Chapter 39
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Willa
W e’d closed the office early today because a major storm was coming. The snow had started around breakfast, light and fluffy and not unusual for this time of year. But by lunch, the winds were fierce, and visibility was minimal.
Up here, we got snow from October to May. People didn’t even blink. It was a fact of life. School kids hiked through waist-deep snow to get to the school bus without a second thought. Snow was dangerous, but wind was deadly. Once or twice a year, we’d be hit with a nor’easter, a storm that combined high winds with record snowfall. Those were the storms Mainers took seriously. We’d all heard horror stories of people being caught out in the snow, losing power without a backup generator, or being stranded without supplies.
Thankfully, Lovewell had an excellent community network, spearheaded by Bernice and several of the other older ladies who made sure the seniors and parents with young kids were checked in on. The whole town was sharpening their plow blades and gassing up their generators in anticipation.
On many occasions, I’d ended up buckled in next to my dad in the old pickup he kept for plowing. After big storms, we’d plow the neighbor’s driveways and sometimes the hill that led up to the elementary school.
My heart clenched at the memory. My parents were safe down in Portland, but I missed them fiercely.
They had always prized hard work, dedication, and selflessness. Growing up, I had watched my father step away from the table on Thanksgiving Day to help someone in need. He’d leave sporting events or even the grocery store—and a cart full of groceries. The entire community relied on him and trusted him to help.
My mom too. As one of only a handful of psychologists in this county, she was inundated with patients and was always visiting hospitals. Thankfully, when I was in elementary school, she opened her private practice. That cut down on her travel, but she was available twenty-four seven to anyone who needed her.
Service was in my blood. More and more, I was realizing that my ideal version of service looked a little different from my parents’. But I had a way to go before making that leap. Dr. Walters’s niece was finishing her social work degree, and I’d recently been talking to her about the possibility of an internship at my practice. Having mental health support would be huge. I was still searching for the unicorn physician assistant or nurse practitioner who could take some of the patient load, but Cole’s positivity had kept me from giving up hope.
While I took on all the responsibility at work, it was such a relief to have someone to share it with at home.
This afternoon, he greeted me at the door with a kiss.
“We should probably hit the grocery store before it gets bad,” I said, standing in the entryway in my coat and boots. We’d need to get through the pre-storm checklist ASAP.
“Already done,” he said, heading toward the kitchen.
“What about—”
“Gas for the generator? Done. I also charged our devices—but plug your phone in now; there’s a charger set up in here—and the battery bank is full of juice too. I also put fresh batteries in the flashlights.”
He gestured to the kitchen counter where several flashlights were lined up.
My heart stuttered. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so attracted to you.”
He winked. “You’ve got plenty of time to show me just how much you like me, wifey. This is gonna be a multi-day storm.”
Once I’d plugged my phone in, I stepped into his arms and let his warmth and familiar scent flood my senses. Though I’d spent most of my life too busy to even think about marriage, I was luxuriating in it now.
But there was a little nugget of guilt that I couldn’t shake. The sore spot in my brain that I kept poking at. Lila. Our friendship. The lie I’d told her. I didn’t want to betray Cole, but I also wanted to come clean and tell her everything. Move on. But it wasn’t only my story.
He cupped my face and ducked down. “Something is wrong. Work?”
I shook my head.
“Tell me.” He kissed my forehead and pulled back, brow furrowed. “You can tell me anything. Radical honesty, remember?”
I took a deep breath, my heart beating a little faster. “I want to tell Lila the truth. About Vegas and how things started. I hate lying, and she’s my best friend. She’s been supportive and happy for us, and I want her to know the truth.”
He dipped his chin, his eyes never leaving mine. “Then tell her.”
“Cole.” He was making it sound so easy. “What about Owen?”
He took a step back and ran his hands through his hair. “Sure, we got wrapped up in going wild in Vegas and things went further than we anticipated.”
I hated the way that sounded. It was the truth, of course, but we’d come so far since that drunken night.
“But it turned into the most incredible thing in my life. Maybe we shouldn’t diminish it by ignoring how it started. I love you. I want you to feel good about what we’re building together.”
That hit me right in the heart.
“But Owen?”
He shrugged. “I can live with Owen’s judgment. We’ve never been close, and with or without telling him the truth, I can’t see that ever changing. I’d rather have him hate me than make you lie to your best friend. You are the most important person in my life.”
My heart panged. God. This man. He was giving me permission to tell a story that was only half mine. To expose him to the judgment of his older brother so we could move forward together.
“For so long, I’ve done all I could to avoid consequences. I’ve dodged and weaved and evaded.” He blew out a breath. “But you’ve taught me that facing things can be liberating.”
I threw my arms around him, burying my face in his chest.
“Go call her,” he said against the top of my head. “Say what you need to say. You don’t need to protect me.”
It took me an hour to work up the courage to make the call. We chatted casually for a few minutes, but I was a nervous, sweating mess, so I pretty quickly cut to the chase.
“I need to tell you something,” I forced out. “I’m terrified that you’ll hate me, but the thought of lying to you for any longer is scarier.”
“Willa,” she said, her tone concerned. “Nothing you could say would make me hate you. What’s wrong?”
“I love you so much. And I can’t bear the thought of not being truthful.”
“Okay…”
With a deep breath in, I spewed out a brief summary of the Vegas situation.
“What the fuck?” she screeched, the sound bringing tears to my eyes. God, I hated disappointing her. I was a shit friend.
“We decided to pretend. Just for a little while. Mainly because of my stuff. I didn’t want to upset or disappoint my parents.” And now I was fully crying.
“Willa.” She sighed. “They love you so much.”
My heart ached. “I know. But we almost lost Dad, and the thought of admitting to a tequila-fueled wedding to the town bad boy was just too much.”
“So you figured it would be easier to pretend to be in love with him instead?” She snorted.
“I realize it sounds ridiculous. But he was so worried about his brothers’ judgment. And honestly, it made sense. At the time, he needed a place to live, and I was lonely and overwhelmed.”
“And now?”
“It’s amazing,” I said, a smile spreading across my face.
“How long did the faking go on? If you were pretending when you snuck out of our sacred sleepover to be with him a couple of weeks ago, you did a damn good job.”
“That wasn’t pretending. I fell for him. Hard.”
“Of course you did. He’s perfect for you.”
Cheeks heating, I laughed. Had she seriously just said her ex was perfect for me?
“I mean it. Things went badly between us, but it wasn’t all his fault. Trust me, I did plenty wrong too,” she promised. “It seems like being with you has helped him grow up and face some of his demons. And you need to cut loose, have fun, and let yourself be still sometimes. And he’s great at that. You two balance one another out.”
Tears pricked at the backs of my eyes. God, I didn’t deserve her friendship. “I’m so sorry,” I said as the tears crested my lashes and tracked down my cheeks. “I have felt so guilty and shitty and awful. We made a pact long ago never to let guys come between us, and I feel like I’ve betrayed you. I love you so much.”
“Shit, now I’m crying too now.” She sniffled. “I’m hurt.” Her voice was a whisper. “I won’t deny it. And I need to process all of this. But you’re still my best friend. I want you to be happy and well cared for.”
I swallowed back the emotion swamping me. “Thank you. I’m so sorry.”
“But.” She paused and sniffled again. Then she cleared her throat. “I can empathize. Owen has been working through a lot of baggage his father piled on him. They’ve all had to deal with a lot. But Cole’s comes with another facet related to his brothers. He’s always longed for their approval. So I’m sure it hurt that Owen was so angry when he found out you got married.”
“I hope we didn’t ruin your engagement weekend.”
“Not at all. He was so stressed about making everything perfect for me. But the wild stories and the imperfections are what made it incredible.” There was a smile in her voice now. “And if you guys really do live happily ever after, then I’m taking full credit for all of it.”
A giggle bubbled out of me. “I’ll allow it.”
“Did you tell Magnolia yet?”
“She guessed.” I cringed. “Only took her a few days.”
Lila huffed. “Of course she did. That woman’s bullshit detector is next level.”
We chatted longer, about her classes and the charity gala she and Owen had attended recently, along with all kinds of gossip about Boston’s biggest sports stars, of course. Apparently, her circle now included professional athletes.
She was equal parts happy and tired and fulfilled. It warmed my heart. Because Lila had been through so much and had worked her ass off to realize her dreams.
By the time we hung up, it was dark and the snow was falling hard. When I stepped into the living room, feeling lighter than I had in weeks, Cole was crouched in front of the fireplace.
He was so handsome and kind. It would behoove me to remember that our origin story was not a shameful secret, but the start of something special.