61. Chapter 59
Emery
This. Is. Fucking. Torture.
Why didn’t Darcy tell me that Hudson would be here today?
No. I know why. Because he knew I wouldn’t come.
I can’t even deny it, either. There is no way I would have put myself through this willingly.
My hand, tiny and fragile, is lost to his. His warmth is radiating up my arm, and it is taking everything inside of me not to yank my hand away.
Darcy appears in my field of vision, his eyebrows creased together. “You okay, princess?”
I would nod, but I’ve managed to stop the tears, so I force out a word that is barely louder than a whisper. “Yes.”
I’m not sure he believes me, but I honestly don’t care. I’m not here for my benefit. If he chooses to not believe me, then it’s only his time that is being wasted. And Hudson’s.
“If that changes, you’ll tell me?” he presses, reaching up to wipe at my cheek.
A streak of wetness is left behind. Okay, so I haven’t stopped the tears. “Yes.”
He lets out a heavy sigh. “I’m going to add the ropes now.”
The room lapses into silence; the only sound is the coiling of the rope as it moves against the floor and through itself.
“Not to mess with your process, but could we have some music?” Hudson asks, his hand flexing in mine, gripping me tighter. “If you’re going to make me sit here for hours on end, can I at least have something to distract me?”
I bite my lip at the increased pressure applied by the ropes.
My glimpse of him when I first arrived was just that, a glimpse. I’d forced my eyes away almost immediately. Two of them in one space. It wasn’t playing fair at all.
The last time the three of us were alone, I ended up sandwiched between the two of them on Hudson’s desk.
That will absolutely not be happening today.
I need to get it together.
There is a huff of laughter from Darcy. “Emmy and I have been doing just fine with silence for our last few sessions.”
“Emery is too polite to ask you to provide her with an ounce of joy while she dies of boredom. Isn’t that right, kitten?” There is a quick clench of his hand around mine.
Thankfully, I don’t have to respond, as Darcy gets in his retort before I can open my mouth.
“Emmy understands that every artist has their own method. Ours has been silence.” Rope is placed around my shoulder, with the ends fed through the loop.
“I’ve seen you work with Metallica blasting through a surround sound system so loud I couldn’t even hear myself yelling, so don’t give me that crap about needing silence,” Hudson claps back as a second length of rope is tied to Hudson’s shoulder to match my own.
“Look, just because you know me doesn’t mean you get to call me out in my own studio,” Darcy snarks, coming back to my ropes.
His fingers gently work the rope around my bicep, fingers dipping in and out as he creates a diamond pattern down my arm, testing for tightness.
“I can just as easily replace you with Bertie.”
“If you aren’t going to play music, I’m not sure I can promise to stay quiet. Or not fall asleep. How long did you say you needed us for?”
I don’t think I have ever heard anyone speak with drollness before, but that is definitely how I would describe Hudson’s voice.
“Your age is showing, old man,” Darcy mutters, his breath fanning over my arm and causing goose bumps to erupt along my skin.
“Fuck off, asshole.”
Before I realize what my body is doing, a laugh tries to form in my throat, but I ruthlessly squash it down. Unfortunately, I’m not fast enough, and I make a noise that sounds like a croaked squeak.
Darcy’s fingers pause at my elbow instantly. “Too tight?”
I shake my head and quickly come up with the world’s worst lie. “No, sorry, something in my throat.”
“Would you like me to get you something to drink?”
Well, in for a penny and all that. “Yes, please.”
Darcy stands, his fingers trailing up the back of my arm causing a shiver to roll down my spine before he disconnects from me. I track him as he heads over to the little fridge in the corner.
“Kitten?” Hudson’s voice is quieter than I have ever heard it, absolutely no trace of Viper in the sound.
But his nickname for me doesn’t fail to make my insides light up while simultaneously causing a stabbing pain in my chest. Inhaling through it, I don’t respond. Obviously, he knows I can hear him.
“Why are you sad? Is it because Xavier is away for the weekend?”
My throat tightens. Xavier being gone is the least of my worries this weekend.
I’m sad because the four of you are erasing me.
I’m sad because I have no idea how I feel anymore.
I miss you. I miss all of you.
I want you all back in my life. I didn’t know how badly I wanted you back until I saw evidence that you are moving on.
But even if you weren’t, how can I ever trust the four of you again?
You had all these rules for me, and I only had one for you.
I’m alone. Again.
I wish I never met the four of you, because at least then, I would never have known what it felt like to be wanted. For my heart to be so utterly broken.
“No,” I whisper, hoping the lack of volume will hide the emotion.
“Then, why—”
“Can we go back to sitting in silence, please?”
“I just want to understand.”
I start to reply, but Darcy is on his way back, so I press my lips together. The smile on his face as he crouches in front of me again fades as he uncaps the bottle of water and offers it to me.
My feelings are totally written all over my face. There is no way they aren’t. I’m so fucking exhausted. My walls feel like they have been bulldozed. I don’t care if I’m an open book to him right now.
With my free hand, I reach out and take the bottle, my wrist twinging slightly as I accept the weight and raise it for a sip that I don’t need.
When I’m done, I hand it back and he takes it quietly, tightening the lid and placing it down by my feet.
Darcy steps out of view, and I know there is a silent conversation going on about me.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.