Chapter 45 #2
"It isn't always... pleasant," he admitted, swallowing hard.
I decided to steer the conversation elsewhere before someone pushed him into what was clearly an unpleasant memory.
"So what are we actually supposed to do?" I asked. "Just... look our soul in the eyes or something? I've never really understood this trial."
I'd never had the chance to.
It was the only trial never broadcast on television. The temple—and whatever happened inside your mind—remained hidden from the tiny recording creatures.
"I have no idea," Taylor said.
"Maybe..." Azalia hesitated. "Maybe it's about accepting who you truly are."
No one answered.
My eyes settled on the temple.
To my own surprise...
I felt absolutely nothing.
No fear.
No excitement.
No anticipation.
I just wanted the Selection to be over.
I wanted proof that the horrible vision had been nothing more than a nightmare.
And I still couldn't understand why we hadn't crossed paths with Ria yet.
That...
more than anything else...
was what truly made me nervous.
Illariana Arden's POV
When I opened my eyes, I found myself staring at my own reflection.
Alive.
Defiant.
And subtly different from the real me.
My other self sat upon a throne carved from black stone, wearing a sly, knowing smile.
My gaze immediately dropped to her clothes.
Her body was wrapped in swirling black mist, flames flickering through it in scattered bursts.
As though embodying two forces at once—
Fire.
And Death.
If Death could even be called an element.
So... what exactly was I supposed to do?
Look at her?
Convince myself she actually existed?
Believe that this...
could truly be me?
"Are you just going to stand there in silence?" she asked.
A shiver ran through me at the sound of my own voice coming from someone else.
My reaction only seemed to amuse her.
"And what exactly am I supposed to say?" I shot back. "Ask you questions? And which ones can you actually answer?"
The questions spilled out before I could stop them.
"You came here to meet your true self," she said. "The version that carries all three branches of your existence—your past, your present, and your future."
"I don't remember looking like that in the past."
I arched a brow, crossing my arms.
Then the word future caught up with me, and my eyes snapped back to her as I studied every detail of her appearance.
"So..." I said slowly. "Does that mean meeting you lets me glimpse who I'll become?"
She said nothing.
Only kept smiling.
"You already know the answer to every question I'm asking, don't you?"
"Then why am I even here?" Irritation flared inside me. "What's the point of meeting you?"
"To admire me," she replied with an indifferent shrug.
I snorted.
God...
No wonder I annoyed people.
"Actually," she continued, "I'll be the one asking the questions."
"And what's the point of that?" I frowned. "You already know all the answers."
The same expression appeared on her face.
"You know," she said, "instead of arguing with yourself, I'd take advantage of this opportunity and leave with something worthwhile."
"That sounds like something my future self would say," I muttered.
"Maybe one day you'll finally accept yourself," she answered quietly. "And you'll agree."
I scoffed.
"I already accept myself."
My true self burst into laughter.
Loud.
Shameless.
"I've known you your entire life," she said once the laughter faded. "You've always believed the darkness inside you was something wrong... something damaged. Something corrupt."
I stayed silent.
"You were ashamed of it."
Her gaze never left mine.
"And whenever you did embrace it, you rejected every part of yourself that was light."
Silence.
"Why?"
Her eyes narrowed.
Damn.
She already knew every answer.
I knew every answer.
I was simply extraordinarily talented at pretending I didn't.
"Light exists because darkness stands beside it," she continued, knowing perfectly well my pride would never let me answer. "And darkness exists only because there was once light."
She let the silence settle between us.
"You've spent your entire life trying to keep only one of them."
"I think we're done here."
I pressed my lips together and deliberately looked away, refusing to meet her patient gaze.
"I'm proud of you."
"That's enough."
I turned toward the endless void surrounding us, searching for anything beyond its invisible edges.
There was nothing.
Only emptiness.
"My future self truly regrets never acknowledging you," she said softly. "Never celebrating your victories—no matter how small or how great."
I swallowed hard.
Why...
Why did hearing those words from myself tighten my throat so painfully?
"I'm proud of you."
My eyes burned, and I forced myself to look anywhere but at her.
"You finally chose the easier path."
A faint smile touched her lips.
"You opened your heart..."
"To the wrong person."
The words escaped before I could stop them.
A tear slid down my cheek.
"You don't know that."
"My person wouldn't have done this to me."
I wiped my face with my sleeve, only to notice the knowing smile returning to her face.
"What now?" I asked, unable to hide the irritation creeping into my voice.
It drove me insane.
She knew everything.
She was me.
Yet instead of helping, she just stood there smiling.
"So many things," she replied with an infuriating grin.
I already knew she wasn't going to explain.
"Now go."
She waved a dismissive hand.
"I'm bored."
"You're bored of yourself?"
"No."
Her smile widened.
"I'm bored of the person you are right now."
I opened my mouth to fire back another retort—
—but with a single wave of her hand, the world vanished.
A heartbeat later, I was standing inside the small chamber I'd entered what felt like hours ago.
Something inside me had changed.
A tiny spark had settled somewhere deep within my chest.
Almost imperceptible.
Yet it carried the strange promise that something important had begun.
I just didn't know whether that was a good thing.
Taking a slow breath, I brushed my fingers over cheeks still warm from tears that had already dried.
Then I started toward the exit.
I had barely taken a few steps when a deafening explosion erupted somewhere just beyond the chamber.
I froze where I stood.