Maverick #2
Twenty-six years ago, I left home alone, but now, I knew that no matter what awaited me in the place my trauma began, Ajaih and Knox would be there to help me face it, head-on.
The ride from the airport to Cypress Fork was quiet, only the sound of the tires traversing the road and the music playing softly as Ajaih’s fingers laced tightly with mine.
Knox sat in the back, his profile calm, eyes scanning the landscape.
When we pulled up to my childhood home, I took a moment to prepare myself for the days ahead.
Would they be filled with the same turmoil I left over two decades ago?
The porch light was on, just like always.
But everything else felt heavier as I knocked on the door.
Michelle opened the door, surprise washing over her face.
It was always a safe bet when I asked JJ not to tell something, and this time was no different.
I’d asked him not to tell our mother that I was coming, in case I changed my mind.
Walking onto the porch, her arms wrapped around me like she was trying to put every apology into a single embrace.
I shocked myself when I realized how tightly I was holding on to her.
“Baby,” she whispered, voice trembling, “I—I’m so glad you’re here.”
I wanted to respond, but the words never found me; instead, I reached for Ajaih and Knox as their hands settled reassuringly into mine. “Mama, this is Ajaih and Knox, my partners.”
Michelle looked at them, eyes glistening with tears as a genuine smile made its way to her face. “Thank you for being here with my baby.” Her voice was overcome with emotion.
Ajaih stepped forward, extending her hand with a warm smile, “Thank you for having us.”
Knox nodded, “It’s an honor to meet you, Mrs. Carter.”
There were so many words left unsaid, and I couldn’t not say them; hell, I came here to tell them.
Before I could speak, she blurted out, “I’m so sorry, Maverick. For all the years I stood by and didn’t say enough. I thought I was protecting peace, but I was protecting silence. And I should’ve fought harder, been your advocate. Instead, I allowed my silence to make me your adversary.”
“Twenty-six years I stayed away, and twenty-six years you allowed it. Every major accomplishment since I walked out that door, you missed. I’m sure JJ keeps you in the know, but I’m Maverick Carter, Nurse Practitioner and charge nurse of Winston Hills Memorial ER.
I’m sexually fluid and proud,” I said with confidence.
“You’re simply amazing,” my mother added.
“If this show of love, support, and remorse is short-lived until we’re in the company of your husband, then I’d rather you keep it.
From this moment forward, you have to love me out loud, protect my heart and mind fiercely, and be the mother I always deserved, or else it’ll be another twenty-six years before you see me again. ”
A smile a mile wide on her face, my mother nodded her head. “Deal! Y’all come on in out this heat. I was just about to make some dinner. Your brother is on his way over.”
I knew my nosy ass brother wanted to meet Ajaih the moment I texted him I was coming and bringing company.
He’d met Knox more times than I could count when he’d come and visit me.
Over the years, JJ and I remained close; he was my best friend.
He’d gone to college, where he earned his degree in Civil Engineering.
Currently, he was the Resident Engineer for Cypress Fork, where they sung his praises for all the amazing work he’d done for the city’s infrastructure.
As we all sat in the kitchen, laughing, talking, and my mama getting acquainted with the two people who had my heart, Knox, of course, helped my mama with dinner. I heard the front door open.
“Damn, it’s smelling like a Michelin star chef is in here gettin’ busy,” JJ joked.
My baby brother always believed that no matter what it was, he could always tell when Knox was whippin’ up because it made your stomach growl with anticipation.
“Watch your mouth in here, JJ,” my mama scolded him playfully.
“My bad, ma.”
Seeing my baby brother, my feet didn’t stop moving until he was wrapped up in my embrace.
“Bro, you came,” he choked out, his eyes glossy.
“I’d move heaven, hell, and earth for you if you needed me to.” I kissed his head before we separated. He was looking behind me, and I knew exactly who had his attention as his mouth was open, but no words came out.
“Better close your mouth, you’re about to start drooling, fam,” I said, causing everyone to laugh as he flipped me the bird.
“JJ, this is my baby Ajaih. Ja, this is my baby brother, JJ.”
Stepping in front of me, I bit my bottom lip as I noticed how phat her ass was in the jean shorts.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” her voice sweet as honey as she hugged JJ.
“The pleasure is all mine, and if this nigga gets to acting up, I can be the Carter you need.” he looked at me playfully, taunting me.
“I appreciate the offer, but I’mma stick beside ‘em,” she joked.
JJ made his way to hug Mama, and then he made his way to dap up and hug Knox.
Today has been integral in my healing, and tomorrow will continue the journey.
As a nurse, I was accustomed to the hustle and bustle of hospitals; even the smell of antiseptic lent itself to familiarity.
Machines beeped softly, the rhythm of life hanging by threads of wire and hope.
James Sr. lay in the bed, thinner than I remembered, his skin dull against the hospital sheets.
My mother sat beside him, eyes red and watery. She stood when we entered.
Then I turned toward the bed.
James Sr.’s eyes opened slowly. He looked at me, then at the two people standing beside me, holding my hands. For a second, confusion passed through his expression. Then clarity, followed by a smile.
“You look happy,” he rasped.
“I am,” I said, “And I’m not hiding anymore.”
He tried to shift, wincing slightly. “I never hated you. I hated what I didn’t understand.
I thought that maybe if I was hard enough on you, I could steer you away from pain.
In my day, being gay was reason enough for people to harm you and make your life a living hell, and I didn’t want that for you, but in my quest to protect you, I ended up being the one causing you the most harm. ”
The words I wanted to express were lodged in my throat, but I pushed myself to say the things I needed to say: “You told me I was less of a man. That I needed fixing.”
“I know,” he whispered, “And it was wrong—all of it. You were a great kid, smart, talented, respectful, and loving. I failed you, son, and my failure is the reason we missed so much of your life. Nurse Carter, it’s an honor to meet you. Maverick, I love you and I love who you are just as you are.”
Silence stretched.
“I was wrong, about you, about what love is supposed to look like, about what it means to be a father. I messed up, son. Messed up real fucking bad. I didn’t just turn my back on you, I tried to erase a part of you.
I acted like your truth that I hadn’t even been made privy to was a problem I had to fix instead of something I should’ve held with pride.
I let my fear and my ignorance speak louder than my love for you.
That’s my biggest regret. Not only the silence, but also the harsh words.
I should never have made you feel like you had to choose between being my son and being yourself.
You didn’t break my heart by being who you are; I broke yours by not being the kind of father you deserved.
One who protects, one who shows up, one who doesn’t make their child feel like they’re unlovable.
And I know I can’t take back the birthdays I missed, the hugs I didn’t give, the proud moments I let pass because my pride got in the way, but I’m here now, not because I’m sick or because I expect you to forgive me, but because I hope you might.
Because as you stand in front of me, next to two people who I can tell love you fiercely and unconditionally, I see you, Maverick.
I see how strong you are, how you carry yourself with grace and fire, and I hate that it took me this long to say, I’m proud of you. I’m so damn proud of you.
You’re my son. You’ve always been my son, and I love you: no conditions, no caveats, no more shame.
If there’s any space left in your heart for me, I’m asking for a chance to earn it back. To be the father I should’ve been all along.”
My dam of emotions broke, and the 26 years of pain, grief, and sadness I’d been carrying flooded, and I cried the tears of a black boy who didn’t have the support he deserved, the black boy who had to go into the world and find the family and support he was robbed of.
JJ and my mother moved to me, wrapping me in their embrace, as Knox and Ajaih stood back and allowed this moment of healing between us.
Finally regaining some of my composure, I moved closer and took his hand.
“I forgive you,” I managed to get out, my voice hoarse from the tears I’d just cried, “But I won’t forget. We all carry the weight of what we’ve survived. But now I don’t have to carry it alone.”
Tears slid down his cheeks as mine restarted.
“Son, I would never ask you to forget, but I am asking you for a chance to love you the way you deserve to be loved and be the father you deserve in the now. I can’t change the past, and I don’t deserve to, but I do want to be in your life.”
Behind me, Ajaih and Knox stood like pillars of support. Steady. Unshaken.
“Dad, this is Ajaih and—”
“Knox,” surprise written all over my face that he knew Knox’s name.
“JJ never hid who you were. I’m guessing you didn’t know he cussed my black ass out years ago about how I’d treated you.
He told me that you’d fallen in love with an amazing man named Knox, and he refused to hide your truth to make me comfortable.
Said if I wanted to be in the know about your life, I had to accept all parts of your story, not just the ones I deemed acceptable.
He even gave your mama the business for being silent about it,” He chuckled as his weak body coughed.
I looked over at my brother as he shrugged like it was no big deal, but the reality is that my baby brother had always been proud of the man I was, and he flaunted it like it was the rarest jewel in the world. That kind of love was integral in replacing the pain I’d carried for so long.
“They say my heart is bad, son. They want to do some type of procedure, but I’d have to travel to another hospital to have it done. I don’t know if it’s worth the headache and pricetag. It might be cheaper to d—”
“AHT! Don’t you fix your damn mouth to finish that statement!” my mother fussed.
“Mr. Carter,” Ajaih spoke, “My best friend is one of the best, if not THEE best, cardiothoracic surgeon in the world. If you’ll allow it, I can have her look over your records and provide a second opinion on the best method of treatment and a plan of attack to get you back healthy.”
Before he could answer, my mother accepted the offer on his behalf, thanking Ajaih with a hug as tears streaked her face.
It was apparent that just like my parents had to get to know this version of me, I had to get to know this current version of them.
It was evident my father had softened, matured, and grown into a man I could get to know, and my mother had become more outspoken, a bossy little thing whose days of demure were well behind her.
For the first time in years, I felt the roots of something new take hold.
Not just healing. The parts of my life once consumed by darkness were now shining in the light.