Chapter 24
Santiago
Idouble and triple check everything before locking up The Shop for the day.
When I’m distracted, some of my responsibilities tend to slip through the cracks.
Which is why on my triple check that I pull out the checklist I made for days when I’m feeling like this.
This, as in, an emotional wreck. Maybe I do let emotions rule me, but I never want to let Ledger down so I’ve created this safeguard so that I don’t.
I stare at the red checkmarks next to each task, pleased that everything seems to be done.
Sliding my list back into a drawer in the desk, I grab my jacket off the hook and head out the back and lock up. The trek to Zone Three is faster today than normal. My anxiety fuels my adrenaline and sends my feet swiftly up the sloped gravel drive.
I pause outside the open garage door of Building A, watching as the few mechanics and engineers we have on hand move about, all about to clock out for the evening. I catch sight of Colly—Rhett’s assistant manager—and she sees me at the same time. Grinning, she jogs over.
“Hey Santi,” she greets. Her blonde pixie cut is extra disheveled after a long day of work and she has grease smudged across her left check that I think is just etched into her skin at this point. There’s hardly a time when I haven’t seen her covered in at least a little grease or grime.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I ask, hoping that my smile doesn’t seem off. I also force myself to keep my eyes on her, rather than over her, to search for Rhett—heaven forbid I appear pathetic and desperate.
She shrugs. “Not much. I heard you were down at Janet’s Janky Jukebox the other night with the new girl. You haven’t been there in forever.”
“Yeah, I know. Having Blair around reminds me that there’s more to Caddawalk than Gnarly Pines,” I admit.
Colly snorts. “Yeah, I’ve been telling you that for a while. Glad to see you found a reason to get off the property. Next time, make it a point to come see my band play. We’re finally getting gigs.”
“Absolutely!” I promise, meaning it. I start to ask her about upcoming dates she’ll be playing but her smile shifts a little and she steps closer toward me.
“Look, I know it’s not my place to say anything,” she says, lowering her voice as she leans in.
“But do you mind talking to Rhett? He’s…
well, I think he’s been shitfaced for a few days now.
I get having a bad day but his bad days mean we’re all having bad days.
He’s in his office now but he was a straight asshole to everyone before stumbling in there. ”
I keep my smile light even as my chest squeezes in my chest.
Rhett and I haven’t talked in two days—not since our fight in front of Blair.
While Blair seems determined to pretend it never happened, she’s also pulled away from me.
The past two nights she’s been slipping off into the woods on long walks that don’t have her coming back until late in the evening, then she heads straight for bed.
We’ve all been tracking her movements through the trail cameras—Ledger reminding us that her safety is important and we need eyes on her at all times. But while it’s nice watching her, it’s not the same as spending time with Blair.
And Rhett? He’s taken up drinking. None of us are heavy drinkers, in fact there’s hardly ever beer in the cabin but Rhett brought home a shit ton of it the night of our fight and hasn’t stopped drinking since.
“Ah, yup. I can definitely do that,” I assure her.
What I don’t say is that this is exactly why I’m here.
She slaps my arm in comradery and gives me a grateful smile. “Thanks, I appreciate it. I’ll let you get to whatever you’re up to.”
With that, she heads back inside and starts barking orders. I follow her in but head for the back where the Head Mechanic’s office is. I get about five feet from the door before I can smell the beer. My nose scrunches in disgust but I continue forward until I get to the cracked door. I knock once.
“What?” is the gruff, slurred response I get.
I push open the door, not waiting for him to realize who it is. Rhett’s sitting in his rolling chair, his body hunched over the desk and his face resting on his forearm. By his feet are three empty beer bottles. He doesn’t look up when the door clicks shut behind me.
Guilt grips my heart in a vice. I wince.
This is my fault. I took things too far.
I mean, we both said things we shouldn’t have for sure but…
I let my anger get the best of me. He’s right that I’m powered by emotions.
They drive me more than rationality does sometimes.
That day, I’d heard him trying to talk Blair into leaving and I just saw red.
I’d just had one of the best nights of my life with her and he wanted to send her packing. I couldn’t allow it. I need Blair to stay. I’ll feel lost without her.
Okay, so maybe he was right again. Maybe I do latch onto people.
With Blair, it’s pretty obvious that I like her.
She’s beautiful, smart, accepts me as I am, and enjoys murdering people with me—how am I not supposed to fall for someone like that?
Blair’s pretty much perfect. Wes and Ledger seem to like her around too.
I haven’t seen those two smile as much as they have since she’s come to Gnarly Pines, so it can’t just be me and my need for acceptance like Rhett was saying, right?
“Can we talk?” I ask, breaking the short silence.
“No.” Rhett doesn’t even look up as he gives me his flat response. “Go away.”
I sigh. “Rhett, I said some things I shouldn’t have and I’m sorry. While I can’t take any of it back, I wanted to see if there was anything I could do to—”
“This isn’t about you, Santi,” Rhett sneers. Even though he doesn’t lift his head, I know he’s glaring—he’s just directing it toward the desk or into his forearm, I can’t quite tell which.
Frowning, I take a step closer. “What do you mean?”
“I mean exactly what I said,” he grumbles. “Can’t a guy get wasted and it not be a fucking big deal around here? Go hang out with your new friend and let me be.”
“Are you…” I tilt my head, trying to read the room. “Is this because you’re jealous of Blair? You know you don’t have to be.” I take another step closer and lower my voice so that he hears me. “You know how I feel about you. That hasn’t changed because of—”
“Well that needs to change!” Rhett bellows, suddenly lurching up.
He spins in his chair and glares at me with bloodshot eyes.
He points his index finger at me but it loses the intended ferocity as it shakes from too much alcohol in his system.
“What are you not getting, Santi? I can’t give you what you want and I don’t want what you’re offering, so please for the love of god, redirect your feelings elsewhere!
If you want Blair, fine. Do it. I don’t care. Now get out of here!”
He bends down, swipes an empty bottle off the floor, and as he sits back up, Rhett launches it at me. I duck. The bottle hits the door and glass shatters.
“Get out! Get out!” Rhett roars.
He tries to get to his feet but can’t find his balance so he plops back down with a grunt. He burps and the smell of beer grows stronger in the room.
“This is stupid!” I snap back, my temper rising. “We’ll talk when you’re sober.”
I turn and storm out before he can reply.
I’m trembling with rage as I storm up to the cabin. My feet slam down onto each wooden step that leads to the porch and the door slams against the exterior wall of the cabin as I throw it open.
Blair’s the only one in the kitchen as I come in, and she appears to visibly relax when she sees that it’s me coming in. The relief on her face melts away to concern, however, as she studies my expression.
“Santi?” She rounds the island, but I don’t stop until my arms are wrapped around her body and I’m breathing her in. She smells like wood chips and her creamsicle body wash.
“Hey,” she says softly, wrapping her arms around me. “What’s going on?”
“Am I too much? Is Rhett right?” I ask into her hair.
“What?” Blair pulls away, forcing me to lift my head.
Our eyes meet and she gives me a confused smile.
“No, well… Maybe?” She holds up a hand when I groan in despair.
“Listen, Santi. You’ve got a lot of personality and I can see how it would come off as…
um, well a lot. But, to me? No. It’s just the right amount. ”
My bottom lip juts out. “You’re just saying that.”
Blair smiles up at me with warmth glittering in those large, brown, beautiful eyes.
“Santi, you’re—oddly enough—the most honest killer I’ve ever met,” she says, then chuckles.
“You live in the moment, and you feel and express your emotions fully. There’s no subtlety about you, which means no games.
Because of that, I trust everything you say.
That’s beautiful, Santi. I’ve never met someone like you, and I don’t think I ever will again. ”
I sense the ‘but’ even before she says it. My stomach clenches as I brace myself for the bad that’s surely to come.
“But,” she continues, as I expected. “I can see how that would be intimidating. Some people can’t even be honest with themselves, so to face someone like you—it would probably feel like a lot and it would scare them.
That doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.
You’re amazing, don’t let anyone scuff your shine, alright?
You know Rhett only said those things because he’s hurting. ”
I shudder under the well of relief and warmth that fills me as I stare down at Blair. The heartache and guilt I’ve been sporting since my fight with Rhett eases. It doesn’t disappear fully, that will take time, but it makes everything else manageable.
Leaning down, I kiss Blair—pouring my gratitude into the moment. She laughs against my lips but kisses me back. When I finally pull away, we’re both breathing hard.
“Okay,” I nod, smiling. “I feel better, thanks.”
“I’m glad I could help.”