Chapter 16
sixteen
ELAINA
Eleven days later…
I bounce along down the shaded path in Central Park beside Hunter, so excited I feel like I swallowed a bottle of jumping beans.
“So, yeah, long story long, I think this project has legs and people interested in funding it!” I squeal. “We’re meeting to go over my complete business plan and numbers next week, but so far, they’re excited, I’m excited, and I might be opening my very own New York City business sooner than I ever would have imagined!”
“That’s amazing. Go, killer.” Hunter holds a curled hand up for a fist bump, which I deliver with enthusiasm.
He’s come so far. From fist bump virgin to an instigator in his own right.
Be still my heart…
“I’m proud of you,” he adds. “It isn’t easy getting venture capital investors interested these days.” He arches a brow. “Especially as a woman. Only three percent of venture capital money goes to female-owned businesses, and having even one woman on a company’s board decreases the odds of a project getting funded by fifty percent. Discrimination is a serious fucking problem in that industry.”
I shrug, playing it cool. “Yeah, I know. I guess I’m just a natural at the art of persuasion and an entrepreneurial genius, what can I say? Please, try not to be jealous.”
He laughs and swats my ass through my shorts. “I’ll try.”
I giggle as I add, “But for real, I couldn’t have done it without your help on the income projections. Or without Sydney pulling strings to get me into that young business owners’ pitch session at the last minute. I had a lot of help.”
“We all need help when we’re starting out,” he says. “If I hadn’t had connections from business school to vouch for me, I never would have progressed in my career as quickly as I did. As frustrating as it can be for a lone wolf personality, success in this city is as much who you know as what you know.”
“I’m glad you’re not a lone wolf anymore,” I say, slipping my hand into his.
His lips hook in that soft, half smile he only smiles for me. “Me, too.”
I beam up at my handsome, smart, supportive, secretly sweet-and-sensitive boyfriend, marveling again that this is my life.
I never imagined New York would start to feel like home so quickly. But it does, and it’s all because of him, this man I’m falling deeper in love with every day.
The man who’s falling in love with me…
He is falling for me. I can feel it in the way he kisses me on the forehead before he leaves for work, the way he texts to check in half a dozen times before noon, the way he keeps taking off early to come hustling home to me…
We still haven’t said the words. We’re both still whispering “I really like you” before we slip off to sleep, but we’re close.
So close, I didn’t hesitate to run giggling across the lobby and jump into his arms this afternoon when he texted to say he was back early to get the scoop on my pitch session, and that I should meet him downstairs, post-haste, to go get ice cream.
Alex rolled her eyes at us, and called for us to “Get a room, or you know, a penthouse, maybe?” but I could tell that she’s happy for us.
She told me in confidence yesterday that she’s never seen Mr. M this happy.
I’m not sure I’ve ever been this happy, either, a fact that shocks me a little considering I’m missing time with my friends and Captain Crunchypants like crazy. But Sydney and I are going to meet for coffee tomorrow—like everyone else I’ve lied to, she thinks I’m in New York for a pastry-baking intensive that’s left me little time to socialize—and Kira sends pictures of the Captain all the time. He seems to be fitting into the general population well, with a minimal amount of unwanted humping, so all in all, things are good.
Really, really good.
And only getting better…
“So,” I say, peeking at Hunter from the corners of my eyes as we wander past a playground filled with kids in bathing suits, splashing in the water features to stay cool in the summer heat. “How did your meeting go today? A little birdie told me you had a special visitor in your office while Dana met with a vendor downstairs in the coffee shop.”
He glances down at me, his eyes narrowing, but he doesn’t look mad. “I should have known.”
“Known what?” I ask, blinking innocently, though I am not innocent. Far from it, in fact. I’ve been scheming to get Hunter a little “exposure therapy” since he introduced me to his assistant, Dana—and her adorable toddler—when we ran into them at the deli last weekend.
“I’m not good with children,” he says, but he still doesn’t look mad or sad and there’s a hopeful lilt in his voice that makes me feel even bouncier inside.
“That’s not what I heard,” I say. “I heard that you played farm animals and Chelsea thought you were hysterical. And that you lifted her up so she could see the cranes outside the window and didn’t seem to mind when she got crushed Cheerios all over your suit.”
He laughs—actually laughs!— and my heart soars into the trees to frolic with the birds. “Fine. It was…fine. And she was…enjoyable.”
I squeeze his hand, torn between laughing and tearing up. “Enjoyable. That’s an excellent place to start.”
He sighs, his smile fading as he glances down at me. “Just because I enjoyed thirty minutes with a uniquely clever and charming toddler doesn’t mean I would be a good father. I seriously doubt I have what it takes to succeed in that role, Elaina.”
“You seriously doubted you had what it takes to succeed as a boyfriend, too, Hunter,” I say, gently mimicking his serious tone, before adding in a softer voice, “and so far, you’re earning straight As across the board.”
His lips twitch, but don’t curve, and a hint of doom creeps into his voice as he says, “You’ve only been here three weeks, and I was gone to Chicago, hiding from my feelings, for three days.”
I flutter my free fingers in the air with a pishing sound. “Details. Silly, meaningless details that will be proven meaningless when you’re still ditching work to take me out for ice cream in six months.”
“No ice cream,” he says. “I don’t do ice cream in January. We’ll have to go for hot chocolate, instead.”
I stop dead, his words proof that I’m not crazy for thinking we can find a way to ensure we never have to say goodbye. He stops, too, turning to face me on the thankfully empty path, the affection in his eyes making my heart race.
“Really?” I whisper, grinning. “You want to keep me through Christmas?”
“I want to keep you for?—”
A shout from behind us cuts through his words. “Bruno! Bruno, heel!”
I turn to see what’s going on, but everything happens so fast.
One moment I’m standing beside the path, the next I’m airborne, knocked off my feet by what feels like a furry freight train. My arms windmill uselessly as I fall backward, and then— crack .
Pain explodes through my skull, followed by white light flashing behind my eyes. For a moment, everything goes fuzzy around the edges as my brain seems to swell to three times its usual size.
I try to pull in a breath, but my lungs are locked, and Hunter’s voice sounds far away as he calls my name.
“Elaina? Elaina?” He cradles my face, hovering over me with a worried expression.
I try to tell him that I’m okay, but I still can’t breathe, and I’m honestly not sure I’m okay. The back of my head is starting to pound like dwarves are mining for diamonds in my skull and the world is going dark at the edges.
“Don’t move, baby. Just lie still,” he says, stroking my hair from my forehead before resting a gentle hand on much chest. “Can you breathe? Can you pull in a breath for me, Elaina?”
I manage a sip of air, followed by another. Slowly, the black fuzz in my vision begins to fade, but before I can speak, a young, panicked voice shouts from nearby, “I’m so sorry! Oh my God, is she okay? He’s just a puppy. He didn’t mean to hurt anyone, he just doesn’t know his own?—”
I flinch as a wet tongue laps at my fingers.
“Get your animal away from her!” The fury in Hunter’s voice makes me flinch again. I’ve never heard him sound like that before, and the look in his eyes would have me running for cover if I were on the receiving end of it. “Why isn’t your dog on a leash?” he demands of the teen boy I catch a glimpse of as the kid grabs his puppy’s collar, tugging the dog away. “It’s the law for a fucking reason. Because idiots like you think it’s okay to let an untrained animal off the lead in a crowded park to hurt people. She could have been killed. As things stand, she’s seriously injured.”
“Hunter, I’m okay,” I murmur, trying to sit up. “Don’t?—”
“Stay still, you could have a head injury,” he orders sharply. To the owner, who’s still stammering apologies, he adds, “If she has a concussion or any other serious complications, I will be reporting you and the dog to the police. Give me your information. Now.”
I close my eyes, trying to assess how bad off I am as Hunter gets the guy’s details. My head really hurts, but it’s less painful than it was a minute ago, and I don’t feel nauseous or faint anymore.
Once the kid and his puppy are gone, Hunter turns back to me, his tone gentler as he says, “I’m going to call 911. See if they have an ambulance that can get to us this far into the park.”
“No, I don’t need an ambulance,” I say, shooing his hands away when he tries to prevent me from sitting up. “Seriously, I’m okay, I just—” I break off with a shudder as something warm and sticky rolls down my neck beneath my ponytail. “ Ew , is that…” I reach back to touch the sticky, and my fingers come away red. “Oh, God.” My hand begins to tremble. “Blood. I hate blood.”
“That’s it, we’re going to urgent care,” Hunter says.
“Wait, just a second, it might not be—” I don’t get to finish because he’s already scooping me into his arms. “Hunter! Put me down, I can walk. Seriously, it’s just a little blood and a headache.”
“There’s an urgent care three long blocks from the natural history museum,” he says, moving quickly back down the path, as if I weigh nothing.
And yes, I am a small human, especially considering how much I love sugar, but I’m not that small and he’s not a superhero. He’s obviously hopped up on some serious adrenaline and needs to take it down a notch.
“Hunter, please, calm down,” I say, earning a sharp glance from my irate knight in shining armor. I smile, “Please. I know that was scary, but I think I’m okay. Really. Can we just go to your place? It’s closer. And that way, if we take a look at the wound, and decide I need to go to urgent care, I can bring a book and a snack with me. Emergency medical attention always takes forever.”
“You need to go to urgent care now,” he growls, his arms tightening around me. “You hit your head hard enough that I heard it hit the pavement. You probably need a CT scan.” He exhales before glancing down at me again and slowing his breakneck pace the slightest bit. “Though your eyes do look better. Less clouded.”
I rest a hand on his chest, where his big, protective heart is beating fast. “I feel much better than when I first fell. Honestly.”
“When you were knocked down . You didn’t fall.” His gaze darkens as he adds, “What kind of irresponsible parent lets their teenager take a giant puppy to the park without a leash? I’ll tell you what kind,” he continues, without waiting for me to respond. “Assholes. And idiots. Who are raising another generation of asshole idiots. What happened to parenting? Isn’t anyone doing that anymore? If that were my kid, I would ground him from video games for a month for a stunt like that.”
“Agreed,” I say, unable to resist the opportunity to push my agenda, even if my head is throbbing. “That sounds like an appropriate consequence for an ill-advised decision. See? Your parenting instincts are solid!”
He glares at me again, less amused by my tomfoolery than he was before.
“Right?” I squeak with a sheepish smile. “I’m feeling good enough to annoy you. That means I’m on the mend. So, maybe we can try ice and a bandage at home, and then see how I feel?”
He shakes his head slowly for a beat before he mutters, “Fine.”
“And you can put me down,” I say. “I really can walk.”
“I can carry you just as easily,” he says, making no move to put me down as we pass back by the playground. “You’re a runt.”
I start to lift my brows but stop when it makes the pain worse. “I am not a runt.”
“You are,” he says, staring ahead. “Five feet and three quarters inches? That’s barely adult-sized.”
I huff. “Take that back. I am fully adult-sized.”
“There’s a reason you’re the only person who can wear those tiny vintage clothes you buy,” he says. “Growth was stunted back then, back when they didn’t have year-round access to proper nutrition or medicine.”
My jaw drops as I sputter, “S-stunted? Stunted? Really? On behalf of the shorter people of the world, I want you to know how deeply offensive you are. Additionally, it’s way better to be a ‘runt’ than a giant tall person sucking up more than his fair share of natural resources to support his huge body and even more massive head. Not to mention his grotesquely swollen ego. We can’t forget about that.”
He stops at the crosswalk and finally glances down at me, a relieved smile creeping across his face. “Maybe you are okay. That was a coherent stream of insults.”
I exhale a laugh, my irritation vanishing. “You were just messing with me?”
“Maybe a little bit,” he says, before adding fondly, “I happen to be a fan of runts. At least this one.”
“Tall people are okay, too,” I say, relaxing into his arms. “Mostly.”
“Thanks,” he says. “Now, let’s get you home.”
Home…
It does feel like home. As soon as we start across the lobby, Alex hurries to call the elevator, fussing over me and assuring Hunter she can have an ambulance here in five minutes or less if he decides I need one. And the moment we step into the penthouse, the familiar smell of leather furniture and the potpourri I bought at the Union Square farmer’s market eases my frazzled nerves.
In the bathroom, where Hunter and I have already made so many happy, steamy memories, he settles me on the counter and carefully examines my head. His touch is gentle as he parts my hair to look at the wound, but there’s a slight tremor in his usually steady hands.
He’s so worried, and it’s so sweet, I can hardly stand it.
My heart swells until it feels like it’s going to burst through my chest.
I’ve never had a man care for me like this before. I’ve had men fuck me and laugh with me and give me shit and be my friend or my nemesis or a general thorn in my side, but…that’s it.
I don’t have a father. I’ve never had a father. As a kid, there was no trusted male adult in my life who picked me up when I fell and put Band-Aids on my owies. My mom was in charge of all that, as well as everything else. And maybe I should have had a relationship with a man that reached the “let me nurture you” stage by now, but I haven’t.
This is the first time a human with a penis has made me feel like he wants to help care for my fragile human shell—blood, bumps, bruises, and all.
And it’s so wonderful.
Maybe even better than sex…
“I don’t think you need stitches,” he admits once he’s finished cleaning the area with antiseptic and has gently wiped the blood from my hair with a damp washcloth. “But I still want to take you to the urgent care. Just to be one hundred percent safe.”
“I know you do,” I say, gazing up at him with tears pricking at my eyes.
His brow furrows. “What’s wrong? Is it hurting again?”
I shake my head slightly and try to smile, but the tears appear to be coming, despite my best efforts to stop them. And my voice is wobbly as I say, “I’ve just never had a man take care of me like this, like he… Like he really cares about me, even when I’m broken and messy.”
His gaze darkens. “Fuck them. Fuck every fuck you’ve ever dated.”
I laugh even as my throat goes even tighter. “Yeah. Pretty much, but…” I swallow, fighting to regain control for a beat before I add in a steadier voice, “I was just thinking… I didn’t have a dad, so I have no idea what that feels like.” I hold his gaze. “But I know you make me feel safe and l-loved.”
Fuck, the word stutters out before I can stop it.
I bite my lip for a second, but he isn’t running for the door, so I figure I might as well finish the point I was trying to make.
“You do,” I continue. “In a way no other man ever has. And I know, if you decided to open that secretly soft heart of yours to a child, you would be a wonderful dad. There’s no doubt in my mind. And obviously, that doesn’t mean that you should reconsider having children if you honestly don’t want them. But if you’re just worried that you don’t have the skillset, like you said before, I…” I trail off with a little shrug and a sniff. “Well, I think you have it. I think you have it and then some.”
“And I think I was already in love with you by the end of that first weekend in Sea Breeze,” he murmurs, sending a jolt through my entire body.
And triggering another round of tears…
Suddenly, my eyes are leaking full force as I whisper, “What?”
“That’s why I left without saying goodbye, without a note,” he says. “I told myself it was because I had to get away from you before I got any more addicted to fucking you. But it wasn’t your body that was getting under my skin.” His lips twitch on one side. “At least not just your body. I do love every inch of you, but it’s your mind and your heart and the way you see straight through me, in a way no one ever has… It scared the shit out of me.”
I blink faster, happiness flooding my chest even as I continue to sniffle. “Really?”
“Really.”
I exhale in a rush of breath. “You scared me, too. I was so mad that you bailed like that, but I was also secretly relieved. Because deep down I knew I was getting attached and that getting attached was stupid.”
“Because there was no way forward for us,” he finishes.
I nod. “Yeah.”
He brushes a gentle thumb over my cheek, wiping away my tears. “But maybe there is. Maybe I’m not as clueless about love as I thought I was.”
I rush to assure him, “You’re not clueless at all, not even close. You were just trying to love the wrong people. People who couldn’t see what I see.”
“And what do you see, beautiful?” he asks, his love for me so clear in his eyes I would have to be blind not to see it.
“I see a sensitive, caring man who had to develop a pretty intense, stony-faced, don’t-fuck-with-me persona to survive the ugliest parts of his childhood.” I press my lips together, considering all he’s been through in his life. “And probably to survive moving to a big, tough city when he was only thirteen, too. Not to mention working in an industry full of heartless finance bros.”
His brows lift with an amused huff of recognition.
“But I also see that it’s just a persona,” I continue. “That isn’t who you really are.”
“It is sometimes,” he warns. “I can be a real asshole when I want to be.”
I smile. “No doubt. But sometimes, you’re just being blunt. And I don’t mind blunt. It’s truthful, and it saves time other people waste trying to be polite. I’d rather have honesty than a lie wrapped up in nice manners, any day.” I reach out, fisting my hands in the fabric of his shirt, as I add, “And I’d rather have you, even at your grumpy worst, than any other man I know. Because I love you, too, Mr. M. I love you so much it feels like there isn’t enough room in my body to hold it all.”
“Because you’re a runt,” he murmurs, his eyes shining now.
“Right,” I say, smiling and tearing up again at the same time. “Now, kiss me, you big jerk.”
And he does, slow and achingly sweet at first, but then deeper, harder, holding nothing back.
We don’t have to hold back now. Everything we feel, everything we want and need, it’s all on the table.
“Love you,” I murmur against his lips, so happy that I don’t have to hold the words in anymore.
“Love you and need you,” he says, his breath coming fast. “Do you feel okay to?—”
“Yes, inside me. Now. I’m fine,” I say, cutting him off. “And I need you so much.”
As he lifts me off the counter, I wrap my legs wrap around his waist and grind against his erection, already slick and aching for him.
We don’t make it to the bedroom.
We don’t even try.
We barely make it to the soft carpet in the walk-in closet before we come together in a frenzy of need on the floor, tearing each other’s clothes away with shaking hands. I have a beat to feel the chill of the air-conditioned air, and then he’s on top of me, trailing kisses down my throat as his hands play possessively over my skin, like he’s mapping territory he plans to claim forever.
“Tell me again,” he rumbles as he rolls my nipple between his fingers and thumb, making me moan. “Tell me you love me.”
“I love you,” I breathe, reaching down to stroke his cock. “Now fuck me, please. Fuck me hard.”
He cuts me off with a kiss that steals my breath and the rest of my words. A beat later, he pushes into me with a deep, savage thrust that summons a moan of relief from deep in my chest.
Yes, this is what I need.
I need to be his .
There’s no hesitation now, no holding back. There’s just the two of us, slamming against each other with an intensity that makes the world fall away. It’s raw and wild and sacred. And when his thumb finds my clit, rubbing tight circles in time with his thrusts, I shatter in seconds.
The orgasm spirals through me with enough force to rip a primal cry from my throat as my inner walls clamp down on his cock. Waves of pleasure crash over me again and again, rising higher as Hunter buries himself deep, his hips jerking as he spills inside me.
Inside me…
“Oh shit,” I whisper afterwards, as we lie panting together in a sweaty tangle on the floor. “Condom. We forgot.”
He stiffens for a beat, before pulling back to meet my gaze. “We did,” he says, still breathing faster. “I’m sorry. It completely slipped my mind.”
“Mine, too,” I say. “Don’t apologize. It’s as much my?—”
I’m cut off by the blare of a siren from his discarded pants.
Hunter pales in response. I’m sure I do, too. Because I know that ring. That’s Margaret’s companion, Katie, the one who only calls from her cell when there’s an emergency with his mom.
He goes for his pants, sliding out of me as I reach for my cotton shorts to mop up the mess.
“Hi, Katie, what’s up?” he asks, already answering the call. “What? Where?” He curses softly and drags a hand through his hair. “What the hell are you talking about?”
He paces the closet as Katie chatters on the other end of the line. I can’t make out her words, but her tone is urgent. Therefore, I’m already in fresh underwear and pulling my baggy linen dress over my head by the time Hunter says, “Yes, of course. Fine. Yes. We’ll be there as quickly as possible.”
He ends the call, his hands shaking again.
“What’s happening?” I ask, snagging a polo shirt from a nearby hanger and pressing it into his hands.
He pulls it over his head without a word, so stunned, I’m not even sure he realizes what he’s doing. “It’s my mother. She’s in the hospital. Apparently, she went in for surgery this morning, some experimental surgery, and now there are complications and—” He breaks off with a choked sound, shifting his troubled eyes my way. “Why didn’t she tell me, Elaina? Why didn’t she say anything? Katie assumed I knew, but I… I had no idea. I would have been there.”
“Of course you would have,” I assure him, even as my stomach drops through the floor. “Just grab some pants and finish getting dressed. I’ll call down to Alex and have her get us a cab.”
As I hurry out of the closet, aiming myself for the phone, guilt threatens to crush me flat. Margaret must have gone in for the surgery earlier than expected. She didn’t tell me, either, but at least I knew what she was planning.
I knew, and I kept it from the man I loved.
Fuck, what have I done?
I should have told him. Even if it meant betraying Margaret. I love Margaret, but I love Hunter more. He’s the one I owe allegiance to, he’s the one I should have been looking out for and protecting.
Because this? It’s clearly shattering him into tiny pieces.
He barely speaks on the way down to the lobby and lets me tell the driver to take the fastest route to Mount Sinai, even if it’s the longest route, because we have to get to a family member in trouble ASAP.
“It’s okay,” I murmur, taking Hunter’s hand as the cabbie darts out into the early evening traffic. “It’s going to be okay.”
But I can tell he doesn’t believe me.
And I’m not sure I do, either.