Baby Contract

Chapter 1 – Carr

Chapter One

CARR

“ I know Dex is your cousin, but he’s the worst. The absolute worst!” cries Megan. The blonde is the latest in a long string of blondes that Dex has made cry. Fortunately, most of them never make it into my inner sanctum. Unfortunately, this latest one has a ring on her left finger and was, until a few weeks ago, carrying his child. She’s since given birth, and the sleeping baby is resting in a carrier on the side of my desk, wrapped in a pink Gucci blanket. I wasn’t aware that Gucci made baby blankets.

I discreetly check the time. Megan has been crying for fifteen minutes. Does a person even have enough water in them to cry for that long?

“What am I to do? I’m not the motherly type. Do I look like a mother to you?” Megan flicks her fingers down her frame that’s currently wrapped in a tight black dress. She definitely does not look like she gave birth six weeks ago.

”I don’t think there’s any standard mother look.” I try to think of the last mother I’ve had contact with and can only conjure up mine, who is perpetually gowned in her Chanel tweed suits with her No. 5 perfume wafting around her like a scented cloud. Nothing like Megan.

“I am not a mother. I’m twenty-eigh—I’m twenty-two—“ She catches herself and quickly revises the number. “I’m meant to be at Fashion Week and premieres, not changing diapers and cleaning up baby vomit. If I’m awake at three in the morning, it’s because I’m coming back from Club Nine One after seeing a surprise private performance by Harry Styles, not because this child decides it only wants to sleep during the day and never at night. Do you understand?” Her rant ends on a high-pitched shriek. The baby’s eyes pop open. Her little hands turn into fists, and the cry that erupts from the tiny body is louder than a fire engine. This only makes Megan more upset, and the two girls sob in unison. Misery.

Megan jumps to her feet and grabs her tiny purse. “I can’t do this, Carr. I’m not cut out for this life. I’m sorry.”

“Wait—“ I rise from my chair and hold out my hand, but Megan is nearly running for my study door. “Dammit, Megan, you can’t leave your baby here. Megan, come back here. Fuck.”

I can’t leave the baby. I grab the carrier handle and stride after Megan, only to hear the front door slam shut.

Errol, my housekeeper, gazes helplessly at me. “What could I do? Physically restrain her?”

If he had, she probably would have sued him. He tightens his apron strings and comes over to peer into the baby carrier.

“The child is very loud.”

“Yes.”

We can barely hear each other over the volume of this tiny being’s screams.

“Is there a bottle?” He pokes around the sides of the carrier, but there’s nothing but a baby and a blanket. The little tyke screams louder, and her face grows so red, I’m alarmed. “Maybe it’s in her bag,” he suggests. “Did she bring a bag with her?”

I can’t remember. I hurry back to the study, and by the chair Megan was sitting in is a big Louis Vuitton bag. I rummage through it and find two empty bottles. I hold them up. “What now?”

“Is there formula?”

I find a small container with a baby’s face on it. “Can you make this?” I hand over the bottles and the formula.

Errol stiffens. “I can make a perfect risotto. Baby formula will not be a problem.”

As we enter the kitchen, my driver appears.

“Oh thank Christ.” I shove the carrier into Ben’s arms. He has two kids. Granted they are adults now, but he had to have handled an infant at some point.

“What’s this?” he shouts over the ongoing cries. That baby’s lungs are stronger than Secretariat’s.

“Dex got some woman pregnant, and she left the baby here. Errol is making formula. I’m gonna call Dex. You get this baby to stop crying.”

Ben ducks his head to look into the carrier. “I haven’t held a baby in twenty-something years.” Gingerly, he reaches inside and pulls the tiny body out.

“Be careful,” I caution.

He shoots me an exasperated look, so I shut up.

“Little tyke’s probably hungry. How’s the formula coming?” Ben asks Errol.

“I’m working as fast as I can, but water takes time to heat. Can’t you get the baby to stop crying? It’s making me jittery.”

“I agree.” My head’s pounding as if I went on a five-day bender.

“You think I enjoy hearing this tot cry?” Ben shoots back. He jiggles the baby up and down.

“Do you really think you should be doing that?” I ask. “Isn’t the baby’s brain weak? You could be turning it into mush.” Dex isn’t answering his phone. I text him.

Call me

It’s an emergency

“If you know so much about babies, you soothe this one.” Ben shoves the blanketed bundle into my arms.

“I don’t think this kid likes me.”

“What’d you do?” Errol leans over my arm.

“What do you mean?”

“The baby’s not crying anymore.”

Shocked, I stare at the tiny red face that’s no longer pinched and miserable. “I hadn’t even noticed.”

“It’s because our ears are still ringing. Here.” Errol hands me a bottle. “Put this in the baby’s mouth.”

“Like shove it in?”

“I don’t know. Just hold it there. I think instinct takes over.”

Errol’s right. The baby latches on to the fake nipple and starts sucking like it hasn’t eaten in days. Maybe it hasn’t. “We’re making progress. How do we get this kid back to sleep?”

“Try rocking.” Ben moves his arms back and forth.

I do as he suggests, and the babe seems to like it. At least she’s not crying. My phone rings. It’s Dex. I try to hand the baby off to Ben, but he backs off, shaking his head.

“Fine, then answer the phone for me.”

Errol reaches over and hits the answer button and then speaker.

“Yo, Carr, what’s up? What’s the ER?”

“Where are you?” I ask. The baby is making loud suckling noises.

“I was in the middle of playing pickleball.”

“For God’s sake. Megan was at my house, and she left me your baby. She said she can’t be a mom anymore, and she just ran out, leaving the kid behind. I need you to come over here and pick up your kid.”

I stare down into the baby‘s dark eyes. There’s a twinge inside of me. Dex is barely responsible enough to handle himself, let alone a kid.

“That’s not my kid.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know what Megan told you, but I wrapped it up every time we were together, and the times that I wasn’t wrapped up, she was on birth control, so there’s no way that baby is mine.”

Why is this earth filled with so many idiots? “Birth control is not 100 percent effective.”

“Don’t care what that bitch told you. That thing’s not mine. I’m not coming over.” He hangs up.

I press redial, but it goes straight to voicemail. “Errol, call from your phone.”

Errol does, but Dex doesn’t pick up. Ditto with Ben.

“No offense, Carr, but I wouldn’t trust your cousin with a pet hamster, let alone a child.” Ben squeezes my shoulder. “I think you’re stuck for the time being.”

“I don’t like this.” The baby gurgles. “Not you. I’m not talking about you,” I assure the kid.

“She can’t understand you,” Errol says.

“You don’t know that.” I shift away from Errol.

“Oh hell, you’re a goner.”