13. Victoria
Chapter 13
Victoria
I was suffering from a major hangover. Not from alcohol, but from the stress of the past weekend. I had an outrageous amount of work to catch up on and the volunteers had done a great job, but there were always a dozen more tasks waiting for my attention. Now that we were past Memorial Day, the clock was ticking, and I had to get reoriented before the kids were out of school for the summer and families needed more support than ever.
The weird dance I’d been doing with the Huxleys had not paid off yet, so the mobile food truck I’d dreamed of was off the table for the season.
I’d had visions of pickups at local parks and bag lunches for kids and families. But there were capital and operational costs to consider, and so far, none of my grant applications had borne fruit.
I wasn’t giving up. I was pivoting. Denis had invited me to lunch today, and as much as it turned my stomach, I was determined to win him over. I’d spent my entire sleepless night obsessing about it. Though the man was not a topic I particularly liked to dwell on, thoughts of our upcoming meeting were a welcome distraction from the wedding insanity and my new fake relationship with Noah.
I leaned closer to the bathroom mirror, examining the dark circles under my eyes. I’d sleep eventually. Someday. Maybe when I’d figured all my shit out? A girl could hope…
I was inspecting the pores on my nose when I heard a knock.
With an annoyed huff, I padded to the door. But when I swung it open and saw who was waiting for me on the other side, my mood changed instantly.
“ Ick .” My favorite kid dove for me, almost flying out of her dad’s arms.
I hugged her and spun in a circle. “Did you have fun with your grandma?”
In response, she gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek.
I was still grinning at her when I caught sight of Noah. He stood in the doorway, dressed in mesh shorts and a T-shirt with the sleeves cut off. The simple piece of clothing highlighted the miles of muscle and ink of his arms. His body was strong and hard, but his face was lit with a big grin that caused the dimples just visible underneath the heavy scruff to pop.
“It’s early. Where are you going?”
“For a run.” He took off his hat and settled it on his head again. “We were hoping you’d come along.”
When I’d clawed my way out of bed this morning, I’d felt like I’d been hit by a bus, but Tess’s smile and Noah’s arms had perked me up.
“I’m slow.”
He shrugged. “I’ll be pushing the jogging stroller, so I don’t intend on breaking any records. It’s a beautiful day.”
He wasn’t wrong, and I was full of nervous energy that needed an outlet. Seeing my gorgeous sisters and mother this weekend definitely hadn’t helped my body confidence.
I passed Tess to him and took a step back. “Okay, I’ll get changed.”
When I stepped out onto the sidewalk, they were waiting for me. Tess was bundled up in a fancy-looking jogging stroller with a sippy cup in her hand and a handful of Cheerios on the tray.
“Let’s walk to the end of Main Street first. Then we can jog.”
With a nod, I followed his lead. “What are you wearing?”
He patted the dark green vest he’d strapped on over his T-shirt. “Weight vest.”
I picked up my pace. I was practically jogging already to keep up with his long strides. “So you plan to run up a mountain while pushing a stroller and wearing a weight vest?”
He nodded. “Fitness is a big part of my job. Was, I guess.” His face fell. Clearly he missed his old life. “We used to train by hiking in the mountains with sixty pounds of gear. This is nothing.”
I focused on the road in front of me. The last thing I wanted to do was trip and fall on my ass. Especially while Noah was over here doing a Navy Seal workout.
As we got to the end of Main Street, he shifted into a jog, opening up his stride and looking completely at ease.
Tess giggled happily and waved at passing cars.
“Plus, this is a good way to show the town we’re dating.” He saluted to Ricky, who was out on his mail route. “Figured it was best to get in front of it.”
He wasn’t wrong. Dozens of people had already seen us, including a school bus full of kids. I had no doubt the news would spread.
There were bound to be plenty of awkward conversations, but at least I didn’t have to figure out how to casually mention that I was now dating Noah Hebert. Since the decision in the car yesterday, he and I hadn’t spoken of it. We hadn’t laid out rules or parameters or even discussed the details. He’d just agreed to be my fake boyfriend, like a knight in a backward baseball cap and a baby carrier.
As grateful as I was for his easy agreement, we couldn’t wing it. We had to have a plan if we wanted it to be believable. But the whole thing made me cringe. Aunt Lou was right when she said this was childish. Me, a professional woman in her thirties, needed a fake boyfriend? I had a 401(k) and a nighttime skincare routine. I was supposed to be past all this juvenile shit.
But the thought of facing my family without him by my side made me ill. So I’d figure out how to embrace the reality that I was a hot mess and play along.
We jogged past neighborhoods and Baxter Park, then crossed over the footbridge toward Lake Millinocket. Noah smiled and chatted with Tess and made me feel at ease.
Graham loved running too. He had tried to guilt me into training for marathons on several occasions. These conversations usually dovetailed with his “concern” about the amount of chocolate I consumed or the state of my hips. The man had a whole boatload of concerns. If only I could go back and tell him to shove them up his ass.
As much as he loved it, he never ran with me. I was far too average to be caught dead exercising with. He was mister super serious, wearing five-hundred-dollar training shoes and a fancy GPS watch.
So, post-divorce, I’d sworn it off. Who needed that kind of psychological torture in their lives? This morning, though, with the sun shining and a light breeze? I felt great. We were moving at a snail’s pace, but Noah seemed happy and content.
And I didn’t feel as awful as I’d expected. In fact, I was filled with a powerful sensation I wasn’t sure I’d ever experienced. The muscles rippling in my running partner’s arms were a welcome distraction. It was unfair how good he looked jogging. How good he looked doing anything, really. The broad shoulders, the dark stubble, and the tattoos were unfairly attractive.
Throw in a baby stroller, and it was a good thing I’d sworn off men.
A very good thing.
We went up the junction at Route 45 before turning back toward town.
“Can I ask you something?” he said after several minutes of silence.
I nodded. How he could have complex conversations while exercising confounded me.
“Do you still have feelings for Graham?”
I winced. Our friendship had blossomed so naturally, and there weren’t many topics that were off limits. But as with every other conversation I had about my marriage, this one made me feel even worse.
“No.” I practically spat the word. “Not at all.”
I took a deep breath and focused on my steps to keep from stumbling.
“He fucked me up, for sure, but no, I don’t love him.” I panted for a moment. I was not in good enough shape to carry on an entire conversation while running. “In fact, I’m disappointed in myself for marrying him in the first place and then for so blindly trusting him. I learned that lesson. Zero out of ten, do not recommend.”
He laughed up at the sky. “Okay. I didn’t mean to pry, but I figured that since I’m your fake boyfriend, I should make sure you’re not secretly pining over your ex.”
Pining? Not even close. My stomach roiled at the thought.
“Trust me.” I stifled a laugh. “Getting rid of that gaslighting, cheating prick allowed me to find freedom and peace. I’m never going back.”
His smile stretched across his face, his dimples causing me to lose focus. “Excellent.”
“I love my freedom and my autonomy. I’ll never get married again. Hell,” I said, emboldened by the endorphins and the dimples, “I’ll probably never have another romantic relationship again. A real one, at least. So far I like having a fake boyfriend.”
For the space of a heartbeat, his face fell. Or maybe I was imagining it, because in the time it took for me to check that I wasn’t veering off the road, the smile returned.
“Huh. You’re done with the entire male species?”
“Not because I think all men are terrible. Sure, a good percentage of them are, but there are absolutely good ones.” I peeked over at him. “Great ones. But I’m not interested.”
He was one of them. He was selfless and loyal and the most caring parent I’d ever seen. As a friend, he was respectful and supportive. With any luck, he’d one day find his perfect woman and live happily ever after. He and Tess both deserved that.
The thought was slightly unsettling, but I ignored the sensation.
“On behalf of men everywhere.” In a ridiculously coordinated way, he put one hand over his heart,still steering the stroller with the other. “That’s a damn shame, but, having met your ex-husband, I get it.”
He gave me a wink, and I almost tripped over my feet.
We ran the rest of the way back in silence, waving to folks as we passed.
By the time we stopped outside the building, I was red-faced, sweaty, and smiling.
I’d woken up so out of sorts and exhausted from the wedding fiasco. But now? The world seemed right again. All because of Noah.
“Thank you,” I said, catching my breath. “I needed that.”
He unlatched Tess, scooped her up, and kissed her cheek. “Yeah, I could feel your pent-up rage all the way from upstairs. I’m always down to help you work it out physically. All you have to do is ask.”
His eyes widened at the moment my core clenched. We stood frozen, staring at each other. My brain instantly went to a very dirty place, and by the way his nostrils flared, I was certain his did too.
He blew out a loud breath and adjusted Tess in his arms. “Sorry. I made it weird, didn’t I?”
“No,” I lied, tucking my chin and inspecting my shoes. My face was hot, and it hit me then, just how sweaty I was. God, I needed a shower.
“I did. Sorry. I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable. Sometimes, when I’m nervous around a pretty girl, I default to flirting.”
My stomach flipped. Pretty? I had to exit this conversation before it got even more cringey.
“I gotta get to work.” I scurried to the door, digging my key out of the small zipper pocket at the back of my athletic shorts.
“See you tonight?”
I nodded, then gave Tess a big wave goodbye. Once I was inside my apartment with the door shut behind me, I fell against it and heaved in a deep breath.