Chapter Eight #4
Darragh looked down at his chest with a low groan as he spotted the dark crimson smears all over it. I knew from personal experience that it wasn’t going to wash out. I was just getting to my feet when Ronan jogged over to us. His eyes jumped between me, Darragh and his ma.
“The feck happened t’ ya?”
I breathed a sigh of relief. Ronan hadn’t seen Declan beating the hell out of his cousin. I was sure the full story would reach him eventually, but for now I didn’t have to worry about him judging my questionable choice in mates.
“Met wi’ the business end o’ a fist, like. Ain’t that obvious, now?” Darragh snapped, holding a bloodied towel to his face. “Me feckin’ head is bangin’, like.”
I didn’t like to say Darragh had gotten lucky. I’d seen Declan manage to knock bigger fellas than him clean out before now. Things could have been much worse.
“What’s goin’ on back there?” I asked, jerking my chin back towards the chaos.
Ronan shrugged. “It’s calmin’ down, like.
The pigs have moved on. Declan gave ‘em the slip and they’re not after anyone else here.
” He held my eye contact, silently relieved the authorities hadn’t rumbled us.
They had clearly decided a witch hunt after Declan was going to be more successful and that suited me just fine.
I knew my mate – he’d be just as unfazed about that as I was.
“Feck, I need some ice f’this eye, like,” Darragh sighed, cautiously getting to his feet. When he stumbled a little, Ronan grabbed him by the elbow.
“I’ll take ya.” He looked at me. “I’ll be right back, don’t go anywhere.”
I held up my palms in agreement, shifting foot to foot as Fiadh and I watched them making their way back across the camp. After a moment of tense silence, I heard her sigh.
“Those boys’ll be the death o’ me. Y’fancy a wee beer, now?”
“Aye,” I said, clearing my throat. “That’d be grand.”
When Fiadh gestured for me to take a seat, I gingerly lowered myself down into one of the lawn chairs. I was nervous, I realised with a start. Something about being here alone with Fiadh set me on edge, my mind churning up old, dark memories of my own ma.
She returned swiftly with a bottle, popping the cap before holding it out for me. It was a little warmer than I’d have ideally liked, but I held my tongue and tipped it back whilst Ronan’s ma settled down in the chair beside me.
“Did y’ever find out what the filth wanted, like?”
I felt myself growing ever more tense, taking my time swallowing a mouthful of beer before answering.
“Y’know ‘bout the pub, aye? The other night?”
Fiadh nodded, sipping from her bottle.
“Me mate, Declan, he’d had a run in wi’ the fella who owns it, so we thought t’ get back at him, like. Declan wasn’t there, I made sure o’ that, but I’d guess his name was put forward t’ the pigs as suspect number one, aye?”
Fiadh nodded. “Aye, makes sense. Folks always be losin’ they heads whenever the filth sniffin’ ‘bout, now. Even if it’d nothin’ t’ do wi’ ‘em.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” I replied. “Lookin’ f’a reason t’ get fightin’, like.”
“Ya’d know a wee bit ‘bout that, eh? More than most I’d wager bein’ Colm Ayres’ boy, now.”
I felt like I’d been dunked into ice cold water. Just the mention of my da had my palms sweaty and my heart racing. I raised my bottle to my lips, feeling my brow furrow into a scowl.
“Y’knew me da, then?” That was all I could think to say.
“Nah, not well. Knew of him, more like.” There was a dark sympathy shining in her gaze and I hastily looked away.
“Aye, well, he’d be nobody’s problem anymore. He’s inside, if y’hadnt heard already, like.” I kept my eyes fixed into the distance, trying to pretend like just talking of my da didn’t set my teeth on edge.
Fiadh hummed thoughtfully. “Too late f’ya ma, I hear. I’d be sorry t’ find out. Must o’ been hard f’ya.”
I shrugged, fighting to push down the turbulent emotions that swirled within me. Just like when I’d spoken to Ronan about this, I felt a sadness that I’d thought I was long past growing in my chest.
“Nah, we’d not seen one another in a long time ‘fore that, now. I’d not been surprised neither,” I said, sniffing as I turned my attention to the beer bottle in my hands. “Said t’ Ronan he’d best not be takin’ his ma f’granted, like. Doesn’t know how lucky he is.”
“Ah, son…” Fiadh murmured softly, clearly touched by my words. To my horror, I felt a familiar stinging in my eyes as I grew emotional. I scowled, chugging down my beer in an attempt to distract myself.
“Y’know, I’d been meanin’ t’ speak t’ ya ‘bout that,” Fiadh continued. “Ya an’ Ronan, I mean.”
I steeled myself as I met her eye, relieved to be changing the subject.
She was gazing back at me, eyes squinting against the sun.
When she shaded her face with her hands, I saw a knowing smile playing on her lips.
I was suddenly tense in an entirely different way and averted my gaze, staring at the grass.
I couldn’t bring myself to speak, but that didn’t seem to deter Fiadh.
“Look, I’m not some wet behind the ears wee wain, aye? I know what y’boys be doin’… What y’mean t’ each other, now,” she said, her voice low.
I felt nauseous, bracing for whatever was coming next. I lifted my bottle to my lips, so distracted by my pulse pounding in my ears that I hadn’t noticed it was empty.
“Y’got nothin’ t’ hide from me, like,” she continued. “I’d been knowin’ what Ronan’s ‘bout since he was a wee lad. I know some folks be havin’ a hard time understandin’ it, but that’s not me. I’d be keepin’ beside me boy regardless o’ who he chooses t’ be lovin’ on, aye?”
At that I lowered my head, rubbing the back of my neck. I felt hot and uncomfortable yet oddly heartened by Fiadh’s words. Jaysus, Ronan didn’t know how good he had it.
“I’d be extendin’ the same courtesy t’ yourself, now, y’hear? Y’safe wi’ us, John-Francis. Y’got no need t’ hide yourself.”
A short bark of laughter escaped me. “Ya’d better not be breathin’ a word o’ this, eh? Y’might be more acceptin’ than most, but y’know there’s still a lotta folks that wouldn’t be agreein’, like,” I muttered.
“Aye. I’d been keepin’ Ronan’s secret safe his whole life, now. F’sure I’d be doin’ the same f’yourself, aye?”
“Why?” The question was out of my mouth before I could stop it.
“Ah, it’d be no mystery,” Fiadh replied, her voice soft, almost tender. “Ya make Ronan happy. Ya’d have t’ be feckin’ blind not t’ see that, like. I’d never be seein’ me boy this way… an’ I like ya, John-Francis.”
I was lost for words. Thankfully, Fiadh had more than enough for the both of us.
“I’d be admittin’ when Ronan first told us y’an Ayres, I’d had me reservations, now, but ya a good lad.
Y’not ya da’s sort, that’s f’sure. Y’follow ya ma there.
I’d not be knowin’ Mary Ayres all that well, but I’d heard she was a good girl, like – a grand wee friend, trustworthy… I see that in yourself.”
Fuck. The stinging in my eyes returned tenfold and I pinched the bridge of my nose, hastily swiping away the wetness I found there. I needed to pull myself together, and quickly – before Ronan and Darragh got back.
“Ya be treatin’ me boy well, y’hear? Ronan is a good lad, like yourself. Don’t ya go hurtin’ him, now.”
I shook my head, clearing my throat. “Nah. I’d not be wantin’ that either. He… means a lot t’ me.”
“Aye, I know. Well, that’s grand.” Fiadh got up from her chair, clapping me on the back as she gestured to my beer. “Y’want another o’ them?”
I nodded, tongue feeling three sizes too big for my mouth, and held out my empty bottle.
My gaze drifted across the camp, spotting Ronan and Darragh as they returned.
Darragh had his bloodied shirt off now, holding it against his face and using it as a makeshift icepack.
Ronan was clearly ripping into him and as they grew closer, I heard them laughing.
“Feck, Ronan, don’t be makin’ me laugh, now,” Darragh groaned. “Me face is killin’ me.”
Ronan caught my eye, shooting me a grin. Fiadh reappeared and passed me another beer bottle before turning to greet the others.
“Ya made yourself welcome, aye?” Ronan teased, sitting down in the chair beside me. I could tell by the light behind his eyes that he was pleased by that.
“Ah, well, I’d not be refusin’ a drink, like,” I replied, sucking on my beer.
Fiadh grabbed two more bottles, sharing them with her sons before taking a seat on the other side of me.
We chatted easily, laughing and making jokes at Darragh’s expense.
It had been a long, long time since I’d ever felt so comfortable around other folks.
Their company filled me in a way I hadn’t realised I’d needed to be.
Most of my life had been insular, never trusting or reaching out beyond Declan.
He was my best mate, nothing would ever come between us, and yet I knew I’d missed this – being in a group, finally comfortable in my own skin.
It felt like family, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I… belonged.