Chapter Twenty Five
SOPHIE
After I leave Carter’s hotel room, the drive home is an angry blur.
My grip is white-knuckled on the steering wheel. When I pull up the house, Tom’s car is already gone. Thank god he won’t see me like this and make me answer a million questions when I’m trying to process everything.
Why did I believe Carter when he told me what happened when he left for college?
Why does he keep messing around with me if he has a woman like that waiting for him? Angry tears burn the back of my eyes as I make my way into the house. I don’t know who I’m more mad at, Carter or myself. I had kept my guard up for a reason, and all it took were some pretty words and mind-blowing orgasms for me to turn into a gullible pile of goo.
After washing my hair so vigorously I’m sure that my scalp is raw, I changed into my work clothes and drive to the shop. I had thought that maybe having some time to think would help me cool down, but no. My anger is still like this ugly thing in my chest, consuming me from the inside out.
Kerry is helping a customer with an order when I storm in, and I head straight to the back office, aggressively sitting in the chair at the computer desk.
Nicole. That’s the name of the girl he cheated on me with back when he first left. I should have asked him. I should have waited for him to get out of the shower and made him tell me to my face what a lying, cheating, asshole he is before finding out by accident.
I need to talk to someone, to vent everything right now before my emotions bury me completely. After pulling my phone out of my purse, I type out a text to Abbie.
Me: Are you coming for lunch today? Need to talk.
Abbie: I’m so sorry, Soph, we’re swamped today and I can’t get away.
Abbie: Everything okay?
Me: It’s fine. Talk to you later.
Sighing, I put my phone back in my purse, pointedly ignoring all the missed calls and texts from Carter. There were times when he was my Carter. My sweet, sensitive, caring Carter. That Carter wouldn’t cheat on me. He wouldn’t come back and lead me on only to crush me again.
As the day goes on, Carter and his betrayal plague my mind. Can it even be considered a betrayal when he was never loyal to me to begin with?
Part of me wants to believe Carter has a reasonable explanation. But another part of me doubts it all. Am I such a poor judge of character that I fell for lies and tricks? Because really, this puts into question everything that I’ve learned since he’s been back. How am I supposed to trust anything he says?
Noon hits, and I come out to the front, knowing I can’t hide in the back office forever. “Kerry, go ahead and take your lunch.”
She looks over at me, surprised. No doubt she’s been able to tell that something’s been off all day. “You sure? I can stay and help.”
Smiling tightly, I nod. “Yep, will you bring me back something though? You can take my card with you.”
“You got it.”
Kerry hasn’t been out of the shop for five minutes when she walks in.
Nicole.
What the fuck is she doing here?
Okay, play it cool. It’s not good for business to kick someone out if she doesn’t even know who I am. But I can’t bring myself to welcome her into my shop, so I do my best to ignore her, busying myself on the computer. She’s probably just here to browse, she’ll be in and out in no time.
Not so much.
“Sophie, right? Sophie Hartwell?” Her voice has a nasal quality to it, and I look up into green eyes that glitter with condescension. The fact that she knows my name and where to find me firmly points me away from my “she doesn’t know who I am” theory.
“Yes. How can I help you?” I eye her warily. It’s not like I’m afraid of her, but what could she possibly want?
“The first way that you can help me is by staying away from my man.” Her voice turns venomous as she looks me up and down with a critical eye. Her words hit me like a punch in the gut.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?” I’ve seen plenty of movies with mean girls to recognize what’s happening, but I didn’t think conversations like this actually happened in real life.
I can’t believe my ears. She’s showing up at my flower shop because she feels threatened? Looking at her, I don’t see how she can feel threatened by anyone. I mean, I’ve never felt self-conscious about my appearance, but Nicole looks and is dressed like she just stepped off a runway. Tall, thin body, designer clothes, perfectly styled blond hair…
“I’m saying , you’re temporary. Carter always comes back to me. You’re nothing but a bed warmer,” she sneers, looking me up and down. “Carter and I have been together since college. You know, love at first sight.” A dreamy look takes the place of her sneer for a moment before it returns. “You’ll never be more than a hookup because he has the perfect package right here.”
The blatant aggression and disdain in this woman's eyes is appalling. She legitimately hates me. She might think she has a good reason, but… if she really has been with him all this time, why would she put up with him sleeping with someone else to begin with? But then again, how can she be this possessive over him if there’s nothing going on?
My mind turns in circles as Nicole stares me down, and I know one thing for sure. I don’t deserve any of the hatred she’s spitting at me and this woman needs to get the hell out of my store.
I finally find my voice. “Listen, Noelle, right?” Her eyes narrow at me and I continue. “Carter can make his own choices, and in the meantime, I am under no obligation to sit by idly while you spew this nonsense. If you don’t mind, please get the fuck out of my shop.”
With a huff, she turns and storms out.
What the hell just happened?
My hands are almost shaking as I stare at the door Nicole just left through.
Seeing the selfie she sent him, and then seeing her in person, I can’t help but think of the night of graduation. I had been so upset by the pictures of him with Nicole and trying to reach him. I hadn’t even noticed Tom and Sarah weren’t in the stands with my parents until after the ceremony.
“Where’s Tom and Sarah?” I ask my parents, worry turning in my gut. Tom would have never missed my graduation on purpose.
Mom, holding Jordan, shifts him on her hip as she checks her phone. “They didn’t make it, but we haven't heard from them either, not even a text.”
Dad puts an arm around me. “We’re so proud of you, kiddo. I’m sure that whatever happened with Tom and Sarah couldn’t be helped. They would never choose to miss your graduation.”
I know he’s right, but it still stings. On the ride home, Mom asks me what I want for dinner. I dangle a toy in front of Jordan while he sits in his car seat. Dad says Tom and Sarah will probably just meet us at the house when they’re done.
When we finally arrive home, a police officer parked out front has Mom’s face draining of all color.
“Mr. and Mrs. Hartford?” The officer asks when we’re out of the car. Then everything happens so fast. The next thing I know, we’re back in the car, heading to the hospital because Sarah and Tom were in an accident.
The car is silent until we reach the ER, my parents rushing ahead to talk to the nurses while I push Jordan’s stroller.
Carter should be here. It’s not right that he’s so far away while our lives are being turned upside down. Wheeling Jordan to an empty corner of the waiting room, my fingers tremble as I call Carter. Despite the betrayal I feel at the sight of the pictures, I need him. I need him to be here for me, but more importantly, for Tom. It goes to voicemail.
“Carter… Tom and Sarah were in a car accident. We don’t…” My voice chokes as I hold back a sob. “We don’t know how bad it is yet, but please come home. We need you. I need you Carter… Tom needs you. If you don’t come for me… please come for him.”
He never called me back .
That was the night everything changed. The night I knew I had lost him for good. When I woke up that morning, we were still together. Twelve hours later, not only did I know he had cheated on me, but he couldn’t even be bothered to answer a message telling him Tom was in the hospital.
Kerry brings back lunch, and I pick at it until I leave for the rinks, never really finishing.
By the time I’ve gone to the rinks, finished practice with my girls, and closed up the rec center, my stomach is roiling. I don’t know if it’s from hunger or anxiety.
“Sophie.” The sound of my name has my head whipping around, my eyes landing straight on Carter. He’s wearing a button up shirt and tie, the tie loosened and the sleeves rolled up. “I’ve been trying to get a hold of you?—”
“Why? So you can feed me more lies?” The words explode out of me, all the anger and frustration pouring into my voice.
“I haven’t lied?—”
“I fucking saw the texts, Carter! I saw the texts from Nicole, saying that she misses you and will see you soon, and that selfie she sent! She’s the same fucking girl you cheated on me with all those years ago!” Tears sting my eyes at Carter’s dumbstruck expression. “She came to my work. She said you guys have been together since college. That means that the night of Tom’s accident when I needed you, you were with her. You left me for her. After you just lied to my face, telling me that it was some kind of misunderstanding with those photos.” I can’t keep the hurt from my voice. “How am I supposed to trust anything you say right now?”
It’s a question I desperately hope he has the answer to. I want to trust him, to believe that everything he told me wasn’t a lie. But I don’t see how that’s possible.
“Sophie, I swear on my life, I didn’t even realize it was the same girl until now!” His voice is desperate as he takes a step toward me. “She’s a puck bunny—fucking crazy. Nicole has been following me around for years now, convinced that we’re something that we’re not.” I swear on my life, Sophie, I am not with her.”
Relief fills me at his words. I’m not some side chick, stealing someone else’s man. She just… texted him. “But if you didn’t ever date her, why is she showing up here, acting like she’s your girlfriend?” My words come out strained, and Carter’s face turns to one of regret.
I knew it, I knew it, I fucking knew it.
Carter winces, running a hand through his hair. “Once…” At my scoff, he quickly puts his hands up and walks closer to me. “I slept with her one time, sophomore year. But I was drunk, and lonely, and I knew you and I were over, which devastated me. It was a mistake, nothing more.”
“Do you realize you’re telling me not to worry about the girl who not only had her mouth all over you in photos while we were still together, but also fucking slept with you when you hadn’t even given me the courtesy of an official break-up call?” The words are cold coming out, and I know that it’s not the whole story, but my heart is cracking every second this conversation goes on.
“We weren’t together though,” Carter pleads, his eyes shining with unshed tears. “Tom told me you had moved on.”
“I deserved to hear it from you, Carter! You owed me closure after everything! I know your dad said not to contact me, but don’t try to tell me he wouldn’t have at least let you call to end things, with how much he hates me.”
“I was scared!” he shouts. “I didn’t want to say goodbye. I couldn’t bear it. I kept thinking that I would find a way for us to work out. But the more time that passed by, the harder it got. By the time I finally had an opportunity to reach out and explain, I was afraid it had been too long for a phone conversation. So I came back.”
My head shakes. No. He came back for the twin rinks project. For the PR.
His voice holds steady as he tries to get me to meet his eyes. “I didn’t come back for PR, or for the rinks. Not even for Tom. Do you think I would have wanted to put one foot in this town if you weren’t in it? This whole time, I came back for you . Because I love you, Sophie, and I never stopped.”
It doesn’t add up. Nothing makes sense. How can he say he never stopped loving me but then keep secrets from me like this? He let me believe nothing happened with Nicole until I pushed the issue. Is he just saying he came back for me so I forgive him?
“I…” My voice chokes out, and I shake my head. “I need time. Is this going to keep happening? How many more women are going to show up in my flower shop claiming to be in a relationship with you? Everyone you’ve ever slept with?”
“What?” he asks indignantly, “That’s not going to happen, Soph.”
“Did you think it would happen this time?” I counter, matching his ire, “I just don’t think I can handle it if women keep crawling out of the woodwork claiming they’re your girlfriend.”
“Like I said, that’s not going to happen. Nicole is nuts. There has been no one. No one special. No one of any meaning. There’s only ever been you. ” He sighs, rubbing a hand on the back of his head. “Listen. I wanted to surprise you, but… I’m going to sign with Boston, Soph. I want you. I want to build a life here in Ivy Glen with you.”
My head shakes. “What? Build a life…? Carter, I don’t even know if I can trust you right now.” Does he think that staying in Ivy Glen will just magically fix the damage from the bomb that went off when I saw Nicole’s texts this morning?
“God, Sophie!” His frustration bubbling to the surface. “What the fuck else am I supposed to do on top of everything else I’ve done since I got here to show you how serious I am?”
Right now, I don’t have an answer. I’m not sure anything can fix this.
My arms cross, and my tone turns icy. “I understand why you left back then, Carter. I forgave you and accepted all the years we lost. But forgetting? Trusting you again? That’s not so easy. I know why you stopped calling. It was a choice you made because it was too hard to say goodbye. But do you know where I was while you were putting off giving me closure? I was crying myself to sleep at night, wondering where I went wrong. Asking myself why I wasn’t enough for you. Questioning if what we had was even real .” I let out a shuddering breath. “I get it. I do. But it doesn’t erase the years of self doubt. And it sure as hell doesn’t make the pain go away. You didn’t just break our relationship when you walked away… you broke me . I’m not the same Sophie anymore. And right now, I’m finding it really hard to brush it all away, just because you say so. ” My head shakes as I take a step back. “I need some time to think.”
I would have been ecstatic if I had this information twenty-four hours ago. But now? I can’t even think about it.
His face falls. “You’re right. Fuck, Sophie, I’m so fucking sorry. I wish I could change the past. Take back the mistakes I made that cost me you. But I can’t. Have your time. I’ll get rid of Nicole, I promise. She’s fucking insane and means nothing. You can even ask Jake. But just so you know, I’m leaving for team building camp in two weeks. It’s a requirement of the contract.”
His words echo in my mind as we part ways, driving opposite directions as we leave the rink.
He’s staying in town. He says it’s for me.
But how can I get myself to believe him when it feels like history is about to repeat itself all over again?