Chapter 18
Sutton
My chores are meaningless. Washing clothes and my body for no one to appreciate. Chopping wood for a fire I have no one to share it with. Life has lost all meaning. Every day, I wonder more and more why I even bother with it. Why don’t I just let myself rot or freeze or starve?
Just when I think I might give up, I think of Layla. How angry she would be with me. I couldn’t do that to her. I abandoned her once, but it doesn’t have to be permanent.
If she takes Zayd as a mate, it will be.
I wonder if she already has. Wonder if I should go back to the Center. Beg her to forgive me and to take me back. It still hurts to think about her with Zayd when I see her, but it hurts even more not to see her at all.
My damn pride just won’t let me take that first step. My fear won’t let me face the potential rejection. What if she doesn’t want me back? Though I wouldn’t blame her, after what I did, I think that would kill me faster than anything.
“Sutton.”
My axe misses the mark and is buried in the chopping stump when I hear my name from across the yard.
“Zayd.” I march toward him. “What are you doing here? Did something happen to Layla? Is she—”
“Layla is fine. She is safe at the Center.”
When I smell her on him, all those confused feelings come rushing back, and soon after, the heat.
It’s something like anger, but I’m not mad at him.
It feels like I did before a big fight, but it also feels like finding Layla spread out naked on our bed on a hot summer night.
An animal claws at my insides, but I can’t tell if he wants to fight or fuck. Or maybe both.
“Then what the fuck are you doing here?” As Layla’s not here, and her scent assaults my senses, I turn toward fight.
This purple fucker has been with my wife. Granted, at my insistence, but that doesn’t make me hate him any less. It would feel really good to take out on him all of my regret over leaving her.
“I have a mission that requires me to be off planet for a few weeks. My mark on Layla will wear off before I return. She needs another male to leave his mark. It must be you.”
I trip over my own tongue, piecing Zayd’s words together. “Your mark… Layla needs… You haven’t bonded…”
He stands up straighter. “I swore to you, I would not.”
“But my note.”
“I promised both of you.”
“Jesus…” All the breath in my lungs escapes at once. I’m not sure if it’s from relief or shock. “That can’t be easy for you.”
“I cannot lie. It is an unending torture, but my word is true and will remain unbroken.”
“Damn.” The fight drains from my limbs. “Thanks, man.”
“It is my honor, Sutton Nash.” Zayd claps his hand on my outstretched forearm and grips me with his clawed fingers.
The restraint in the firmness of his hold is palpable.
I know Zayd’s strength, watched him best alphas in the training comb that had easily taken me down, and can’t ignore the gentleness in his hold on me.
The gentleness I’m sure he has extended to Layla in the time they have spent together.
Another fact I’m not sure I can ignore if I go back to her.
“I appreciate everything you’ve done for Layla and that you came to me to take care of her while you’re gone, but I don’t know that I can face her after what I did. I mean, fuck sake, does she even want me there?”
“I swore I would protect Layla. That I would keep her from being claimed. I will not leave her in the care of any other alpha. Either you come back with me to allow her to live her life uninterrupted by my absence, or she will become a prisoner in her own room until I return. I leave that outcome up to you.”
“Fuck.” I know my Layla. Winter always drove her crazy.
Not being able to leave the safety of the little warmth we got from the fireplace.
Often, she insisted on chopping firewood just so she had an excuse to go outside.
Add that to never letting her go to the inner districts with me for supplies, to keep her away from the alphas…
Poor girl has bounced from prison to prison.
If she has found any semblance of freedom these last few weeks, I won’t be the reason she loses it again. “Let’s fucking go.”