10. Love
LOVE
Flashback
“Hi Mrs. Hamilton, I’m Lauren. Love has told me so much about you.”
She extended her arm for a handshake. This bitch is crazy.
“Ma don’t listen to this. She off her meds. I never told her shit about you.” I glared at Lauren, who was pouting behind me.
“Love, that ain’t no way to speak to a lady.” Mama gave me a pointed look, like I was embarrassing her.
“She ain’t no lady, mama. She crazy,” I clarified, turning to Lauren. “Ain’t you crazy?”
She gave her an innocent look, pushing her arm to loop through mine. “Boy, you so stupid.”
I tightened my mouth in a grimace. I’m reporting this hoe first thing tomorrow morning.
“Aye, you need to leave.” I unwrapped her arm from mine, and pushed her towards the door, despite my mama in the background telling me not to be mean to the poor girl. “Don’t come back to my crib, Lauren.”
I slammed the door in her face, and turned back around to see Valentine cracking up on the couch.
Mama threw her hands up in frustration, making her way to the back room. The minute she was gone, Valentine spoke up. “I need to borrow some money.”
“For what?” I stopped flipping through the mail on the counter, and peaked up to look at him when he didn’t respond. “What? you want my money, but I can’t ask what it’s for?”
“I got offered a business proposition, and I need to put in 5k to get 20k.”
I sighed, lifting my gaze at the ceiling. "That sounds like a scam, Valentine.”
“Man, you always think shit ain’t legit,” he retorted, coming to stand in front of me. “You gone let me borrow it or not, Love?”
“Not,” I replied with a blank expression, moving around him.
“For real, Love. You always tell me to do better, but when I try, you turn me down,” he snapped with his arms raised.
I spun around. “I do want you to do better, Valentine. And if you wanted to go back to school or take up a trade, I’m ten toes down with that.
But you got it in yo’ head that money can just come easily to you, and it ain’t ever that goddamn easy.
The answer is no,” I responded, ignoring the anger contorted on his face.
He was mad now, but this what I called tough love, and one day he gone thank me for it.
I left him where he stood and went in my room, slamming the door behind me. Valentine got what he wanted all his life, and he ain’t used to people saying no to him, but I had other shit more important than what he got going on right now.
After the conversation with Messiah the other day, I been thinking about how to move. He wants me to do some unthinkable shit, and I always got his back, so I told him I’ll think about it and get back to him. This talk with Valentine ain’t making the decision an easy one though.
I hopped in the shower, hearing him knock on mama’s door. He probably had it in his mind to tell on me, but not even mama gone make me change my mind. It’ll be a cold day in hell before he borrowed anything else from me.
“Love, come rub my feet. I been working all day at that hotel.”
I was snapped from my thoughts when I heard her voice.
She was in the living room watching TV, while I sat at the dining table on my laptop.
I called off work after the shit that happened yesterday, and she been cool all day up until now, slipping back into one of her episodes. Mama retired from Marriott years ago.
I walked to the couch and sat down, grabbing her feet off the table. She had bags under her eyes, she looked tired.
“You taking the sleeping pills I got you?” I questioned, putting pressure on the ball of her feet.
She had both eyes shut but opened one at my question. “Boy, I ain’t taking that shit. What you tryna do? Drug me to death?”
I sighed. “Mama, those pills help you sleep. It ain’t good that you walk around here after sleeping two hours every day.”
I tried to explain, but she snatched her leg outta my hold and jolted up from the couch.
She pointed an accusatory finger at me.
“Uh, huh. You in on it too, huh? You tryna kill me, Love,” she muttered out, damn near flying over the couch to get away from me, but I reached out and wrapped my hand around her forearm.
She started screaming out loud. “Your own mama? how could you?”
Before I can get my arms around her waist to calm her down, she cocked her hand back and slapped me hard as hell across the face.
“I’m not tryna kill you. I want to help you, mama.” I ignored the ringing in my ears and took cautious steps towards her, raising my hands to show her I ain’t a threat. “Just sit with me. We can talk. I won’t even touch you.”
She kept her eyes on me, plopping down in the loveseat. I can’t believe my mama put her hands on me. I mean, it ain’t the first time she hit me, but it’s been so long, I can’t even remember the last time.
“You good now?” I sat up, placing my elbows on my knees. “Want me to get you something to eat?”
I never seen her look so scared, and helpless. That shit broke my heart.
“I just wanna go in my room,” she whispered shakily.
When I tried to get up and help, she jumped away from me.
So, I waited until I heard her door close before I moved.
Running a hand over my face, I exhaled deeply in frustration.
I don’t know what to do or how much more shit I can take, but I need some help.
I can’t keep dealing with this alone, or I’mma be the next one going crazy.