Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
CIARA
How many more people are going to die because of me? First it was Max, then the couple at the safe house, and now Stephen…
I’m no stranger to death. I’ve been around it my whole life. Yet, I’ve never felt like this before, as if everyone I touch is destined for a bullet in their skull.
I cling to Ronan, needing the warmth of his body and to make sure his heart is still beating.
But for how long?
“I feel cursed,” I choke.
Ronan sinks his fingers into my hair, holding me against him. “How so?”
“Everyone keeps dying because of me.”
I can’t stop hearing the gunshot in my ears. I screw my eyes shut, but that only makes me see the image of Stephen as he closed his eyes and accepted his fate.
He knew he was going to die, and his final plea was to ensure that Ronan protects his family. Surely, that doesn’t make him the bad guy here, does it? But the alternative is that Ronan is, and I don’t think I have the energy to hate him.
My chest feels too tight, and I can’t seem to take a full breath.
Stephen betrayed me. I know that. He was going to deliver me to Declan Walsh on a silver platter to do God-knows-what with me, and yet I can’t blame him for it.
I could tell how terrified he was. The way his voice cracked when he begged Ronan to spare his wife and children. He was desperate, but he wasn’t cruel. He didn’t want to hurt me.
He might have been nothing but a bodyguard, but to me, he was more than just hired muscle. He was my friend. He listened to me when I needed someone to talk to and brought me tea when I was feeling sick. Those aren’t the actions of a monster.
Stephen was just a man forced to make an impossible choice, and now he’s a corpse in a trunk.
My stomach twists, and bile creeps up my throat, but I force it back down, blinking hard against the tears burning in my eyes.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel right now. There are too many emotions fighting for space in my heart.
I know I should be grateful to be alive, but I also feel hollow and numb at the same time as I think of Stephen’s wife and kids.
Right now, they’re probably sound asleep, oblivious to the fact that their lives have changed forever.
“Someone needs to call Tamara. S-she deserves to know—” My voice breaks, and I’m hit with another wave of sobs.
Ronan only holds me tighter, stroking my hair as his other hand rubs soothing circles on my back. “I’m going to tell her.”
“Those boys…”
“Will know how brave their father was.”
Even though I know that Ronan is filled with anger over Stephen’s betrayal, the fact that he can find some compassion for the man who tried to kidnap his wife has to mean something, right?
I press my fists to my eyes, trying to hold it together, but the floodgates are open, and there’s no stopping it now. The gut-wrenching grief mixed with confusion and rage pours out of me, and I start sobbing uncontrollably.
Ronan doesn’t tell me to stop or try to fix it. He just holds me and lets me cry until I’m not sure there are any tears left.
“If anyone tries to hurt you, they will pay with their lives.”
I blink up at him, my eyes raw and stinging. “What?”
He strokes my cheek. “That’s the deal, Ciara. Anyone who touches you or threatens you or even thinks about using you as a pawn, I will kill them because I love you that much.”
The air leaves my lungs in a sharp gasp as I look into his dark eyes.
This man. This fierce, brutal, terrifying man would burn the world down for me, and that realization is enough to break me all over again.
I throw my arms around his neck and kiss him like it’s the last thing I’ll ever do.
There’s nothing soft or slow about it. Every stroke of my tongue against his is a silent promise of trust, forgiveness, and everything both of us want to say but can’t.
Ronan’s hands move to cup my face, his fingers tangling in my hair as he kisses me back just as desperately.
“I love you,” I gasp against his mouth.
“You’re everything to me, Ciara.”
The way we kiss is enough to make the world around us disappear for just a moment.
As I part my lips and let Ronan explore my mouth, I can pretend I’m not in a bulletproof car with a dead body in the trunk, waiting for one of our enemies to show up.
I savor the feel of his hair as I run my fingers through the thick strands. I inhale the musky scent of his cologne mixed with sweat and a hint of smoke still as I kiss along his neck, shivering as his stubble grazes my cheek.
Eventually, Ronan breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against mine. His breathing is hard, and it tickles my skin, making me shiver. “You should go to the hospital. Just to be sure.”
I shake my head instantly. “No. I told you, I feel fine.”
“Ciara—”
“Please don’t make me go without you.”
Ronan exhales through his nose as he looks forward.
Brennan is pacing back and forth in front of the car as he talks into his phone.
I frown as I look at Brennan and then back at Ronan.
We have no idea if Declan is coming here alone or if he’s bringing an army of men. I hope it’s not the latter because while I know Ronan and Brennan are capable of handling themselves, even I know they wouldn’t stand a chance if twenty guys showed up here with machine guns.
Suddenly, the high from kissing Ronan disappears, leaving a cold sweat in its wake.
I peel my eyes away from Brennan. “Do you have a plan?”
Ronan doesn’t answer right away. Instead, his eyes remain focused on his youngest brother.
“I’m going to kill Declan.”
“That’s not a plan; that’s a goal.”
He gives me a sideways glance. “Well, forgive me for not having a five-step blueprint. Rescuing my pregnant wife from one of my own men wasn’t on the fucking agenda.”
His voice is sharp, but I know he’s only trying to mask his fear. He almost lost me tonight, again, so he has every right to be terrified.
But I am equally terrified. I don’t want to be the one putting him in a body bag at the end of the night.
I rest my hand on his arm. “Please don’t ask me to leave. I want to be here.”
“If something happens to you—”
“It won’t.”
“If you won’t go to the hospital, you should at least let Brennan drive you back to the house.”
“And what? Leave you here alone?”
“Kieran is on his way.”
“Kieran might not get here in time.”
“He’ll get here in time—”
“Ronan, you can’t control everything. I know you wish you could, but you can’t.
I’m choosing to stay with you, and I think if Brennan has anything to say about it, he’d much rather stay too than babysit me.
Besides, if Declan pulls up and realizes I’m not here, he won’t hang around.
Or worse, he’ll try to come after me himself. ”
Ronan grits his teeth, his jaw flexing.
I know he hates to admit it, but he knows I’m right about this.
“Fine. But I want you to stay in the car, and no matter what happens, you do not move. Brennan and I will handle everything.”
“I can do that.”
He glances over at me and raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that? You’re not exactly famous for following orders.”
I scoff. “Oh, like you’re one to talk.”
The corner of his lip twitches, and despite the circumstances and the fact that there’s a dead body only a few feet away, a hint of a spark flickers between us.
But before either of us can act on it, Ronan opens the car door and steps out before circling around to my side. When he opens it, he offers a hand like we’re about to go to dinner, not war.
“What are you doing?”
“I want you to sit in the backseat.”
“Seriously?”
“It’s safer.”
“All the windows are blacked out and bulletproof. Besides, the whole point of me being here is so that Declan can see me.”
“I’m hoping he’ll be too distracted by my devastating good looks to remember why he’s really here.”
I narrow my eyes. “Someone thinks very highly of themselves…”
Ronan winks, but I can see the underlying tension in the set of his jaw.
His eyes go a bit colder. “I’m not planning on him getting close enough to even look at you.”
“So possessive…” I tease in hopes of easing the pained expression on his face, but it only seems to make it worse.
“I’m not taking any chances, Ciara. I can’t.” He offers me his hand.
Knowing if the situation was reversed, I’d do the same thing, I take it and let him help me out of the car.
I hate that the fear clawing at my insides makes me take comfort in how firm his grip is.
When we reach the back passenger door, he opens it for me without a word.
I slide into the seat and shiver at the feeling of the cold leather.
Ronan crouches beside me, resting one arm on the open-door frame. His face is just inches from mine, and I can see in the shadows beneath his eyes how exhausted he is.
Fresh tears sting my eyes, but I blink them away. “I want you to know that I would burn the world for you too, Ronan.”
“I know,” he murmurs. “You didn’t have to prove it by flipping a car, though.”
I let out a shaky laugh. “Did it look cool at least?”
Ronan exhales sharply through his nose as he cups my chin. “It was many things, Ciara, but cool wasn’t one of them. Terrifying, soul-shattering, life-ending. Not cool.”
“Thank you for coming to rescue me.”
“You don’t need to thank me, Tine Bheag. I will always rescue you, even if you don’t want me to.”
“I always want you to. My life is meaningless without you.”
“Good, because I don’t plan on going anywhere.” He leans in to kiss me softly.
I shudder as his tongue brushes against my lower lip.
“I love you,” Ronan murmurs against my mouth as he brushes his thumbs over my cheeks, wiping away my tears.
“I love you too.”
He straightens. “Stay here. I mean it.”
I want to sink my fingers into his shirt and pull him closer. I want to beg him to get behind the wheel and speed off into the night. But I also know that we can’t move forward with our lives until Declan Walsh is taken care of. So, I let him go, even if it kills me to do so.
My heart starts hammering in my chest. “Be careful.”
“I’ll be more than careful. I’ll be ruthless.”
Just as he stands and starts to close the door, headlights cut through the darkness, and Ronan stiffens, his hand flying to the gun at his side as a car stops and two men climb out.
It seems Declan’s here, and he’s not alone.