Chapter 6 #3
‘That always seems crazy to me.’ It was Holly’s turn to shake her head.
It was unbelievable that she could make that kind of difference to the lives of people she’d never met, and it more than made up for the not-so-nice comments, and the people who didn’t seem to realise that just because she spoke about aspects of her life online, she still wanted to maintain some level of privacy and boundaries.
‘I suppose it’s just because loneliness can be really tough, can’t it?
And being able to access videos online, where it feels like the person behind the camera is talking to you, as though they’re your friend, can help in those kinds of situations, I guess. ’
Holly wondered if it was obvious that she was speaking from experience.
She’d managed to stop her voice from cracking, but the memory of the year or so before she’d got Merlin, when she had been at her lowest point, was all too easy to conjure up.
She’d left Scotland and Gray and Janey behind by then, feeling as though she needed to strike out on her own before she became too reliant on them.
Except she’d realised almost as soon as she left that it was already too late, they’d become the sticking plaster that stopped her missing her own family so much.
She could just have gone back to stay with them, but she couldn’t be the third wheel in their lives forever.
She had to make a life of her own, something that was entirely hers.
The trouble was, she’d been so lonely back then and so lacking in any kind of direction that it had been impossible to believe she’d ever have a purpose again.
Merlin had given her a reason to get up each day; take him for a walk, go out and buy his food, and those had been the first steps towards pulling herself out from the dark pit of despair she’d found herself in.
Although in truth she hadn’t just found herself in that pit, she’d put herself there through the choices she’d made.
That was something she couldn’t allow herself to dwell upon, even now.
‘It clearly makes a real difference and not everyone can say they do that. It’s lucky there are people like you around who can connect with others in that way.
’ There was that smile of Tristan’s again, the one that made it hard to stop staring at his mouth, but she had to.
She definitely didn’t need any complications on this trip, and, despite Tristan’s offer, she wouldn’t be staying here long.
The pull back to Cornwall had been growing stronger than ever recently and she’d needed to come here to scratch that itch, but she couldn’t hang around.
Especially not in Port Agnes. If she was honest with herself, it had been stupid and selfish to come in the first place.
She’d stay just long enough to get the footage she needed and to do justice to the review she was posting online and then she’d move on.
The trouble was, she’d been telling herself that for days already and yet somehow, she was still here.
‘I get to travel around and make a living out of it. I’d say that makes me the lucky one.’ Holly trotted out the well-practised line, and she really was lucky in so many ways. Yet there was still an aching void that no number of online followers was ever going to fill.
‘That’s why I wondered if you wanted to come down into Port Agnes with me?
To takes some photos or make some videos?
’ Tristan looked suddenly uncertain, pausing for a beat before he continued.
‘You’d never get the van down near the harbour, some of the streets aren’t even wide enough for cars, let alone anything bigger.
I just thought maybe I could point you in the direction of a few points of local interest. You can even bring Merlin if you like.
Most of the shops and cafes are dog-friendly, and I usually take my Jack Russell, Casper, down with me, but he’s already had a long run this morning and he made it pretty clear he’d rather stay at home on the sofa.
Don’t worry though, I won’t tag along with you and Merlin once you’ve got your bearings. ’
He laughed again and she felt an unexpected stab of disappointment.
Holly knew she should turn down his offer, but she wanted to get a picture of Port Agnes through someone else’s eyes.
It always helped enrich her content to get that kind of perspective, but never more so than here.
She just couldn’t admit to Tristan the real reason why that was so important.
‘That would be great. It’s always brilliant to get a local’s perspective and I’m certain there are some hidden gems you can point out to me that I’d never find on my own. That’s if you’re sure you can spare the time?’
‘Of course, and even if the campsite hasn’t made you fall in love with the area yet, the village will work its magic.
It always does.’ Tristan smiled again and she tried to mirror his expression, but her mouth wouldn’t seem to comply.
Going into Port Agnes was a big risk. One she’d avoided since she’d arrived, but she could hardly make a video bestowing the virtues of the campsite without making some content about the local area.
She just had to hope that enough time had passed for her to fly under the radar in the village where she’d grown up.
Holly had decided to leave Merlin back in the camper.
Her beautiful boy was getting on a bit now, his sleek shiny black coat peppered with more and more white hairs in recent months and a slight stiffness was starting to develop in his gait when he first started walking each morning.
It would usually ease off over time, but his recovery from their walks took longer these days and he’d be quite happy stretched out on the bed.
It was only April and there was no chance of him getting too hot in the van while she was out, but she left the sky light open anyway.
Merlin would probably still be snoring when she got back and he gave her a good excuse not to have to stay out too long if she got down into Port Agnes with Tristan and suddenly realised she couldn’t keep the low profile she needed to maintain, or if the memories of the way her life had imploded last time she was here got too much for her.
Even after all this time she was pretty certain she’d have been able to navigate her way around Port Agnes with a blindfold on.
She’d walked the narrow streets that wound their way down to the harbour countless times and she’d pictured the place every day since she’d left, wondering what had changed and where time had stood still.
The latter turned out to be true for almost all of it.
There were one or two shops she didn’t recognise and several new restaurants they passed on the walk down, but the shops and houses flanking the harbour itself were almost entirely as she remembered them and to her surprise the realisation made her throat start to burn with emotion.
She could so easily have started to sob there and then, releasing all of the pain and the longing she felt at being back in this place that she hadn’t even allowed herself to acknowledge.
But there’d be no explaining away a reaction like that to Tristan.
He’d want to know what on earth could have triggered that kind of response and there was no way she could tell him.
So she shook it off and put on the same bright voice she used to make her upbeat videos, even on the days when she just wanted to get back into bed and pull the duvet over her head.
‘Wow. I’d heard Port Agnes was beautiful, but this is even more beautiful than I expected.
’ It wasn’t exactly a lie. She had heard those things about Port Agnes from commenters on her social media platforms who said it really was about time she took the van to Cornwall, often insisting that Port Agnes and its neighbours Port Kara and Port Tremellien should be top of her list when she did.
And it was more beautiful than she’d expected, because she’d anticipated changes that weren’t positive, or that the reality of seeing the place where she’d grown up wouldn’t live up to her memories.
Neither of those things had turned out to be the case and she’d never felt more homesick for Port Agnes than she did right now, standing in the heart of it.
‘I moved here from another part of Cornwall when I inherited the farm with my cousin, Matt. It’s a pretty amazing place to call home, although it can get a bit busy in the summer months because the whole world seems to want to visit.
’ Tristan breathed out slowly. ‘Still, I won’t be complaining if it means the campsite is full every night, and at least we haven’t had a TV series filmed here yet.
You can’t move for Doc Martin fans in Port Isaac during the summer, and now they’re talking about Port Kara being used for the new ITV series about lifeboats.
It’s already got more big-name celebrities with second homes than Padstow, I reckon.
The council will have to ban cars from going into the village altogether if it gets as busy as Port Isaac, and someone will open one of those massive car parks on some farmland and charge people twenty quid a day to park there.
Actually, that’s not a bad idea. Maybe I should start petitioning for them to use Port Agnes instead! ’
Tristan laughed and Holly knew he was only joking, but she couldn’t stop herself from shaking her head anyway.
‘I hope they don’t use any of the villages around here for a TV series, it would change things too much.
Everyone would think they knew what Port Agnes or Port Kara was like, but they wouldn’t have a clue about the reality. ’