goin’, Autumn?” Woods asked, voice tighter now.
“Bathroom,” I muttered, eyes locked on the door ahead.
He stood up and I could feel the heat of his stare. “That’s it?” he said. “You just gon’ slide off my lap, hit the bathroom, and act like none of the shit I’m tryna figure out matters?”
I paused at the door. “Quamaine, I’m not trying to have this conversation right now. Please.”
“Nah, fuck that,” he snapped. “You been duckin’ a nigga. Now I’m here in your face and you still tryna sidestep it?”
“I just need a minute,” I said, turning halfway toward him, arms crossed over my chest. “Damn, can I breathe?”
He stepped closer. “You got all the minutes in the world and you still ain’t said shit.”
I felt my jaw tighten. “I didn’t ask you to come here.”
His eyebrows shot up, like my words gut-punched him. “Oh, that’s what we're on now?” I hated how his voice dropped when he was pissed.
“I’m just… not ready,” I said, barely above a whisper.
“Not ready?” he repeated, almost laughing but not out of humor. “Autumn, we ain’t new. This ain’t no outta the blue type shit. We grown as fuck, and whatever you carryin’, you carryin’ it alone, and that’s what got me tight.”
I flinched. The word carrying hit different. “I’m not doing this right now,” I said, voice breaking. I turned to push open the bathroom door, and Woods was right behind me.
“You're not ‘bout to just walk off on me again. You ain’t doin’ that.”
“Woods, please.” I backed up until I hit the edge of the sink, breath uneven. “I said I needed a minute.”
“And I said I’m not lettin’ this shit go.” His voice was low, steady, too damn calm for how heated he was. “You’re lyin’,” he cut in, stepping closer. “Your energy is off. Your eyes keep runnin’ from mine. Your whole damn body is tellin’ on you, and you know it.”
“Can you just stop?”
“You owe me the truth.”
“I don’t owe you anything,” I snapped back, tears already burning behind my eyes. “I didn’t ask you to fly out here. I didn’t ask you to show up. I didn’t ask you to…”
He closed the distance before I could finish, the heat of his chest right against mine. “You didn’t have to ask,” he said quietly. “I came ‘cause I give a fuck. So stop runnin’ from me and say what’s really goin’ on.”
“I said I…”
“Autumn.” He took my chin gently but firmly between his fingers, making me look up. “I’m not gon’ ask again.”
I couldn’t hold it anymore. My chest collapsed, and my vision blurred as the tears hit before I could swallow them back. “I’m—” My voice broke. “I’m pregnant.”
I watched it all hit him at once—the shock, the anger, the hurt. His jaw tightened, eyes going sharp, chest rising fast like he had to remind himself to breathe. I hated the silence. I hated the look on his face. I hated that he had to hear it like this.
“You happy now?” I choked out, wiping at my cheeks even though more tears kept coming.
Woods didn’t say anything right away. He stepped back a little, dragging a hand slowly down his beard, tugging at it the way he did when he was trying to keep calm. His other hand braced on the doorframe.
I stormed toward him, fists clenched, my heart damn near beating out of my chest. And when I reached him, I swung. My balled-up fist landed against his chest, over and over, wild and shaky with emotion. “You manifested this shit,” I cried, punching his chest again. “You spoke it up! You kept saying it. You wanted this, right? Well, congratulations, Quamaine!”
He barely flinched. He just stood there, letting me hit him like he knew I needed to. His eyes didn’t leave mine once, but I could see the shift. The pain behind his silence. The frustration in his jaw. The disappointment.
“You was keepin’ this shit from me?” he finally said, voice low and tight. “This whole time, I’m thinkin’ it’s me. I’m thinkin’ I did some shit wrong… whole time you pregnant and not tellin’ a nigga.” I didn’t say anything because… what could I say? “You let me touch you. Be inside you… and you kept that shit buried like it ain’t my baby too?”
“I didn’t mean for it to be like this,” I snapped, wiping at my face even though the tears kept coming. “I was scared… and… still trying to process it myself.”
“So you process it by shuttin’ me out? We’re fuckin’ grown, Autumn!”
“I didn’t know how to tell you!” My voice cracked. “I thought… no, I knew you’d come at me like this.”
“Like what?” he barked, taking a step forward. “Like a man who got a right to know he got a baby on the way?” I looked away, shaking my head. “I’ma grown ass man. I told you from jump if this happens, I’d be there. What, you forgot? I wasn’t just talkin’ to talk.”
I didn’t respond. My chest was still heaving, emotions ricocheting in every direction. He blew out a breath, rubbing his hand down his face. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I didn’t even know how to respond. Then his eyes met mine again—that calm-before-the-storm kind of look.
“If you plannin’ on keepin’ it, I’m all in,” Woods said. “But if you ain’t, we can be done right now. That type of shit I ain’t built for. I’m big on family and you should see that shit.” I swallowed hard. The silence between us stretched long and thick. “Ain’t no gray area with me, gorgeous. I'm not that nigga.”
I nodded slowly, my chest rising and falling against his. My tears had quieted, but my breathing was still shaky. Everything still felt so raw, like the moment had peeled me open and left my insides out in the air.
Woods stood there staring at me like he was fighting five different emotions at once. Anger. Hurt. Fear. Relief. Before I could wipe my face again, his hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. He pulled me in slowly, like he needed me close to breathe right. His other hand slid up the side of my waist, pressing me against him, forcing my eyes up to meet his.
“So what’s up?” he asked quietly. “What you wanna do?”
My breath stalled. He wasn’t asking as a threat. He wasn’t asking to control me. He was asking because he was in it. Really in it. I swallowed hard. My fingers curled, pressed against his tattooed chest. “I…” My voice shook. “I wanna keep it.”
It was the truth. The second it left my mouth, my knees damn near buckled because I finally said it out loud. For days, I’d been hiding from it, ducking calls, throwing myself into work, pretending like maybe it would all make sense later. But right here, in front of him? It finally felt real.
A breath left his chest, deep and heavy, like he’d been holding it the whole time. Then his hand slid around the back of my neck, pulling me entirely into him, and his mouth crashed onto mine. He kissed me like he meant to claim every tear, every fear, every lie I tried to bury between us. His tongue slid against mine slowly at first, then deeper and hungrier like he’d been waiting on this moment almost as bad as I had.
When Woods finally lifted his head, he scooped me into his arms and pressed his forehead to mine. Whispering against my lips, he said, “No bullshit. This the best Christmas gift I ever received.”
My eyes fluttered closed. Every muscle in my body softened. Warmth flooded through my chest and sank lower, curling through my stomach like butterflies on a sugar rush. I didn’t even realize I was shaking until he pulled me tighter.
“Autumn,” he said, voice rough and low, “Don’t ever hide somethin’ serious like this from me again. Ever.”
I nodded against his mouth. “I won’t.”
“You better not.”
“Promise,” I whispered, my voice barely holding steady.
He kissed me again. “I knew that pussy felt extra good,” he said in that calm, low tone that made my stomach flip. “Now I know why. Shit was holdin’ secrets.”
I gasped and smacked his chest, half-laughing, half-embarrassed. “Shut up!”
He grinned against the side of my face, his beard brushing my cheek. “Nah, lemme hit that shit again.”
“You play too much,” I mumbled against his chest, giggling even as I held him tighter.
“Nah,” he said, kissing my temple, “I’m deadass.”
And with steam curling against the glass, water already running, and his body pressed close to mine, I didn’t care about anything else. Not the fear. Not the timing. Not even the fact that we still had so much more to figure out. All I cared about was him. Us. Right here. In this moment. Together.