Chapter Ten
Lydia
Lydia woke up the morning of Christmas Eve still tense with need after she and Elias kissed in the alley the day before.
She was starting to admit to herself that it wasn’t just for his handsome appearance, although there wasn’t a more handsome man alive in her opinion.
He differed from what she thought he would be.
He had proven himself to be protective and considerate, even caring.
When he expressed his desire to change from his rakish reputation, she had allowed herself to hope. Hope for what? She wasn’t certain. He made her feel things that no other man had, and it was just as thrilling as it was frightening.
The previous evening, when everyone played various games in the drawing room, she lost her ability to think every time his sandalwood scent invaded her senses. She had every urge to pull him from the room and beg him to do much more than what they shared previously.
Based on his reaction to her and the heat in his expression when he caught her gaze, she believed he had similar urges, but to his dratted credit, he remained the picture of a gentleman.
She supposed she was the wicked one, desiring to corrupt the man who longed to abandon his rakish lifestyle.
Although, he didn’t need to reform himself completely, did he?
After Tilly helped Lydia dress for the day, she joined the rest of the guests for breakfast, deciding she didn’t wish to wait for her parents.
Once she had made her selections at the sideboard, she took one of the open seats across from Elias’s sisters, as she had for the last few mornings.
She found she adored the sisters very much, even their arguing and banter.
As an only child, she would have enjoyed having sisters to grow up with.
Not long after Lydia sat down, Hannah took the seat on Lydia’s right. The seat on her left remained open, and she could admit that she hoped Elias would be the one to sit there.
“Are we decorating today?” Hannah asked, her attention focused on Diana.
“Indeed. I planned to send everyone out to collect the greenery and the yule log after we break our fast,” Diana replied, then took a bite of her toast.
Lydia recalled the last time she had traipsed through the woods with Elias. She might have to encourage him to take her to that very spot. They would need to gather mistletoe for the kissing balls anyway, and fortunately, she and Elias knew exactly where to find some.
She licked her lips at the memory, and then her body tingled from awareness. The chair beside her moved, and she knew it was him before he sat down, almost as if she had conjured him from her thoughts.
“You look beautiful today, Miss Cary,” he said, using her more formal address in front of his sisters. She understood, but she far preferred the intimacy of him using her given name.
“Thank you, my lord,” she replied, casting him a sideways glance and grinning.
Grace huffed from across the table. “You said nothing about how we look today, brother.”
Lydia brought her napkin to her lips to hide her laughter.
“You look lovely today, sisters,” he said, waving to all of them. “You too, Hannah. Can’t have you chastising me for leaving you out as well.”
“There are far better things to chastise you about, Elias,” Hannah replied, shaking her head.
Lydia tamped down her irritation. How was it acceptable for him to be on familiar terms with Hannah, but he had to be so formal with Lydia? She thought he might have felt something more for her after yesterday, but if he was still keeping her at a distance with his family, was that not the case?
A more troubling thought came to her mind. Had he already experienced stolen kisses, or other things, with Hannah? He said he wanted to change, but the man was a rake. He had an unknown number of partners he’d met for trysts.
Lydia sat through breakfast, hardly hearing anything that anyone said.
The sisters were arguing about something, and they pulled Elias into the banter.
She couldn’t focus on what it had been about, as she was too busy thinking about how many women the man beside her had dallied with.
How many of them cared about him and then had their hearts broken?
Lydia was almost certain that she was halfway on the path to allowing herself to love him, as foolish as she was, since the odds weighed heavier on her leaving the Snowdon estate with a broken heart.
After breakfast, Diana urged them all outside with baskets and cutters, with instructions on what greenery to collect so that they could all decorate the house to prepare for Christmas.
They would have a grand celebration that evening with dinner and carols, and then continue the merriment the next day.
Deciding it might be best to take off alone to ponder more of her thoughts, Lydia took a basket and started off toward the trees. She only just got to the tree line when Elias appeared beside her, huffing.
“I thought we might work together,” he said, grabbing her wrist to stop her. And she believed he also did so to allow himself a chance to catch his breath.
“How many other ladies present have you ‘worked’ with, my lord?” She knew she sounded like a petulant child, or at best a nagging wife, with her tone, and regretted it as soon as she spoke the words.
Besides, wasn’t she the one who told him she expected nothing from him?
But that was before she had allowed herself to feel something for him.
Confusion marred his expression. “You already know about Lady Billings. And that is long done. I promise you.”
“Who else don’t I know about?” She just couldn’t leave well enough alone. She had to know.
“I don’t know what you mean, Lydia.”
She pulled her wrist from his hand and hurried away from him into the woods. Even though she knew she was being ridiculous and she had no right to feel the way she did, she was too overcome with jealousy to maintain rational thought.
He made quick work of catching up with her, grabbing her wrist again and spinning her to face him. “Please stop running away from me,” he said with no anger in his tone.
She searched his expression and found nothing but tenderness there. Her chest rose and fell, as all that she could hear over her ragged breath was the distant crunching of snow where other guests had trudged in the opposite direction of where they had gone.
“Lydia,” he started again, “tell me what it is you wish to know.”
She glanced to her feet, trying to summon the words.
“Eyes on me, Beautiful,” he whispered.
Lydia looked up at him, the urge to kiss him far too great. She drew a long breath. “Have you kissed or been intimate with any of the other ladies who are here?”
“No,” he answered quickly, not removing his gaze from hers. “Not a single one.”
She released a sigh of relief.
“Is that what upsets you?” he asked. “You believed me to dally with the other young ladies?” He dramatically put his hand over his heart. “You wound me if you think so.”
Reaching for his hand, she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I just…you were so familiar with Hannah. It got me thinking. I…I don’t know who all you have been with. It could be anyone I am acquainted with.”
He squeezed her hand tighter. “Hannah is practically my sister. I’ve known her since she and Diana were tiny girls following Hudson and me all over these estates,” he said, drawing a deep breath.
“I can’t change my past. But,” he paused and gulped, “for you, I aim to be a better man. I am done with that part of my life, and I only wish to move forward.”
She gasped, unsure if she understood his meaning. Did his words mean he intended to move forward with her?
Before she could ask, he had pulled her against him and softly pressed his lips to hers.
The kiss was so tender and sweet, it almost brought tears to her eyes.
She sank into him, and deepened their kiss, somehow feeling like something had shifted between them.
Something that told her she knew she had already lost her heart to Elias.
There was no use in trying to fight it any longer. She was in love with Viscount Snowdon, and her heart soared. She wasn’t sure how she’d speak the words to him, or when he might be ready to hear them, but she hoped that one day he just might feel the same.
He walked her back, so that she was pressed up against a tree and his kiss turned into one of need. Elias feathered kisses along her jaw, and lightly nibbled at her neck before soothing the bite with his tongue.
“I want you, Elias,” she whispered. Not exactly the same as professing the depths of her love for him, but still also a highly accurate statement.
He growled against her neck. “You are a temptress, Beautiful.”
“Please,” she said, pressing her hips tighter against him.
All the need from the day prior and how she lay in bed thinking of him and wishing that he would sneak into her room and touch her as he had before came flooding back and consumed her.
She had a never-ending ache, and only he could provide the release she so desperately wanted.
Elias picked up his head and glanced around. They had been fortunate not to have anyone come across them, thanks to a thick patch of trees that had shielded them.
“Come with me,” he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her with him.
“Where are we going?” she asked, watching her steps to ensure she didn’t trip.
“We have a hunting cabin just this way.”
The place between her thighs heated, anticipating that soon she would be nothing but a moaning wanton in his arms. Or hoping, rather. Definitely hoping.
They moved through the woods for what seemed like ten minutes or so until the cabin came into view. Once they reached it, he ushered her inside.
She grabbed for him to kiss him again, but he stepped back. “Allow me to start a fire, first,” he said. “I don’t want you catching a chill.”