Chapter Eleven #2
“I thought I was meeting you,” he said slowly. “I would never be unfaithful to you. You must believe me. I want to marry you, have children with you, and live a contented, happy life together. That is all that I want. Please.”
“So are you saying you love me?” she asked, her tone softening slightly but with a hesitant edge to it.
He drew a deep breath. Elias knew the matter would come up, but the timing was less than ideal, nor did he have a plan for how to broach the matter of love with her.
“I have a strong affection for you, and I care for you a great deal. But I cannot love you,” he replied, and his heart immediately sank further as he watched her flinch as if he had slapped her.
Elias knew he’d messed up and chosen his words poorly. He wasn’t prepared for the conversation and had bungled everything. “Allow me to explain.”
“There is no need,” she said, moving toward the door.
He hurried after her. “Please, Lydia.”
“It’s Miss Cary, my lord, and I need you to leave me be. I need to think, and I shall let you know if I wish to hear anything further from you.”
“Please,” he said again, fighting back a wave of emotion.
“Let me pass,” she commanded, hardening to him so harshly that he wasn’t certain she would ever allow him in her presence again.
He moved to the side and let her depart. Every fiber in his being wanted to force her to listen, to kiss her senseless and remind her that just because he couldn’t say the words she wanted to hear didn’t mean he didn’t care more for her than anyone else in the entire world.
Elias went to the sideboard, thankful that it had been stocked with a decanter of brandy. He gave himself a healthy pour and downed it.
“Elias,” Diana said, bursting into the room. “There you are.”
“Here I am,” he said, pouring himself another glass.
She eyed him curiously. “Papa needs us all right away.”
“I’m in no mood.” He would far rather continue to wallow in his misery and then think of some way to convince Lydia that they would have a wonderful life together, and he’d be the best husband she could ever ask for. Surely there was nothing his father could want that was more important than that.
“Well, that does not signify,” Diana replied, appearing that her patience was fading. “Papa said it was urgent, and for me to fetch you now.”
Hell and Damnation. Elias groaned in defeat. “Very well. We shall see what he is about.”
He begrudgingly followed his sister to their father’s study and saw that Jenny and Grace sat on the settee and his father sat across from them in a wing-backed chair.
Diana closed the door behind them and then strode over to their sisters and sat on the settee with them, leaving Elias to take the empty chair near his father.
They all stared at their father, waiting for him to speak. Elias might have nudged his father along, but he was so lost in thought over Lydia, that he didn’t much care at that moment.
Elias noticed that there was a bundle of packages on the table beside his father, then glanced at him and saw that his eyes were red as if he’d been crying.
“Father,” Elias said softly.
The elder Lord Snowdon opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again.
“What is it, Father?” Elias asked, then glanced at Diana, who shrugged and then refocused her concerned gaze on their father.
“I…I had asked the servants to bring down some things of your mother’s. I thought with Diana out in society now that she might like to have some of her mother’s things if she should wed.”
They sat in silence, waiting for what he would say next, allowing him a few moments to draw several breaths.
“And they found these among her things. When I had them packed up, I didn’t go through anything, as I was far too devastated. But she had these gifts for each of us for Christmas that year. Before she…” His voice faltered at the last word, and Elias reached over and squeezed his father’s arm.
Their father drew another long breath and glanced at each of his children, looking at Elias last. “I thought we should open them together in private, and I didn’t wish to make you all wait until tomorrow.”
The elder Lord Snowdon picked up each package and handed it to its owner until they each held a parcel in their hands.
Elias’s chest heaved, already knowing that there would be a note and uncertain if he could handle reading the words of his mother just before she passed, but knowing that he had longed for the very thing from her for the last twelve years.
“Grace, you go first, sweetheart,” their father said.
She gently tore at the packaging and then opened the box, pulling out a white blanket with hand stitched pink floral edging.
Grace ran her fingers over the embroidery, knowing as the rest of them did that their mother had stitched it for her.
She pulled out the note and read it to herself, crying harder at each word before she clutched the letter and blanket to her chest.
Jenny already had tears streaming down her cheeks when she opened hers.
She pulled out a similar blanket, but with a different stitching, and done in blue.
Elias recalled that from an early age, Jenny’s favorite color had always been blue.
After Jenny read her note, she buried her face in her hands, and Diana rubbed her back while fighting back her own sobs.
By the time Diana began opening hers, they were all overcome with emotion.
Diana showed them a set of handkerchiefs that had been stitched with an elaborate floral design.
And by the time Diana had finished reading her note, she had given up every effort to control her sobs and the three sisters were clutching each other on the settee.
Their father looked to Elias with ruddy cheeks and nodded, urging him to open his.
Elias drew a deep breath and opened the package.
It was also a set of handkerchiefs, but stitched with his initials and their family crest. He held them up to his face, tears forming in the corners of his eyes from the recognition of his mother’s scent.
The mix of lavender and vanilla that he hadn’t smelled since that day before he left with his friends to the hunting cabin.
Taking a fortifying breath, he pulled the letter from his parcel and read it to himself.
Elias,
You are one of the five greatest loves of my life.
I am beyond proud of the young man you are becoming and know that you are going to grow into one of the most respected lords of the peerage.
As you continue to go off and learn the things that it takes to be a man in our society and fulfill your duties to the title, I hope you always remain my sweet, earnest boy with a heart full of love and laughter.
Don’t miss out on the other joys that make life worth living, as those are far greater than titles and money.
If you need any proof of that, just look at our family and the love your papa and I have for you and your sisters.
Happy Christmas, my sweet boy,
Mama
Elias couldn’t hold back the tears and emotion that he had choked down for far too many years, and allowed himself to weep.
He always had to be the strong one. The one who eased everyone else’s pain, and he hadn’t realized how much he’d needed to hear from his mother.
For her to call him her sweet boy. For her to tell him she’s proud of him.
But would she still be proud of him if she could see the man he had become?
Would she tell him he was a fool for running away from love with the only woman he had cared for?
Truth was, he loved Lydia. He just couldn’t bring himself to admit it.
If his mother were alive, she’d have already told him fifty reasons why he was being a fool, and then she would push his hair back out of his face and call him her “sweet boy,” and he’d take her advice as he always had. She had never steered him wrong.
Gaining control over his emotions, he glanced at his father, who had opened his package and was reading his letter. A pair of handkerchiefs sat on the arm of the chair and the paper shook in his hands as he read. Suddenly, he let out a small chuckle, and it shocked them all.
Once his father finished reading, he folded the letter and placed it in his breast coat pocket and rose from his seat. “Come here, my girls,” he said. They all jumped up and ran to him, wrapping their arms around him where they could find a place.
He caught Elias’s gaze and waved him over to join. Elias moved to join them, wrapping his arms around Jenny and Grace to join in the family hug.
“This was the best Christmas gift I think we could have received,” their father said. “I hope you know how much I love you all.”
There was a flurry of ‘I love yous’ all around the room and a few more hugs before they all released each other.
“What did Mama say to make you laugh, Papa?” Grace asked.
“That is something that is just for me and your mama,” their father said, and Elias noticed a light blush reach his father’s cheeks.
Elias could only assume what words might cause such a reaction.
When he was a younger lad, it would have been quite gross to acknowledge the passion between his parents in that way, but as a grown man who was ready to take his own wife, he was glad that his parents had experienced an unwavering passion and desire for each other.
“We better rejoin our guests,” Papa said.
Diana ushered her sisters out of the room, but Elias held back. “Father, might I speak with you?”
“Always, my boy,” his father said. “Although I suppose you haven’t been a boy for quite some time.”
Elias gave him a soft smile. “I wish to ask for Lydia…I mean, Miss Cary’s hand.”
His father clasped his shoulder. “I had a feeling she would be the one for you, son. She is delightful. Are you marrying her merely because you find her attractive, or have you given over to the notion of marrying for love?”
“I love her, Father.” Elias sighed, realizing that once he’d spoken the words aloud, he wasn’t so afraid of doing so repeatedly.
“I’m so proud of you, son,” his father said, pulling him into a tight hug. “You deserve to experience a life with true love. I look forward to calling Miss Cary a daughter.”
Elias pulled back from his father with a deep frown etched on his face. “If she will accept me. I made a bit of a mess of things.”
“Go to her, son. Tell her how you feel, and I am sure all will be well. And don’t be too proud to grovel. I know from experience that women enjoy such things.”
Elias would get down on his knees and beg at her feet if that was what it took. “I will speak to her now. Even if she is in her chamber. This cannot wait.”
His father laughed. “I look forward to announcing the betrothal tonight at dinner.”
Elias rolled his eyes at his father, but deep down, his heart danced with joy that his father was proud of his choice. He hurried out of the room and glanced around the drawing room to see if Lydia was among the guests who had congregated.
Checking a few other places, there was no sight of her, so he ran up the stairs and turned down the wing where her chamber was. He knocked lightly on the door and thought he heard movement on the other side of the door.
“Lydia,” he said in a loud whisper. “It’s me. Let me in, please.”
There was a noise that sounded like a scuffle, and he tried the knob to find it locked.
“Lydia,” he called again. “Please open the door.”
Something that sounded like muffled cries reached his ears. Then he heard someone say, “Quiet.”
Elias hurried to the door next to hers and ran his hand along the door frame, seeking one of the skeleton keys they kept nearby in case of emergencies. Once he had it in his hand, he rushed back to her door and let himself into the room.
When he saw the scene in the room, rage exploded from within him.
Durham had Lydia’s arms pinned behind her back and a knife to her throat. He had tied a cravat around her head and into her mouth, holding her mouth open to gag her.
Durham smirked at him and tears streamed down Lydia’s face as she focused her gaze on Elias. “Well, look who has shown up to interrupt our fun.”