Chapter 5
Airis’s words still echoed dully in my head.
She’s dead.
Because of me.
The thought alone froze my body in shock.
I couldn’t move.
Not even a little.
That moment replayed in my mind—
the stream of blood running down Angela’s forehead...
and those snake-like eyes looking at me for the last time.
A wave of heat surged through me, rising rapidly from the tips of my toes.
As if I were drawing the fire straight from the ground beneath me.
My vision blurred with tears.
I bit the inside of my cheek, trying to hold them back.
But the flames gathering at my fingertips were just as eager to break free.
“Damn it,” I heard Airis say.
“Don’t give in to your emotions.”
His voice was harsh.
But my emotions didn’t hear it as a command.
I held my breath, not knowing what to do.
It felt as though if I inhaled, everything around me would ignite.
Then his face appeared in front of me.
Slightly concerned.
Airis dropped to his knees in front of me, where I sat frozen in the chair.
“Good girl,” he said quietly—
as if he himself was afraid to move.
His fingers touched mine.
Carefully.
Too carefully for someone like him.
And my fire... hesitated.
It didn’t understand what was happening.
Didn’t know where to go.
And that terrified it.
Like a wild beast trapped in a cage, ready to tear everything apart.
“Now take a slow breath,” Airis said softly, not breaking eye contact.
I tried not to look at him.
I was so damn ashamed of the tears burning in my eyes.
Still—
I obeyed.
I took a slow breath.
And felt the fire in my lungs recoil in surprise.
“Keep breathing.”
I did.
Because I didn’t want to be a threat anymore.
Didn’t want anyone else to suffer because of me.
Because I couldn’t control myself.
The flames eased.
As if they were meeting something—
something soft, something calming.
I knew what it was.
His magic.
His air.
He was helping me.
Standing far too close.
It felt like his presence had slipped beneath my skin.
Tears betrayed me, slipping down my cheeks as I felt the fire—guided by his air—sink downward.
Like it was returning to where it belonged.
Our hands parted.
And Airis stepped away.
Quickly.
Firmly.
As if being that close to me disgusted him.
“You didn’t kill Angela yourself,” he said, walking toward the dresser and pulling out a change of clothes.
“But your stubbornness didn’t leave anyone much choice.”
I bit my lip, unable to look at him.
“Let this be a lesson for you,” he continued.
“The first step toward trust.”
With that, he disappeared into the bathroom—
leaving me alone.
Even the spirits had abandoned me.
When Airis opened the door, the room instantly filled with his scent.
I didn’t even react.
Still staring at the same spot.
There were no thoughts left in my head—
it felt like the fire had burned them all away.
“We’ll have to sleep together,” Airis said.
From the corner of my eye, I saw him moving around the room,
but I still didn’t dare look at him.
“I’m not sleeping on the floor.”
I stayed silent.
“I sleep on the right side.”
Without a word, I stood up and walked to the bed, taking the left.
I didn’t want to argue.
Didn’t want to defend myself.
I’d already done that.
And it had ended with someone innocent dead.
Ignoring the fact that there was only one blanket, I lay down and pulled it over myself.
Then I grabbed one of the pillows and placed it between us—
a barrier.
So he wouldn’t be able to look at me
if we ended up facing each other.
Right now, I just wanted to be alone.
To hide somewhere no one could find me.
And where I wouldn’t be able to find anyone either.
The mattress dipped on his side of the bed as he lay down.
His scent reached me again—
persistent.
Almost... disturbingly comforting.
A snap of his fingers—
and the lights went out.
I exhaled quietly.
The stars scattered across the dark sky, visible through the window,
seemed to be watching me in return.
It felt...
unsettling.
“I’m sorry for being harsh,” Airis said suddenly.
“You don’t apologize for telling the truth,” I replied.
He let out a heavy sigh.
“I wanted you to let go of your distrust toward us, not trap yourself in guilt.”
“Good for you. You almost managed the first one,” I said evenly, hoping it didn’t sound like an accusation.
Because I didn’t want to blame him.
At least not for that.
“I’m not good at... communication,” he admitted quietly.
I stayed silent.
Not for long.
“I’ve realized that every action I take—or don’t take—comes with consequences,” I said, exhaling as my fists clenched.
“And I hate that it took Angela’s death for me to understand that.”
That was the truth.
“Angela is a spirit,” Airis said after a short pause.
“Only her human vessel was destroyed. She’ll find a new body. She’ll be reborn.”
“And still,” I said quietly,
“it could’ve been someone else. Someone who died because of my stubbornness.”
“We didn’t expect you to trust us easily,” he said, shifting slightly—his side of the bed creaked softly.
“But we also didn’t expect it to be this difficult to bring you to Istmond.”
“I have trust issues,” I replied.
“So it’s better if I warn you now—so you know what you’re dealing with.”
I fell silent again, drifting back into my thoughts.
Selfish people survive.
Kind ones bury themselves
along with those they couldn’t save.
I had to be the first kind.
“I’m not exactly great at trust either.”
“I noticed.”
“Your question about Butuarus...” he began—
but I cut him off sharply.
“Forget it. You’re just my mentor. And I’m your trainee for the year. Why should we know anything about each other beyond abilities and whatever helps me survive this academy?”
“No one knows where I was born.”
My thoughts scattered instantly.
My body tensed.
“What do you mean?” I asked, hearing the distrust in my own voice.
“I was found on the meridian between the realms of light and air.”
Silently, I turned, pulling away the pillow I’d placed between us, and looked at him.
But Airis wasn’t looking at me.
He lay on his back, dressed in a white shirt that revealed his toned arms marked with strange symbols, staring up at the ceiling.
“You don’t know who your parents are?”
“No. I was taken to Istmond at thirteen, after they threw me out of the orphanage when my powers manifested.”
I saw the muscles in his arms tighten.
His hands clenched into fists.
I stayed quiet.
My fingers gripped the blanket—
just like my heart did.
I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it must have been like—
to be thirteen, discover magic,
and be handed over to strangers.
“Did you ever try to find out? Your past... your parents?”
“I wanted to,” he said quietly, his voice slightly rough.
“But from thirteen onward, I was under constant supervision. No time for searching. No time for anything but getting stronger.”
He fell silent.
Briefly.
But heavily.
“And when I finally did have time... I realized I didn’t want to know.”
A long pause followed.
“What do you think?” he asked suddenly.
“Can ordinary humans have a child with magic?”
This time, I wasn’t afraid of sounding stupid.
“That’s impossible,” he replied.
Then, after a short pause:
“That’s why you want to go back to Vuduarus, isn’t it? To find out if you’re adopted?”
“Yes,” I said softly.
Our eyes met.
His—glowing faintly in the moonlight—looked even brighter now.
He turned toward me.
His gaze softened.
Dark hair streaked with lighter strands still stood in chaotic defiance, refusing to settle against the pillow—
whether because of his air magic
or an excessive amount of styling gel, I couldn’t tell.
Something about the moment made me speak.
“I also want to warn my friends that I’m okay... and that I’ll have to leave,” I added, thinking it through.
“I’ll be able to visit them, right?”
“Not in your first or second year,” he said.
I frowned.
“So students aren’t allowed to see their families?”
“They are. Once a year,” he nodded.
“But I doubt you’ll be granted access to Vuduarus once it becomes known your parents aren’t really yours.”
“I wasn’t planning to visit them anyway. But my friends are different. They’re my family.”
I tried to make my expression firm.
“You shouldn’t form close bonds with humans,” he said.
“Their lives are far too short for that.”
Something tightened in my throat.
A pause.
Light. Fragile.
“And how can you call someone family if you have to keep secrets from them?”
Another pause.
He watched me.
Waiting.
And I tried to ignore the small, creeping fear tightening around my chest.
Gwendolyn. Mike. Dwayne.
They knew about my abilities.
Should I tell him?
Or would that put them in danger?
“As strange as it may sound,” he continued,
“I’m the only one you have here, in this world right now. And you should trust me.”
My fingers tightened around the thick fabric of the blanket.
And his eyes—
hardened again.
That familiar steel returning.
“Do they know about your abilities?”
They know things even you don’t.
“What would you do to them if they did?” I asked, forcing calm into my voice while hiding my slightly trembling hands beneath the blanket.
Airis stayed silent, still studying me.
“How long have they known?”
This time, I didn’t answer.
“Trust, remember?”
“Since I was eighteen.”
“Wait.”
“You developed your powers at eighteen?”
I nodded, not understanding the surprise on his face.
“Why does that shock you?”
“Because mages usually manifest their abilities between twenty-four and twenty-six. Anything earlier is considered an anomaly. And it’s dangerous.”
Great.
Just add that to the list.
“But your powers showed up when you were thirteen.”
“And I was immediately taken to Istmond, where I was taught control.”
“Why is it dangerous?”
“Because you can destroy yourself—and everything around you. If too much energy builds up, your outer shell cracks. And that creates an additional surge of power,” he explained.
“There have only been two recorded cases in Istarus where a mage who hid their abilities exploded and wiped out three nearby villages.”
I stayed silent.
That easily could have been me.
“How did you make it to twenty-five without being consumed by your own power?”