CHAPTER 16
M att knew that there was no getting around the obvious. He’d had a very tough day. He’d pulled a muscle while cleaning out the tack room in the back of the barn but had been too full of pride to admit to his father that he’d hurt himself. To make things worse, his accident had been because of a stupid mistake that was completely his fault.
He’d been distracted because he’d been going over the last conversation he’d had with Kelsey. She’d been polite but distant. Again.
Making him realize that he’d been na?ve to imagine that he could close the gap in their relationship in just a couple of days. Even though he’d known that he shouldn’t imagine it was possible to mend their relationship so quickly, there had been a big part of him that had believed it would be possible.
It absolutely wasn’t.
Worse, because he knew he was going to have to go back to the office soon and would likely not return to Walden for several weeks, he was beginning to wonder if he and Kelsey would ever get to the place where things between them would be good again. How was he ever going to build a healthy relationship with each of his four grown children if his job kept getting in the way? Remembering that they, too, had other obligations besides reconnecting with their dear old dad didn’t help that much.
Finally, after finishing another supper filled with a nearby restaurant’s tasty but too heavy food, he was sitting in his room at the Walden Inn wishing for a salad, a piece of grilled fish, and a couple of hours of mindless TV.
Since that wasn’t going to happen, he’d read a couple of pages of a book and thumbed through a magazine.
Finally, he’d picked up his phone, intending to skim through his e-mails. But he’d had something better—a text from Kennedy.
How are you? Hoping you’re having a good time!
Immediately his mood had lifted. Anxious to hear her voice, and realizing that she would be the perfect person to talk about everything with, he’d given her a call . . . and then had probably said too much.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to bore you,” Matt finished, after giving Kennedy a summary of his visit.
“You didn’t bore me, but are you sure that’s all that’s happened?”
He opened his mouth to reply, then realized that she’d been sarcastic. “Pretty much,” he ended up saying with a laugh.
“How are you doing?”
“What?”
“Matt. It sounds like you’ve been through the wringer. Are you hanging in there?”
Kennedy had hit the nail on the head. He actually had been feeling like he’d been through the emotional wringer. He should have thought things through before making the impulsive choice to see his parents and try to mend his relationships with his grown children. “I’m fine. Nothing’s been easy, but I shouldn’t have thought it would be. I made a lot of choices, and now I’m reaping the consequences.”
“You know what? I think you need to consider not thinking of your future with them in such a bleak way. Maybe all the consequences won’t be negative ones.”
“That’s a sweet thought, but I don’t know how that would be possible.”
“Sorry if I’m making everything sound too easy, but it’s been my experience that good things happen when everything is out in the open.”
“I’m glad that’s been your experience, but I’m afraid that end result might not be the same for me.” Of course, he could privately admit that he wasn’t all that used to being completely open with anyone. Even with Helen, he’d kept a lot of his feelings to himself.
Of course, that had obviously been the wrong thing to do.
“I guess we’ll see what happens, hmm? The Lord will work through all of you, and time will take care of the rest.”
He smiled. “I reckon you’re right. Listen, I’m tired of talking about myself. What’s been going on with you?”
“Nothing very noteworthy, though I did get a new client.”
He smiled. “House-sitting or pet-sitting?”
“Pet.” She paused. “Matt, get this. A woman reached out to me about taking care of her old turtle.”
“I didn’t know turtles needed to be taken of care of. Don’t they, um, just sit in one place most of the time?”
“Matt, turtles do a lot! They take walks, eat, drink, and sometimes even like to swim.” She chuckled. “But not this turtle. It’s lived most of its life as a pet, and it kind of has a fancy life. He has special food and everything.” She giggled again. “And he likes to be entertained.”
He laughed, loving every bit of their conversation. “I don’t even want to think about what entertaining a turtle entails.”
“Music, a cool bath, time to wander in its pen.”
“It has its own pen?” He thought they lived in glass aquariums.
“Oh, Matt. You don’t even know. This is a big guy.”
“How big are we talking about?”
“Hmm . . . its shell is about the size of a dinner plate?”
He wrinkled his nose. He wasn’t sure why the thought of having a turtle that big as a house pet sounded strange, but it did. Plus, didn’t turtles carry salmonella or something? “You didn’t accept the job, did you?”
“Of course I did. Turtles need love, too, Matt.”
Well, that put everything he’d been about to say in its place. Because he’d been spending so much time alone lately, he’d been thinking the same thing. And then, of course, there was the way he’d been fussing over Ribbon. Sure, the horse was beautiful, smart, and affectionate. Everything a turtle was not. But that didn’t mean his feelings for the old mare—or the turtle owner’s feelings for her pet—weren’t justified.
“I hope he is easy. And, um, doesn’t snap your finger off.”
Her laughter was so filled with joy it made him smile. “I’ll let you know if he gets violent.”
“Thanks for that.” He mentally groaned.
“So, when are you coming home? Anytime soon?”
“I was planning on returning this week, but now I’m not quite so sure. I think I’m finally connecting with everyone. My daed and I are having conversations that don’t have anything to do with the weather, and my mother seems more relaxed around me each morning. I don’t want to go backwards.”
“What about your kids?”
“I’ve only gotten to spend much time with Jonny. He’s been all right. I’ve only seen Martin once, and it was in the middle of a family dinner. I haven’t seen Beth at all, though she is in Cleveland, not here.”
“Let’s see . . . that leaves Kelsey, right?”
“Right.”
“How are things with her?”
“Well . . . that’s a different story.” Searching for the right word, he added, “I guess you could say that things between us have been civil.”
“Civil?”
“Yeah. Polite. Respectful. Nothing like I’d hoped.” Alone in his hotel room, he frowned again.
“I’m so sorry.”
“I am too, but it’s my fault, Kennedy. I was a fool to think that the bridges I’ve broken could be mended with just a couple of conversations.”
“Maybe you’re being too hard on yourself?”
“I’m not. The only good thing I can say about our conversations is that we’re talking.”
“And neither Kelsey nor Jonny are yelling at you?”
Her quip startled a bark of laughter from him. “I guess there is that,” he acknowledged. He was smiling because Kennedy had not only reached out to him but also remembered his kids’ names. “You’re right,” he said at last. “That is something to be grateful for.”
“This is none of my business, but how do the kids get along with your ex?”
“With Helen? Honestly, I don’t think things are much better.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, neither of us acted like great parents for a while after we divorced.” Hearing his words out loud made him wince. Realizing he was probably making himself sound better than he’d been made him feel ashamed. He cleared his throat. “To be honest, there were times when I was a pretty bad dad.”
“There’s still time to fix things, Matt.”
“Do you think it’s that easy?”
“No. I don’t think it’s going to be easy at all. But you aren’t looking for easy, are you?”
That question brought him up short. “No, I’m not.”
“Well, there you go.”
Hating that so far all he’d done was complain about his faults, he said, “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”
“What if I said I did?” she asked in a warm tone.
He knew she was teasing, but at least he had an answer. “If you did, then I would make sure you got what you needed.”
“Just like that?”
“Exactly like that.”
“You’re being completely honest, aren’t you?”
She sounded incredulous, which made him start to wonder just how badly she’d been treated in past relationships. “I am. Listen, I still have a lot to learn about being a parent and a son, but I do know a lot about getting things done or helping out someone in need.”
“I don’t need a thing. I’m good.”
“I hear you. But if you do need something . . . a break, a hand, someone to bring you dinner, let me know.”
“And you’ll make sure that happens.”
“I would. I’d also consider it my honor to help you.” Sure, that sounded a little over-the-top, but he wasn’t going to back down. Besides, hadn’t he just been wishing that he’d been more open with Helen?
After speaking for a few more minutes, mainly about the weather, he hung up and lay down on the inn’s surprisingly comfortable king-sized bed.
And decided that he was going to do whatever it took to keep Kennedy in his life. He loved talking to her on the phone. He loved seeing her in person.
And, at moments like this, he liked how Kennedy made him feel—like he was worth something.
He wanted to be the type of man to make her feel the same way.