Chapter 24 Ciara
Chapter Twenty-Four
CIARA
“Jesus.” I can’t help but wince when I look at Stephen’s bruised cheek under the harsh lights of the kitchen. “That looks brutal.”
My stomach twists with guilt knowing that the only reason he has this is that he got caught in the crossfire between me and Ronan.
I slide his coffee across the counter toward him.
Stephen gives me a half-smile, waving a hand like I just commented on the weather. “Occupational hazard, I guess.”
“I dread to think what Tamara said.” I start making myself yet another cup of ginger tea. “Please apologize to her from me. Or better yet, pass on my number, and I’ll call her myself—”
“Ciara.”
I glance over my shoulder at Stephen and frown when I notice the twinkle in his eye.
“Tamara is over the moon.”
“Excuse me?”
“The raise Ronan gave me will be more than enough to pay for both kids to attend every Ivy League school twice over if they want to. I’d personally rather buy a house on Lake Cabo, but according to her, education is more important than vacations.”
I shake my head, trying to hold in my laughter. “This isn’t funny, Stephen.”
He shrugs before leaning against the island. “Just trying to lighten the situation.”
I turn my back on him as I busy myself with making my tea, bowing my head just enough for my hair to fall forward and shield my face.
Stephen might want to make light of what happened, but I can’t stop thinking about his wife and children. Their father got hurt because of me, and while it only resulted in a bruised cheek, it could have been so much worse.
“Ciara, please don’t cry.”
I hadn’t even noticed that I was, but my shoulders are shaking with the force of my sobs.
“I’m so sorry, Stephen.” I turn around to face him. “I should have stopped him. I never thought Ronan would actually—”
“Hey. Don’t do that. Don’t make this your fault.”
“But—”
“What’s done is done. Ronan apologized, and I accepted, so now we all just need to move on.”
My eyes sting with tears, but I nod as I force myself to smile, though it doesn’t reach my eyes.
I know it’s logical to let it go, and while I have mostly forgiven Ronan, the uneasy feeling still lingers.
Stephen watches me carefully, his gaze sharper than usual. “Is everything else okay?”
I hesitate for a second before letting out a sigh. “I can’t stop thinking about how fast Ronan went from zero to explosive. It wasn’t just anger but possessiveness and jealousy too. I can’t help but fear that I’m going to have to cut every man out of my life just to make him feel secure.”
Stephen frowns, but he doesn’t interrupt, so I continue babbling at him like he’s my therapist.
“And I really care about him. Sometimes I think I might actually be in love with him.”
It’s the first time I’ve ever voiced my true feelings, and my cheeks burn as I realize I’ve shared them with Stephen of all people.
“Isn’t that a good thing?”
I shrug before taking my tea over to the island and sliding onto one of the bar stools.
“I’m not sure…” I clutch the steaming mug in my hands. “Sometimes the cost seems too high. I don’t want to lose my freedom, my friendships, my sense of self.”
“That’s fair.”
“I just… I need to know that this behavior isn’t going to be a pattern.
That Ronan’s not going to spiral every time I speak to another man.
Or worse, what happens when I start showing and the rest of the world knows there’s something he has to lose?
He’s already paranoid enough about my safety, and this baby is going to put an even bigger target on my back. ”
Stephen leans forward to rest his forearms on the marble counter. “You should give him another chance. I’ve known Ronan a long time, and while I agree he’s impulsive and stubborn as hell, I can also tell he loves you too.”
And now I’m crying again.
I hastily wipe at my eyes, but the tears are flowing down my cheeks faster than I can keep up.
“Damn hormones.”
Stephen chuckles under his breath. “I take it you still haven’t told him about…you know.”
I shake my head, my cheeks burning slightly. “I’ve tried a few times. But he’s under so much pressure, and it never feels like a good time.”
“You’re not wrong. He’s definitely under more pressure than I’ve seen him in years. But you need to tell him, Ciara. He deserves to know, and you deserve not to carry this alone.”
I nod again, but before I can reply, footsteps heading toward the kitchen make us both freeze. I glance over my shoulder to see Ronan appear in the doorway, his dark eyes immediately landing on Stephen.
For a second, I hold my breath as I see his shoulders tense, but just as quickly, his body relaxes, and I do the same.
My husband glances at me. “I need to head out for a bit.”
“Where are you going?” I turn in my seat to face him directly.
“I’m heading into the city to do some work at the office.”
“Okay, well, have fun?”
He huffs a laugh. “I doubt what I’m about to do can be classified as fun.”
“What if I came with you? I can think of many ways to make it more fun.”
But Ronan no longer seems to be listening to me as his eyes flick once more to Stephen, who immediately straightens.
“I trust you can keep an eye on her?”
“Of course.”
I roll my eyes.
Ronan’s jaw clenches, but he doesn’t press the matter further, which makes me actually start to believe we can move past this after all.
“I was thinking about inviting Mila over for a girls' night,” I blurt out before Ronan has a chance to leave.
“That sounds like a great idea.” He crosses over to me. “She could probably use a distraction.”
He wraps an arm around my waist and presses a kiss to the top of my head.
“I won’t be long,” he murmurs before leaving Stephen and me alone once more.
“Was that weirdly civil?” I ask once the front door slams shut behind Ronan.
Stephen chuckles under his breath. “You would almost think he was trying.”
An hour later, I open the front door to find an almost unrecognizable Mila on my doorstep. It takes every ounce of willpower I have not to wince at her state.
Her dark hair looks like it’s in desperate need of both a wash and a brush, and there are dark circles beneath her eyes that almost match the color of the bruise on Stephen’s cheek.
Even wearing an oversized sweater and leggings, I can tell she’s lost some weight from the way her collarbones are jutting out, which isn’t a good sign.
“Have you been eating?”
She shrugs as I gently close the front door behind her.
“Here and there.” She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “I haven’t had much of an appetite.”
I narrow my eyes, but I don’t want to interrogate her out here in the foyer where there are listening ears, so I link my arm through hers and lead her into the TV room, passing Stephen on the way.
“We’ll be in here,” I say before closing the door on him.
Mila sinks down onto the enormous sectional and reaches for one of the blankets draped over the back, tucking it around her legs.
“Do you want some candy? You always have an appetite for Milk Duds.”
Mila offers me a small smile but shakes her head.
Crap. Things must be seriously bad if she won’t even accept an offering of Milk Duds.
I take a seat beside her on the couch and tuck my legs beneath myself. “I’m glad you came.”
“I almost didn’t.” She fiddles aimlessly with the blanket. “I didn’t want to drag my sorry self here and ruin your evening.”
“You’re not ruining anything. It’s not like I had any big plans myself.”
“Is Ronan still being…well, Ronan?” Mila glances up at me.
I shrug, internally battling how much to tell her.
It’s clear Mila still has a lot to process in terms of her own grief, and I don’t want to burden her with my relationship. But she’s also my best friend, and I know she’ll want to know what’s going on with me just like I want to know what’s happening with her.
“Things are better…”
When I don’t continue, Mila raises a brow at me, and I roll my eyes.
“Well, he’s being insanely jealous.”
“Sounds like Ronan.”
“This whole mole situation has him completely wound up, and every time I speak to another man, even if it’s Stephen, he sees red.”
“That’s not good.”
“I don’t even think he realizes how far he goes until it’s too late.
I mean, he punched Stephen the other night, had the audacity to fire him, and then spent days hiding in his office like a coward.
The only reason he apologized to Stephen was that I forced him to, and I wonder what he would have done if I hadn’t. ”
Mila winces. “Shit.”
“Yeah, and even though Ronan and Stephen have cleared the air, I still feel like I’m walking on eggshells around him, constantly trying to figure out what will and won’t set him off like he’s a ticking time bomb.”
She squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry. That sounds like hell.”
I nod, biting the inside of my cheek as a wave of emotion hits me like a freight train.
I rest a hand on my stomach. “He’s trying, though. But I don’t know if he’ll ever change. Maybe this is just who he is, and I need to find a way to deal with it rather than force him to be someone he’s not.”
Mila nods slowly, the crease between her eyebrows deepening as she thinks for a moment. “Do you want my opinion?”
“Always.”
“He’s not the only one unraveling.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“You’re pregnant, which means you’re dealing with hormones, fear, and a literal warzone of emotional tension.”
“That’s one way to put it.”
“You’re going to reach your breaking point too.”
I nod, and Mila gives me her signature look that has me cringing.
“Please tell me you’ve told him about the baby.”
Now it’s my turn to wince.
“Ciara!”
“Don’t judge me. There hasn’t been a right moment, what with the whole punching the security situation.”
“That should have been the perfect opportunity.”
“Oh, sure…”
“I’m serious! He’s going to be a father, which means he has to set an example for his kid, and from what I’ve heard, he’s not setting a very good one.”
Well, shit.
“He deserves to know, and it might be the catalyst he needs to change for the better.”
Silence falls between us as I consider Mila’s words.
She makes a good point. Ronan will be setting an example for our child, and him throwing punches when he feels threatened is not a lesson I want them to learn. But he can’t change if I don’t tell him about the baby.
“Anyway, enough about me. How have you been?”
“I haven’t been doing great either.” Mila sighs, leaning back to rest her head on the back of the couch. “It’s been hard to get out of bed most days.”
My throat thickens with tears at the empty look in Mila’s eyes.
“I can’t even think about Max without falling apart. I broke down in the break room at work the other day because someone brought in a box of those mini powdered doughnuts that he used to love, and it just…”
Tears start to well in her eyes.
“In time, those memories will bring you joy rather than sadness.”
“I know. I’m just not there yet. I feel like a ghost of myself, and the worst part is… I’m starting to feel numb.”
I move closer and wrap my arm around Mila’s shoulders, resting my head against hers to try and bring her some comfort.
“You’re not alone in this, Mila.”
“I know.” She wipes her cheek with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “I just wish I didn’t feel so helpless. I wish there was something I could do that would make the grief easier.”
An idea clicks into place. “The mole…”
Mila pulls away from me and frowns. “What?”
“The mole. If we could figure out who it is, we could stop all of this.”
“I still don’t follow…”
I’m on my feet in an instant, pacing back and forth in front of the couch as the idea takes shape.
“The threats, the strange trail of payments… Max’s death started all of this, and I think the mole is responsible.”
“So…”
“So, that same mole is now feeding information to Declan. So, if we find out who they are—”
“We find out who killed my brother,” Mila whispers.
“Exactly! They’re all pieces of the same puzzle.”
“You really think you can find the mole by yourself?”
“Why not? I’ve been in this game long enough. Besides, Ronan is so close to it, he can’t see straight. He’s likely missed a dozen clues that could lead us right to the answers.”
“I want in.” Mila sits up straighter with fierce determination on her face.
“Are you sure? Looking for your brother's killer wasn’t exactly the girls' night I had planned.”
“No, it’s better. Whoever helped kill Max doesn’t get to walk away.”
“Not on my watch, they don’t.”