Chapter 11
Axe
“Axe.” Kenzie’s voice cut through me like a razor-sharp blade.
“Kenzie.” My hands were clammy. I rubbed them on my jeans, feeling like a fish out of water. My eyes moved to her long legs, envisioning them when they were wrapped around my waist.
When I fucked her.
Shit.
Forcing myself to look away, I nodded toward the coffee machine. “I don’t know if you drink coffee, but you’re welcome to some. It’s the real stuff, none of that frappo-chessio stuff you get in the high dollar coffee shops.”
When she said nothing in response, I squinted my eyes and finally glanced in her direction. Did I honestly think by narrowing my vision I’d keep images of fucking her out of my mind?
Not possible.
“Do you have cream?” Her voice was lower than the night before, husky in a way indicating lack of sleep and the same unbridled hunger riddling my senses.
“Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Milk?” By now, she was close to purring the word, but I could easily tell she was back to teasing me as she’d enjoyed doing the night before.
She appeared just as uncomfortable as I felt even after the time we’d spent together. What was I saying? The thought was as if we’d had dinner and maybe spent an hour chatting instead of hours making out under the sheets.
Hours.
I’d fucked her three more times before I’d wrangled up some food. Then we’d done it once more before falling asleep. At what time I didn’t know. It was early morning. With the sun cresting over the horizon, the good news was that the river would soon finally return to within its banks.
Hopefully, the city fixed the goddamn dam the right way this time. There’d been enough damage done by the lack of city council response.
Now I was trying to fill my mind with anything but thoughts of her. “What did you ask?”
She took a step closer, reminding me she was only wearing another one of my tee shirts and nothing underneath. Her smile was sly, catching me in a daydream.
“Do you have any milk?”
Being nervous around her was nonsensical, but here I was. “Yeah, I’ve got milk. Help yourself. There are mugs in the cabinet over the coffeemaker.”
“How could I forget?” She moved closer and I gathered a whiff of her scent. Not of perfume but of our sex. With her hair tousled, she appeared the sexiest kitten-like woman I’d ever laid eyes on.
Fuck.
I rubbed my forehead and took a purposeful step out of the way. I had to stop thinking like this. “Forget what?”
“You used to drink a full gallon of milk a day. That’s one thing I remembered your mom talking about. How you adored your milk.”
The awkwardness was worse than the afternoon before. I honestly had no idea what to say to her. I’d allowed emotions and physical needs to get the better of me, breaking down well-oiled defenses. That couldn’t happen again.
Yeah, and why not? What the fuck did I owe Wade at this point?
He thinks you betrayed him.
I shoved aside the ugly thoughts. That was exactly what he thought. Fucking his sister would be the cherry on the sundae.
I leveled my eyes on her back as she found a mug, staring at the words imprinted in the ceramic. “Smokejumpers ignite the flames?” she read, twisting her body so she could catch my reaction.
Shrugging, I took another sip of coffee. “Something Steel bought for me.”
“Steel?”
“Jameson. You know, my other brother?”
“Ah. You all have call names.”
“Yeah. So what?”
She poured her coffee and found the carton of milk before answering. “So I think that’s adorable. That’s all.”
A heavy sigh left my gut. “It’s a good luck charm in the Zullies. The old timers think having a nickname will entice Big Ernie to keep us protected.”
“Big Ernie?”
“A smokejumper god some of the guys pray to.”
With her coffee prepared, she turned around and leaned against the counter. “Ah. Makes sense. What you’re doing is admirable.”
Now I laughed. “You mean it’s better than riding a bull.”
“You were a great cowboy, Stephen. I mean Axe. But maybe your talents were needed elsewhere.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“So you’re back to being angry with me.”
I placed the mug on the counter and stretched my arms out, crossing my feet as I did. “Not angry. Just… Reflective. Why didn’t you say goodbye before you left for college?”
She seemed genuinely surprised I’d asked her the question. “I think you know why.”
“Why don’t you tell me.”
“If you don’t know why I had to leave then I don’t think we have anything to talk about.”
“Kenzie. Was it because of me? Because of the kiss?”
There was a way women had of making men feel like shit by just offering a look. One look that leveled them straight into the ground. Kenzie Sterling was famous for those looks.
Why was I freaking holding my breath?
“I just… Did you forget I won a scholarship to Columbia to study criminal justice?”
The deep breath slipping past her plump lips was agonizing. “How could I forget? Your mom was thrilled.”
Her eyes clouded over. “Yeah, she was. As crazy as it sounds, all I’d wanted was for my dad to tell me was proud of me.
Anyway, you’re right. I accepted the scholarship because I knew you were everyone’s heartthrob, but not everything that happened in Missoula was about you.
Maybe you can put that arrogant side of you away. You forget that I know the real you.”
Ouch. She knew how to cut a man down to size. The real me. How she thought she knew that was beyond me.
She skirted away from me and into the living room.
Goddamn, the woman could drive any man completely nuts. I had no idea why a sudden sadness sprang up. She’d always been the overachiever in the family. The funny thing was that I’d wanted to tell her how pissed I was that she’d left me. Me. As if she didn’t have a full life to live.
Only that would fuel her insistence I was just an arrogant ass. She’d had everything going for her and I’d never told her the way I’d felt about her.
Because I would have betrayed Wade.
Maybe she was right. We were adults now.
She had her life and I had mine. I headed into the living room, finding her outside on the deck.
As soon as I opened the door, she tensed even more.
We were oil and water, two people who had no clue how to even talk to each other.
“You truly do have the most incredible views.”
I moved beside her, shielding my eyes from the early morning sun. There was a light fog covering a good portion of the tallest peaks. “I know you’re probably not too fond of water right now, but just through those trees is an incredible lake. It feeds the river. There’s some damn good fishing.”
“I didn’t know you liked to fish. That’s too… quiet of a hobby for you.”
Half laughing, I hadn’t realized how much she’d known about me. “Now, why would you say that?
“Oh, come on. I remember you had that souped-up GTO. You had a name for her, didn’t you?”
“You remember that.”
She offered the kind of look that would melt a man. “Are you kidding me? You ensured everyone knew about the car. You could hear it in the next county.”
“That was my Becky.”
“Becky. That’s right. Maybe that’s why I called my baby Bertha.”
“Bertha. Are you talking about the truck that took a swim down Clark Fork?”
“The very one. She was my rock. You should have seen my father’s face when I told him I was driving to New York. By myself.”
“Where the hell was I?”
“You weren’t my keeper, Axe. You were just my… You were my brother’s best friend.”
Little did she know. “And you drove her all the way to Billings after you graduated?”
Her face lit up like I remembered. “Yeah. Bertha and I managed to see the country together. We took our time going both ways. I enjoyed the time alone. It allowed me to think. Maybe grow up.”
“Why Billings?”
“Why not? I had a job offer.”
Leaning over the railing, I stared at her, shoving my free hand into my jeans pocket to keep from reaching out and pulling her even closer.
She finally realized I was waiting for an explanation, wrinkling her nose a few seconds later.
A telltale sign of when a subject either bothered or pissed her off.
I had a feeling this was a little of both.
“My father and I aren’t getting along and haven’t for a long time.
Even after I graduated with honors six months early from law school, he was certain I was coming back to work with him on the business.
In fact, he insisted. I said no. He wasn’t happy. We stopped talking.”
“I didn’t know that.”
She nodded. “He even told me he’d write me out of his will. That’s what Daddy does when he doesn’t get his way. He threatens people. I don’t honestly know why my mother has stayed married to him.”
While she laughed, I could tell she was truly bothered about the situation. “I think people appreciate familiarity.”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe that’s why I’m here.”
“Homesick?”
“I don’t know. Maybe a little. The urgency in my father’s voice caught me by surprise. I also had the need to ground myself. I don’t know. I really don’t.”
“So where are you staying?”
Her sigh was exaggerated. “I haven’t figured that out either. And don’t worry, Axe. You’ve made it perfectly clear what happened last night can never happen again. I get it.”
“Kenzie.”
When she threw her hand out, she laughed.
“I’m a big girl, Axe. Don’t get me wrong.
I loved last night. More than I can tell you, but what happened was based on our proximity and the near tragedy we both experienced.
Whatever my father needs I’ll help him with, but I’m not staying in Missoula.
I told you and everyone else a long time ago that I wanted to leave.
I’d feel as if I failed myself if I came back. ”
Her definitive answer brought a strange feeling from deep inside. I didn’t want her to go. In fact, I almost blurted out the way I felt. She’d loved Missoula and had planned on spending her life in town. “You could always open up shop here. Start a practice. A lot of folks have small businesses.”