Chapter 14
Layla
Zayd’s scent still lingered so heavily on my skin after Sutton left that I had begun to hope that Zayd wouldn’t have to mark me again. That Sutton would realize his mistake and come back. But it’s been a week, and he’s not here.
It’s probably foolish for me to hope that Sutton will come back. The way he left and the fact that he gave his blessing for Zayd and me to bond? I’m afraid I have to accept that he never plans on coming back.
Knowing that should make it easy for me to submit to Zayd scent-marking me, but it still feels wrong.
While I understand that alpha’s ability to sense a marked omega is greater than my own, I woke up today with a pit in my stomach.
Homesick for an alpha’s scent on me, because Sutton and Zayd are absent from my skin.
I hate it. And I hate that I hate it. I hate that I can’t smell Zayd on me anymore, and I hate that I want to smell him on me.
And I hate that he’s the only one I will be able to smell again.
Part of me wonders if that’s what feels so wrong about this.
It shouldn’t be Zayd’s mark; it should be Sutton’s.
Or both of them.
I know it’s wrong. I can’t wear both of their scents. I’m sure that was a huge part of what drove Sutton mad and ultimately drove him away.
But I would be lying if I said I didn’t like it. Especially when we had sex. I love the scent and how it made Sutton go absolutely feral.
Fuck. I miss my husband.
My finger hovers over Zayd’s name on the comm as I try to find the courage to call and ask him for his help.
He was kind enough to keep his distance until I needed him. The alone time has helped. I wouldn’t say I’m over Sutton leaving me, but I am closer to being able to accept that he’s not coming back. That’s the best I can do.
One thing I can’t do is become a prisoner in my own room. I need to get out and do things. See people. Get some fresh air, even if it is just the circulated air for the garden in the Courtyard.
Finally, my finger touches the screen to select Zayd from my contacts. Before I can change my mind, I press the call button.
“Hello, Layla. What can I do for you?” Zayd’s voice is like a beacon on a starless night at sea.
I’m lonelier than I thought.
I desperately miss my husband because I’m supposed to miss my husband. So why is there the same ache in my heart to see Zayd as there is to see Sutton?
That’s something I’m not prepared to think about right now.
“It’s time,” I say, hoping he doesn’t make me say out loud what it’s time for.
“I am on my way.” Zayd ends the call.
I shouldn’t be surprised he’s eager for this. He’s an alpha; this is the stuff they live for. Crave. It’s probably been killing him waiting for my call.
Poor guy. He really deserves better than this. He deserves an omega he can claim and bond with.
Maybe there’s a way to cut him loose. Some loophole they haven’t discovered. They didn’t know anything like Sutton existed. There could be a lot of things they don’t know.
I wonder if there’s a library here. With books from Thro. Even if there is, I wouldn’t be able to read them. They wouldn’t be written in any Earth language. They have replicator technology, and they speak English and other Earth languages; maybe they have translations or an easy way to translate.
I’ll ask Willow or Angie next time I see them.
I feel better having a mission. A purpose. A way to make something right after everything that has gone to shit in the last few weeks.
The comm buzzes, indicating someone at the door.
I press the release, and I swear the door slides open in slow motion.
Heat snakes up my spine as I drag my eyes up his toned body.
Damn… I had heard that being an omega made your sex drive go haywire, and I’ll never forget the pain of my heatwave and the need that came with it, but I was not prepared for the reaction my body had to seeing Zayd again after so long without any contact with a man.
“Never mind. This was a bad idea. I can’t—” I back away from the door too quickly, leaving the door release out of reach and Zayd standing there, tempting me in a way that makes me want to march the ten miles to our house and kick Sutton in the nuts.
Then, to add insult to injury, I trip over the chair behind me and tumble backward.
“Layla.” Zayd steps over the threshold into my room to scoop me off the floor and lay me in my bed. “Did you hit your head? Should I call the med comb?”
“I’m fine,” I say, wincing at the pain in my elbow that hit the edge of the coffee table on my way down.
When the buzz of my not-so-funny bone finally fades out, and my other senses kick back in, I scurry to the head of the bed to put as much distance as I can between Zayd and me.
“Don’t come any closer.” I put my hand up, another buffer between us as he leans in.
“You are hurt, Layla. Please let me look at you.” He reaches for my arm.
I pull it to my chest and hug it tightly. “I’m fine. Seriously. Just please stay back.”
Zayd huffs a laugh through his nose. “That will make the scent marking process a little difficult.”
“How can you take this so lightly? Isn’t being near me driving you crazy with desire?” I can’t be alone in this.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for his restraint, but I’m going to be really pissed if he somehow got over me in the last couple of weeks while I somehow became more attracted to him.
“I apologize, Layla. I am only trying to make this easier for you. I know you do not want to be here. You do not want me here or have me mark you.”
Oh, great. Now I miss his levity. Wish I’d never scolded him for it.
“It’s okay. I just wasn’t ready to feel like this. This… Needy. It caught me off guard. Obviously.” I sweep my arm, gesturing at the floor where I fell.
Zayd grins, baring his fangs.
It still amazes me how non-threatening his smile can be while so cavalierly brandishing such deadly weapons.
“If you would like me to come back later, after you have had a chance to prepare, I—”
“No. I’m feeling much better now. I just need a minute. And, honestly, I think it will be easier to get used to it if you stay.”
Zayd nods and sits there like a statue.
“So… How are you?” I ask him when I can’t stand the silence any longer.
“I am well,” he says, stiffly.
I side-eye him. “I don’t believe you.”
His shoulders fall, and he slumps over until his forearms land on his knees. “You are right. I am miserable.”
I sigh, feeling like I can finally breathe normally again. “Me too.”
He turns his head to look at me, and it’s the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen him. He looks as defeated as I feel.
“I miss you, Layla. I know I am not supposed to let my feelings intrude on our arrangement, but since you asked, and I cannot lie to you, I miss you. Desperately.”
“That’s what caught me off guard. When the door opened, and I saw you standing there, I realized I had been missing you. The guilt was a punch in the gut because I’m only supposed to miss Sutton.”
“Do you miss him?” Zayd asks, the defeat in his eyes reaching his voice.
“Of course.”
“He is a good man, Layla. I do not believe he wanted to hurt you. He only wants what is best for you.”
“And he thinks you are what is best for me. Makes your opinion kind of biased, doesn’t it?” I ask.
“I suppose so. But it does not mean what I say is not true.”
“You’re right. Sutton is a good man. He respects you because you respect him.
That’s the way he’s always operated. That’s why this is so hard.
I’m having trouble not seeing this as disrespect.
I vowed to be faithful to Sutton. The circumstances of the world have changed, but my view of morality hasn’t.
How do I make this okay in my own mind? How can I convince myself that I’m not cheating on my husband? ”
Zayd shifts on the bed to face me. “I believe Sutton sees it as a matter of safety. That is how we justify most things we do. We weigh everything against the safety of our omegas. We will do anything and everything to keep them safe. That is what Sutton wants for you. He only wants to keep you safe.”
“Then why did he leave?”
“You call it a cliché, but nothing else would answer your question more correctly… He is only human.”
“Too true.”
We sit, staring at the small space between us. Every few seconds, I dare to flick my eyes to see if he’s looking at me. Part of me wants him to just tackle me and force his mark on me. Though… I’m not exactly sure what he needs to do. Does it have to be sex? Or is there another way?
Zayd finally breaks the awkward silence, “If you are not ready to let me scent mark you…”
“What exactly does it involve?” I ask.
“It depends on how strong you want the mark to be. How long do you want it to last before having to be marked again?”
“Is there a way to do it once and be done?”
Zayd stiffens. “Yes.”
For the first time in weeks, I feel a small seed of hope that blooms into a smile on my lips. “Then we should do that.”
Zayd smiles too, but sadly. “That would require me to claim you, Layla. That is the one and only permanent mark.”
That bloom of hope shrivels and dies. “Oh. Right. I guess I’m asking the wrong question then. Um… What is the least intrusive way?”
Zayd touches his finger to one cheek and then the other, at the corners of his mouth. “We have scent glands here and here. I can rub my scent on the pulse in your neck and wrists. Those areas will take my scent the best, and the heat of your body at those points should be enough to project it.”
“Should be?” I ask, nerves boiling in my stomach.
“It would be more potent, more effective if I were to rub my mark on the insides of your thighs.”
An image pops into my mind of his head between my legs, and slick dampens my panties.
“Shit. I’m sorry,” I say, when Zayd squeezes his eyes shut and grits his teeth after sniffing the air through flared nostrils.
Zayd growls, turning and gripping the edge of the bed. “Never apologize for your slick, Omega. I am honored that it flows for me. Though I know you wish it would not.”
“That is what I’m sorry for, Zayd. I’m so sorry that I can’t be your omega.
Maybe we shouldn’t do this. My heat is suppressed.
I can order in everything I need. It’s not like I can’t survive here without your mark.
And I chose this life. I chose not to be faithful to my husband even though he abandoned me.
But you did not choose any of this. And you shouldn’t be forced to give up the chance to claim your mate.
To be with an omega you can ravage when she gets slick for you. It’s not right. It’s not fair.”
“I cannot explain it, Layla, but I know I am not meant to be with anyone else. I understand your guilt, but I promise you, it is not necessary. I have chosen to be here because this is where I want to be. With you. In whatever way you allow.”
With a soft huff of a laugh and raised brows, I say, not entirely believing him, “Okay, then. I’m not sorry?”
“I am pretty sure you are lying, but… good,” he says with a wry smile that shows only one of his pearly fangs.
“So… Where were we?”
“Your thighs,” he says, that wry smile turning into something a little more sinister that makes my slick flow even heavier.
“Damn it, Zayd.” I giggle and smack his shoulder.
Zayd shrugs and chuckles. “How could I resist?”
“Anyway…” I say in an effort to move things along before I drown in a lake of my own slick.
Zayd finally explains, “The heat you produce there would mix your scent with mine and be more effective, but it is, as you know, a more intimate endeavor.”
“Yes.” My breathing is heavy as the image in my head returns and develops into a whole scene, playing out like a dirty movie.
There’s no stopping the slick now.
But I can’t let him go down on me. Even if he kept his mouth closed, it would still be too much. “It would be wrong,” I say, barely able to form the words because a part of me doesn’t want to say them.
Especially seeing how he looks at me.
So… Eager.
“There is one other way,” he says, his chest heaving. “It is not very efficient; you would have to wait another day or two to leave your room, but it would be even more effective.”
“What is it?” Please say it quickly before I give in and pull his face down between my legs.
“We can sleep together.”
“Zayd, I told you, I’m not having sex…” My pussy is aching for relief of any kind, but that is still too far. Letting him rub his cheeks on my thighs is too much.
Talk about a sobering thought.
“No. Not sex. Just sleep. I would have to hold you, and we would have to be naked, but the closeness would allow my scent to take hold of your whole body.”
I shock myself when I don’t instantly blurt out, no.
Sleeping with Zayd would still be less intimate than what we did when I was in heat. And it would be nice not to have to sleep alone anymore. “I still don’t want you to see me naked.”
“It can be arranged,” he says, a smile in his eyes.
“Just holding. No wandering hands or anything.”
He holds his hands up. “You have my word.”
If it were anyone else, I’d have my doubts and never would even consider saying yes.
But Zayd’s kept every promise he’s made to me. Zayd’s word is as good as gold.
“Your place or mine?”