31. Victoria
Chapter 31
Victoria
I dug through the freezer, the move exposing my ass. Rather than tug at the hem of Noah’s T-shirt, I peeked over my shoulder to see his reaction. It didn’t disappoint. His pupils were huge and his expression hungry.
We’d worked up an appetite. The man was an absolute stallion, and when he touched me back there, I’d gone off like a rocket. This was still so new, and I was just getting used to the constant lust, but now my brain wondered. What other sexy tricks was he hiding up those tattooed sleeves? Because I wasn’t sure my vagina would survive many more.
Noah had installed a window AC unit in Tess’s room, but the rest of the apartment was not exactly cool, especially after our naked activities.
“Vanilla?” I pulled out the carton of ice cream with a frown.
“There’s a container of the kind you like in there too. Chocolate chunk, peanut butter, cookie dough, pretzel everything,” he said. “It’s in the back.”
Grinning, I pulled the Ben & Jerry’s out. I liked my ice cream crammed with as much stuff as possible, thank you very much.
We stood in the dark, the moonlight shining through the bay window, eating ice cream and laughing. Revisiting our busy weekend and how sore my arms were from hauling so much plywood. I would head to Greenville tomorrow with the food pantry van to pick up our flock of hens.
We were joking about the logistics of transporting thirty-eight chickens when he suddenly went serious.
“You okay?” I gave him a gentle hip check.
He set his ice cream on the counter and stabbed the spoon into it, his expression troubled. “I need to say something.”
“Okay.” I braced myself, heart sinking. Was he asking me to leave? Had we gone too far tonight? Was he ready to end things?
“We’re friends first, and friends are honest with one another, right?”
With a nod, I swallowed past the lump in my throat.
He dipped his chin resolutely and blew out a breath. “I’ve fallen for you a little more every day since I rescued you from the coffee shop bathroom. You’ve become my best friend. And I don’t want to lose you.”
I gasped.
“I’m tired of lying to myself. I care about you. So much. You’ve seen me at my worst, yet you keep showing up. And I trust you with my life. I trust you with my daughter’s life.”
My mind whirled. I cared about him too. So much it frightened me. The feelings I had for him were growing bigger and more unmanageable every day. He was Noah. My neighbor. The sweet goofball who did pushups during TV shows. Tess’s doting dad, who owned seven baby carriers because he never wanted to put her down.
The risk was so great. I couldn’t lose him. For two years, I’d worked to put myself back together, piece by tiny piece. I couldn’t jump into a relationship. It would be reckless.
But our connection was strong. We were tethered. It was impossible to fight the pull to be with him all the time.
I cleared my throat. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want to do this right. Date for real. See where it goes.”
My throat tightened, making it hard to breathe. I should be elated. I was crazy about him. But the pressure was too much. What if I wasn’t good enough? What if I screwed everything up?
I froze, and after an excruciating moment of silence, I forced myself to be honest with him. “I need more time.”
His eyes went wide like he’d been slapped.
“That came out wrong,” I scrambled to say. “I want to see where things go too, but I’m all fucked up. Between my divorce and work, I worry I can’t be what you need.”
Shoulders relaxing, he stepped in close. “You don’t have to be anything other than Vic, the beautiful, smart, kind woman who lives downstairs and took pity on me when I couldn’t get my baby to sleep.” He gently kissed my forehead. “I have no idea what the future holds, or even if Tess and I will stay in Lovewell long term, but I want to be with you while I can.”
I nodded, chest aching. I wanted so many things. But did I deserve them? Did I deserve the man who was standing in front of me in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs, declaring his feelings for me?
“Will you dance with me?”
My heart stuttered. Dance? “Here?”
He nodded. “Our dance at your sister’s wedding was tense and forced. I need to collect my thoughts. And the only time my mind is clear and focused is when you’re in my arms.”
He held out a hand.
How could I possibly resist? I nodded.
He pulled me into his chest with one hand and tapped at his phone screen with the other.
As the music began to play softly, I wrapped my arms around his neck.
“Wait,” I said, pulling back so I could look at him. “Is this…?”
“‘Love is Like a Butterfly’? Yup,” he said. “Lou told me it was your favorite.”
“It is. I have always loved Dolly. I wanted to dance to it at my wedding. Graham laughed and said it was a ridiculous choice.”
“Then I’m honored to dance to it with you.”
With a sigh, I put my head on his chest and swayed to the music, my body melding to his.
These lyrics sank deep into my bones. In all my vulnerable moments, as a teen, a lonely newlywed, and after the devastation of my divorce. But now, hope seeped in along with the ache Dolly’s voice incited.
When it came to an end, he pulled the phone out of his back pocket and started it again.
“One more time. Once wasn’t enough.” He put his lips to my forehead and lingered there for a moment.
My heart melted. If only I could bottle up this feeling and save it forever. Even if I was still confused by my emotions, they were weighty and significant.
“Sometimes I don’t know how to let myself have good things.” I admitted, my head tucked against his chest. “Growing up, I was never good enough, and my family…” I trailed off.
“You deserve all the best things. I want to crush anyone who ever made you feel otherwise. But…” He tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear. “Sometimes I think the person you need to convince is yourself.”
That hit deep. And he wasn’t wrong. He was pulling back the curtain on all my insecurities, but it was my job to heal them.
Noah didn’t care that I always wore my hair pulled back. He didn’t mind my big ears. He didn’t care that I talked with my hands and sometimes got so excited I shouted.
He didn’t mind that I snored when I slept on my back or that I had cellulite on my thighs.
With him, I felt totally accepted. It was a heady sensation. One that brought with it a sense of safety as well as terror.
Because Noah wasn’t my friend anymore.
He wasn’t just the sweet single dad.
He wasn’t my fake boyfriend.
He was the man I was falling for. It was dangerous and ill advised, but it was inevitable.
We stayed like that, dancing through the song four times. In his arms, I was wrapped in a comfort I’d never found anywhere else. I’d never before been the kind of person who needed physical comfort and affection. But here we were, wrapped around one another, swaying along to my favorite song. Making a lifetime’s worth of promises without a single word.