Chapter 3 #4
Indigo lay there in its oval confines, gazing around and not making a sound.
When her eyes caught the movement above her, she turned her head and stared up at Blue.
“Hey, baby! Um, Indigo. I have to call you by your name,” he mumbled, still half asleep.
“Good morning, Indigo. You hungry?” At the sound of his voice, she made a couple of funny little noises and waved one hand around.
“I think that means yes. Let’s see if you’re wet.
” He checked her diaper. Yep―soaked. “I’m getting kind of good at this,” he told her as he spread everything out on the bed and changed her diaper, being careful to clean every crease and fold.
Strangely enough, it didn’t feel so weird anymore, and she was more cooperative than she’d been earlier too.
“Okay, we’ll get you some breakfast,” he said, knowing she didn’t understand but feeling the need to explain everything he was doing.
That was good, wasn’t it? He wasn’t sure, but he decided he’d keep it up.
Talking to her would help her learn to communicate, or at least it seemed like it would work that way.
If nothing else, it offered him the idea that he was actually doing something right.
When he’d fed her, he got a pot of coffee made, then took basket, baby and all, into the bathroom while he showered.
When he stepped out, soaking wet, it worried him that he was standing there naked in front of her.
Then he realized she’d never remember anyway, thank god, and he tried to relax a bit.
He’d no more than gotten his pants on when there was a knock at the door, and he realized he hadn’t unlocked it yet. When he pulled it open, Anne stood there. “Hey! Good morning!” he chirped, and she looked startled.
“You guys make it okay last night?” she asked, still standing there.
“Yeah. Surprising, huh?” Blue asked with a grin.
She tried to sound stern, but a little grin popped out on her face when she answered, “A little.”
“Come on in,” Blue said and swept his arm inward. As Anne stepped inside, he said, “She woke up around five, but I fed her and she went right back to sleep. When I woke up at nine, she hadn’t made a sound and she scared me. I thought she’d died in the night!”
Anne chuckled. “Yeah, first time Polly slept through the night the same thing happened to me. But she was just lying in her bed, smiling up at me,” she said.
“Exact same thing here. Oh, and I think the diaper stuff is getting easier. I managed to do it while I was half asleep at the five o’clock thing and it actually stayed on until she got up a little while ago,” Blue told her, proud of himself.
“That’s great!” Anne said, beaming. For some reason, her approval made Blue feel very, very good about himself. “I knew you’d learn. So I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Blue nodded. “Shoot.”
“So I was thinking… I go to work at about three fifteen this afternoon. I get off about eleven thirty tonight. What time do you have to be at work?”
“Shop opens at eight. I usually try to be there at seven forty-five.”
“What if you bring her over in the morning before you go to work? And she can stay with me all day while you’re at work. Polly and Toady will get home about three. She can stay with them until you get off work. Do you think that would work out?” Anne asked.
All he could manage to squeeze out was, “Why?”
Anne seemed confused. “Why what? Because you need to go to work.”
“No.” Blue was the one who was most confused. “Why do you want to help me?”
Anne pursed her lips before she spoke. “Because you need help. Because you have to be able to make a living. You can’t afford a sitter and even if you could, it could take weeks to find one. And I don’t mind.”
Blue stammered, “B-b-b-but when will you sleep? I mean, that cuts into your daytime sleep, and she’ll keep you awake. And you’ll be tired, and you have an important job, and―”
“Blue!” When she barked out his name like that, he stopped and fell silent.
“Yes. I’ll be tired. But I worked the whole time my kids were little.
It’s not like I haven’t done it before. And maybe sometime in the near future you’ll be able to find a sitter.
Or maybe you can find a sitter where you can drop her off when you go to work, and I can pick her up about noon, save you some money.
Summer’s almost here and the kids will be out of school.
That means Polly will be handy to help out, and I can get some sleep while they watch Indigo. ”
Blue was bewildered. Why was this woman agreeing to help him? He’d been nothing but nasty to her ever since he’d bought that little house, and here she was being more than nice to him. She was willing to sacrifice sleep for his baby. “I, I, I don’t know what to say.”
“Say, ‘Hey, Anne, that sounds like it’ll work!’” she said with a laugh.
“Hey, Anne, that sounds like it’ll work!” he said, laughing back at her. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“I’ve never seen a guy at your house. Where’s the kids’ dad?” Blue asked and watched her face fall. There was silence for a full thirty seconds before Blue said, “Well, hell, that’s none of my business. I’m sorry―”
“No, no. I don’t mind. When Toady was about eighteen months old, their dad just walked away.
Took up with some woman from over in Branford.
I came home from work at six in the morning and found the kids alone.
He’d just packed up his stuff and left without so much as a word,” she said, her face sad.
“A little boy not even two and a girl barely six and a half. And he just walked off and left them here in the middle of the night.”
“That’s pretty shitty,” Blue announced, and he was surprised at the strength in his own voice.
“Yeah. Pretty damn shitty,” Anne echoed. “So you see, I’ve been on my own for quite a while. I had to pay a sitter in those earlier years, and I had a hard time making ends meet. And child support? That sonofabitch never paid a dime. Still doesn’t.”
“You should go after him for that,” Blue said, surprising himself again. He’d always believed child support was bullshit, but when he looked at Anne and the way she’d had to work and handle her kids alone, it made perfect sense to him.
“Can’t get blood from a turnip,” she said and then gave him a little smile. “It all worked out okay in the end. I have a good job and they’re old enough to take care of themselves now, for the most part.”
“They’re good kids,” Blue said in agreement.
“Thanks.” Anne sat and stared at the leg of her jeans and Blue didn’t really know what to say.
Then she slapped her hands on her knees and looked up at Blue.
“So I’m going back home to get a little bit of sleep before I have to go in.
But I’m off from eleven thirty on Thursday night until three thirty in the afternoon on Sunday.
So that clears you to go to the club, right? ”
“Yeah.” Before she could say anything else, he asked again, “But why?” Be honest here, Blue , he told himself. This woman’s really putting herself out there to help you . “I’ve always been horrible to you. Why would you―”
“Because I’ve been pretty horrible to you too,” she said, her words shocking him. “I could’ve come over here, gotten to know you, tried to understand why you’re the way you are, but I didn’t. I just got pissy and made snide comments. I want to ask you something,” she added.
“Okay.”
“Have you ever had any family?”
Blue froze, wondering what she was looking for.
Did she want a rundown of his entire fucked-up childhood and adolescence?
He really wasn’t in the mood to go into all of that, but with everything she was doing to help him, he owed her an answer.
“No. I’ve never had any family. I had one foster mom who seemed to care about me, but they yanked me from there too.
I got tossed around until I was old enough to run away and I never looked back.
I’ve always taken care of myself without anybody’s help.
” Then he added, “So I’m sorry if I keep asking you why you’re willing to help me, but I’m not used to anybody being willing to do anything for me. ”
Anne rose from her seat, walked straight to Blue, and put her hands on his shoulders, leaning down until her face was right in front of his.
Quietly, she said, “For the first time, you’ve got an opportunity to have a family.
That little girl needs you, and if you take care of her, she’ll love you like you’ve never been loved.
There’s nothing― nothing ―that beats the love of a child.
Nothing in this world.” She straightened and looked down at him as he sat there.
“I know what I’ve seen of you the past few years, but I don’t think that’s who you really are.
I think you’re smart and conscientious and responsible.
And I think you’ll make a great parent. But none of that will happen if you don’t want it to.
I think the question is simple: Do you want to be her dad? ”
All the madness from the previous twenty-four hours coalesced right in that moment and he thought carefully before he said, “Yes.” Saying that one word made him feel stronger, so he added, “Yes, I do want to be her dad. And I want to be a good dad, not some deadbeat who walks out on his kid. I want to help her learn and grow, and I want to be there for her.”
“You’re well on your way,” Anne said, giving him a warm smile. “You’ve done very well in the first twenty-four hours. It’s the next eighteen years that’ll kick your ass. Sure you’re up to it?”
Blue shook his head. “No. But I’m damn sure gonna try.”
Anne threw her head back and laughed. “That’s the spirit! I’ll be leaving for work in a little while, but Polly will be there if you need her. Just let her know.” She turned to leave but Blue stopped her with a question he hadn’t dreamed he’d ever ask.