Chapter 24
Hanlon
Inside the bag is an entire avalanche testing kit, as well as safety gear. My eyes grow wide because the contents of this bag had to have cost close to a thousand dollars, if not more.
“Stone, this is too much,” I tell him, turning the items over in my hands one by one. There’s a top-of-the-line avalanche transceiver, a compactible snow shovel, a snow probe, a crystal card, a magnifying loupe, a field guide, and at the very bottom is an avalanche airbag.
Forget what I said about one thousand dollars…the pack with the airbag is that much alone.
“Ohmygod, Stone! I can’t accept this!”
“You can. And you will,” he says. “You’re interested in this field because you wanted to combine your love of science and weather with your desire to keep me safe. So, my Christmas gift is a combination of my love of science and my desire to keep you safe.”
“I don’t know what to say. I mean, thank you, obviously, but outside of that…Jesus, Stone. I’m overwhelmed.”
“I hope you’ll never need most of it. And anywhere you work that has you in the field should supply these things, but you probably won’t know how well they’ve been maintained or how old they are.
” He averts his gaze, and a look of pain mixed with shame has me grabbing his chin, forcing his eyes back to mine.
“What aren’t you saying?”
“I don’t want to weird you out,” he says.
“Yeah,” I deadpan, “because I get weirded out so easily.”
He rolls his eyes. “You’re such a smartass.”
“Only when you deserve it,” I point out. “Now tell me what you were going to say.”
“I’m already dreading the end of your internship.
I don’t want you to leave, and I hate what that means for us.
This stuff,” he waves a hand toward the items littering the table.
“This is so I know you’re protected with brand new gear that is the best money can buy.
It’ll make me feel like I’m still with you even if it’s not my mountain you’re working on. ”
God, I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to process what is currently happening that I haven’t even stopped to think about the end of the internship.
My mind had already made the move. I’m staying in Montana.
If this is where Stone is, then this is where I want to be, too.
I’ve felt that way for most of my life, even if the driving force behind that adoration was vastly different back then from what it’s become over the last month.
Stone had taken a seat at the table while I stood, pulling things out of the bags. Pushing his chair out now, I make room for myself and straddle his lap, lacing my fingers together behind his neck.
“I fucking love you, Stone. I know it’s fast and complicated. I know most people are going to feel some kind of way about it. And I’m certain some shrink somewhere would love to dissect this, but none of that makes it any less true.”
“I love you, too,” he says with a smile before pulling my face to his. Our kiss heats up quickly, breakfast totally forgotten.
Finally, Stone runs his hands up my thighs until they rest in the crease of my hips, and he leans away from me, making me push my bottom lip out in a pout.
“Don’t you give me that look. You can’t forget to eat in favor of getting off,” he reprimands.
“Why the fuck not?” I ask, rolling my hips over his sweatpants-clad dick, which is clearly interested in the fact that I’m sitting here.
“Hanlon.”
“I like it when you growl my name,” I tease.
“Eat,” he commands.
“This isn’t over,” I tell him, sliding from his lap.
“Speaking of…” he starts. I stop dishing up my plate at the stove to turn and look at him, but he pushes me on the shoulder to turn me back around so my back is to him. “No, face that way. I’m too embarrassed to ask this if you’re looking at me.”
“Well, my interest is certainly piqued,” I tell him, resuming the action of plopping eggs onto my plate.
“There is something you can get me for Christmas that I’d really like.”
“Anything,” I tell him, knowing no matter what’s on his list, it still won’t make the gift exchange even.
“I want to do more…” Here goes nothing. “…like fuck.”
To hell with Stone’s instructions. I whip around so fast I almost send the pan of bacon to the floor.
“Stone, there’s no rush. I’m perfectly satisfied with hand jobs and blowing you until you’re comfortable doing more.”
“Han, with you, I am comfortable. That’s why I’m asking.”
This feels like a big deal. It is a big deal. I’ve never taken anyone’s virginity before, and taking Stone’s could have significant consequences.
“Stone, I…I…” I don’t know how to finish that sentence.
“What’s the matter?” he asks, his voice full of caution, like he thinks he’s the problem.
Setting my plate on the table, I secure him to me with one arm around his waist and my other hand on the back of his neck.
“I absolutely want to do that with you, but what if this all becomes too much and we realize we can’t make it work?
The hesitation I have comes only from knowing that you and I will be in each other’s lives, at least peripherally, for the entirety of them.
What if you go on to marry someone, and I have to sit in the front row, knowing that part of you belongs to me? ”
The question is selfish, but it’s something I need him to consider.
“Well, what if I marry you?” Stone fires back.
“That part of you already belongs to someone else. At least we can still have this first,” he says seriously.
I’m so shocked by him casually throwing out our hypothetical marriage as though it’s a real possibility that I don’t argue as he continues.
“Hanlon, regardless of what people like me are called, or if there’s even a name for it at all, sex has never really been on my radar.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely.
For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me, and then you showed up, bringing answers, compassion, and a new set of muscles that awakened things inside me I haven’t felt before, and now that I do feel things, I really want them. Why wouldn’t I want them with you?”
Well, fuck.
I’m not even sure if he’s asking me to fuck him or to let him fuck me, but after that declaration, it doesn’t matter. I’ll give him whatever he wants. Although I prefer to top, I enjoy both.
“Okay,” I hear myself agree.
Stone grabs my hand at his waist and places it over his erection. His forehead pressed to mine, he whispers, “Tonight? Please?”
“How do you want it?” I ask.
The color creeping up his neck and into his cheeks answers for him, but I want to hear him say it.
“Um, what do you prefer?” he asks instead of giving me his answer.
“This is about you, Stone. Tell me what you want.”
“I can’t believe I’m actually saying this. It’s not who I thought I was.”
I interject because I can’t let him think like that. “Who you have sex with and how you choose to do it doesn’t define who you are. You aren’t less of a man if you enjoy the feeling of my cock spilling inside your ass. And you aren’t more of one if you drill into me from behind.”
Nothing’s worse than being with a partner who doesn’t understand that.
“O…okay,” he stammers.
“So, tell me,” I ask, trailing my lips along his thick short beard that I love so fucking much, “what do you want?”
“I want you to fuck me.”
Merry fucking Christmas to me.