Chapter Twenty One
CARTER
I’ve gotten used to waking up next to Sophie. Coming into consciousness with her wrapped up in my arms has easily become one of the best parts of my day. Her soft hair in my face, the way she always smells amazing, the feel of her soft curves under my hands; not only is it enough to make my morning wood painfully hard, and we end up having slow, lazy morning sex more times than not, but it also makes it so easy to imagine waking up like this every day, for the rest of our lives.
She had to take Jordan to school this morning, so she went home last night to sleep in her own bed. She might’ve come to see me before work if she didn’t have to open the flower shop this morning, but I guess Kerry had something important come up and couldn’t do it. The hotel feels empty without Sophie here, making us both coffee that we sip together as we rest against the headboard.
Without her humming coming from the shower as she washes her hair.
Without the warmth of her very presence as she clicks through spreadsheets on her laptop, sitting on the bed in nothing but my t-shirt and underwear.
It was torture trying to say goodbye to her last night, trying and failing to resist the urge to kiss her senseless each time she told me, “Now I really have to go.”
But… I have been taking up most of her free time, so I won't complain.
Even though I want to.
My running shoes in the closet catch my eye, and I might as well make the best of an otherwise shitty morning, since that’s now what I consider every morning without my girl.
Shitty.
It’s been a while since I’ve gone on a morning run, so I lace up my shoes and head out the door. Running has always been my go-to way to clear my mind. It pushes out all the noise and lets me have some semblance of peace. Back when Dad was still in my life, I’d run twice a day. There’s something freeing about pushing my body to the limit, feeling the wind on my face and the pavement under my feet.
As I run, I go over what plans I have for the rest of the day when Jake texts.
Jake: Hey man, we still on for lunch today?
Me: Duh. Sals?
Jake: Duh. Smartass.
Jake: 12:30?
Me: See you then
He doesn’t normally check to see if we’re still meeting. Since he got back to town, Wednesdays are lunch at Sal’s, and then we hit the rink or something. Maybe something’s on his mind.
Just as I’ve run until my legs are sore, my phone dings again, this time with a text from mom.
Mom: Do you want to come over for breakfast after my therapy appointment? Dr. Monroe will be here in five minutes.
Me: Sounds great! Need me to bring anything?
Mom: Just yourself, sweetie. Love you.
Me: Love you. See you soon.
An hour and a hot shower later, I’m parking in Mom’s driveway, ready to spend quality time with her before I meet Jake for lunch. Someone closes the front door behind them as I approach, and I come face to face with a small woman with red hair and a pair of large, square glasses.
“Mr. Williams.” She smiles at me. “It’s good to see you again.”
“You as well, Dr. Monroe. I trust everything is going well?” Dr. Monroe has done wonders for Mom’s mental health. I swear she smiles more and more every day.
“Since she’s disclosed that I can speak to you regarding her progress, I can tell you that she’s doing very well. I do think she would benefit from meeting other women who have been in her same situation though.” She pulls a pamphlet from her shoulder bag. “I gave Vivianne one as well, but we have an all-women’s domestic violence support group that my office heads up, and we have a retreat happening soon. She’d be gone for about three months, but I believe it would be groundbreaking for her.”
Nodding my head, I flip through the pamphlet. It’s at a hotel in Colorado. Spas, pools, massages, hiking, and various well known speakers are listed on the pages, as well as a section detailing how they’ll break up into smaller groups to have more conductive conversations.
This is perfect. Mom has always done her best to take care of me. It’s time I go beyond and give her what she needs.
Smiling, I hand the pamphlet back to her. “That’s a great idea. Set it up and send me the invoice, please. I’ll make it a sort of surprise vacation for her. She deserves it.”
“Yes, she does.” Dr. Monroe smiles kindly at me as she puts the pamphlet back in her bag. “I’ll have it set up by the end of the day.”
Mom is in the living room when I come in, reading a book on the couch. She looks happier. More… lighthearted. The first few sessions she was always a mess after, but Dr. Monroe had said that it’s a completely normal response to dredging up repressed emotions and painful memories. Now, she seems lighter and lighter every time.
“Hey, Mom.” I bend down from behind the couch and press a kiss to her cheek before coming around and sitting on the opposite side from her.
“Hi, Sweetie.” Mom puts her bookmark in her book before setting it on the cushion next to her and pulling off her reading glasses. “I have an egg casserole in the oven. It was frozen, so I popped it in when I texted you earlier. Should be ready any minute. ”
“Sounds good,” I tell her, leaning back. “Everything go okay with your appointment?”
“Dr. Monroe is amazing. I feel so comfortable with her, and she’s made me realize that nothing your father did is my fault.”
Why would she think it’s her fault? Have I ever made her feel that way? Ice crawls in my veins at the thought of Mom thinking I ever blamed her for anything Dad ever did.
“Did I…” I choke on my words, “Mom, have I ever made you feel that way?”
“Oh!” She scoots towards me on the couch, grasping my hand. “No, never, Carter, I swear. I just meant that on some level, I had always felt like it was my fault. But that was because every time he would…” she contorts her face, the words clearly hard for her to say, “ abuse me, he made sure to tell me it was because of my actions. And when you hear the same thing every day for years, eventually it’s just second nature to believe it. But Dr. Monroe is helping me see that there is nothing that I could have done to ever warrant such behavior. That the only one responsible for his actions is him. ”
Relief fills my chest at her words. I don’t know if I could live with myself if I ever made her feel she deserved anything Dad gave her.
It’s strange to hear Mom actually acknowledge the abuse. For years, she thought it was her job to make sure I was never subjected to the harsh reality that is my piece of shit father. If she had to refer to it at all, she would just say that stress got to him, or that he lost control of his temper.
I’m so fucking glad he’s gone now, wherever the hell he ended up. Mom wouldn’t have been able to make this kind of progress in her recovery if the threat of his presence still lingered.
An alarm goes off on her phone, and she smiles, patting me on the knee. “That’ll be the casserole.” I feel a faint smile on my face as I watch her go to the kitchen.
I hate that she went through what she did, but hearing her talk about it, acknowledging that even though it’s something that happened to her, it’s not something that happened because of her, gives me hope. Hope that with enough time and healing, Mom can be back to who she was before Dad’s abuse started.
Well, maybe not the exact same, but she’ll be resilient. She’s a survivor, a warrior. My mom has seen the other side of hell and is crawling her way back topside step by step. She’ll come out the other side reformed, reshaped, and stronger than ever, and fuck, I can’t wait to see it when she does.
“Hey, man.” Jake says when I slide into the booth across from him at Sal’s. “How’s it going?”
“Since yesterday?” I tease, since we see each other nearly every day. “It’s going great. Though Soph didn’t get to sleep over last night… shit, I missed her. I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her all over again.”
Jake snorts. “No kidding. We don’t get through a single conversation without you bringing her up at least once.” His words are ribbing, but his tone is light, and I know he’s happy for me.
“You’re welcome to bring up Abbie at any time,” I raise a brow, trying to get a read on him. He’s been oddly cagey since they started hooking up. Usually, he’s all about bragging about his conquests.
“Nah.” Jake shrugs. “You know me. We’re just having fun.”
Unease fills me. I hope Abbie agrees. “Be careful, you know she’s not your usual hookup?—”
“Thank fuck,” Jake mutters under his breath.
Ignoring him, I continue, “Just, make sure you’re both on the same page about what you’re doing, otherwise someone could end up hurt. By someone, I mean Abbie.”
Jake rolls his eyes. “That’s not?—”
“I mean it Jake.” This time my voice is serious. “If you end up hurting her, you know Sophie is going to be pissed. Those two are like fucking wolves when it comes to protecting each other.”
If she thinks it’s just sex as well, then great, but Jake’s never been in any kind of relationship where he sleeps with a girl more than once. I don’t think he realizes what that could do to Abbie’s emotions if she’s thinking they have something more than what it is.
“And let me guess, if it comes to picking sides, which it won’t, by the way, you’re standing by Sophie?” He raises a brow, already knowing what I’ll say.
“I’m not trying to be a dick, but yeah.” I shrug. He knows where I stand.
He shakes his head. “I know, man. I wouldn’t ever dream of coming between you two.”
“I didn’t think you would. I just need to make sure I’m taking care of Sophie, and that extends to looking out for Abbie as well.”
He chuckles. “You’re too fucking noble for your own good, Carter.”
Giving him my best shit-eating grin, I wink. “Only for Soph.”
“And on that note… I have some interesting news that pertains to both of us.”
Well, that piques my interest. “Oh yeah? What’s up?”
“I’ve been in contact with the team manager of the Boston Reapers. They want to meet us. They should be calling you today.”
My heart leaps into my chest. This is… it’s like Jake walked in here and served me the answer to all my problems on a silver platter. A few more offers have come in since the press conference, all teams considerably closer to Ivy Glen than my previous offers, but none of them have felt right .
I can’t help but think this is why. Boston is a dream come true.
“That’s amazing!” I tell him. “Being in the same state as Sophie, and playing on a team with you? That’s… shit, not to sound corny, but that’s like a dream come true.” I can’t help the enthusiasm that permeates from my voice, but Jake looks less convinced.
“I don’t know, I’m not sure I want to stay in the state with my family so close. You know I love them, but…” Jake trails off, his expression neutral.
He does love his family, but he feels like he’s on the outside looking in sometimes. He’s already insecure about his relationship with them without having to add family dinners and shit into the mix.
I’m just about to tell him that they love him too, when his expression dissolves, and he turns back into his usual laid-back self. “Regardless, they’re asking if we can meet in three days. That good for you?”
“Yeah, set it up for whenever. We can drive together.” I can’t help the huge cheesy smile on my face. Damn. It’s possible that I could have it all if this works out. The girl, the job… what’s left after that?
I’m not going to tell Sophie about the meeting quite yet though. If everything happens how it needs to, I’ll be able to make some sort of grand romantic gesture, showing her how much I want to be with her.
“If this works out, I’ll probably live in the city and you can commute to the suburbs if you want to be near Sophie.” His tone is teasing. “The ‘married’ life just isn’t for me, man.”
I chuckle at his comment, but… fuck, the thought of Sophie with a ring on her finger, one that I’ve given her, does something to me. Something primal and possessive surges into my chest at the image in my mind, and shit , I want that. I want a ring on her finger and a house in the suburbs with a white fence and a dog and even kids someday.
But… what if it doesn’t work out? I can’t help but worry about what will happen if they try to hand us a shitty contract they won’t budge on. This meeting could be the ticket to having everything I’ve ever wanted. What I wouldn’t give to get to stay with Sophie and play with Jake again.
My face must be reflecting my emotions because Jake looks at me with compassion. “Hey, it’ll work out, Carter. They’re getting a hell of a package deal if they sign both of us on.” His expression morphs to a goofy grin. “They could call us ‘Cake Willford’, our NHL duo name.” He seems so proud of his combination of our names, “Jake Ashford” and “Carter Williams”.
“Fuck off,” I chuckle, shaking my head. “You’re right. We’re two players with great stats, I’m sure the meeting will go well, and everything will work out.”
I don’t want to think about the possibility of it not working out. After all Sophie and I have been through, I can’t stomach leaving her again.