7. Victoria
Chapter 7
Victoria
I was engrossed in my newest audiobook purchase and folding laundry when a knocking sound caught my attention. Tapping Pause, I cocked my head and listened. When a second knock sounded on the door, I abandoned the towels on my bed and hustled out of the bedroom.
Noah hovered in the hallway, wearing a tight T-shirt that showed off his tattoos and a backward baseball cap. Tess was propped on his hip, gnawing at Sophie the Giraffe’s head, a drop of drool clinging to her chin.
He gave me one of his cocky smiles. “Get changed. We’re going hiking.”
Even as a thrill shot through me, I lazily leaned on the doorframe. “Really?”
He had mentioned it the other day, but I hadn’t thought he was serious. For the last ten days, I had spent most evenings upstairs. We took turns making dinner and playing with Tess, then we slept in shifts between episodes of Schitt’s Creek . We’d already made it halfway through season two.
“Tess is going stir crazy.” He kissed the top of her head, making me melt a little inside. “She requested a waterfall. So we’re gonna do the Waterford trail to Moxie falls.”
With a huff of a laugh, I straightened. “She requested X falls?”
The girl’s signing game was on point, but at ten months old, her conversation mostly revolved around food.
Moxie falls was about forty minutes outside of town. The short hike there was challenging, but the exquisite views and the small wading pools made it worth the effort.
He nodded. “My girl gets itchy if she doesn’t get enough forest time. Come on. It’s gonna be a beautiful day.”
Tess held her free hand out to me and shouted, “Ick-Ick.”
In the last couple of days, she’d started calling me “Ick-Ick,” and though it wasn’t the most flattering moniker, I was shamelessly thrilled she’d given me a name. I felt like the coolest kid in the world when she smiled at me and shouted it at full volume.
“Okay, give me ten minutes.”
“Meet us at the Caffeinated Moose. We’ll pick up coffee and sandwiches for the road.”
I dug my beat-up old daypack out of the bottom of the closet and tossed a hat and gloves into it, then threw on a few layers. May in Maine was far colder than most realized. A water bottle, granola bars, and an extra pair of socks rounded out the extent of my hiking prep. Knowing Noah, he’d have every type of emergency supply ever created in his truck, so my minimalist approach would be fine.
When I stepped into the coffee shop, Tess was beaming. Several locals were cooing at her, and she was basking in the attention. She wasn’t the only one being fawned over, either. There were more than a few women cooing at Noah as well.
The hot dad look was really working for him. The tight T-shirts, the backward hat, and the full sleeve of tattoos only made the babywearing look sexier.
With a big smile, he reached past Mrs. Dupont, holding out a large latte.
Before I could take a sip, she was watching me, her focus intense. “I knew it.” She stomped her foot. “You two are dating.”
“Uh,” I said, mouth full of lava-hot coffee.
“Jodie, Steph,” she called to a small group of women in the back corner of the shop. “You owe me. They are together.”
Jodie, or Miss Wetherbee, as I called her when she was my elementary school PE teacher, gave us a thumbs-up.
“Actually,” I said, nudging Noah, who was chuckling. “We are not dating. We’re friends.”
“And neighbors,” he added.
Tess yelled, “Ick-Ick,” the sound ear-piercing, and reached for me.
Cheeks heating, I took her from Noah and balanced her on my hip, turning away so I could take another sip of coffee without her getting her hands on it. It was the best I could do to avoid speaking more about this.
Mrs. Dupont frowned and looked from Noah to me and back again. “Sure, you’re not.”
Noah smiled. “We’re neighbors. Victoria came upstairs last week because I was making a lot of noise trying to get Tess to sleep. From there, we became friends.”
It sounded so simple when he explained it. It was true. Though we’d only really gotten to know each other over the last several days, we’d become good friends. And I adored Tess. She was a bright ray of sunshine in my life. Day after day, I looked forward to seeing her.
Noah himself was good company. He was funny and relaxed and so adorably in over his head with an infant to care for.
Our friendship came with no pressure, no expectations. The antithesis of being with Graham. Even being in the same room with my ex would make me anxious and self-conscious. Did I look okay? Was I saying and doing the right things? Talking too much? Too little?
In the little cocoon of Noah’s apartment, we played with the baby, shared casual dinners, and laughed at a funny sitcom. I never wore makeup or put effort into sounding intelligent. It was refreshing, being 100 percent myself.
Sure, he was easy on the eyes and a lot of fun to hang out with, but I didn’t have it in me to experience attraction or desire. Not anymore. Those sensations had died with Graham’s betrayal and my divorce.
And while I was annoyed at the invasive questions and town gossip, it beat the hell out of being asked when I was going to have a baby. Those questions and comments killed me every single time. I was always amazed by how even casual acquaintances felt entitled to information about my fucking uterus.
I gave her a sweet smile. With a little huff, Mrs. Dupont went back to her table. Probably to spread more gossip. Once she’d settled in and peeked over her shoulder at us, we grabbed our snacks and headed to the car.
On the drive to the trail, we played “We Didn’t Start the Fire” on repeat. It was Tess’s favorite song. She danced in her car seat, babbling along and rocking out. The third time through, I pulled out my phone and started googling the historical references Noah and I didn’t understand. Turns out I didn’t know all that much about the Cold War.
After zipping Tess into her puffy coat and pulling a hat with pink cat ears over her head, Noah put her in a hiking backpack. The moment she was settled on his back, she kicked her heels and screeched a happy sound.
The forest around us was dense, and the light dappled as it broke through the trees here and there.
I’d never get tired of this. The beauty and grandeur of Maine. The ability to exist in the wilderness. No cars, no noise, no chaos.
The peaceful soundtrack created by the crunching of our boots on the trail, the rushing of the water ahead, and the chirping of the birds.
Though it was technically spring, a sunny forty-degree day like this was about as good as it got this time of year, so I relished every moment I could.
There was no better place to stretch my legs and clear my head. Alexandra’s wedding was two weeks away, and the lump in my throat grew every time I thought about it. By now, it was a wonder I hadn’t choked to death on it.
At the advice of Aunt Lou, I’d bought a really gorgeous dress. It was deep purple and dipped low in the back. When I tried it on, I’d felt like a tall, glamorous supermodel rather than a thirty-five-year-old pear-shaped woman who was barely five-six.
Despite the gorgeous armor I’d don and the fashion therapy session, suffocating dread filled me each time I imagined watching Alexandra, with her baby bump and white dress, soaking in the attention at her big white wedding while my family made a fuss over Graham.
Tears stung my eyes, but I blinked them away and focused on the path and the little girl who was babbling and clapping as birds flew overhead.
My legs burned already. I relished the sensation. This was good. Nature and exercise. This was part of the reason I’d moved back to Maine.
We stopped for water a couple of times, and within an hour, we had reached the base of the falls. Massive rock formations created a small break and tide pools swirling with icy cold water.
Up ahead, the falls roared, the water raging down the stark granite, all power and fury.
We settled on a large flat rock next to a small pool, far from the danger of the falls. Noah took Tess out of her carrier and set her on the ground, where she immediately picked up a rock and inspected it. She set it down and found another.
Between sips of water, Noah shook his head. “I spent so many years swearing I didn’t miss Maine.”
“Same. I vowed I’d be a city girl for life, but when my life went sideways, I hustled right back up here. It didn’t take long once I was back to realize that’s what I am. A Mainer.”
A low chuckle rumbled out of him. “It suits you.”
We broke out our picnic, Tess delighting in the frosted maple scone Noah set on a camping plate for her. She gummed it with a grin, then broke off pieces for her rock friends, who she had arranged in a circle where she sat.
“You gonna tell me why you seem so upset?” he asked gently.
Inhaling deeply, I watched the falls. Could I?
“No pressure.”
Normally I would change the subject. I’d been taught at a young age that being ruled by emotions was bad. That I should deflect and deny. Make pleasant small talk and keep my feelings to myself.
But I was tied up in knots, and they were making it impossible to enjoy this beautiful day.
Noah and I had been sharing meals and sleeping in the same bed for the last week. At different times, of course, but still.
We were friends. Good friends.
“My youngest sister is getting married in two weeks.”
He sat patiently, head tilted, waiting for me to elaborate.
“She’s marrying my ex-husband, and the thought of going to the wedding makes me want to vomit. On top of that, she’s pregnant. After experiencing infertility and divorce and a thousand other terrible scenarios, I don’t know if I can do it.”
He turned his hat around, as if putting it on the right way would help him think, and steepled his fingers.
Shit, he was gorgeous.
“Hold on.” He sat up straight. “Your ex-husband is marrying your baby sister? Isn’t she a lot younger than you are?”
I nodded. “Nine years. Six years younger than Elizabeth. She was an oopsie baby.”
“So she’s…” He raised his eyebrows, probably doing the math in his head.
“Twenty-six.” I winced.
He shook his head. “You said he cheated…”
“Not with Alex,” I corrected, understanding where his train of thought was headed. “She was living in Chicago when that happened. She moved back to Boston last year, and since Graham socializes with my parents at the country club, he and Alexandra got to know one another.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. He preferred Tinder and one-time hookups with twenty-somethings. Nothing long term.”
His jaw went rigid. “Oh fuck.”
My eyes stung again. Dammit. I put my head in my hands, too tired to fight the pain. The first clue I had was when a friend from work told me she’d seen a Tinder profile she swore was his. Then I found the photos and texts on his phone.
Red-hot shame flooded my veins like it did every time I remembered those days.
“Sorry.” I sniffled. “It’s been two years since I found out, and I’m still so ashamed.”
“Why?” he asked, his voice soft. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“But maybe I did.”
He grabbed my hands and squeezed, staring deep into my eyes. “You. Did. Nothing. Wrong.”
I blinked, my eyes filling with tears again.
“You did nothing wrong.”
“But.” The tears were falling now, rolling straight down my cheeks. God, this was so embarrassing.
“Stop that.” The sharpness of his tone startled me. “He treated you like garbage. That is not your fault. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
I blinked at him, sniffling. If only it were that easy. That simple.
“Say it.”
Before I knew what was happening, he was standing and pulling me to my feet. He scooped up Tess and situated her on his hip.
“I’m serious. The way we speak to ourselves matters. If you’re walking around thinking you deserved to be treated so badly or that you caused it in some way, then I’ll make it my mission to correct you. Because you’re dead fucking wrong.”
The gesture was thoughtful, but the situation went far beyond the cheating. My parents and their expectations of me complicated matters exponentially. Not to mention my strained relationships with my sisters and the belief I once held that marriage was the be-all and end-all. That I’d found my person and would be happy and loved and accepted forever.
“Say it. Out loud and in your own head. You did nothing wrong.”
Logically, I knew I wasn’t at fault. Being na?ve wasn’t a crime. Neither was giving away trust so easily. But the stigma that came with a failed marriage by my early thirties was like a sin I’d carry with me forever. Being cheated on so many times, so brazenly, was like a tattoo on my heart, permanent and painful.
“I did nothing wrong,” I said softly.
“You can do better than that.”
“Ick-Ick,” Tess said, scone crumbs in her eyebrows and down the front of her jacket.
“Shout it,” Noah commanded.
“I did nothing wrong,” I said louder, though not at full volume. It was too peaceful out here to be so disruptive.
“A little better. Walk up there.” He pointed at the path that led to the falls. “Scream it. Scream whatever you want. Let it out. You can’t carry all this shit around with you forever.”
The lump in my throat grew once more, making it hard to swallow.
With one expectant brow raised, he put his free hand on my shoulder.
He stood so close, his chest almost touched mine when he inhaled. His warmth seeped into me, chasing away the sadness and bringing with it a new sensation.
His proximity awakened my body. His masculine scent lit a low flame deep inside me. The weight of his large hand grounded me.
“Shout,” he commanded.
With a deep breath in, I willed my pounding heart not to leap out of my chest. Then I spun and strode toward the rushing water, focusing on the sound and only stopping when I could feel the mist on my face.
“I did nothing wrong!” I shouted as loud as I could. “I didn’t deserve it.”
The tears fell again, mixing with the mist coating my skin. But it felt good. Therapeutic. The cold air in my lungs, the icy mist on my face. Staring down nature and letting loose.
“I hate the way he made me feel,” I yelled. “I hate what he did to me.”
I sucked in a harsh breath, energized.
“I did nothing wrong,” I screamed with all my might, my voice drowned by the pounding of the water against the rocks.
For a long moment, I stood in that place, catching my breath. When the tears had stopped, I carefully made my way back to where Noah was standing with Tess.
He was beaming. “That’s my girl,” he said softly as I approached.
My heart clenched at the sentiment, but I was too raw to linger on the meaning of that response.
Wiping at my cheeks, I went back to where we’d set up our picnic and picked up a scone for myself. For a while, we ate and played with Tess, supervising her as she crawled around on the rocks. By the time we began the hike back to the car, I felt lighter and exhilarated.
The dread that had plagued me this morning lightened a modicum. It wasn’t gone altogether, but for the first time in a long time, a gentle contentedness took up residence inside me.
We were down the steep trail, on the last leg through the forest, when Noah finally spoke again.
“We should work out the details for the wedding.”
I turned to him, my mouth agape.
Tess had conked out, her cheek resting on the back of Noah’s head, and was snoring softly.
“I’m going with you,” he said before I could formulate a single word. “For moral support.”
Stunned, I stumbled over a rock in the path.
He grasped my arm, steadying me. “I assume that, as the bride’s sister, you get a plus-one.”
I nodded.
“So Memorial Day? My mom has been desperate to spend more time with Tess. I’m sure she’d babysit.”
My mind raced and my heart pinched. The two of us were only friends. But the possibility of not having to face my family alone was very tempting. “Isn’t that a lot to ask?”
“For my mom?” He shook his head. “She raised six kids almost completely on her own. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but she’s baby crazy. She turned Gus’s old room into a nursery for Thor and Simone, so she’s got a crib and changing table and highchair. She’s itching to get Tess over there. I’ll be lucky if she gives her up after the wedding.”
I forced a smile even as my stomach soured. I’d give anything for a mom like that. One who was loving and generous, who rolled with the punches. Who loved her kids enough to let them be who they needed to be.
“You don’t understand,” I pleaded. “My mother, my sisters. They aren’t kind people. They’ll spend the whole day looking down at you.”
I had nothing in common with any of them, and they were about as fond of me as I was of them. Our goals and outlook and priorities couldn’t have been more different. For years, I’d kept my feelings about them to myself. It was almost freeing to admit it out loud to Noah instead of pretending we were too busy to get together regularly.
“You think your family can scare me off? Please. I’ve battled two-thousand-degree flames many, many times. Your mother’s glares have nothing on a wall of fire burning off all the available oxygen.”
Huh. I’d forgotten about his heroic firefighting career. The Noah I knew was a loving dad who was desperate for a few hours of sleep each night.
But the man was undeniably gorgeous. Though I was incapable of feeling attraction, he could absolutely make a splash as my date.
With his height, muscles, and thick hair, he would make Graham so jealous. My ex was incredibly vain.
As we continued down the trail, I had to push myself to keep pace with him.
“It may seem weird,” he admitted, his long legs eating up the distance back to the parking lot. “But it’s only a wedding. I’ll be a gentleman. You don’t have to worry about that.”
I kept my focus fixed on the ground ahead of me, ensuring I didn’t trip over exposed tree roots or another rock, but in my periphery, I could swear his cheeks went a bit pink under his stubble.
“You’ve done so much for me and for Tess. You’re an incredible friend.”
My heart swelled. I was thankful for the unlikely friendship we’d struck up. I was pretty sure I needed the connection even more than he needed the extra set of hands.
“The entire town already thinks we’re dating,” he said.
True enough, and it was annoying as hell.
“So if I came as your date, we wouldn’t have to worry that they’d question the status.”
“Doesn’t matter anyway. My parents would never deign to invite anyone from Lovewell. They think this town is beneath them.”
The moment they climbed that society ladder, they got the hell out of rural Maine and ditched the entire community.
As we rounded the bend and the parking lot came into sight, the sun shone brightly, warming my face.
It felt incredible. Not only the heat but being here with Noah and Tess. The fresh air in my lungs and good friends by my side. Would taking him to the wedding really be so bad? It was unlikely anyone would question it, and having a trusted friend at my side would make the entire weekend much more tolerable.
“Aunt Lou is going. I promised I’d give her a ride.”
“Great. I can help her get around.”
The ease with which he offered made my heart thump. Of course he’d go out of his way not just for me, but for my beloved aunt. “The wedding is in Kennebunkport.”
He whistled.
“At a fancy yacht club.” I cringed. “And it’s black-tie.”
Lips pressed together, he nodded. “I can manage.”
“And it will be ridiculous and over-the-top. Alexandra is my parents’ favorite. The entire thing will be nauseating.”
“You’re not talking me out of this. I’ll get to be there with you, so I’ll have a great time. Plus, it’s been years since I’ve had a lobster roll.”
I tossed my head back and laughed. “I’ll buy you ten. We’ll call it compensation for the pain and suffering my mother will cause.”
He stopped walking abruptly, a smile splitting his face. “Deal.”
He held his hand out, and I took it. Ignoring the way my heart sped up when his skin made contact with mine.