Chapter 11 #2
I reached out and tugged her close again. She laid her head on my chest, letting me give her the support she so desperately needed at this moment. “I’m sorry I’m bringing all this into your life.”
“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart,” I murmured. “We’ll deal with this together.”
“I’m just so tired of having to pretend to be strong,” she said.
“You don’t have to pretend, not with me.”
She turned her head to look up at me. “I know. Thanks to you, Bryce will be out of my life in a few short months. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.”
“Stupid fucker doesn’t deserve a wife, much less a good woman like you.”
Her gaze turned warm and admiring. “How about you? Do you deserve a good woman like me?”
I gave her a playful little jostle. “Ain’t no man on God’s green earth that deserves you. And I ain’t joking about that.”
My body froze for an instant, and she used that opportunity to lift herself onto her toes and kiss me. My instincts kicked in, and I lifted her into my arms so our lips could connect more fully.
For a second, I forgot how to breathe. Her mouth was soft and certain against mine. My hands found her waist on instinct, my thumbs fitting into the little hollows there like they’d been waiting for the job. She wasn’t trembling exactly, but I could feel a fine thread of nerves under the surface.
I kissed her back the way I’ve always wanted to, but letting her set the pace. When she didn’t pull away, I slid one hand up, my fingers tracing the line of her spine through the cotton of her thin shirt. She shivered. Not from cold. From me. That knowledge detonated low in my chest.
“Tracey,” I managed against her mouth, more a gravelly sound than a word. I wanted her to know I was still thinking, still here, still in control of myself when every part of me wanted to lift her and carry her straight to my bed. “Tell me if—”
“Don’t stop,” she whispered, breath feathering against my lower lip. “Please don’t stop.”
So I didn’t. I angled my head and deepened the kiss, slow and sure.
Her hands slid up around my neck, her fingers threading at the base of my skull.
I hooked an arm under her thighs and picked her up and she made a surprised sound that I swallowed as her legs came around my hips.
She was light in my arms, but the weight of this moment was something else entirely—heavy with history and what we hadn’t said and what we were saying now without using words.
I walked her to my bedroom and set her on my bed.
The light was off, but outside, the motion light had kicked on, throwing pale gold across the lawn.
My reflection and hers blurred together in the glass like we were one.
I felt my heart in my throat, I’d imagined this moment for years, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit that the thought of being with Tracey had stoked many a fantasy.
She cupped my face, her palms warm, her thumbs brushing the rough stubble along my jaw.
Her eyes searched mine like she was making sure I was real.
I let her look. I wanted her to see everything—want, yes, but the steadiness underneath it.
The promise that none of this was going to cost her, that there weren’t any strings tied to my help or my heart.
“You’re shaking,” I murmured.
“We’re really going to do this?” A watery laugh slipped out of her.
“Only if it’s what you want, darlin’?” I asked. She didn’t answer, but her hand came out and brushed against the front of my jeans.
Fuck.
I guess I had my answer. I was rock hard and wanted nothing more than to be buried deep inside her sweet pussy. But I’d waited years to get Tracey in my arms. Tonight, I wanted to take my time and savor every moment.
It got hotter fast. That’s just the truth.
There was only so long I could pretend I wasn’t desperate to know the taste of her or feel the heat of her skin against mine.
The angle changed, I pressed in closer, bracketed her body with mine, and her breath hitched when my chest met hers.
Her fingers moved, sliding from my jaw to the back of my neck, drawing me deeper.
I felt her open for me—her mouth, her trust, and a rough sound tore free from my throat I didn’t recognize as my own.
I dragged my mouth from hers, only because I wanted more.
I took a slow path along her cheekbone, the corner of her jaw, found the pulse in her throat and pressed my lips there.
She tipped her head back and let out a soft, breathy moan that I was pretty sure I was gonna hear in my bones for the rest of my damn life.
“Axel,” she gasped.
“Yeah, sweetheart.” My voice didn’t sound like something fit for polite company. “Still okay?”
“Better than okay.” Her fingers tightened in my hair. “I feel… safe.”
That word did something to me. I gentled without meaning to, letting my mouth soften against her skin.
My hands, which had been fisted in her shirt like I was trying not to shake apart, eased.
I slid one palm up her side, mapping her curves.
Feeling the flutter of breath under my hand.
The warm, steady strength she didn’t realize she carried.
I stopped just below the curve of her breasts and stayed there, letting the heat seep through both our shirts. She pressed into my touch like she’d been starved for simple, decent contact. That thought hurt and healed me in the same breath.
“You sure you want me, Tracey?” I asked it low, because I needed to hear it, not because I doubted. I didn’t want the past speaking in either of our ears.
Her eyes met mine straight on. She looked fierce all of a sudden, like the question struck at something she’d already decided. “I’ve wanted you since before I knew what wanting was,” she said, and then she kissed me with a certainty that burned away every ghost in the room.
I kissed her back, our tongues tangling. She was soft everywhere I was hard, yielding where I was stubborn. I cupped her breast and rubbed my thumb over her nipple. She groaned in response.
“You like that?” I asked.
“Mmm,” she murmured.
I pushed her shirt up higher like I was unwrapping a present. God she was so fucking beautiful. I bent my head to her chest and captured a nipple between my lips, sucking it through her bra. My other hand drifted down her stomach towards paradise.
She must have been having similar thoughts as she tugged at my shirt.
I peeled it over my head and dropped it somewhere I didn’t care about.
Her palms slid over my chest like she was learning a new language by touch.
I wasn’t the skinny kid she’d known back in college.
The military put size on me and the gym kept it.
Her hands told a whole story on their own as they mapped what time and experience had made.
“You’re beautiful,” she whispered, as if the word surprised her.
I nearly laughed again, only because if I didn’t, I might make a sound I’d regret.
“That’s my line,” I said, and let my hands memorize the slope of her waist, and the dip above her hip bone.
I didn’t rush. When she swayed forward and kissed me with the kind of sweetness that burns, I steadied us both.
Her shirt hit the floor next, and for a heartbeat I just looked.
Not crude. Not rating or measuring. Just witnessing the proof of a life lived, a body that had grown two small humans and carried more than her share of worry.
I had the sudden, stupid urge to kneel. Instead, I put my mouth to the top of her shoulder where the bra strap had been and breathed her in, letting her skin cool my lips.
“You’re staring,” she whispered, her voice shaky.
“Yeah,” I admitted. “I’ve been waiting a long time to.” I looked up and met her eyes so she could see I meant it. “You’re perfect to me, Tracey. You always were.”
Something in her face changed and she pulled me down to kiss me like she believed me.
We tumbled back onto the mattress, sideways, half on, half off, laughing into each other’s mouths when the sheet bunched under her elbow.
“I don’t have to be perfect with you,” she said softly, almost to herself.
“No,” I said. “Just be you.”
I kissed her again and when she arched under me, my breath stuttered. Heat gathered, low and heavy, the kind that makes a man stupid.
“Axel,” she said against my mouth, a warning and an invitation, and I didn’t know which one would win.
A second later, neither did, because the night ripped open.
A sharp, high sound knifed down the hall. A child’s cry. It went through me like a blade.
Tracey was off the mattress and pulling on her shirt before I could say her name.
Every nerve in my body flipped from hungry to alert so fast it left me dizzy.
We met in the doorway for half a heartbeat—her eyes wide, mine were already on the sliver of light under the girls’ door—and then we were running.
“Jenna?” Tracey called, voice steady now in the way only a mother’s gets when she’s scared. “Jill?”
Another cry, this one softer, broken by hiccupping breaths. “Mommy!”
I reached the door first and swung it open with my palm flat, the way you do when you’re ready to catch whatever’s coming. The nightlight threw a small pool of glow across a tangle of blankets and two small shapes sitting up in bed, hair tousled, eyes wet.
Tracey slipped past me and went straight to them. I followed, my heart pounding for an entirely different reason now, and dropped to my knees beside the bed.
“Hey,” I said softly, and kept my hands where they could see them. “We’re here.”
Tracey sat on the edge of her bed.
“Daddy was here!” Jenna said.
“Mommy!” Jill said with a panicked expression. “What do we do?”
Tracey took Jenna into her arms and said soothingly, “Shush. Everything’s going to be okay. It was just a bad dream.”
Jenna caught her breath, and a gush of words tumbled out. “No, he came back! Daddy was in the garden! He wants to take us away, so we’ll never see you again!”
Tracey rocked her gently. “Shh, sweetie, you’re safe. No one’s going to take you away. Axel and I would never let that happen.”
I knelt beside them, resting a hand lightly on Jenna’s back. “Your mommy’s right,” I murmured gently. “This is my house, and there ain’t nobody coming through the door without my say so. When you’re with your mom and me, there ain’t nobody gonna be messing with you.”
Jenna buried her face in her mother’s shoulder, her voice muffled. “But what if he finds us? I’m scared, when he pushed me, it hurt.”
Tracey closed her eyes for a second, holding her tighter. “The judge said he’s not allowed to come near us. If he does, we’ll call the police.”
“I must have made him mad.”
Pulling her back to look down at her face, Tracey assured her, “You didn’t do anything wrong. Daddy was angry. He didn’t mean to hurt you, but it shouldn’t have happened.”
I added, “You’re a tough little girl and you’re so brave. Don’t worry, every night I lock all the doors and windows. We have a security system, and you know who’s watching those cameras right now?”
Jenna shook her head, her eyes still wet.
“You’ve met Hacker,” I said. “He’s like a superhero, but with computers. If anything moved in the yard, we’d know before it even got close.”
Her eyes got big. “Really? He was funny, he did tricks with his wheelchair for us.”
I gave her a firm nod. “Yeah. He’s bringing his kids to the clubhouse this weekend, would you like to come?”
“What’s the clubhouse?” Jill asked.
I gave her a quick smile. “It’s where me and my club brothers hang out.”
Jenna spoke up, looking a little unsure of herself. “Like a playhouse for people with motorcycles?”
I smiled at her description, “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
Tracey asked, “Right now you need to get some sleep. Would the two of you like to sleep together tonight?”
Jill was already crawling under her sister’s blanket before Jenna could answer.
When they were both under the blanket, I asked, “Would you like one more story?”
Jill pointed to the bookshelf. “The dragon one.”
I got up, grabbed the book she wanted, and handed it to her. When I stepped back, Jenna said, “No. Don’t go. You read the dragon book.”
Something new and paternal sprang to life in my chest. With a big goofy grin, I sat down, took the book back, and began reading. I did my best to use my growly biker voice when reading the dragon’s words, which made them giggle.
That was the moment I started envisioning myself as a father to two little girls who deserved a man who could give them the time and attention they needed and make them feel safe. I could be that person for them.