Chapter Twenty Eight
SOPHIE
Carter should be back any day now. If I’m counting right, it’s been exactly six weeks and one day since he left for training camp. I hoped I might see or hear from him today, but the sun is almost completely set and he hasn’t come by the shop at all.
The first two weeks of morning sickness were absolute hell, but I haven’t been getting as sick since I’ve figured out what my triggers are. So far, I have to avoid Chinese food, Mexican food, pickles, and Ranch salad dressing. If I stay away from those, I don’t ever actually throw up—I just feel like I’m going to. Which doesn’t seem that much better, but if it keeps me from emptying my guts into the toilet every meal, I’ll stay away from any food that makes my stomach feel funny.
My boobs hurt like hell too. I don’t think I realized how many times a day I accidentally knock against them until each touch had me recoiling in pain. Leaning over the counter at work. Crossing my arms. Hell, I can’t even sleep on my stomach anymore.
The hardest part has been not being able to tell anyone. Obviously, Abbie knows, so that helps, but I desperately want to tell Mom. Or even Tom. If only so that they can tell me that everything will be alright. So they can reassure me that Carter wouldn’t ditch his own kid, and put my worries at ease. Tom surprised our parents with a cruise for their anniversary and they’re currently out of town. Mom would know something was wrong in a heartbeat.
Carter deserves to know first.
My gut twists. I hate that I can’t shake the distrust that's been manifesting over the years. I could have sworn he’d be back by now. In his text before he left, he said he’d come back as soon as he could. Is it really possible that he’s done with me, and that’s why he hasn’t reached out?
Shaking my head, I try to clear my mind. No. I can’t think like that, it’s only going to stress me out. Taking a deep breath, I go over what I’m going to say to him in my head.
I’ll start with the fact that I know it’s horrible timing, and we aren’t even together together, but I made a mistake on my birth control. And while I don’t know what it means for us, I would love it if he wants to be in the baby’s life.
But more eloquent than that.
When it’s thirty minutes to closing, and I’m just about to close up shop, the bell over the front door rings.
Looking up, my heart pounds and all the air whooshes out of my chest.
Carter.
He’s just as handsome as he was when he left two months ago, his black hair sexily disheveled like he’s been running his hands through it. A blue t-shirt is tight across his muscled chest, and his jeans cling to his toned thighs.
Shit. This pregnancy must be making my hormones more out of sorts than I thought because all I can think about is moving around this counter and climbing the man in front of me like a tree.
“Hi,” he says, almost like he’s out of breath.
“Hi.” My voice is just as breathy even though I’ve been sitting all day.
We just take each other in. His eyes trail up my body before landing on my face, but there’s nothing sexual about his gaze. It’s almost like he’s checking to see if I’m okay. Like he has to see me with his own two eyes to confirm.
“I’m sorry, Sophie,” he blurts out, “I’m so, so sorry, and I hope you’re not still mad at me. Nicole and I… we’re nothing , and have never been anything. She should be long gone by now.”
I swallow roughly, my heart pounding. “I haven’t seen her since that day. She hasn’t shown her face since you’ve been gone.”
“Good.” His shoulders sag in visible relief. “You… you have to know, I’ve never seen myself living my life with anyone else but you.”
My heart flutters. Could it be that he would stay and be happy about it?
“But,” he continues, looking down, “I have to tell you something?—”
All thoughts of the little speech I practiced go out the window. They fly away, leaving only two words in their wake. My mouth opens before I can stop myself and the words spill from my throat like ill-timed word-vomit.
“I’m pregnant.”
His eyes widen, and his face stills.
His mouth gapes open, then closes, and then opens again, but no sound escapes him.
Dammit. That was… less than ideal. But moments pass, and he just continues to stare at me. What is he thinking? I know I wasn’t eloquent with how I told him, but is he going to say something ? Ask me how this happened? Or how long I’ve known? How we're going to make this work?
Unshed tears sting my eyes, as the seconds tick by, the heavy feeling of rejection settling over my bones like lead. This is Carter. We’re supposed to be a team. I had practiced telling him he had a choice, but I don’t think I thought he wouldn’t want to be there. I have no contingency plan for if he leaves. If he rejects both me and his unborn child.
His eyes look at my face like he’s expecting me to laugh and tell him it’s a joke. Based on his reaction, I’m tempted to. At my silence, his expression morphs to one of devastation, fear almost. I need to say something, I know I do. But all I can do is stand there, trying to keep the tears at bay as I wait for him to say something.
Anything.
Blame me. Yell at me. Ask me how I could be so irresponsible. I’ll take anything at this point if it fills the void of the silence that stretches between us. He says nothing, my lip wobbling and him frozen in place, staring at me in what I can only describe now as horror.
“Carter?” I choke out quietly. “I know it’s a shock, but—” Before I can finish my sentence, and, without a single sound, he turns and walks out the door, the bell ringing in what feels like a mockery of the situation. A highlighted sound to let me know, “This is the exact moment everything went to hell”.
My heart shatters.
What I feel now is a hundred times worse than what I had felt when I saw the texts from Nicole. At least then he had still been trying to explain. Right now, I am utterly alone.
He left. Again.
This time, he can’t blame it on his Dad, or circumstances outside his control. He looked me straight in the eyes and walked away.
When I hear his car start and the tires squeal out of the parking lot, my feet carry me as fast as they can to the door. I twist the lock before turning around and dropping to the floor, sobbing into my knees.
I can’t stay here. Carter’s face is a tattoo in my mind, staring at me in shock and disbelief. But I am not in any condition to drive right now either.
Hiccuping between sobs, I pull my phone out and dial Abbie’s number. “Hey Soph, what’s—” she cuts off when another guttural cry leaves me. “Holy shit, what’s wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?”
“At shop…” hiccup, “told Carter…” hiccup, “about baby…” hiccup, “he left!” I finally get out, rubbing my face to wipe the snot away from my nose.
“Oh, fuck no,” Abbie spits, “You just hold on, Sophie. I’m coming to get you. That asshole thinks he can just leave? Uh uh. I’m on my way babe, I’ll be right there.”
She stays on the phone with me the entire time, my sniffling and hiccuping the only sound as she makes the short drive from her house to the flower shop.
Knocking on the door sometime later lets me know she’s here. Abbie waits while I stand up and unlock it, then sweeps me into a bracing hug.
“He’s an asshole if he thinks that’s the right move,” Abbie says as she holds me close.
“He didn’t say anything . He just stared at me like I was an alien or something for like three minutes before turning around and leaving.”
“Hmm.” Abbie lets go of me, only to grab my purse and turn off the shop lights. “That doesn’t really sound like Carter. It’s possible he was just in shock and reacted poorly.” She ushers me out the door and digs my keys out my purse, locking the shop up for me.
Shit. I am so lucky to have a friend like her.
My head shakes in disagreement. “You didn’t see him, Abbie. He looked… like… I don’t even know. Like I just gave him the worst news possible.” Which, okay, fair enough. I didn’t exactly have the best reaction when I found out either. But to just leave? Without a word? Deep down, I never saw this as a possible outcome. Where do I go from here? Do I wait and see if he comes around? Do I accept that he’s not going to be a part of our lives and move on?
“We’ll figure it out, Soph. With or without Carter.” Abbie unlocks her car and I climb into the front seat, immediately pulling some tissues from the center console.
We drive in silence back to her house, and when we pull into her driveway, I’m not sure I want to get out yet. The tears are still coming, a fresh wave rearing its head every time I relive the way he just walked away, but at least with Abbie here, I don’t feel so alone.
“Thank you, Abbie. For coming to get me.” My voice is wobbly, and it’s hard to get out the words between breaths.
“Of course, Sophie. I’m always here for you.” She takes my hand, and looks at me with tears in her own eyes. “I’m just so sorry you have to go through this right now. But even if you don’t have Carter, you do have so many people who love you and want to help. Me, your parents, Tom, and this whole damn town who loves you so much.”
“I know,” I sniffle. “And I love you too.” Squeezing her hand in mine, I send her a sad smile.
“Okay,” she declares, wiping her eyes and throwing her door open. “Enough sad stuff. I have a freezer full of ice cream and an empty couch calling our names. We can watch rom-coms or I can search the internet for a movie where the girl and her bestie off the ex-boyfriend and get away with it.”
That has me barking a laugh. “Maybe we can just do a straight up comedy.” I pull a face. “As long as it’s not ‘Knocked Up’.”
As Abbie and I stuff our faces full of ice cream, I can’t even pay attention to the movie. The shock of what happened has left me in a constant state of disbelief. My mind just won’t shut off.
How could he do this to me? How could I let him do this to me, again? What am I going to do now?
I could be a single mom. What would that look like? I could take some maternity leave after the baby is born, and when I’m ready to go back to work, I’m sure my parents would help out with the little one. Would I need to move out of Tom’s house? I doubt he wants to go through the newborn phase again, but maybe he wouldn’t mind if it’s for his little niece or nephew.
My hand unconsciously wanders down to my belly even though it’s still flat, something that’s been happening more and more recently. One thing I do know, is that no matter what, I’m going to love this little one so much that they will never feel a shortage of it. Whether or not I’m a single mom, this baby will never feel the sting of rejection from Carter Williams like I have.
I’ll make sure of it.