Chapter 2
Hanlon
That went about as well as I’d expected.
Maybe slightly worse.
If possible, Stone seems to have become an even bigger prick than he was the last time we spoke, despite my absence in his life.
Maybe he’s just a glass-half-empty kind of guy. Maybe he’s just permanently grumpy these days. Or maybe he suffers from depression.
That last thought gives me pause, and I briefly think about asking our parents if he’s mentioned anything to them, but if he hasn’t, I don’t want to give my mom reason to worry more.
Needing to get my mind off that conversation and how unbearable my internship is going to be, I call Chase to see if he wants to go to the gym with me.
“I guess. But could you not add a cool-down that’s harder than the workout today?” he whines into the phone.
We’re both home for fall break, but we haven’t had much time to see each other.
“Dude, those were stretches. They weren’t meant to be hard.” I laugh.
“Yeah, well, they were. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m super happy about your newfound love of fitness and the CrossFit cult you’ve joined, but I’m still as puny as ever.”
Chase can’t see me, but I roll my eyes anyway.
For starters, Chase is not puny. He has a naturally stocky build that literally takes two push-ups and six sit-ups for him to suddenly look like the Hulk.
It’s unfairly disgusting, actually. Not only that, but Chase is a pre-med student, a double major in biology and chemistry.
He doesn’t make time for the gym, but he’ll go with me when I ask.
I know CrossFit isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, which is cool with me.
I just want people to find what makes them feel good and keeps them healthy.
I tried the sport when I became too overwhelmed with having to figure out my own programming at a globo-gym, and decided the coaching and group classes were exactly what I needed.
Because of my CP, even though it’s so mild it doesn’t have any visible signs—unless you know to look—I fatigue easily, and I tend to overdo it when left to my own devices. I would get frustrated and give up altogether, only to show back up in the gym a month later, determined to get it right.
My coach was extremely patient, and when I explained my issue, she didn’t miss a beat and quickly made modifications to the programmed workout that fit my needs and my starting point.
I’ve been hooked ever since, and six months in, I’ve finally achieved some muscle definition for the first time in my life.
What’s even better is that when I leave class, I feel like I’ve accomplished more than just making myself so sore I can barely tie my shoes.
It’s a reminder that I can do hard things, and it’s often the best part of my day.
Chase complains the entire time we drive to the gym, but ends up kicking my ass during the workout—as he should since he weighs about fifty pounds more than me, but he really hams it up at the end, writhing on the floor far more than is necessary.
Standing over him, I let my sweat drip onto his bare chest.
“You done, Princess?” I tease.
He stops moving and peers up at me with one eye open. “Depends.”
“On what?” I ask, hands on my hips. This outta be good.
“On whether or not you’re going to take two steps forward so I can see up your shorts.”
I playfully kick him in the ribs, and the movement jostles another drop of sweat free, landing dangerously close to his lips. Chase’s tongue quickly darts out, pulling the salty liquid into his mouth.
“Chase! That’s disgusting.”
“You’re the one dripping on me,” he points out.
I should be used to him by now, yet he still manages to catch me off guard on occasion.
I can’t help but laugh. Chase is fantastic for my ego.
A gay man’s token straight best friend and amazing wingman.
Sometimes he takes making sure I’m comfortable a little too far…
like licking my sweat from his chin and constantly trying to ball tap me.
If he weren’t so into Kendra, I’d be convinced he’s into dick, but the sounds I hear from his room in our suite at school cannot be faked.
“Whatever,” I say with a laugh.
Chase rolls onto his side and licks my ankle.
“Dude! Gross!”
Yeah, my best friend doesn’t have great boundaries. He actually has no boundaries where I’m concerned. It’s to the point where the last guy I dated actually thought Chase and I were fooling around behind his back and broke things off.
I wasn’t too bummed, to be honest. I have more than enough classwork to keep me busy, and now I’m leaving for three months, so I guess Chase kind of did me a favor. He also didn’t like the guy, and I know he hammed it up on purpose whenever he was around.
“Admit it, Han. If I were into guys, you’d date me,” Chase says, apparently needing his own ego boosted today.
Staring down at him, I assess his broad shoulders, the freckles on the bridge of his nose, and his red hair.
He doesn’t have washboard abs, but he’s balancing his beer intake with enough cardio to keep his physique decent…
but soft. Chase actually isn’t my type at all, but I think it would hurt his feelings to know that.
Shrugging, I give him the same answer I give him every time. “Sure, Chase. If dick was your thing, you’d be it for me.” I extend my hand to help him up. “But it’s a moot point since you don’t bat for my team. Now come on, let’s go grab breakfast.”
Appeased by my answer, Chase uses my hand to stand up, swats me on the ass, and grabs his T-shirt from the chair by the door.
We say goodbye to everyone still milling around the gym and head to our favorite breakfast spot.
Once we’re seated with massive plates of food in front of our faces, Chase asks, “So, have you told Heart-of-Stone that you’re coming for a little visit?”
Chase has only met Stone a couple of times. We became friends in the eighth grade, and Stone was a senior. That was actually one of my favorite years, but then it was all just over, and Stone was moving to Montana.
“Yeah, we talked right before I called you,” I tell him around a mouthful of eggs.
“And?” Chase prompts.
“And he’s thrilled. Totally ready to welcome me with open arms,” I deadpan.
“Really?”
“Fuck, no! It went exactly as we thought it would. He was pissed and a total dick about it. I told him just to pawn me off on someone else and hung up the phone.”
Chase laughs across from me, but then pins me with his ‘serious stare.’
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” I start to argue, but he holds up his hand.
“You can keep lying to yourself once this conversation is over, but I know how much it hurts you that he basically just disappeared from your life without an explanation. If you go out there and he really does put you with someone else, and acts like you don’t exist, are you going to be able to handle it? ”
Chase has been my sounding board for a lot of things over the last few years; my anger and resentment over Stone included.
“I don’t know. I mean, I guess I’ll have to handle it. I need this internship to graduate. And it’s a great opportunity.”
“Will you finally tell your parents the truth? Or will you keep covering for him just to make everyone happy?”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, avoiding his eyes.
“Come on, Han. I know you tell your parents that you guys still keep in touch. You forget I was at family game night on several occasions and watched how much they pushed for you guys to really drink the one-big-happy-family juice.”
I wince. I hadn’t realized Chase had been paying quite that much attention over the years.
“Look, losing my dad unexpectedly was really traumatic for my mom. And James Addario was everything my mom and I needed. Of course, I want to make them happy. Besides, James has been through his own shit, and Stone was a decent human being in the beginning. There were several years where he was a pretty good big brother to me.”
Chase snorts. “I’m glad to see your standards are so high that ‘decent’ is what you’re willing to accept.”
How do I explain that Stone was the only person in my life growing up who didn’t baby me, coddle me, and act like I was some fragile porcelain doll?
Stone made it no secret that he resented the special treatment I was given by our parents, but he was never a blatant asshole to me.
He never locked me out of the house, hid my things, or did shit and then blamed it on me.
“It’s complicated,” I answer.
“Families usually are,” Chase replies.
Family.
Does that even apply to Stone and me anymore?
“Okay, honey,” my mom gushes. “Call us as soon as you land. You’re sure you can manage your luggage alright?”
I groan. “Yes, Mom.” I’m nervous enough as it is and just want to get on with it.
“I wish you’d let us at least drive you to the airport, Han,” my mother continues as my rideshare pulls up outside.
Finally, Dad intervenes. “Lana, he’s going to be fine.” While James doesn’t baby me as much, he’s just as quick to step in if he thinks I need help. Thankfully, that occasionally includes helping me get my mom off my back.
“You’ve got all your paperwork?” James asks, pulling me in for a hug before I head out the door.
“Yes, sir,” I reply respectfully.
“Good. Do me a favor and give Stone our love, will you? I know he’s looking forward to finally being able to catch up with you.”
I highly doubt that, I think silently.
“Yeah, me too.” The lie sits heavily in my stomach as I hug each of them one more time.
My mom gets teary, but I don’t say anything about it. Although I live in a suite on campus, this is the first time I’ll live outside of driving distance from my parents for longer than a week at camp.
That truth sinks in as I stand in our familiar foyer, luggage at my feet, about to get on a plane by myself, that maybe, just maybe, I’m a little glad Stone will be close by when I reach my final destination.
But first, I have to make it through these two flights.