70. Chapter 68
Derek
I stare at my laptop screen, lips pressed tightly together, arms suddenly heavier than normal.
My request for a private live was declined.
I know she’s had a bad day, starting off with waking up in my house this morning.
I’ve gone back and forth one hundred times about whether I should have chanced taking her up to her room, but ultimately, I believe I made the right decision. And if I didn’t, then the punishment of a workout I put myself through in my home gym this morning is penance enough.
I just wish she had given me even ten seconds of her time this morning so that I could explain why she’d woken up in one of my guest rooms.
That had been a hard decision too. Selfishly, I’d wanted her in my bed. To have her hair spread across my pillow. Her scent all through my sheets. I’d even have slept in a spare room, although my preference would have been to spend the night with her.
In the end, I had chosen the room that Xavier prefers and just prayed that when she woke up she wouldn’t feel abandoned or unwanted. That is the last thing I want her feeling.
She is neither of those things. She is more wanted than she could possibly understand.
And then, to top her day off, she had her meeting with Devi. Although we requested that Devi intervene with Emery, even just to make sure she is doing okay, Devi is remaining very tight-lipped about what she learned from Emery.
The only thing she told me is that communication is the most important part of any relationship.
I agree with her on this point. However, it is very difficult to have a conversation with someone who refuses to speak a single meaningful word to you. Restraining her and forcing her to listen to what I have to say is not a measure I wish to take.
So, I have resorted to watching her anonymously. It’s become a part of my nightly routine to send her a request if she isn’t already on a public live. Seeing her through my screen as she completes her studying never fails to create an overwhelming bubble of pride within me.
Emery did this for herself. There was no one there to point her in the right direction, to catch her when she fell, or keep her on her path. Only her. And even with the rocky start to her freshman year, she is still sitting in the top ten of three out of four classes.
There was a pop quiz on the Tuesday just after she’d been discharged from the hospital, worth fifteen percent of her final grade in the fourth class.
She has not attempted to fight it, but I have.
Thayne is more than aware of her situation, and if Ortiz fails to do the right thing by his student, then I’ll be taking the issue to someone who will.
She was assaulted and kidnapped from Newton University grounds. She does not deserve to have her GPA or any potential graduation honors affected by that.
Emery has worked far too hard to get where she is for that asshat to ruin things for her.
Sighing, I return my attention to my second screen and go back to reviewing Justin’s PhD draft.
The introduction is well-paced and is formulating to an excellent place to launch the body of his thesis.
I start to highlight over a section, so that I may place a comment, when there is a resounding ding from my laptop.
My attention switches to my primary screen, still open to my thread with Emery, before I make a conscious decision to do so.
SugarBB_Emmy: Hey, sorry, I’m not up for being on camera today. Today was a day.
My pulse picks up speed. No live, but maybe a chat?
Me: Would you like to talk about it? You know that I’m happy to listen.
I hold my breath as I wait for her reply, greedily waiting for the typing bubble to expand.
SugarBB_Emmy: It’s ex-daddy related.
Ex-daddy.
Every time I spend even a few seconds with this girl, my body comes away feeling like I have gone ten rounds with a heavy-weight boxer. Rubbing at the ache that has formed in my chest, I type on my keyboard with one hand.
Me: You can talk to me.
I know I’m playing with fire and that if I’m ever caught, I’ll burn to ash. But if this is the only way I can support her, then I’m going to grab on to the opportunity with both hands. Not being able to do this for her in person is killing me.
No reply comes.
If it weren’t for the fact that her icon has remained online, I would have thought she’d abandoned the app. Just the thought that she may be chatting with other people has my hands trembling on my desk.
No, Emery wouldn’t do that.
And besides, Xavier would have told me if she was in contact with other accounts.
Maybe Oakley is distracting her.
I almost roll my eyes at the thought of Oakley.
Her emoji game has morphed into gifs and inspirational wake-up videos from TikTok that let me know I’m a beautiful motherfucker and that I’m going to kick that day’s ass, or some variation of that sentiment.
If a girl was ever in need of a dom or daddy or both, it’s Oakley.
She has no direction for her life, from what I have been able to gather.
Yes, she is at college, but she is registered in classes from four different departments, stretching the use of every single one of her electives like she is auditing everything Newton has to offer.
Structure and a plan would do her wonders. And potentially a few discipline scenes.
I dig back into Justin’s paper and all but jump out of my chair the next time a ding zips out of my computer. My jaw loosens as I stare at the wall of text she has sent me.
SugarBB_Emmy: I don’t even really know where to start.
Everything is so messed up. I thought we were broken up, but I spoke to someone today who explained that, because we have a contract and I haven’t officially terminated the contract, it’s still in place, so I guess we are still together?
It’s just so confusing. My exes always told me that if I used my safe word, everything would be over.
The last thing I said to them while we were together was my safe word.
And I know that I’ve been operating under a huge amount of brain fog since my injury, but I truly believed that we were over.
But they’ve been continuing to send me money through the app.
And one of them moved into my dorm, like that is totally fucking normal.
And another one keeps sending me gifts. And before everything went sideways, I signed a work contract with another to be his muse, and now I have to spend several hours with him each week while I try not to fall into subspace from his stupid ropes, which is fucking torture.
And then there is the ex who is a complete and utter buttface.
Seriously. The man thinks that he knows what’s best for everyone but never bothers to consult anyone about anything.
He moves the pieces around on the chessboard, and we’re all just supposed to be happy.
EXCEPT that was the one thing I asked him not to do.
And now, they all want me to talk to them, like they didn’t spend three fucking weeks ignoring me, not explaining to me what the hell was going on.
I was left alone and in the dark, and I swore to myself before I met them that I would never let myself feel like that ever again.
They said they wanted me, wanted to keep me, but they lied.
As soon as it got hard, they left me. And it is so fucking embarrassing to admit, but I chased after them.
Hard. I did everything I could to make them take me back, but it was all a big fat fucking pile of nothing in the end, because apparently they never left me.
They were protecting me. So, while they were over there, being all knightly and whatever, I was alone, miserable, and questioning whether what we had was real.
And now they want me to forgive them and give them a second chance.
I basically put my entire future on the line for them, when I didn’t even have to, and they were too worried about protecting their jobs to give a shit about letting me know what the plan was.
So yeah. Now I’m just really fucking confused.
And I don’t want to talk to them because I know if I do, I’ll cave, because I really fucking miss them.
I didn’t know it at first, but they felt like where I was supposed to be, if that makes sense?
I miss them so goddamn much, it hurts to breathe.
And on Friday, I went to their apartment when I knew they weren’t going to be there to see if I could find some of my missing things, but when I got there, it was clear they’ve replaced me.
There were some other girl’s things in their wardrobe and in the bathroom.
Dresses, makeup, the sorts of things they’d been buying me.
And now, even if I wanted the chance to try again with them, it’s over.
They really have left me, but until I send them a contract termination, they are still kind of mine.
I don’t know. I’m so fucking lost. I really just want someone to tell me what to do so that I can do it.
I need to start putting some distance between me and this mess.
They’ve moved on, so I should as well, right? Everything is a mess right now.
Well, fuck.