Chapter 32 #2
The mask Blair’s tried to put in place cracks. Her bottom lip wobbles and her eyes water. Alarmed, I start to ask what’s wrong but I’m cut off as Blair throws her arms around my neck and buries her face in my chest. My hands leave her face so that I can wrap my arms around her waist.
Holding her tight against me, I plead quietly, "Blair, talk to me. What’s going on?"
"I-I'm sorry, just give me a second," she says, her words muffled against my chest. A small sob slips past her lips. The sound tears at my heart. After a second she adds, "I can't stop them but if you can just hold me a second..."
"Stop what? Your tears?" I frown. "Baby girl, if you need to cry, cry."
Blair shakes her head, but says nothing as her body trembles and she cries against me. Fuck, I would do anything in the world right now to help her. I’m at a loss of how to do that though. What has brought this fierce woman to tears?
After a second, Blair composes herself and pulls away. I don’t let her get far, holding her tight. She looks up at me and I stare down at her.
“Sorry about that,” she whispers with a little sniffle.
"Don’t apologize. Emotions are an important part of the human experience," I point out carefully. "If we don't acknowledge them, they can get the better of us. It’s better to express them then hold them back."
Blair sniffles again. Even with a runny nose, red eyes, and swollen lips she's beautiful. The way she searches my face looking for reassurance makes my heart flutter. Acting on impulse, I lean forward and kiss the tip of her nose. I'm gifted with a small smile in return.
"I know you're right. It's just... I've grown up being told otherwise.
It's been easy staying detached but since I've been here, that's not been the case.
It's overwhelming feeling so much, for so many people," Blair admits, her voice small. I can still see her hesitation as she watches my face for any sign I’m appalled by her vulnerability.
"Last night was hard, Wes. I think you would've done better handling Rhett. "
"Is this what the tears are about?" I ask her, frowning.
She nods. "Between dealing with that, Santi’s panic when he found us, and then with Ledger coming in and tagging me like I'm cattle with a tracker this afternoon—which pissed me off royally by the way—I feel like I've been on a roller coaster of emotions and I'm just not used to this.”
It takes everything in my power not to freeze.
Ledger put a tracker in Blair? What in the unholy fuck is that about? Briefly I wonder if I can convince Blair to let me dig it out of her. I’m guessing it wouldn’t be hard. But Ledger would find out.
And that could set off a whole domino effect. One I’m not prepared to handle just yet.
“I’ll talk to Ledger about the tracker,” I tell her, once I’ve managed to overcome my shock. I swallow down the guilt in my chest. This is partially my fault. I haven’t been able to rein him back at all and now Blair’s autonomy is in jeopardy.
Blair nods, the gesture distracted as her eyes lower to my chest.
“As for the others…” I hedge. “I was just looking for Ledger to talk to him about Rhett. Honestly though, I think you handled the situation better than any of us could. Clearly, skirting around him and letting him wallow wasn’t helping. Whatever you did—”
“I almost shot him four times, then I hit him a handful of times, and then I, ah, hogtied and threw him in the back of a truck to let him get rained on the entire way home,” she mumbles. “I’m not sure if that’s really ‘handling’ someone in that state.”
Well, shit. That explains the bruises I’d seen on him this morning.
The snort of laughter that slips past my lips surprises us both. Her head jerks up and I can’t help it—I laugh softly again.
“That’s one way to handle that situation,” I say, still chuckling softly. “He didn’t pick up a drink today and he was smiling on his way out with Santi, so it worked.”
A rueful smile pulls at Blair’s lips.
“I’m glad you showed up right now, Wes.” Her smile grows as she stares up at me. “You said that I could lean on you whenever I needed it and right now, I need you.”
I need you.
How is it that three little words can bring both a sense of joy and terror at exactly the same time? Blair needs me. That confession coming from a hyper independent woman means the world to me. It means I’m doing something right by Blair and that fills me with absolute exhalation.
At the same time, my blood turns cold.
I’ve allowed Blair to stay under this roof under the guise she was safe.
Oh how wrong I’ve been. She’s in danger because I couldn’t say no to my friend.
Why did I believe I could control Ledger’s impulses?
Ledger put a tracker in Blair. How the hell am I supposed to protect her from him if he’s tracking her every move?
Pushing aside that panicked thought, I try to focus on this moment with her. All else can wait. I reach up, cupping her cheek and leaning forward to press my forehead against hers.
“Lean on me for as long as you need. I’m here for you,” I promise, my voice thickening with emotions as I realize how true that is. “I won’t pull away or think less of you.”
Blair has brushed off the cobwebs growing around my heart and let in a warmth that I haven't felt in so long. My heart continues to beat now, solely because of her. I never noticed how unfulfilled I’ve been feeling, for years now, until Blair came into my life.
I can, and do, love Santi, Rhett, and Ledger, but Blair? I exist solely for her now.
I’ll protect her from Ledger, somehow, some way. In the meantime, I’ll be here to help Blair in any way possible.