Chapter 31 #2
“Wait.” Putting my hand on his arm, I have to fight through a wave of dizziness that washed over me as soon as he said Elliot’s name.
“What do you mean, send him away? I didn’t send him anywhere!
” The last time I saw Elliot was in my parents’ sitting room, and…
“No.” I grip his arm tighter as I realize why my mother seems so concerned whenever she looks at me.
“Mum sacked him? But he didn’t do anything wrong!
Why would she fire him if he was the best protector I have ever had?
If she found out about the kiss we shared, then I should take the blame. I’m the one who asked him to—”
“Mum?” Hex wrinkles his nose at me, but the longer he looks at me, the more he seems to be putting together pieces of a puzzle I cannot see.
“No, Freya,” he says, gentler now. “You picked Grimstad and broke Elliot’s heart, so now’s he going back to the Special Forces because he’s a bloody hero and can’t learn to keep himself out of danger. ”
“Back to the Special Forces?” I whisper, panic rising in my throat. “But he can’t leave.”
“He can, and I don’t blame him if he does.
” Hex frowns at me. “Did you really expect him to stay at your side and watch you devote yourself to another man? Elliot’s a solid bloke, but no one is that perfect.
” He looks behind me and groans. “Except he must be if you chose him for the rest of your life.”
Completely overwhelmed, I spin around right as Markham reaches my side and cups my elbow with his palm, looking at me with concern.
“Freya, are you alright?”
I am far from alright, but I can barely process my thoughts let alone explain my panic to Markham. I did expect Elliot to stay by my side, selfish as that is. After he all but told me I should make the choice I did, I thought we could find a new normal and move forward as friends.
I thought I could learn to shift my affection from him to Markham.
With the way my heart pounds now at the mere thought of Elliot leaving, that change will not be so easy.
“Freya,” Markham says again, moving his hand from my elbow to the small of my back. “You’re pale.”
I look at Hex, who clenches his jaw and looks down. Disappointed.
“Freya,” my mother says behind me, choosing the worst possible moment to interrupt. “It is nearly time to make your announcement.”
Already? My eyes dart around the room. Looking for an escape? No. I made this choice. It is what Candora needs.
“Let’s give her a moment, Your Majesty,” Markham says, pressing his hand harder into my back. For support, I assume, but I feel crowded and want to shrink away from his touch.
I find Derek in the same place he was before. His gaze is already on me, worry in his eyes, and he steps toward me, ready to come tell me what to do. But a hand lands on his shoulder, holding him in place as someone…
“Elliot,” I whisper. He’s here.
Elliot holds Derek back as he comes into view with his eyes focused on me.
Everything around him seems to fade, leaving my full attention fixed on where he stands.
His tux matches Derek’s, but something about his bearing makes him look more impressive than his cousin, and I cannot help but compare the two of them as they stand next to each other.
When I first learned of their family connection, I could see the similarities, but this is the first time I have seen them side by side.
Derek, with his dark hair and blue eyes, has a more striking appearance, while Elliot’s lighter hair and brown eyes give him a softer feel.
But they have the same jawline, and their noses look almost identical.
As Derek leans closer to Elliot to mutter something in his ear, they get the same wrinkle between their eyebrows.
“Vitte,” Hex says, “they’re practically the same person.” He must be seeing what I am.
“Hendrick,” Mum scolds, “that language is unbecoming of a Prince of Candora.” But her fingers are on her jaw as she also studies the two men.
“Who is that with Reid?” Markham asks. “A brother?”
“Derek Riley,” I say with a frown. “Elliot’s…cousin.”
Both Derek and Elliot notice my frown and step forward, pausing to look at each other before Derek nods and urges Elliot onward.
I do not take a breath until Elliot reaches our little gathering, stopping on Hex’s other side so I am surrounded by the four of them. If I felt crowded before, now I am entirely trapped.
“Your Highness,” Elliot says and bows to me.
Has he ever bowed to me? His head, perhaps, but never a formal bow like this. It feels wrong to see him bent at the waist, a fist over his heart.
“Where have you been?” I ask, the words coming out shaky.
As he stands, Elliot’s eyes shift from Hex to Markham to my mother in quick succession, then land on me.
His expression shows me very little of what he is feeling, but Hex called him heartbroken.
If that were true, surely he would not look so indifferent.
“Forgive me, Your Highness. I had something unavoidable come up, but I’m here now. ”
Stop calling me that. Those are the words I want to say, but they stick in my throat. Along with others. I don’t want you to leave.
But I cannot ask him to stay. Maybe Hex was wrong about the state of Elliot’s heart, but he was right about this. If I am choosing Markham, I need to let Elliot go.
“We are glad to have you with us for however long we can, Elliot,” Mum says, then puts her hand on my shoulder. “As I was saying, Freya, if you are going to make your announcement, now is the time. Before we release the lanterns.”
“Yes.” Forcing my eyes from Elliot, I take a slow breath and turn to the man at my side. “You still want this?” I ask Markham.
Though his injured arm is in a sling, a reminder of him throwing his body between mine and a bullet, Markham stands tall and strong. He will be good for Candora. “I want this if you want this,” he says, moving his hand from my back to offer his arm to hold.
As I slip my arm through his, my fingers start to tremble.
It is only because this is a big decision, and there is no way to know how the people of Candora will react.
Not because I am making a mistake. Uniting like this will take away their chance to choose their leader, but everyone will have a voice. That is what matters.
Unable to find my voice, I nod at my mother.
A familiar disappointment wrinkles the corners of her eyes, but she nods in return and leads the way to the stage. She will give her toast to a prosperous year, as she does every year at the Celestial Ball, and then I will stand before my country with Markham at my side.
Announce our engagement.
Secure my future as queen.
Arm in arm, Markham and I stand to the side as my mother steps up to the microphone with my father behind her.
I have watched her make this speech time after time, and she has never been anything but poised and regal, a true queen through and through.
Tonight, however, her shoulders lack their usual rigidity.
Her always smooth forehead is lined with uncertainty.
Despite the attention of hundreds of people, she looks over at me, then at Markham.
The sadness in her eyes deepens as her gaze travels to something behind us.
I turn just in time to see a flash of pain on Elliot’s face before his mask slips back into place, leaving him emotionless once more. He is looking at the queen, not at me, but he must feel my stare because his eyes meet mine, and I get another glimpse of his pain.
It mirrors mine.
“As you all know,” Mum says finally, “I have decided to step down as Candora’s queen, a decision I did not make lightly.
Our country has a rich history of peace and prosperity, in part because Candorans have always valued our heritage and traditions passed through the ages.
As my ancestors have done before me, I have been honored to uphold those traditions through an ever-changing world.
“But my time is over. Today we celebrate a day when our leaders united for a single cause, and many became one. When Osric Alverra took on the mantle of the first Candoran king, some saw his action as a quest for power over the clans, but I believe it was the opposite. Osric gave everything to ensure his people would thrive and be happy. As a Queen of Candora, I have shared Osric’s sacrifice and given years of my life to this country.
I willingly gave my time, my energy, and my very soul to this country, and I have only had one regret. ”
She looks over at me again, and her eyes glisten with tears that she will not let fall because Ingrid Alverra is too strong to cry.
I, on the other hand, tear up instantly at the sight of her pain.
Mum has never talked of regrets, and though she is speaking to an entire country, deep down I know she is mostly speaking to me.
Whatever she wants me to hear, it must be important, so I stand frozen. Waiting.
“I regret not having more time with my family,” she says without the strength of her earlier words, and yet each one pierces my heart.
“I love Candora more than I can say, and I would give my life a hundred times over to protect my people.
But so many times, I wish I had had the courage to set aside my duty to be with those I love most.
“Candora is full of people who love hard and treat each other with kindness, and that inherent goodness has made me proud to be your queen. But somehow, while wearing the Candoran crown, I forgot what it means to truly be Candoran. More than a nationality, to be Candoran is to be true to your heart. To listen, learn, and love fully instead of letting fear hold you back. To remember that you will always have a whole country to stand with you and offer support when you need it most.”
I don’t know when I make the decision to leave.
Somewhere in the middle, I think, when she speaks of duty and love.
At first, I move slowly, ignoring Markham’s whispered question as I slip from his arm and through the crowd to the nearest door, one taking me outside to the terrace that overlooks the lake.
Mum’s words wash over me from the speakers overhead as I go, every line settling deep inside me and fueling my need to escape, and the instant I step beyond the stone walls, I can no longer hold back.
I run.