Chapter 6 #5
He pulled his phone from his pocket without even looking at it and said, “Hello?”
“Mr. Wallace?”
“Yes, this is BrentWallace.”
“This is Ms.Parker from child protective services.”
“Oh, yes, Ms.Parker. I was expecting your call.” Blue was so done with the whole thing. Maybe it would be over soon.
Ms.Parker didn’t even hesitate. “I’d like to set up a meeting with you tomorrow. Would nine o’clock tomorrow morning be good?”
“Sure. Since you showed up at my work today, my boss FIRED ME,” he said, almost yelling into the phone. “So I don’t have ANYWHERE I have to be tomorrow.”
There was silence on the other end before she finally said, “Oh, I’m so sorry. That shouldn’t have happened. He shouldn’t have done―”
“Well, he did. How ’bout that? So I’m all yours, Ms.Parker.
All yours. See you tomorrow morning at nine.
If I can scrape up the money, I’ll buy a Danish and make some coffee, and we can have fun chatting and looking at magazines and talking about Project Runway or something elegant like that.
It’ll be grand,” he deadpanned into the phone.
“Ta-ta.” Blue ended the call and glared at Anne.
“Well, that’s that. She’s coming tomorrow morning. I can barely wait.”
“And we’re going to see Glen this afternoon at four. Maybe he can tell us something that will help.” She sat there looking down at Blue. “Get up off the floor. It’s not the end of the world. We’re going to beat this thing.”
There wasn’t enough strength left in his body to get up from where he sat.
He wanted to quit breathing because the pain in his chest was so horrible.
It was nothing but weariness, terror, and despair.
In a voice so riddled with emotion that he could barely be heard, Blue said, “Do you ever wonder, ‘Why me?’” He lifted his head and looked straight into Anne’s light hazel eyes.
They were filled with tears when she said, “Yes. Every day. I wonder why I have to be alone, why I had to have an ex-husband who was such a shit, why I work and work and never seem to get ahead.”
“Well, you can thank me for some of that, I suppose. You’ve been spending money and time on me that you shouldn’t have,” Blue said, dropping his eyes to the floor again. It was no use. It didn’t matter what he did―there’d always be someone there to knock him down.
“The time and money I spent on you wasn’t wasted.
It was an investment.” Quick as lightning, she was down on the floor with him, kneeling in front of him, her knees touching his, and she reached for his hands.
Hers were warm and soft when she gripped his, and he found himself clutching hers in return as he looked up at her.
“I believe in you, Brent. I believe you can do this, that you can raise this little girl and make a decent life for her. I know you can do it!”
He sighed. “What makes you so sure?”
His heartbeat quickened when her hand left his and she lifted his face with a finger under his chin.
“Because I can see your heart. You think you’ve hidden it from everybody, but you wear it on your sleeve.
And you love that little girl. I happen to believe love conquers all,” she said and gave him a gentle smile.
“Nobody believes in me,” Blue said in almost a whimper.
“Then I suppose I’ll have to change my name to Nobody,” Anne whispered to him and leaned in.
When their lips met, Blue felt things he’d never felt before, like someone had opened a window and let fresh air into his soul. It wasn’t a hot, passionate kiss, but rather something that was soothing and innocent. The last time he’d been kissed like that was with…
Bettina. Blue jerked away. “You don’t want to do this, Anne. Seriously. You don’t.”
Her eyes were sad when she asked, “Why?”
“Because I’m a loser. Because I’ve mistreated every woman I’ve ever been with. Because, because…” he sputtered, “because you deserve better.”
“I deserve better? Who’s better than you?”
“Anybody.”
“Anybody? Have I told you about my ex?”
Blue shook his head. “No. Just that he’s an asshole.”
“Have I told you what he does for a living?” Anne asked, her lips pursing, and a fleeting thought of how cute she looked like that flitted through Blue’s mind.
“No.”
“He’s an automotive engineer.” She waited. “Do you know what that means?”
“You mean like a glorified mechanic?” Blue asked.
“No. I mean like at the factory. I mean like in design and rendering. Blue,” Anne said with a sigh, “my ex makes almost half a million dollars a year.”
Blue shook his head to make the buzzing sound go away. “I could’ve sworn you just said half a million dollars a year.”
“I did.” Anne wiggled around and stood, then reached down for his hand.
When he took hers, she pulled him up and led him to the sofa.
Once they sat down and got comfortable, he watched as she stared at her hands.
“He makes almost half a million dollars a year, and he’s never given me one red cent.
I fought him for the first two years, but the last time the kids saw him and I found out how badly he’d treated them, I just left it and hoped we’d never hear from him again.
He’s got a new wife and a couple of kids, and he doesn’t give a shit about Polly or Toady.
And you’re calling yourself a loser?” She snorted.
“I think you’d better rethink the definition of that word, because you’re anything but a loser. ”
Blue didn’t miss a beat. “But I’ve mistreated the women I’ve been with, Anne.”
“In what way? Did you beat them?”
“No! I’d never hit a woman!”
“Rape them?”
Blue snorted. “Hell no. Yeah, sometimes I like it a little rough, but no, I’ve never forced a woman to do anything she didn’t want to do.”
“So you said I deserve better. I had better, Brent, or at least what you consider better, and he was a douchebag of the highest order. I don’t give a shit what you’ve done in the past. Today is today.
Tomorrow is what you make of it.” She sat there, silent, and Blue wondered what to say or do.
She finally said, “I’ve watched you love that little girl.
You’re capable of love. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone who loves you? ”
“No one’s ever loved me but Bettina,” he whispered, the pain in his chest expanding.
“Who’s Bettina?”
“She’s my old girlfriend. I loved her, I really did, and she loved me.” He knew what she was going to ask, and he really didn’t want to talk about it, but it was inevitable.
She took his hand and without thinking, he wove his fingers through hers. “What happened?”
“I screwed around on her. One day she came home from work and I was in bed with this other girl. I hadn’t even bothered to get her out of our bed before Bett came home.
And that, of course, was the end,” Blue said.
It was the first time he’d ever told anyone what had happened between the two of them, and he was beyond embarrassed.
“I didn’t have one shred of respect for her or her feelings. ”
“Do you remember what I said to you about your name?” Anne said and squeezed his hand.
“Yeah.”
“I’ve watched you over this last week. You’ve grown up right before my eyes.
When you look in the mirror, you may not see the man you’re becoming, but I do, Brent.
I see him and I want to know him better.
He works hard and he tries hard. And you’ve been nothing but respectful to me.
” She took her free hand and stroked his cheek.
“There’s an honorable, decent guy in there, and he’s finally getting a chance to come out. And I want to be there when he does.”
Without another thought, Blue grabbed Anne and pulled her to him, then pressed his lips against hers and decided he never wanted to let go.
Slipping his arms around her waist, his heart slammed in his chest as her arms wrapped around his neck and held him even tighter.
That kiss was no comforting, innocent thing.
It took on a life of its own and before he realized what he was doing, she was under him on the sofa and he was staring down into her eyes, those big hazel orbs that he’d always thought were judging him.
What he saw there was more than pity, more than compassion, more than desire.
It was electric. “Anne, we shouldn’t…” he whispered down to her and trailed off.
“Shouldn’t what? We’re grownups, Brent. We can do whatever we want,” she said and kissed his chin.
“I don’t want to mess this up. You’ve been a lot of help to me, and I don’t want anything to happen to us that will―”
“Will what? Keep me from helping you?” she asked, her voice laced with consternation.
“No! No. I just… You love Indigo. I can see it. And I don’t want to do something that’s going to make us awkward around each other, or have some kind of falling out, or something like that,” he said, not knowing exactly how to state what he was feeling.
“Let’s just talk about the elephant in the room, shall we?” He didn’t know what she meant until she said, “Admit it. You’re afraid.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Am not.”
Anne laughed. “Now you’re starting to sound like a twelve-year-old again!”
Blue dropped to his side between her and the back of the sofa, then pulled her hand up and wound his fingers through hers again. “Okay. I’m scared. Happy?”
“Yes. Because if you’re being honest, we have something to work with. It’s when you lie to me or yourself that we get into trouble,” she said.
And that made sense to him. Maybe he should just be honest with her. “So are you in love with me? Because I’m not in love with you.”
To his surprise, she didn’t look all hurt and angry. “I wouldn’t say I’m in love with you, but I love you.”
“That’s the same thing,” Blue said, rolling his eyes.
“No. It’s not.” Anne turned loose of his hand and pushed his hair back and out of his eyes.
“Being in love with somebody is what happens when there’s all this passion and chemistry and glands working overtime,” she said and smiled.
“ Loving someone is different. You can love someone and not be in love with them.” He had no idea what she was talking about, and he figured she could see that in his face when she said, “Okay. How about this? Being in love with someone is all that tingling skin and burning lips and a flush all over your body. It’s, well, it’s very physical.
” Blue nodded. “But loving someone is born of respect and caring. It’s deeper than being in love because even when you’re no longer in love with somebody, you can still love them.
We fall in and out of love over and over, sometimes with the same person.
But even when we’re not in love with them, we still love them. Does that make sense?”
Without fanfare or warning, it clicked for Blue and he understood.
He wasn’t in love with Anne, but he did love her.
It wasn’t this gasping, panting, groping kind of thing, but rather something he experienced in waves, a thing that grew and expanded.
He respected her deeply. He trusted her implicitly.
And there was something else he couldn’t say for any other woman he’d ever known, not even Bettina.
He enjoyed her company. He was happier when she was around.
She made his world brighter, and she made him feel comfortable and secure.
She didn’t do things for him so much as she helped him do them for himself.
It was a realization that hit him right between the eyes― she was the one who was helping him become a man. “I understand.”
Anne’s smile was sweet and pure. “I love you, Blue. It doesn’t matter how you feel about me. I still love you.”
There was strength in those words, and Blue wanted to feel it always, to capture it in a bag and carry it with him, to wrap it around him like a coat and wear it every day.
The one thing he’d never given Bettina, that he’d withheld from her, that had driven her away, was that he’d never been able to tell her that he loved her.
He had, but he’d never said it. If he’d been able to tell her, she might’ve given him a second chance, but he was too stubborn.
The time for being stubborn was over. He needed Anne, but most importantly, he wanted Anne, not just physically, but he wanted the respect and trust she gave him.
He’d never had that before and it fed him and made him grow.
Rising to sitting and leaning over her again, he ran a hand behind her neck and kissed her, letting his fingers trail upward into her hair.
It was there, in that kiss, the love she felt for him and all the ways she believed in him.
When he broke the kiss, he looked down into her eyes and said, “I’ve never said this to…
” To his shock, a tear slipped from her eye and ran down her temple, but her eyes were bright and she wore a tiny smile.
“I love you, Anne. For all the things you’ve taught me about myself, for all the love you’ve given me, for loving my daughter, for treating me like I have value and purpose, I love you.
I want to keep loving you, and I want you to keep loving me. I don’t want this to end.”
She stroked the side of his face again, her hand like a feather on his skin, and ran her thumb across his bottom lip. Without thinking, he kissed it and she smiled. “Then let’s do this the right way, okay? Let’s really get to know each other.”
“Before we sleep together?” he asked.
Anne laughed. “Well, not necessarily!”
“Oh! Well, that’s good then,” Blue said and laughed back. Then he sobered. “What time is it?”
“I think it’s about one o’clock. Want a little lunch?”
Blue sat up, then took her hands and pulled her to sitting. “That would be good. But you have to go to work this afternoon.”
“I’m not going to work. I’m going to call in sick. I’ve got three weeks of sick leave built up and I never miss work. This is important. If I don’t go with you, I will be sick―sick with worry.”
“Are we leaving Indigo with Polly and Toady this afternoon or taking her with us?”
“Oh, I think she absolutely should come with us.” Anne stood and smoothed her gown. “Let me make us a couple of sandwiches and then we’ll talk about what’s probably going to happen.”
Blue was hungry, but he was almost too excited to eat. Even with the impending storm brewing over his head, he had a measure of hope he’d never had before. Someone loved him, and he hoped she’d love him forever.