Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
CIARA
I didn’t think it was possible to feel guiltier for keeping this pregnancy from Ronan, but it turns out I can.
It eats away at me as I watch him leave the room to take a shower.
The way I went on and on about being afraid to tell him about Callum because I know how much he hates me keeping things from him, when I’m holding onto an even bigger secret…
I press a hand to my lower abdomen, half-expecting to feel something even though I know it's way too soon.
A heavy ache of dread presses down on my chest.
I had to tell Ronan something. I couldn’t keep going when I saw that look in his eyes, like he was starting to lose trust in me. So, I gave him a half-truth, feeding him something small to keep the peace, because telling him I was scared to talk about Callum was easier than the truth.
It gave me just enough room to breathe, but it’s only a matter of time before I run out of air again.
The longer I keep this from him, the harder it will be to finally come clean, but I need more time. Time to accept that this life inside me is real and that I’m going to be a mother. Time to accept that when I do tell Ronan, it won’t be some emotional, happy family moment.
It will be a storm.
I can already picture it as I tell him he’s going to be a father. His eyes will darken, and his jaw will tick as he fights the urge to say how he really feels.
But he won’t need to. I already know how he’ll feel.
Betrayed.
But I need to get my head on straight first. How can I tell him if it doesn’t even feel real most of the time? So instead, I shift my thoughts to Callum, but I find no relief there either.
He’s my brother, but he’s not the same person anymore. Not really.
I don’t know what deal he made to get me out of this marriage, but I know it will have cost him. When it all comes crashing down on him, because it always does, I can’t be the one expected to clean up his mess, and neither can Ronan.
This situation with Max has wounded our family, and we can’t afford to take any unnecessary risks.
I don’t even know what Ronan plans to do with Callum now that he knows my brother is plotting against him. I didn’t ask, and honestly, I don’t want to know.
Callum got himself into this mess, and it’s up to him to get out of it because now, with a baby on the way, everything has changed, and my loyalty can’t be divided anymore.
From now on, I choose Ronan.
The next morning, I try to hold onto some sense of normalcy, so I decide to text Mila to see if she wants to grab lunch at the deli. We’ve spoken a little since she went back to her place, but I’ve also kept my distance, giving her space to adjust to life without her brother.
She messages me back almost immediately.
That sounds perfect! Meet at 12?
I smile at my phone.
Going for lunch at our favorite spot might not seem like much, but it’s a thread that keeps us tied to our lives before I was pregnant with the heir to the Sullivan empire and Mila still had a brother she could lean on when times got tough.
Me
I’m putting in my order now for an extra turkey club!
It’s a rare day when I actually have an appetite, so I figure I might as well stock up on food because I have no doubt that I’ll be right back to feeling nauseous again tomorrow.
Mila
You know you can’t have deli meat, right? It’s not safe for the baby…
“And there goes my good mood.”
I set my phone down on the bathroom counter and get to work fixing my hair. I even put on some makeup, and for the first time in weeks, I actually look like myself again.
But of course, it doesn’t last when Ronan strolls into the walk-in closet to find me standing in my underwear, sifting through my clothes for something to wear.
“Going somewhere?” His tone is sharp.
I try not to recoil as his eyes sweep over my half-naked body.
The changes are subtle, not enough for most people to notice, but Ronan has come to know my body inside out. So, I quickly throw on a sweater to hide my swollen breasts, just to be safe.
“I’m going for lunch with Mila,” I keep my back turned as I finish getting dressed.
“No, you’re not.”
I whirl around to find Ronan leaning against the doorframe. His expression is calm, but the kind that precedes a storm.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. You’re not going anywhere. Right now, we’re all a target, so the last thing you’re doing is leaving the safety of this house.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “I grew up in this world too, remember? I’ve been dodging bullets longer than you’ve known me.”
The muscle in Ronan’s jaw ticks. “You’re my wife. And I’m going to do whatever I have to in order to keep you safe.”
“And that includes keeping me prisoner? But as I look up into Ronan’s eyes and see that dark possessive glint in them, my knees start to tremble. He looks… dangerous.
While it pisses me off that he treats me like a frail damsel that he needs to protect, it also does something else to me.
My stomach flutters as he crosses over to me, forcing me to back up against the wall.
I catch a whiff of his aftershave, of the rich musky scent, and swallow a groan.
Why does he have to be so impossibly sexy when he’s being an overbearing asshole?
I open my mouth to argue with him, but his hand is on me in an instant, his fingers curled tight around my chin, tilting my face up so I’m forced to look at him.
His grip is just tight enough to send a shiver of pleasure down my spine. “No more arguing.”
The room goes quiet except for the sounds of our breathing.
Ronan stares at me like he’s daring me to push back, like he wants me to, but for once, I don’t fight him. Not because I don’t want to, but because the way he’s touching me, the way his body crowds mine, all I can think about is how much I want him.
As the ache starts to build between my thighs, I grab hold of Ronan’s shirt and pull him against me.
A look of surprise flashes across his face, but then his lips are on mine, and he’s backing me up against the wall and forcing my thighs apart with his own.
“Do you need to be reminded of who’s in charge, is that it, Tine Bheag?” he growls against my mouth.
His words have me whimpering as my clit starts to throb.
I swear, these pregnancy hormones have me practically feral with need, and I start aggressively tugging at Ronan’s shirt.
But Ronan takes me by the wrists and pins my hands above my head. “I’m going to take that as a yes.”
Smirking, he moves to pin my wrists with one hand as the other moves to unbutton my pants.
My body moves of its own accord, writhing beneath his touch as the ache between my legs becomes almost unbearable.
“Please…” I try to grind against him, but he moves just far enough out of reach that I can’t seek the friction I desperately need.
His lips travel along my jaw. “I’m not going to give you what you want.”
“Asshole.”
He chuckles before biting down on my neck.
The sting of pain mixed with my arousal has me growing slick between my thighs.
I moan as Ronan’s fingers trail along the skin of my lower belly, but he still refuses to give me what I need.
He licks the line of my ear. “Are you going to do as you’re told?”
I gasp at his hot breath against my skin, arching my back so that my aching nipples rub against his chest.
I swear, just having him talk in my ear would be enough to get me to climax at this point, and he seems to know it from how badly he’s teasing me.
“Because if you’re not, then you don’t get to come.”
My eyelids flutter closed as his fingers trail lower.
He brushes my clit. “Is this what you want, Ciara?”
My body jerks at the rush of pleasure.
“What was that, Tine Bheag?”
“Yes.” I try to move my hips against his hand, but that only has Ronan pulling away.
“Yes, to what?” He pulls back to look down at me.
“Whatever you want.” I just need to get him to relieve the overwhelming ache.
“That’s a dangerous promise.” He slides his hand lower so he can run his finger along my slit. “Fuck, you’re soaked.”
My legs are shaking, and my eyes sting with tears as my pussy clenches around nothing.
I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on in my life, and Ronan’s barely touched me.
But he doesn’t have to. The sound of his voice and the heat radiating from his body as he cages me against the wall is enough to drive me crazy.
Ronan teases my entrance with his finger before slowly sliding it inside me.
I clench around him, and his answering groan has me rocking against his hand.
“Ciara…”
“Please…” I try to pull against his hold. I want to touch him so badly, but his hand only tightens around my wrists, keeping them in place as he starts to rub his thumb over my clit.
“Have you been this wet all morning?”
My body is too alive for me to think straight. All I can do is moan, but that’s not enough for Ronan.
He presses down harder on my clit. “Answer me.”
“Yes…”
“Fuck.” Ronan slides another finger inside me. “You’re so warm and tight. I want to feel you, baby.”
“Mmm…” I grind against his hand.
“That’s it, ride my hand like you would my cock, baby.”
“Oh, fuck.” My head falls forward to rest against Ronan’s chest.
He’s working my pussy so well that one curl of his fingers will be enough to send me over the edge. But he still won’t let me come.
He pumps his fingers inside me even deeper, making me cry out as I clench around him. “How badly do you want to come?”
“So bad.”
“I’m tempted to walk away right now.” He chuckles as he buries his head in my neck and kisses the sensitive skin. “See how obedient you can be when you’re so close to the edge.”
“Don’t you dare.”
His stubble scratches my skin. “Then I suggest you come for me before I change my mind.”
He curls his fingers inside me, and I cry out as I climax.
My body trembles as my pussy pulses around his fingers, and Ronan groans against my neck as he continues to move them inside me.
Only when I’m gasping for breath does he release my wrists.
“That’s my girl.” He kisses my temple.
I let out a contented sigh as he slides his fingers out of me and rebuttons my pants.
I’m about to protest, insisting that we’re not leaving this closet until he’s fucked me senseless, when his phone rings, and instantly the mood shifts.
Ronan’s shoulders tense as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone.
He glances at the name on the screen and then at me, and I can see his thoughts clear as day.
He’s wondering if I’m going to make a run for it the second he turns his back on me, and instantly my post-orgasm high vanishes.
“Yes?” Ronan grunts as he holds his phone to his ear.
His eyes darken as he looks at me, but I don’t look away. I might have submitted to him in the throes of pleasure, but I meant what I said. I’m not a prisoner, and I’m not about to let him treat me like one.
Ronan hangs up the call after barely sharing two words with whoever is on the other end and shoves his phone back in his pocket.
“I have to go out.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “Of course, you do.”
“I meant what I said about you staying here. And from now on, Stephen is your personal bodyguard when I’m not home.”
“Why do you keep doing this? What happened to what we discussed after that whole thing with Mia?”
“I’m not risking your life. Oh, and my men are under strict orders to check on you first if any alarm goes off in the house.”
I swear I’ve never wanted to throw something at someone’s head more in my life. But I need to remember that underneath all the rules and the round-the-clock bodyguard, Ronan is terrified.
That’s what all of this is. He’s afraid of losing me. But what he doesn’t realize is that I might be even more afraid of losing him, not just because of what he does for a living, but because of the secret I’ve been keeping from him.