Chapter 43
ALEX
I can’t sleep. I’m too antsy. Too agitated.
“Mmlex,” Elijah mumbles between soft snores. He looks so peaceful. So handsome. So happy. He’s everything I never knew I wanted in my life.
Being extra careful not to wake him, I slide across the mattress until my bare feet touch the floor.
I slip into my pants in silence, then tiptoe through the bedroom, down the hallway, and into the living room—where I finally let out a long, quiet sigh.
I walk straight to the wall of windows and peer outside.
The sky is black and turbulent, dark and disturbed, much like my thoughts. I’m so fucking disgusted with myself. Gabriel didn’t deserve what I put him through. Forcing him to watch me fuck his ex-husband.
What the hell has gotten into me?
Agitated, I rub my hands against my thighs and gaze out across the desolate sky, searching for some brightness to pierce through my dark soul. But there’s nothing to see. Not even a star is on hand to wink at me.
I shove my hands into my pockets, so damn furious with myself.
Fucking jealousy. Instead of admiring the solidarity between Elijah and Gabriel, I’m jealous of it.
Ridiculous. Despite their divorce, and even through the rough patches along the way, they never once stopped supporting each other.
Never once stopped loving each other. Their determination to keep their family together should be applauded.
These days, it’s not often that you hear success stories like theirs anymore.
Everyone seems to go their separate ways after a split.
But clearly, that hasn’t been the case in the Garcia family.
These three are solid. Elijah and Gabriel made sure they remained that way for the sake of their daughter.
And they did it all in the name of love.
That goes to show you just how much family means to them.
That’s dedication.
Devotion.
Love.
It’s not like Elijah and I have an unstable relationship. We don’t. In fact, our relationship is fine.
It’s me. I’m the one who’s lacking stability.
Go figure.
I knock my forehead against the glass, embarrassed by my foolish behavior.
The more I think about it, the more I want to strangle myself.
In all honesty, Gabriel happens to be a really good guy.
He cares about people. Emilee thinks he’s super cool—and rightfully so.
He’s kind to her. Goofy too. And treats her like family.
Like his own daughter. Jesus, he even cares about me.
Yet, here I sit judging him for his overly flirtatious behavior.
Like flirting is a crime or something.
Ughhhh.
Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be gay.
Deflated, I let out a breath and turn my back to the desolate sky because it doesn’t seem to have any answers.
The picture of Elijah, Gabriel, and Ana sits on the end table, and I pick it up and stare at their smiling faces. So goddamn perfect. Their unity as a family is so profound; for God’s sake, their happiness shines through their exuberant smiles.
They fucking shine.
I shiver as dark thoughts drag me deeper into a hole.
Elijah and Gabriel have so much history together.
They’ve managed to uphold a healthy relationship despite their separation.
They’ve raised a beautiful daughter together and maintained an unbreakable bond between the three of them.
They’re strong—and even stronger together.
Just look at them.
As I scrutinize their family photo, one thing stands out… their love for each other… it’s powerful.
I’m done with this madness. Done drowning my anger in alcohol and dousing my insecurities in fucking strawberry-flavored lips. I can’t allow myself to—
“Everything okay?”
I fumble with the frame as Elijah comes up behind me, voice deep and gritty, accent more pronounced than usual in his state of grogginess. He wraps his arms around my waist and glances down at the photo of his perfect family… and smiles.
Fucking smiles.
And it destroys me. How perfect they all are. I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from their happy faces. At how radiant Ana looks.
I swallow thickly, finding it hard to speak.
“It’s funny,” I say, clearing my throat.
“When I look at her, I see so much of you and Gabriel.” I drag my finger across Ana’s beaming face.
“She has your strength, Elijah, and your serious eyes.” I sniffle, staring down at those striking green eyes. They’re so intense. Just like Elijah’s.
“Funny thing is… I see so much of Gabriel too. She gives off that laid-back vibe; you know, just like he does. Like nothing in this world bothers them. They’re both so witty and wild, carefree and charming.
I could go on and on. And, just look at her smile, Elijah.
There’s so much love lining those happy lips.
She’s so full of life… exactly like him… and you.”
I continue outlining Ana’s pretty smile, serious eyes, happy face. Tears push at the back of my eyes, but I fight them back. “There’s nothing of me there, Elijah. Nothing. She’s a perfect combination of you and Gabriel.”
“Alex…” he murmurs, attempting to disrupt my circus of thoughts… but I’m not done yet. I hold up my hand.
“I’m a simple person, Elijah. Always have been.
All I ever wanted was a simple life. Meera was the complete opposite.
Complicated. Living in a world of mazes—like her drawings, I guess.
So many pathways to choose from in her journey through life.
.. but never having a destination; no place to lay down roots.
I lost her because I couldn’t follow her, Elijah. Nobody could.”
Finally, I look up, but he remains quiet, allowing me time to find a way out of my frenzied thoughts.
I place their family photo back down on the table and reach for Elijah’s hands.
He pulls me to him… kisses my forehead, offering me the same love that he gave to Gabriel when he had to face his own demons…
the same love that he’s always given to Ana.
It’s a shared love between the three of them—a bond I have no right, nor intention, of breaking.
Even though he draws me in every time I look into those mysterious eyes. The very same ones that swept me off my feet the first night I met him at Bourbon Bar.
He captivated me that night… made me feel something I hadn’t felt in such a long time—special.
And I rode that feeling like a high. Immersed myself in his love.
Hell, I fucking drowned myself in it.
He still makes me feel special.
Still captivates me.
I’m not new to being held captive. Meera used to captivate me too.
Between her gifted hands, ability to speak both English and French, rich tones of olive skin, and exotic features, she had everything going on.
And I fell hard. But if I’m being honest, it was those mismatched green eyes that lured me in.
Never had I seen such striking eyes before.
You couldn’t help but stare, oscillate back and forth, trying to decide which pattern of green was prettier.
And the longer you stared, the more engrossed you became until you were lost.
Her mind was that way too; a close second to her eyes.
Intriguing but more complicated. Someone once told me that artists can be that way—complicated.
Which is why I never put too much effort into unraveling the mystery of Meera.
I was fine with the complicated version.
I liked it. Happened to love it, actually. She aroused me in so many ways.
But never in the way Elijah has—not even close. He sets me ablaze.
I drop my head to his shoulder as I continue to run through my thoughts.
I blame her eyes. As stunning as they were, they’d also been a distraction.
I suspect that’s what happened to Gabriel too.
Once she locked him in, he couldn’t turn away; he became so captivated by those conflicting shades of green that he stepped right into her weathered world without even blinking.
That’s just how it was with Meera. You became blinded by her beauty.
So yeah, I blame her eyes.
But Gabriel was hit with a triple-threat.
Beauty aside, and also ignoring the fact that she was an extremely gifted artist, Meera held the winning ticket to his heart—an unwanted pregnancy.
He was a goner. Fell hook, line, and sinker.
It’s sad to think he stood no chance of escaping her manipulation.
With the promise of a baby, she’d sent his mind into a free-for-all, obliterating all common sense.
The sad thing is that I honestly believe he cared for her.
Thought of her as a friend and truly wanted to help her.
Granted, he got a child out of the deal, but that aside, Gabriel is a decent person, and I don’t believe he entered into the friendship with bad intentions. Unfortunately, he got played.
Never even saw it coming—the pivot in her brain, upheaval in their friendship, the blackmail.
It was all so well-orchestrated. And it’s also unforgivable.
For Christ’s sake, I still can’t make sense of it.
I’m baffled by her behavior. But it doesn’t matter; in the end, she destroyed a beautiful marriage, a happy family that should have never been separated to begin with.
She took advantage of his kindness. But there’s one thing she couldn’t destroy—their love.
Physically, they may have parted ways, but emotionally, she failed miserably at severing that tight bond they shared.
Their love for one another—Ana included—it’s always been unbreakable.
Still is.
And that’s why I can’t allow anything to come between them again—not even myself.
It’s obvious Gabriel is still so deeply in love with Elijah. Jesus, he still has stars in his eyes when he looks at him—Ana too. That is what makes them shine.