5. Avery
five
Avery
M y comm tablet pings with a notification, which is surprising considering the only people who message me are in the group chat, and Phial's comm didn't ping. I narrow my eyes at his sleeping form above me like I can tell if he's actually asleep or not. I swear, sometimes he's pretending.
I unfogged the glass of the dome about ten minutes ago, but Phial didn't notice, and I'm pretty sure he's asleep. Is it weird if I stare at him while he's asleep? I mean, he fell asleep with the glass fogged, so maybe this is a breach of privacy. I frown at myself and tear my eyes away from his face.
Need to talk.
The message is from Sloane only, which has my heart racing. I've never seen Sloane not send a message without at least five exclamation points. The fact that this is an ominous 'we need to talk' message with a period has me immediately jumping to the worst possible conclusions.
I suck in a deep breath and steady myself. I knew they'd all find out eventually. I just hoped I might be able to be the one to break the news to them so it didn't feel like such a betrayal.
I crawl out of the nest, leaving the glass unfogged so Phial doesn't think I'm still in there when he wakes up. His body shifts as I crawl out, but he doesn't stir awake.
My hands are shaking when the door to his room slides open. I walk down the hall toward the room Sloane shares with her mates. I can do this. I'll just explain to them that I didn't want to worry them until I knew whether or not my past has anything to do with me being smuggled.
"Girl," Sloane says when she sees me slowly slinking toward her room.
My eyes go wide as she leans in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. She shakes her head. But, wait, is she smiling?
"What do you want to talk about?" I ask, thinking maybe my secrets are safe. I mean, I need to come clean now anyway because I can't go through this kind of panic again.
"We can talk in here." Sloane tilts her head into the room. "Alik and Jovi have questions for you."
I knot my fingers together and give her a quick nod. She pulls out a chair for me to sit on before sitting on the edge of the bed where her mates are already waiting. They all lean with their elbows on their knees, waiting for me to say something.
"Why am I here?" I ask. The question is the smallest squeak to ever come out of my mouth, but it's loud enough for them to hear.
"Do you know why all of us are part of this crew?" Jovi asks. My head shoots up at the question. It's not exactly what I was expecting, but it's better than the alternative.
"Essa is staying out of an arranged marriage, you and Jovi hate your home planet, Holoth was running from the reminder of killing those males, and Phial." My brows furrow because I don't know how much everyone else knows about why he's here. "I think there was a kidnapping."
"An explosion, too, apparently. He kept that part hidden for a while." Jovi laughs, and it causes heat to infuse my cheeks.
Phial's told me what he did to the males who hurt me. He did it right after freeing me from my cage. I don't even know how he made it happen so fast, but he messed with some of the wiring, and the whole thing exploded shortly after they freed me.
"What Jovi is getting at." Alik cuts him a look that tells him to stay on topic. "Is that we all have baggage here. All of us."
My teeth clamp together. I look between the three of them, waiting for them to make the accusation. It doesn't come, though. They all just stare at me, waiting for me to tell them something I've been working so hard to keep a secret for so long.
"I—" The words stick in my throat, unable to come out. I clear my throat and curl my toes. "My father is the human acquisitions officer of the thirteenth dock point. It's a small docking station in Alaska mostly used for resource shipments." I pause and look around the room. There's a water canister on the nightstand, and maybe it's gross, but my throat is dry, and I need a distraction. Sloane tosses it to me without question, and I take a long draw of it.
"Two years ago, I came across files on his comm." I laugh to myself. "I was looking for old pictures of the family because I was making a display for the next family get together." I rub my eyes, trying to make the memory return to where it belongs, in the deep corners of my mind where all the other false memories of a happy family go. "I found a lot of things I shouldn't have, and I made copies of them. I am, or was, an informant for the Intergalactic Alliance."
I take another swig of water and look at the three of them. They're all sitting there stoically, as though they know all of this already. Maybe they do and are offering me the chance to come clean on my own.
"They didn't know when the next shipment would go out." I rub at my neck, the scars on my skin. "I told them I could get the information. My father must have figured out I was working against him. Every year, we have a family gathering, and I was told the location changed at the last minute." I wipe away the tears that are threatening to fall. "I was stupid. I should've known something was wrong, but I didn't even tell my contact in the Intergalactic Alliance. No one knew where I was. No one cared."
The room is silent for a long time, and I stay staring at the water canister, twisting and turning it, doing anything to keep my eyes on it and away from the others. I didn't do anything wrong. I know this. I know I was doing what I knew to be right, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I failed at what I was supposed to do.
"Avery," Alik calls my name, and I slowly raise my eyes to his. "Do you want us to kill him?"
The sound that leaves my throat is somewhere between a laugh, a gasp, and a sob. He's being completely serious because, of course, he is. This crew is my family now. They make anyone who feels rejected or alone feel like they're part of something, and they don't ever make you fear being alone again.
"I want to finish what I was supposed to do," I say, my words low but serious. "He's hurt a lot of people. I want to make sure he can't hurt anyone else."
"We need to go back to Earth, then," Jovi says, handing me his comm tablet. It's open to an inquiry made by their contact in the Intergalactic Alliance. My eyes scan over it as Jovi explains what it says in simpler terms.
"A few weeks ago, our contact told us some other departments in the Intergalactic Alliance were asking about a human female they thought might've been smuggled in retaliation for working as an informant. No one was willing to offer up your information in case you had left of your own volition, thinking you might've been in danger. You'd already given them enough information to perform a raid, and the raid proved fruitful. It took a lot of interoffice communication, but when our contact told the other office we had secured a human female with your name, they were more willing to talk."
"How long have you known?" I ask, chewing on the inside of my lip.
"We knew for certain the day you went into the sanctuary for your heat this last time," Sloane says. "No point in saying anything about it until you weren't in heat."
"What's going to happen now?" I ask. My heat ended yesterday, and since then, I've spent time sleeping and eating, trying to regain my strength.
"What do you want to happen?" Alik asks. "You're being requested to testify in the proceedings, but we haven't confirmed if you're the same female they're looking for. So, we can pretend you aren't her, and you can live with us on the ship until we find somewhere you can live where no one will ask questions, or we can go back if that's what you want."
I close my eyes, trying to decide what I want. No, it's not even that. I know I'm going back to Earth. I'm going to testify against my father, against his entire company, and I'm going to do what I promised. I'm going to make sure he never hurts anyone ever again. I just don't know how we're going to make it work with how I've been altered.
"I need to make sure Kithi is willing to continue our sessions over the comm," I say. My jaw flexes as I think about going through my heat all on my own. I suck in a steady breath. "Will you know when we need to be back on Earth?"
"I can find out," Alik says, not missing a beat. I stay quiet for a second, and he asks. "Does Phial know?"
My heart beats a bit quicker, and I nod quickly. Phial knows everything.
He's known about my father and how I was positive he did this to me since he rescued me. I was in the habit of saying everything back then before he could speak to me in a way I could understand. I told him so much because even though he could understand me, there was something freeing about not being able to talk to him and still unloading everything onto him. And he took it all and never made me feel like it was too much.
"Fucker lied to us." Jovi laughs. "I told you."
"Yeah, yeah," Alik grumbles under his breath but doesn't seem too surprised. "Alright, well, we don't have anything else we need. We'll figure out the dates and let you know. We only do what you want, okay? You're part of the crew, and we don't make anyone do anything they don't want to do here."
"Actually." I clear my throat again, my eyes locking onto Sloane's. "Can I talk to you alone for a second?"
Jovi and Alik file out of the room in quick order. They don't even question it. They kiss Sloane goodbye and tell her they're in the kitchen when she finishes with me.
"What's up?" she asks, her smile bright.
"Do you still have the pleasure crew necklace?" I ask, my cheeks burning. Sloane's brows rise and furrow simultaneously, her mouth popping open as she tilts her head to the side. "I don't want sex right now. It's too much, but Kithi and I have been discussing ways to explore being with a male in safe ways that are completely up to me."
"Yeah, of course, no, I'm not judging. You just caught me by surprise." She moves around the room, pulling out a few drawers until she pulls the chain with the pendant from one of them. "K'Vella gave it back to me pretty fast after she and Holoth realized they didn't need it."
"Thank you," I say, taking the pendant and holding it close to my chest.
"Do you have a male in particular you want to help you out with all of this?" Sloane asks with a curious lilt in her voice.
I rub the back of my neck, averting my eyes from hers. "Kithi was going to find me a male that's okay with going slow. She said most of them will be fine going at whatever pace I want, but she's looking for someone with some more understanding of my situation."
"Ah." Sloane nods, tongue licking her lower lip before her teeth bite into it. "Who all knows of this plan?"
"Just you and Kithi," I say, my face feeling too warm.
I'm never going to get over having to have this conversation, but I refuse not to go through with it. I want to have normal relationships, trust someone else with my body, and have companionship. I shouldn't be robbed of that because some people are awful. I deserve better than that.
Sloane opens her mouth to speak, thinks better of it, and then opens it again.
"Just say whatever you want to say," I sigh. "I know this isn't the standard way of things, but I need someone who will be patient. I don't even know how long it'll be before I can let him touch me. I can't just go out and throw myself at one of them because I might have an actual meltdown. This is the best way."
"No, no, no." Sloane waves her hand like it's waving away everything I said. "I'm more interested in whether you're going to make Phial aware of your plans. You share his room, after all."
My cheeks somehow manage to burn even more. "Oh, no, I haven't mentioned it to him yet. There are special rooms in the sanctuary that I'll use. I won't have to bother him at all."
"Mhm." Sloane crosses her arms in front of her chest. The sound isn't very convincing, but she doesn't push it anymore.
"Look, during my last heat, he was offered a room to help me through it. We wouldn't have been physical, but I thought maybe even hearing his voice would help. He made it clear he had no interest. I don't want him to think I need him for everything. I have to do some of this on my own. He's done enough for me."
"I'm sure he has," Sloane says, her eyes twinkling with something akin to mischief. She shakes her head. "Let's go get some food."
I want to ask her to expand more on why she cares if Phial knows about my plans, but my stomach growls, reminding me that I burn way too many calories during my heat even though I barely do anything other than be horny.
I don't mind the subject changing either. It's hard enough knowing I'm going to go through this with a stranger. I couldn't imagine doing it while thinking about Phial knowing it's happening.