19. Maia
19
MAIA
T he mood in the room is sombre. Topher is sitting on the armchair, with Alex and Ben sharing the long sofa. I’m in another arm chair with Phoebe in my direct line of sight. She’s in her swing, watching the little sea animals float along the room.
Alex pulled the curtains closed, giving a darker tone to the room, making it easier for the lights to be seen by Phoebe. She’s enthralled, which means as long as we keep our tones quiet and calm, she won’t be disturbed.
Unlike me. I’m just pure disturbed.
Their words echo in my brain. The reminder of the connection they share with Ryan is so hard to ignore. It burns, and it hurts. My stomach is in knots, and I can’t bear to look at them.
The palms of my hands sting from the way my nails are cutting so deep into the soft pad of skin, but my body won’t obey my commands to relax.
The three men share a tense look, and I don’t know if they’re using their silent communication to talk about me. Doubt fills me as I peek at them under my eyelashes.
“I don’t know where to begin,” I say quietly. My words only increase the uncomfortable vibes in the room. A silent argument breaks out between the three of them.
I bring my knees up to my chest and let it play out. Alex is arguing on one side, Topher on another. Ben seems content to side with Topher.
I wish I could hear their silent words. I wish I could be included in the decisions.
But once more, I’m excluded, even from something like this.
Topher snarls, the sound causing goosebumps to raise over my skin, and Alex clenches his jaw but gives a curt nod. Ben seems relieved, and I don’t know why that rubs me the wrong way.
“It was my decision for none of us to tell you that we knew who Ryan was,” Topher says, leaning back in his seat. He acts so nonchalant, swinging his ankle up over his knee as he stretches out and makes himself a bigger target for me to focus on.
But I’m not an idiot. Their argument makes sense now, and I frown over at both Alex and Ben. One of them gets a full glower at how easy he was willing to throw Topher under the bus.
No matter how annoyed I am over these lies… it’s their fault as a group .
“And did you force your brothers in the same way that you forced me to move in?” I ask, giving Ben a piercing look before turning back around to Topher. The eldest’s eyes flash gold.
Topher opens his mouth, closes it, and then sighs. “No.”
I appreciate that he told me the truth, although I won’t voice that. I shouldn’t feel grateful for these little scraps of truth that they bestow upon me. That should be a given.
“So, your brothers had the choice you took from me,” I say, sitting back and looking towards Alex and Ben, who both lower their eyes, “but were willing to let you take the full weight of this punishment alone anyway.”
“And how are you going to be punishing us?” Alex asks. There’s frustration in his eyes, but more than that, there’s a heavy weight on his shoulders. He’s hunched over, despite trying to remain confident.
“Of course, I was,” Ben says, talking over Alex with an eager and rushed tone. He’s desperate. “Fuck that shit. I’ve been saying for two weeks that we should tell you. Topher was the holdout. I’m not going down with his sinking ship.”
“Well, that’s just as cowardly as the way you’ve all been lying to me.” I sneer at him, and Ben frowns, genuine confusion filling his face. “And, by that timeline, it still took you a week to decide I was worthy of hearing the truth about my child. That doesn’t get you off the hook, Ben, not even a little bit.”
Ben grunts, ducking his head, and hopefully, he regrets speaking up.
Topher loses the fake nonchalance and leans forward onto his knees. “I did what I thought was best, Maia.”
“But that’s the thing,” I say, meeting his actions head on, mirroring the exact pose. He doesn’t intimidate me. “You made a unilateral decision about my daughter. You sit here claiming you’ve got some mythical connection to my child and then decided to lie to me about information that endangers her. How is that for the best?”
I hate that my voice broke. I hate that tears are dripping down my cheeks.
I wish I wasn’t an angry crier.
It makes me look pathetic.
“Mate sad,” Max whispers, reaching for me, but I bat his hand away. It wasn’t a hard hit, but the sparks didn’t appear with that one smack, and I know that’s because I shouldn’t have done it.
“Control yourself, Alexander,” Topher snarls, but he’s looking at his brother and not me. He rubs his eyes and turns to me. “Ryan is a bad man, Maia, and acknowledging who he was… it makes it even more real. ”
“He loved me.” My words are a whisper, and as much as I want to, I don’t follow it up with sharing how much he would’ve loved Phoebe. I don’t want to hurt them, I really don’t, even if they’ve hurt me.
But I still see the flash of pain that Topher quickly covers, and it causes bile to rise up in my throat.
They’re hurting me with their actions and their words. They’re judging the man I loved— the man I love?— from their interactions with him and think that they’ve got the ultimate authority on his character.
They saw him as a child . How can they form opinions over someone who had barely even lived? Even now, at only twenty-four, my life is not even halfway over, so when Ryan died at only twenty-five, what could he have achieved? What could he have done to deserve so much hate?
How can you judge someone full of childish youth? You can’t.
And yet, they expect me to just throw away my three years of history, to let them in, to let them replace the man I love.
But when I see him so regularly, when I get to spend time with him and let him meet his daughter… when Ryan still isn’t gone , how am I meant to just move on and forget?
“We know,” Alex says gently. “We didn’t keep this from you out of a desire to… deny the connection you two shared.”
“We didn’t? I only cared that my cousin fucked my mate,” Ben mutters, but nobody pays him any attention. He’s upset, and I know the tension is eating away at him.
And also, acknowledging him in this mood only eggs him on.
“At the time, the biggest reason for us denying we knew him was because we didn’t want to push you away. It was selfish, but we’re already on such uneven footing,” Alex says quietly. He’s maintaining eye contact, not hiding the pain in his words. “Our wolves hate Ryan’s connection to you. We can’t deny that. ”
“And we hate Ryan for our own reasons, and we won’t deny that or even pretend otherwise,” Topher says.
“But,” Alex interjects, giving Topher a stern look before turning back to me, “We’re sorry for making that your issue. I beg one thing from you, even though I have no right to do so.”
“What is it?” I whisper, unable to gather the strength to talk any louder. Their actions and their words are two different behaviours, and I don’t know which to trust.
They confound me.
They’re beautiful, and kind, and gentle… and selfish, and willing to lie to get their own way.
But when their own way is getting me…
I bite my lip, looking up at the ceiling to collect myself. I hate the way my body betrays me, I hate how easy the last three weeks have been… I hate the cards I was dealt.
“We’re going to be sharing some family history with you, difficult family history, and we’re probably going to say some very mean things about Ryan.”
“I see.”
Alex grimaces. “Don’t take it personally, please. Don’t let it fuel your anger with us. We have our feelings, just like you have yours.”
“Even if you were conned by the ultimate—” Ben starts, but both Topher and Alex snarl. Ben pouts, crossing his arms over his chest as his hazel eyes meet mine. “I hate that his dirty hands have touched you. I hate him.”
“So I can see.” I’m exhausted. Mentally exhausted. With a deep sigh, I turn to Topher, and raise an eyebrow. “Start at the beginning, I suppose. Tell me… why do you hate Ryan?”
“Ryan is my cousin, through my fathers. Ryan’s dad, Henry, is part of the quadruplet bond with our dads—George, Edward, and Charles. Ryan’s father, Henry, fell in love with Ryan’s mother, Aurora, a year or so before my fathers found my mum,” Topher says.
My eyes widen. I thought when they said cousin, they meant on Julie’s side of the family—not their dad’s. I thought… with how they’ve explained it, the bond between the brothers born from one pregnancy means they share a soul, and thus they share a soul mate .
“We’ll get to your questions, little butterfly,” Alex says quietly. I nod, biting my tongue as I turn back around to Topher.
“Aurora was special. She’s the only child of the previous Alpha and Luna Grey, and thus her mate would be the alpha of their pack upon their mating. Sadly, her fated mate died when she was just young. Being a wolf-born female, which, of course, even back then, was rare, her allure was strong,” Topher continues. “She’s a few years older than my uncle and my dads, and he chose to leave the harem with his brothers in order to actively pursue her.”
I frown, not understanding how that’s possible. Ben explained how werewolves don’t form sexual connections when they know they have a mate out there. He implied that it was more than just bad form—that it was something their wolves couldn’t do differently.
How could this man both reject three quarters of his soul and his fated mate?
“But what about your mum?” I blurt out my question without even thinking and give Topher an apologetic look. He shakes his head, not minding.
“My mum came onto the scene, and my fathers immediately fell head over heels in love with her. But, by then, my uncle was already in love with Aurora. He took one look at my mum and denied the mate bond. He rejected her and chose Aurora.” My jaw drops, and Topher has a grim expression. “Their love might not have been fated, but to them, it was true.”
“It still is,” Ben says. “They’re still together, in all their fucking miserable love.”
“Any questions so far?” Alex asks.
I nod, repeating the things they’ve said to me about their souls being so entwined. “I just don’t understand how it’s possible. How could he do this when so many of you then just follow the path set out?”
I’ve never once doubted that the quadruplets want me. But if they could reject me and the bond… why haven’t they? I’m full of problems. I’m human, Ryan—their cousin—is the father to my daughter, and according to them, I’ve got a custody battle on my hands. Why would they force themselves to be with me when they could reject me?
My eyes fill with tears as I look over at Phoebe, and my bottom lip trembles. “Is it… did you?—”
“No!” All three Wolfe brothers snarl at once, and Ben launches himself off his chair and storms towards me.
He kneels in front of me and places his hand on my knee. “Do you feel those sparks where we touch?” I give one jerky nod and try to sniffle the tears away. “This connection is given to us by fate . She deemed you our perfect match. Why would we settle for some second chance when you exist in the world?”
“But you could .”
Ben rolls his eyes. “I didn’t remain a virgin to settle for some inferior woman. You were made to?—”
“What Ben means,” Topher says, cutting his brother off with an eye roll, “is that you’re it for us, princess. You and Phoebe are everything we could have wanted.”
“Because she’s a wolf?”
“Because she is half of you ,” Topher says. “Sure, female wolves are so fucking rare, so important, and I’m thrilled that she is one. But I’m also scared.”
“ We are scared for her,” Alex adds, his eyes flickering between hazel and silver. “Our world is dangerous right now, and for good reason. Phoebe is a miracle, Maia, but you are the ultimate blessing. You are ours .”
“And we’re so, so lucky to have you,” Topher adds, and Ben nods from his place at my feet. “You can’t feel the bond, but even the little aspects you can feel are immense, right? ”
I nod slowly. Warmth spreads through me, and I can’t deny the truth in their words. Something, all this time, has been guiding us together. It’s hard to believe in the idea of soulmates when there’s no evidence .
I work in numbers and data. Tangible figures.
I’m banking my future—my daughter’s future—on a whisper of a promise.
“Now why would anyone ever give that up and settle for being less than whole?” Ben asks with a grin.
“Which is why you lied,” I say quietly. It adjusts the tone once more, and all three men deflate as one. Ben gets up from the ground and trudges over to the sofa, tripping on the wire slightly, before throwing himself down on the sofa next to Alex.
Phoebe begins to whine softly, and Topher gets up to fix her projector. He crouches down and presses a soft kiss to her head, but she’s lost to the floating colours and animals again.
“Which is why we lied,” Alex confirms. “Or at least, a big part of it.”
I nod. “So, your uncle denied his mate and moved on happily?”
“Sort of. For a wolf to deny their mate, it’s extremely painful for them,” Alex says quietly. “Our wolves want the other part of their soul, and they ache without it. There’s no way this was an easy decision for him, but it’s one he made out of selfishness anyway.”
“So, your mum was in pain?” I think about the ache without Seb here, and that’s so minimal. I’m not a wolf, there’s no bond, and he is coming back .
“She wasn’t a wolf at the time,” Topher says. “So, she didn’t feel the pain the way my uncle must have. From what I’ve been told, he was in agony for a very long time. Even after rejecting her, the ache apparently never goes away, and the emptiness of his soul will hurt him even with the bond he now has with Aurora. You’ll know more than us about how my mum felt, but I know she didn’t have it easy on her side, either. ”
“Like you’re missing something, but you don’t know what,” I say softly. Seb not being here is not comparable, not even a little, but I can imagine she felt at least a little similar. “Like you’re complete but incomplete at the same time. Like part of you is gone, but it’s just so far out of reach.”
Like part of my soul has gone.
Because they’re my soulmates.
The three of them exchange excited looks, but it’s Topher who continues. “My aunt and uncle mated, which severed the connection completely for my uncle and mum, at least on her side. My uncle became the sole alpha for the Grey pack with my aunt Aurora, and my parents ran ours.”
“Where is their pack?” I ask.
“They’re not too far from here, only a town over.”
I flinch and look over at my little girl, who is still watching the lights move around the room, and I hate that this move has put her in danger.
We moved here at random. It was nearly two hours away from where Ryan and I lived, but it has good schools and such a low crime rate, and with the house we now live in being in such a good central location, it just felt right. I felt safe moving here as a single mother to a little girl.
How fucking wrong I was.
“How is that possible?” I whisper, looking at each of them in fear. My blood feels cold, and a shiver wracks my body.
“Fate plays a messy game, little butterfly.”
I nod and want to move past it. “So, how did we get from their mating to you all hating Ryan?”
“Well things were amicable enough between our parents,” Topher says. “They bickered, they had arguments over pack policies and decisions, but they were family. My mum held no hard feelings towards Aurora, and my dads eventually mended the bridge with my uncle. I never knew of any of their history until we were in our teenage years. They got along so well that there was never any animosity or issues. ”
I nod slowly when he pauses. I don’t know if he’s just letting his words sink in and give me the chance to catch up mentally or if he expects me to be able to connect these dots.
“Where does Ryan being a bad man come into this?”
“Henry and Aurora had a little girl.” Topher’s words are hesitant, almost reluctant .
I close my eyes as Topher talks because, deep down, I already know how this story goes. Comments Ryan had made over the years suddenly are heard in a new light, the fierceness of his protectiveness when it comes to vulnerable women… it makes sense if I’m right.
He had a sister.
“She was a wolf-born female. She was six months older than Iris and Talia, which was exciting for my mum and her to be pregnant together, but where Aurora had a wolf-born female, the twins weren’t born wolves.
“My parents were a little disappointed that their girls weren’t wolves, especially since my uncle produced a wolf-born female outside a soulmate bond, but everyone was still happy. Our families grew, and we had a good childhood. We spent so much time with our cousins, mingling with their pack, as they did ours, and despite the choices my uncle made, everything was as good as it could be.”
“But then she died,” I whisper, and Ben and Alex flinch.
“But then she died,” Topher says, his voice so broken and sad that I’ve got to resist the urge to offer him comfort. My heart physically aches for each of these men, and whilst my pain is not comparable, I know what it’s like to lose someone that you loved.
I had to say goodbye to the man I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with, and they had to bury their cousin, a girl they loved for their entire lives.
Their pain is still so apparent, so fresh.
My eyes fill with tears, and I duck my head, letting my curls hide my face. As discreetly as I can, I wipe my eyes .
“She was kind, and lovely, and so different to her parents, to our parents.” Topher’s voice is husky as he doesn’t bother trying to hide his hurt. “They raised her to be spoilt and rude because she was special. But she was special despite all of their poison. She wasn’t like them. She gave back to the community, she was a pure soul that was damaged by them.”
I gulp, scared to voice my question but doing it anyway. My hands tremble, and I lower them to my lap as I look over at Topher. “How did... how did she die?”
“That’s the question of the century,” Alex says when Topher’s jaw locks, and he looks away from me. The air is tense and uncomfortable. All three of the men are upset, and it’s a distraction to my own anger.
Their pain comes before my own frustration. Their lie was huge… but their pain is bigger.
I’m not so selfish that I can’t recognise that.
“She died on our lands,” Ben says, and now it’s me who flinches. I gape at him, not sure I heard him correctly. “Her family swore she was coming to our pack at the command of my parents. They argue that we failed to protect her, that it was all a ploy for us to hurt her. Her dad, our uncle, claims this neglect was out of jealousy for them being the stronger couple and birthing a female wolf where my parents couldn’t. It got nasty, and we’ve only got one side of the story.”
Biassed but likely still focusing on some of the truth.
“What do you guys think?” I ask softly.
“We know that she had an arranged mating with a man a decade her senior. We know that she was being denied her true soulmate because he wasn’t deemed strong enough,” Alex says just as quietly. But whilst his words are quiet, they’re full of anger, dripping with a venomous tone. “We know that she had a desire to run away so that she could be with her mate. But if that’s what happened that night, she wasn’t protected. None of them protected her.”
“She was the oldest, sure, but she wasn’t alone . They could’ve protected her— we would have protected her. They may go by Grey, but our cousins were Wolfes,” Topher says with a loud snarl. “Ryan let her die, and now he’s created another Phoebe to follow in her path whilst he took the coward’s way out and ran away with his tail tucked between his legs.”
Another Phoebe? What does he mean by another Phoebe?
Was… Ryan wanted to use the name Phoebe for a girl, that’s where my choice of name came from. I never loved it, not like he did, but with him gone, I wanted to honour the one choice he could still have in regards to her.
But now… acid burns in my stomach, and I try to push the pang of betrayal away.
“I understand you’re in pain, but do not talk about him like that in front of his daughter,” I say, keeping my voice firm but quiet. Topher jumps to his feet, a rage so scary on his face as his hazel eyes burn into mine.
I’m just as fast as I jump to my own feet and level him with a glare. There’s so much anger, so much vicious intensity in his body, but my child is in this room with us, and this discussion will not become loud or aggressive.
Not in front of her.
Never in front of her.
“Raise your voice, and we’re gone,” I warn, keeping my tone as civilised as possible.
He looks at Phoebe, the pain apparent on his face, and he turns tail and leaves the room. I’m not sure if he needs a moment to calm down or if he’s just completely done with the conversation, but I am relieved he listened to me.
I look between a stoic Ben and a very tense Alex, waiting for either of them to comment on what just happened. When they don’t, I sit back down, trying to calm myself.
The adrenaline rushed through me very quickly, and it’s going to take me a few minutes to calm back down. None of us speak, both Wolfe brothers alternating their glances between me, the door that Topher left through, and Phoebe .
“What was her name?” I ask once I’m a lot calmer.
“Morgan Phoebe Grey,” Alex says quietly. Relief floods through me, and it’s silly, I know it is, but I’m so glad there’s that little bit of separation. “She hated her name, said it was too boyish, and so we’d all call her Phoebe when we weren’t around our parents.”
The tears prick at my eyes, my throat closing up as I see my little girl, who, day after day, looks more like me. She has my dark, curly hair, and I have no idea where her grey eyes came from since Ryan’s were so blue, but she’s got so much of me in her facial features. But Ryan’s influence isn’t completely gone. She carries his genes inside her, his wolf .
She’s her father’s daughter, and the name he chose was to resemble and honour his dead sister.
A sister that died before her time.
Just like her brother.
It’s bittersweet in a way.
I purse my lips, trying to stop the tears from falling, but they won’t. My child’s got a strong legacy to live up to... but if these people lost their darling female-born wolf, wouldn’t it seem like fate is giving them a second chance by bringing them Ryan’s little girl who shares a name with the daughter they lost?
The daughter that—in their eyes—this family ripped away from them?
If they’re as spiteful and horrid as Ryan claims they were, then they’d take Phoebe just out of principle to hurt me and the Wolfes.
Fuck, Ryan, you’ve really left us in a pickle.