Chapter 38
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Azrael
“How did she take you shooting the doctor?” Czar asks.
“I haven’t a clue.” I shrug. “It was a blur.”
“It’s not like you had a choice. From the moment he arrived, your father would have been aware, let alone him leaving. You did the poor bastard a favor, he’d have only tortured the truth from him,” Jensen says, understanding my reasoning.
“What are you going to do?” Czar studies me, and I keep gazing at the desk, utterly vacant.
“I have no idea.” I’ve never not been in control of a situation until now. Until Hevan, and the thought of losing control, of losing her, is too much to bear.
“She can’t have it,” he bites back, and I couldn’t agree more.
Our world is not a place where children belong. Our scars are a testament to that. It’s cruelty personified, a place to dehumanize, not a place for innocents.
I swallow thickly, knowing how much Hevan is going to hate me. “She wants to be a schoolteacher,” I whisper into the office, and a mocking laugh leaves me. “She loves kids.”
“She loves you,” Jensen states, and while I know this is true, the hurt I’m going to cause her will outweigh it. I’m certain it will. It already does; she’s just unaware of it.
There’s a sting in my eyes, and I take another drink from the Scotch bottle, embracing the burn. “I want to take her away somewhere before it all goes to shit.” I want to pretend to be normal, just for a short while. Have the memories of us happy together before I destroy it all.
“Where will you go?” Jensen asks, and I know the answer immediately.
My mind goes to the book she’s reading. “Italy. She’d love to go to Italy.” My voice has me sounding detached, and I know it’s because I’ve given in to the inevitable.
She can’t have this baby. We can’t bring an innocent life into this world for it to be destroyed by it.
I can’t allow this to happen.
My mind whirls with hopeless possibilities as I watch her sleep. Possibilities of normality, a future together where I can give her everything she desires. Where my darkness leaves her untainted by the blood pumping through my veins, thanks to the turmoil infecting my bloodstream.
The soft sound of her snoozing is a caress of calmness washing over me. Her blonde hair is silky between the tips of my fingers, and I love how vulnerable she is in this moment, completely oblivious that the devil is lying beside her.
She’s at my mercy now more than ever, and for the first time since meeting her, I wish that wasn’t the case.
I wish I wasn’t the one about to break her heart.