Prologue #3
They walked in silence to join the others, since everyone’s baskets had been filled. Once everyone was inside, Lady Onslow ordered tea and warm milk. Another task that his mother should be there to do. She would have had the most elaborate spread with all of their favorite treats.
Elias set Jenny down and she ran to Lady Onslow and crawled up to sit beside her on the settee, where Hudson’s mama held a sleeping Grace.
Diana and Hannah sat together in the chair next to her, and Hannah held Diana’s hand while they waited.
Lord Onslow sat in the chair on the other side of the settee, watching his wife with the girls.
Elias moved to stand before the fire, putting his back to everyone in the room.
He wasn’t alone for long before all three of his friends had joined his side.
Hudson on his left, then Jude on his right, with Matt on the other side of Jude.
They said nothing, but just stared into the fire with him.
He found their presence comforting, and the fact that they didn’t speak even more so.
After a quarter hour of standing before the fire, Elias finally spoke. “Thank you for being here.”
“We will be wherever you need us to be.” Hudson clasped his shoulder.
“Can you keep an eye on my sisters in case Lady Onslow should require help? I wish to visit Papa.”
His friends all nodded and moved back to the other side of the room, where tea was being brought in on a cart.
Elias made his way upstairs and to the room that his parents had shared for his entire life. When he opened the door, his father was sitting in a chair by the window. At least he was out of bed, which made Elias feel hopeful his father might at least be making a bit of progress.
“Papa?”
“My son,” he quavered.
Elias moved across the room and stood near the window that his father looked out.
He remained silent, unsure what to say to make things better for his father.
He was aware how deeply his father and mother had loved each other, but to see that love ripped apart and his father’s heart shattered and irreparable made him rethink everything he thought about love.
“How are the girls?” his father asked.
“They miss you,” he answered honestly.
His father closed his eyes and drew a deep breath. “I miss them too.” He paused for a few moments, then spoke again. “They all look so much like her. Especially Diana, who also has her mother’s spirit. I just…I don’t know if I can.”
Diana looked like a miniature version of their mother. Although each of his mother’s children inherited her deep blue eyes. And each of the girls had her blonde hair, while Elias looked more like his father with darker hair, except for the blue eyes.
“They need you. I’m doing the best I can. But I’m not enough,” Elias choked.
“I know, son,” his father said, running his hand down his face.
“I ask too much of you. But I don’t know how to live in a world where your mother doesn’t.
I know I must find a way to carry on for you and your sisters.
” His father closed his eyes and wiped his cheeks again.
“Have a bath sent up for me. I will join you for Christmas Eve dinner after I have bathed and dressed.”
His father was true to his word and emerged from his bedchamber looking every bit the aristocratic earl, even if his red, puffy eyes told of his pain.
Diana and Jenny ran to him and hugged his legs when he appeared, and to Elias’s surprise, his father’s eyes welled, but he kept any tears from falling.
They had a somewhat quiet dinner. Conversation was painful and awkward, but they all did their best to carry on.
It wasn’t conventional or fashionable, but Lady Onslow continued to hold Grace throughout dinner, while Jenny sat in a chair beside her.
She said it didn’t seem right to send the girls away to the nursery on Christmas Eve.
Elias knew if his mother were there, she wouldn’t have sent them away either.
Once she finished eating, Jenny jumped down from her chair and ran to their father, who picked her up and put her in his lap.
It didn’t go unnoticed by Elias that his father left his meal untouched, and he knew he’d need to ensure his father remedied his lack of appetite soon.
He was almost certain the man hadn’t eaten a single bite of food since they’d lost her.
After dinner, they all moved to the drawing room. Lady Onslow played the pianoforte and led the group in a couple of carols. Elias watched the expressions of his sisters and was glad that, for even a moment, they experienced a bit of joy to overcome the sadness that awaited them in the days ahead.
Papa hobbled away from the group to stand by the fire, staring at the candle that was lit on the mantle. They had lit it in memory of Elias’s mother, so a part of her might be with them that evening.
She would have made Christmas morning a grand affair, always giving each of them a special gift with a handwritten note.
Not that Elias would ever admit it to anyone, but the note from his mother had always been his favorite gift every year.
And his heart broke all over again at the realization that he’d never receive one from her again.
Before he became emotional in front of the entire room, Elias moved to stand next to his father, their shoulders almost touching.
Elias clasped his hands behind his back, drawing a deep breath as he stared into the fire, attempting to push aside all of his pain to be strong for his father and sisters.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his father’s head turn, so he turned his to meet his father’s gaze.
The pain and misery in his father’s eyes from the unimaginable loss shone through, heavier than it had in the last couple of days.
At that moment, witnessing the grief that threatened to crush his father beneath it, Elias knew.
He’d never allow himself to fall in love. Love would hold no place in his future.