2. Chapter 2
Chapter two
Zane
T he roads are awful. There’s well over another three inches, easily, and that’s just by the airport. The closer we get to our neighborhood, the more snow there is. Typical. The airport is so far east it never gets the worst of the weather. I should have known better than to think any differently. My mind has been reeling since Aspen told me about Breck being stranded in Arizona. It’s like the universe is giving me exactly the sign I’ve been searching for. After leaving for Yale four months ago, I’ve only thought about her more and more. I’m not sure how to tell Breck though—or what to tell him, for that matter. Maybe the question is really more of an if I tell Breck situation. He’s my best friend. We all grew up together, and I’m pretty sure I’m not supposed to fall in love with my best friend’s little sister. I don’t even know when I fell in love with her. Maybe it’s because I think I’ve just always been in love with her. I don’t have the guts to tell Breck. He’ll kick my ass. I just know it.
I can’t deny the feelings though. Seeing her like this has ignited the burning desire inside of me, begging to drag my fingers across every last inch of her body. Knowing what it feels like for her skin to respond to my touch, rolling into each soft caress as I feel her beneath me the way I’ve longed to so many times before.
Aspen gasps as the Jeep slides on a drift of snow, forcing me to shift my attention back to the roads and the weather. She clutches the handlebar on the door nervously. Her knuckles are just as white as mine are from the death grip I have on the steering wheel.
She looks at me doe-eyed. “The roads are getting worse. Do you think we can make it?”
Unable to handle the way fear laces her voice, I reach for her hand and give it a reassuring squeeze. I want to do more to comfort her but if I don’t stop thinking about those things, I’m going to end up acting on my feelings.
“We’re going to make it just fine. I haven’t even kicked in the four-wheel drive yet. Before we pull into the neighborhood, I’ll probably need to.” I glance over at her with a reassuring gaze, and she smiles.
God, I love that fucking smile. I’ve always obsessed over the way she smiles when you make her feel better. She has movie star teeth. I swear to God, that woman is blessed with the most perfect fucking smile. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Especially without Breck here to question my intentions, or catch me I am headed down a path of no return. If I don’t keep myself under control, then things could get out of hand quickly. Who am I kidding? Aspen would never go behind her brother’s back like that, and there’s no way she could ever be interested in someone like me. She’s far too perfect. She deserves someone who can offer her more than I can. I’ll have a great career. It’s not that I am worried about providing for a woman. I just can’t offer her a family like the one she has. She deserves an extended family and I have nothing to offer in that department. There are no siblings, my parents have pretended I don’t exist pretty much my entire life; both sets of my grandparents are gone, and both my parents were only children, leaving me without aunts and uncles to depend on. I may have Yale going for me, but I’m far from good enough to be with her.
Aspen, on the other hand, loves her family with all her heart, no matter how toxic they actually are. She would give someone the shirt off her back without thinking twice. I’m too much of a realist and I know my parents are fake ass, rich assholes who have never given a real shit about me outside of their social appearances. I was always just a business investment, not a real child. I’ve spent so many holidays alone or with the Carters. I give Aspen’s parents this much. They may be selfish and toxic in their own ways, but they’ve always been there for their children. I can’t say my parents have ever been there for me. The Carters really are good people who mean well. They just put way too much pressure on their kids to be great. I mean shit, they’ve made me an unofficial member of their family and have taken care of me every single time my parents failed. It was Mr. Carter who insisted I apply to Yale. He even helped me fine-tune my application essay. It feels like a betrayal to their entire family to allow myself to ruin their daughter’s future.
The Jeep slides again as we round the corner into the neighborhood. The gates, thank fuck, are open, so I throw it in park and jump out in the freezing blizzard to lock in the four-wheel drive. It’s colder than the North Pole out here. I clap my hands together as I move around to the other side, stomping my way through the large drifts of snow piling up everywhere like dollops of whipped cream. My fingers burn from the cold as I work quickly to lock the four-wheel drive in on the passenger side. When I climb back in the Jeep, I’m happy to find Aspen has cranked up the heat for me. Neither of us says a word as I thaw my fingers, then throw the car back in drive slowly inching our way down the neighborhood streets.
It takes us nearly thirty minutes just to make it to my street. Ahead, the road is packed with stranded cars blocking the drive to her house. I turn toward my house instead, stealing a quick look at Aspen. Her face is emotionless. She focuses her gaze on the snow swirling all around us, threatening to swallow the Jeep into its white abyss.
“I’ll walk you home in the morning. I’m sure we can find the old snowshoes out in the garage from the year it snowed all winter. Remember? The one when we thought it would be fun to learn so we could walk between our houses in the blizzards.”
Aspen scoffs, then shakes her head.
“Are you mad?” I ask, worried about what she’s thinking.
“No, I’m not mad. I was just thinking about how pissed my mom will be if neither Breck nor I show up for the annual Christmas Eve party. But if he doesn’t have to deal with her tonight, why should I?”
I grin, but only for a moment. I can’t risk her catching my celebration, or is it torture?
“Can you disable the tracking device in the Jeep GPS?” She blurts out.
I nod my head. I’ve been disabling tracking devices for all of us since middle school. “I’m insulted you’re even asking me this.” I snap, playfully.
She laughs. “It was too good of an opportunity not to pass up.”
“What opportunity is that?” I ask, cocking a brow, turning in toward her playful banter, and wondering if it means more than implied. Did Aspen just suggest she wants to come back to my house alone? Fuck, I’m losing control. Pull it together, Zane.
I pull as far into the driveway as I can get before the Jeep gets stuck. I’m not sure what has come over me, but I want to make sure she’s stuck here. Shit, that feels a little creepy. My hand runs a quick pass through my hair before I replace my baseball cap and mentally remind myself I need to keep it in the friend-zone. I disable the tracking in the Jeep and give Aspen a thumbs up. Aspen tosses her phone at me and I barely catch it.
“Do mine too,” she hisses.
It feels just like the old times when she would bust Breck and I sneaking out and blackmail us into taking her with us, then forcing us to buy her frozen yogurt in exchange for her silence. She never did snitch, and we never got caught, but we sure ate a lot of frozen yogurt that summer before Breck got his license. It’s a wonder we never got busted driving around, none of us with a license. I smile. I think that’s the year I started crushing on her. Breck broke my nose when he punched me in the face at the batting cages the day he caught me showing her how not to swing and miss. Breck took a softball to the back in the scuffle and we didn’t speak to one another for a week. It was Aspen who begged us to stop acting like a bunch of stupid boys and makeup. She then proceeded to go into great detail about why girls are superior and boys are just nasty and dumb. I’m smiling so hard my face hurts.
“What are you thinking about?” Aspen asks, pulling me from my memories.
“That time you educated me on why girls are far superior when compared to boys.” I chuckle as I hand her back the phone and climb out to get my luggage. “I’ll be right back to help you.”
She cuts me off before I can finish, looking me dead in the eyes with the most intense soul searching gaze. “You mean when Breck broke your nose because you were helping me with my batting stance?” Her green eyes twinkle, whispering a secret just for me.
My cheeks heat and I look away, closing the door and stomping into the snow to retrieve my bags and unlock the front door. It’s nasty out here. I want to make sure Aspen doesn’t have to wait on me digging through the snow to get to the spare key my parents keep hidden on the porch.
When I open the back of the Jeep, I can see her texting her mom telling her she’s stuck at the airport and snowed in. I shake my head in disbelief. It’s impossible not to think about this. I can’t stop thinking about her. Opportunity is knocking and I’ll never get a chance like this again. It’s wrong, I know it’s wrong, but I’ve already tipped the pendulum into motion by driving the Jeep so far into the snow banks that I can’t easily get out. I’m already invested this far. Fuck it , I think, shrugging my shoulders.
My teeth chatter as I dig through the heavy, wet snow in the howling wind. I’m feeling pretty hopeless at this point, but without the key, I won’t be bringing Aspen inside for a Christmas Eve sleepover. A solid object brushes against my fingers as they sweep over the freezing cold metal. I drop to my knees, willing my frozen fingers to bend around the key. Clasping it, I work slowly and carefully to insert it into the lock, doing my best not to drop it back into the snowy peaks, waiting to swallow it all over again. The door creaks open to reveal an empty house. It never gets less jarring. This home is simply yet another piece of the fake perfect life they’ve crafted for us. I heave my heavy luggage onto the spotless marble floor, not giving a fuck if it cracks from the icy impact of the wheels. Snow falls onto the marble and disappears. The warm lights glow from the kitchen where the smart lights control them. I wonder what it would be like to take a house like this and fill it full of love, joy, laughter, and family. My eyes dart around the dark shadow filled rooms, as my imagination plays out a scene from my deepest darkest fantasies. Shaking my head and squeezing my eyes shut, I turn back to help Aspen inside.
My hands were thawing and now they are overcome with the most painful sensation of refreezing in the blizzard. The walk back to the Jeep feels just as treacherous as the walk to the front door. It takes me several minutes to reach the passenger door. I rap my knuckles against the window, which is frosted around the edges, framing Aspen. My breath catches for a minute as I imagine her as a photo. One of those holiday postcards with the snowflake borders. As I stare at her, my lips tug up into a half-grin.
Aspen opens the door, knocking me back into the snow. Her laughter fills the otherwise quiet night. Even though it’s cold, I’m laughing right along with her.
“You better watch out,” I tease. “I might accidentally drop you in a giant snowdrift on our way to the house.”
She punches me hard in the chest. “Fuck off, Zane. If you drop me in the snow, I will personally guarantee that Breck will kick your ass. I’ll make up a whopper. Don’t test me.”
That’s my fucking girl.
She cackles as I roll over in the snow, looking over my shoulder to bark at her. “For fuck’s sake, Aspen. Put your goddamn jacket on and shut off the engine. What are you waiting for, an invitation inside?”
She rolls her eyes, throws her arms into her jacket and zipping it. Then twists the key in the ignition, the sound of the motor ceases as she tosses them at me.
I reach for them frantically, knowing they will be unpleasant to find in the snowdrifts. Meanwhile Aspen giggles, proud of the chaos she is causing. I don’t fucking care, though. I will gladly entertain her and all the hellfire she brings just to hear that laugh every day.
“Come on.” I open my arms, inviting her in.
She hesitates but only for a second, before placing one foot then the next on the side step. I take advantage of the height differential, leaning my shoulder into her hip, knocking her over it. She screams as my arms wrap around her flailing body.
“Oops, I must have slipped,” I mutter, just loud enough for her to hear.
“Asshole.” She hisses
Laughing, I carry her up the sidewalk to the front door effortlessly.
“Let me down,” she huffs the moment we step inside.
Not wanting to push my luck, I set her down on the ground and whisper, “Payback’s a bitch. I guess we’re even.”
It earns me a smack in my arm, that I shrug off while flashing a shit-eating grin in her direction. She spins around, giving me the cold shoulder, flipping on lights as she walks into the house like she owns the place. You’d like for her to own it. You’d like it a lot , a raspy voice inside my head whispers. I ignore it, following Aspen until we both reach the den. Like clockwork, we each set to our typical tasks. I grab wood from the pile on the mantel. Stacking up the big pieces for the base and tucking smaller bits of wood and kindling in to build a solid base for a longer, hotter burn. My eyes skim the room, knowing exactly where they’re headed.
Across the room, Aspen thumbs through my mother’s record collection. She’s in the holiday section. I can already hear the one she’ll put on playing in my memories. Aspen loves the crooney voice of Bing Crosby. My hungry eyes gaze over her, devouring all her soft lines and curves. She’s fucking perfect. I look for longer than I should, allowing myself to imagine running my fingertips across her smooth skin, while my lips skirt across the sensitive spot between her neck and collarbone.
“Why are you looking at me like that, Zane?” She asks, yanking me out of my imagination and back to the present where I stand, no doubt staring at her the way a predator might stare at its prey.
She shifts uncomfortably, as my lips turn up into a smile, toying with her the same as a hungry wolf does. My voice is a level deeper when I open my mouth to answer. “I bet I can guess which record you’re going to pick before you even put it on.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “So? I like what I like. What does it matter if it’s—“ her voice hangs on a pause. “Predictable.” She finishes.
I swear to God there’s a hint of a subliminal message in the way she looks at me during the pause. As if her entire body is betraying her, and only her lips remain loyal enough to keep her secret desire for me from rolling out. There’s no fucking way. I must be imagining things. Why do you doubt what you see? The raspy voice from my head demands. Shut up. Stop. It’s not like that. I think, then turn off all my thoughts, mentally blocking everything out but Aspen.
“Are you going to be predictable?” I whisper, surprising myself with a response that doesn’t feel like my own, and yet the words flew out of my lips dripping with an unspoken invitation.
She shrugs her shoulders, bats her eyes, and replies without missing a beat. “Maybe, or maybe I’ll go a little rogue by breaking character tonight.”
My cock hardens and I stare at her, unable to control my feelings of longing and need. I’ve wanted this for so long. Maybe we both have. Maybe the voice inside my head is right. Why am I so quick to dismiss the thought that she might feel the same way about me? I run a hand through my hair, pushing it back awkwardly, and change the subject. “Do you want some cocoa?”
“Are you going to make it the right way or the easy way?” She asks, implying there’s only one correct way to answer this question.
“Would you like me to make it the right way? I wouldn’t want to become predictable.”
“There are some things that just wouldn’t be the same otherwise,” she taunts back.
I don’t answer. I can’t answer. My tongue is twisted and unable to respond. It takes everything in me to stop myself from marching across the room to throw her into the wall, smothering every inch of her in my embrace. Our bodies pressed together as I take everything I’ve ever wanted to. Instead, I turn away from her, returning to my task of building a fire.