Chapter 24
Annie
I run to Mia and Eddie’s apartment as fast as my feet will go, Mia and Drew right on my heels. The powdered sugar is long forgotten in Mia’s car, along with everything aside from the realization that Luke was drunk the night Devin recorded him.
How could I be so stupid? Letting this go on for so long.
I’m going to kill her.
But first, I’m going to tell Luke that I love him, and that I’m going to be the one spending my whole life making it up to him.
When we finally get to the apartment, Mia quickly unlocks the door, only for us to be greeted by the boys. Luke and Emmett both have bags with to-go containers in their hands, Emmett also strapped with Lennon across his chest, and Luke has Rosie’s leash in his hand as she sits beside him. Eddie is cleaning up the kitchen and dining table, and all six of us look at each other for a solid ten seconds without saying anything.
Finally, Luke breaks the silence. “We’re leaving.” He grabs my arm, and the edge in his voice is the one he uses when he doesn’t want me to argue .
“Wait,” I manage to say before he can drag me out into the hallway. “We need to talk.”
“We do,” he says before adding, “and like I said, we’re leaving.”
“Go,” Drew says as Mia pushes me closer to Luke.
I escape Luke’s light hold on my forearm to wrap my arms around Drew and Mia, hoping that all the words of gratitude and love and thanks get across with how tightly I hold onto them.
“Go,” Drew repeats as Emmett comes up behind her, kissing her on the top of her head, making her cheeks go bright red.
“We’re here when you need us,” Mia adds, leaning back on Eddie’s chest as he wraps his arms around her.
I blow a kiss to a sleeping Lennon and give Emmett and Eddie both a quick nod before walking out of the apartment with Luke.
“She’s had a lot of dealing with feelings tonight, Luke!” Mia shouts.
“And she has a big day tomorrow,” Drew adds, reminding me that my rotations start tomorrow, so there’s even more of a reason to get all this shit figured out tonight .
“Luke used a lot of brain power tonight!” Eddie yells.
“Go easy on each other!” They yell at us in unison, and I think I even hear Emmett’s voice too, but I don’t have time to laugh because I’m too busy following Luke down the hallway and through the front entrance of the complex.
He isn’t slowing down, and he hasn’t said a word since he said we’re leaving, not even a goodbye.
His features are tightened, and there’s an urgency to his step. He’s walking with a purpose, and I don’t even have time to be confused as to what happened with him and the guys in the 45 minutes we were gone.
“Luke, stop,” I say, finding my voice with him again, and he does.
He turns to me in the middle of the parking lot, Rosie wagging her tail as she looks up at him and then at me.
“We need to talk,” I repeat to him.
His features loosen, and he gives me a small smile, but it isn’t his normal one. His normal smile is golden and shiny, full of happiness. This smile is sad, and it makes my heart hurt. “I know, honey. But, we’re not doing it here,” he answers. “Let’s go home.”
The car ride back to the apartment is loaded. There’s tension in the air, and neither of us talk. It gives me a second to register everything I’m feeling, and these feelings aren’t going to be going away anytime soon.
Not until Luke and I talk about what happened between him and Devin that night.
Not until I apologize with everything I am that I left without an explanation.
Not until I tell him that I love him and will do anything to make up for the last seven years of pushing him away.
Once we’re inside, Luke empties the bag he had with to-go containers of salad and lasagna, a bag of bread, and my brownie containers.
“I never got to put the powdered sugar on these,” I say, opening one of the containers to find only a few brownies left with powdered sugar already dusted on them.
“Mia and Eddie had powdered sugar,” Luke answers before I can ask, walking over to the living room. “And we divided up all the food and dessert evenly,” he says, answering the other question I didn’t get a chance to ask .
I close the container and sit down next to him on the couch, not able to ignore the fact that we were just here, in this exact position, almost 24 hours ago, yet I feel like my whole world was flipped on its axis.
“Luke,” I start, but he holds up a hand, cutting me off. I can’t fight the furrow of my brow as I resist the urge to slap his hand away.
“I know you’re not too keen on giving me what I want, but please, I need to say this.”
My features relax, and I bring my knees to my chest as Luke runs a hand through his hair.
“That night, before Grant’s party,” he starts, and I almost resort to clapping a hand over my mouth to stop myself from talking. He looks bothered—no, haunted. Like whatever he’s about to say isn’t going to be easy. That’s what keeps me quiet. “I told you last night that I don’t remember much of it, but I was talking about it with Emmett and Eddie tonight—and you can be mad at me for talking to them about us later,” he quickly adds that last part, before continuing, “I remembered something.”
I nod, not trusting my voice at the moment, not when this conversation has been years in the making.
“I remember sitting down on a couch in Alek’s basement and feeling hands rubbing up and down my chest. Then there’s this weight on me, like someone sitting on my lap, straddling me almost.” He shakes his head, and my fist clench at the torment in his voice, at how hard he’s straining for memories of something that would be easier to not remember.
Something I’m making him remember.
“Luke, you don’t have to,” I start to say, but he stops me before I can say anything else .
“No, this is important. You deserve to know what I did.”
The words put a literal hole in my chest, and my eyes start to water, but not for the reasons he thinks. He thinks he’s explaining a night where he got drunk and cheated on me, but it is so much worse.
“I don’t remember any girls being there that night. It was just the hockey guys. But the more I thought about it, the more Eddie and Emmett asked me questions to help me remember. I think someone tried to kiss me that night. I don’t know who it was or what I did because then the memories are literally just black and all I remember is waking up on that same couch the next morning.” His eyes find mine, and I watch a tear fall from one and then the other, and then my own tears follow. “I’m so sorry, Annie. I don’t know why I would even do something so awful, and it’s even worse that I can’t remember.”
“Luke, stop.”
“Please, Annie. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. Please,” he begs, and I don’t deserve it.
“Stop,” I say again, a little harder this time, just so he’ll listen. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
His face twists in confusion, and I reach out and grab his hand, bringing it into my lap. “Listen to me. The night of Grant’s party, Devin and the other girls showed me a video of you and Devin.” I used to think of that night and feel sadness completely wrack my body, weighing me down like an anchor being thrown in the sea.
Now, I see red and only red.
And it takes everything in me to keep my voice even as I continue, wishing I could wring Devin’s neck right here instead. “She was in your lap, holding your face as she kissed you. I think that’s what you’re remembering. ”
“No. No. She wouldn’t do that. She was your friend. I know you guys weren’t getting along, but she wouldn’t have stooped to that level. Plus, I would’ve stopped it.” His voice trails off before he adds in a whisper, more to himself than to me, “If I had known, I would have stopped her.”
Luke’s head is shaking as he processes so many things at once. He doesn’t know how bad things got with Devin and me, and how could he when I brushed off the rumors she started as childish and immature or told him it was the girls sneaking backstage to hide my costume was a harmless joke?
I never told him about why I would eat lunch in my English teacher’s classroom or why I would avoid the hallways as long as possible to avoid getting tripped or shoulder-checked.
He didn’t know Devin would stoop that low because I never told him she already had.
“Luke, sweetheart, this isn’t about me right now. This is about you.” I squeeze onto his hand I’m holding and reach out my other hand to cup his cheek, just like he does with me. “You couldn’t have stopped it because she had the power. You didn’t.” I pause, taking a small inhale because it is taking everything in me to not walk out of this apartment and drag her here by the hair to show her the hurt she’s caused. “What Devin did, you were drunk and couldn’t consent.”
He shakes his head, letting out a humorless laugh. “We were kids.”
“We can’t just brush over it.”
“We’re not brushing over it, and I understand the severity of it. I do,” he grabs the hand I have on his cheek, turning it to leave a soft kiss on my palm, “but, I’m not letting us only focus on that when I wasn’t the only one hurt. And that the night was only the start of it.”
“What she did, it doesn’t matter that you were kids. It was assault . And it’s not okay.”
“I know, it’s not. But I will be okay.”
I want to tell him to stop doing what he always does—trying to stay so positive, even at a time like this. There’s nothing positive about this; there’s no bright side or silver lining.
He doesn’t let me tell him though because he adds, “I’m sorry it took so long for me to remember.”
I shake my head. “Don’t you dare apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who is sorry. Until last night, I didn’t know you were drunk in the video—drunk enough to not even remember the night.”
“You’re not the one who should be sorry.” He reaches his fingers to my cheek, carefully putting a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I assumed the worst and never gave you a chance to explain.”
How can he be so good ? Even at a time like this?
“Honey, you thought for years that I cheated on you. And that I was lying about it. That’s why you’ve been pretending nothing ever happened between us. That’s why you left.”
I huff and drop my hand from his cheek. “Are you kidding me? I’ve been preparing myself for weeks to tell you all of that, and here you are just saying it for me.”
“How many times do I have to tell you? I know you pretty damn well.” He smiles at me, grabbing my hand and joining it with our others in my lap. “I know you, better than I know myself. And I know that you weren’t keeping your walls up around me and everyone else for no reason. I knew something happened, and I knew no one, especially not me, was going to make you talk about it. So, I took what you would give me. I played the long game, and I figured in the meantime, I would try to make you fall in love with me again.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“Of course I did. And I can be very persuasive.”
“No, idiot. You didn’t have to make me fall in love with you again because I never stopped loving you in the first place.” My lips crash into his before I can think otherwise. My arms loop around his neck as his snake around my hips as he pulls me on top of him, my legs instinctively going to either side of him as he leans back on the couch. “I love you,” I say against his lips, making his arms instantly tighten around me.
“I love you,” he echoes, and the three words hold more meaning than the world’s longest love confession.
There is still so much more to say, but I let our rushed touches and the swipes of our tongues be enough answers for now.
Luke pulls back, and I have to bite back the embarrassing whimper I almost let out. “Does this mean I’m yours?” he asks, and the smile that makes my heart skip a beat is back and better than ever. His blue eyes are shining in the low light of the living room, the sun of the early summer evening peeking through the blinds.
I roll my eyes. “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” I tease, thinking the term sounds so trivial after everything we’ve been through.
“No, silly. I’m asking if I can be your boyfriend.”
“I’d say yes, but I don’t see a rose this time around.” The memory of the first time he asked is now at the forefront of my mind for the second time tonight .
“It’s funny you say that.” He taps the tops of my thighs, helping me ease off him as he stands up, unzipping his jeans.
“What have I told you about keeping it in your pants?” I scoff, but I can’t fight the smile as he tugs down his jeans, thinking he probably has roses on his boxers or something.
“You said you wanted a rose,” he replies, and he turns to the side with rose-free black boxer briefs and his jeans at his knees, his thigh exposed but not uncovered. “How’s this one?” he adds, but I can’t look at his face. I’m too busy staring at the rose tattooed on his thigh, the one in black and gray ink, about the size of my palm, with thorned vines. It’s similar to the style of Eddie’s tattoos—what he told me is American Traditional—so the rose is bold and stark against Luke’s skin.
“When the hell did you get that?” I can’t help but exclaim; my feelings for what this rose is and what it stands for going straight to my chest. The placement and look of it going straight to my core.
Luke smirks, raising a brow. “You like it?”
“Tell me when you got it,” I demand, crossing my arms and trying to look him in the eyes and not where I want to be looking at him right now.
“I got it for you.”
“I said, ‘when’, not ‘why’, dummy.”
“Same difference.”
I give him a smirk of my own, standing up, ready to take back the upper hand. “Copycat.”
Confusion dawns on his face before he’s hit with a realization. I had an inkling he might have spotted my little secret the night he had me sprawled on his kitchen counter, but he never said anything.
“Show me,” he commands .
My rose tattoo is on my hip, so I hook my thumb in my shorts and bring them down a few inches for him to see.
“Looks like it’s official, huh?”
“What, that I’m yours?” I look down at my small stemmed rose, the fine line tattoo contrasting with Luke’s, and the boldness of his and the softness of mine doesn’t escape me. “This isn’t some brand of ownership.”
“Oh, mine is. I’m yours, Annie girl. You own me—every part of me. Always have, always will.”